Cando Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 So it's my first time posting here but I need some advice. Sorry if this is longwinded. I've been seeing this guy for the past 3 and a half months, getting together 1-2 times every week and talking every day. Up until a week ago everything has been great. We've talked about our dreams, our families, and we really click. I don't want to date other people at this point and I don't want him to either. However, the last week has been rocky and it's caused some insecurities. First, he drank a bit too much one night and stopped responding to my texts. Another night we were supposed to do something but he cancelled. Then he leaves on a trip and I don't hear from him the entire time he's gone. All of these things separately are fine because I understand that people get busy and whatnot but I go to check out our conversation from the website we met at to confirm how long it's been and I see that he updated his profile. And cue the insecurities. I really like this guy and he's told me he likes me too. He's met some of my friends and I've met some of his friends. When we're together it's great. I want to bring up being exclusive but after the last week I really don't want to get shut down and I'm not sure if I should anymore. I know he hasn't done anything wrong since we haven't talked about exclusivity. So i guess my question is basically should I bring up exclusivity at this point or am I setting myself up to get rejected?
Pill Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 It's what you should do, let him know your expectations and goals of dating. It would be a lot less headache if people communicated to see if they were on the same page. 1
smackie9 Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 His actions say a lot of what he is not...exclusive. It's possible he is dating or hooking up with others. Just come out and ask him. If he rejects you that would mean he had no intention, and you just saved yourself a lot of BS. 2
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 Where to start. You need some basic guidelines when you date otherwise all the players and the time wasters of this world will take advantage of you. When you get online you need to know what you're there for and stick to your goal. If you are looking for someone to date exclusively than exclusivity should be addressed after 1 month dating or 4-5 dates. It's plenty for a man and woman to know if they'd like to get to know you better 1 on 1. If the person you date is not interested in concentrating on you after a few dates you stop seeing him. Then when you start dating exclusively as time goes by you integrate this person into your life gradually. from 1 date a week, to 2 a week, to 3 a week, to weekends together. Again, if after a couple of months you see no escalating, if you always have the same dates on same night, do the same thing, you stop seeing this person, he's not interested in developing a relationship with you. He's just looking to kill time till he meets someone else. In this case you let this go on for too long without speaking about what you're looking for and you ended up wasting 3 months on someone that was not interested in exclusivity. If he was he would have brought it up already and he would have spoken about taking both your profile down. When a guy likes you he's usually very clear. A man that is genuinely interested in you won't let a week go by without speaking to you. Vacations or not. He'll be wondering about you, he'll want to make sure you're doing well. He may not contact you each day but he will touch base and make sure you're doing ok. Now this guy had his fun with you and he's ready to move to next. Meeting each other's friends mean nothing. Having a good time together twice a week means nothing if the guy is online updating his profile and looking up other chicks. There is only ONE reason a person updates his online profile, it's to attract attention. Nothing else. People can have profile online they don't use, or forgot about BUT if they update their profile you can consider your relationship over. This man isn't crazy about you, he's got his fun and now he's on his way out. Go back online and find yourself a nice guy. 9
Miss Peach Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 It doesn't sound like he's thinking that way. I personally bail between 2-3 months if that's not on the table. I just say as the reason that I get the sense we're looking for different types of relationships. If that isn't his intention he can correct it right there. If not, you'll know it would never have gone anywhere. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 I don't know whether now is the time to do this, as you'd be asking in panic/backlash over your fears of him pulling away. I just feel that's not a great basis for deciding upon exclusivity. You're panicking, not rationally and happily thinking toward a future with this guy. (IMO.) You also say you're afraid he'd "shut down"...I think you know such a conversation wouldn't go well. YOU pull back. Just a little. Regroup, calm yourself. Then see what happens.
basil67 Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 Of course you should ask. If he says "no" then you know it's time to move on. However, I would caution you to not use phrases like "I don't want you to date other people". Always use positive language. 1
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