redshadlizard Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 My first post here. My ex and I were together for two years. We truly love each other. 12/23/16 we went to a party and got drunk. We get home and I’m yelling at her and raising hell. I see that she is filming my rant and grab the phone from her hand and it stops abruptly. It looks like I hit her, but I didn’t. I told her to get the …. out my house. She goes and spends the night with my sister. The next morning she comes back and can’t find her keys, so she calls the cops saying I had them. She found them and I was not arrested. She leaves. We texted how much we hated each other and I hurt her feelings as much as I could. Worst mistake of my life. We talked one time since then and I thought it was going to be ok. Two weeks later she is seeing her ex and told me to never contact her again and to move on with my life. She said if I contacted her she would have me arrested for stalking. She didn’t file a RO on me but said she would if she had to. I know she loves me and I don’t want to lose her. What do I do now? I love her and my heart is broken. Any advice?
Satu Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 snip Two weeks later she is seeing her ex and *told me to never contact her again and to move on with my life. She said if I contacted her she would have me arrested for stalking. She didn’t file a RO on me but said she would if she had to. I know she loves me and I don’t want to lose her. *What do I do now? I love her and my heart is broken. Any advice? *Do what she's asked you to do. Take her words as meaning exactly what they say. Don't get yourself in trouble with the police. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete her from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 2
RecentChange Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 Love doesn't trump compatablity. Screaming? Cops? Yeah, that would be a deal ender for me as well. Why where you yelling at her? Being drunk isn't a valid excuse. 3
basil67 Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 What to do now? Move on. And get anger counselling so that you don't make the same mistake again. 4
fromheart Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) Getting drunk and yelling doesn't solve anything, you know that now. I understand you weren't violent with her but as a man who's bigger and stronger than most women, you don't want to be grabbing an object from her, especially when you're drunk and yelling. Her filming you and calling the cops because she can't find the keys to your property is a taste of things to come, I'd give someone like that a wide berth. You do not want to be sharing a home and starting a family with someone like that. Learn from this and move on. Always take some time out if you reach boiling point in a relationship, take a walk around the block calm down and approach the situation calmly. If alcohol is causing or bringing up the issues, then reduce the amount you drink. Edited January 19, 2017 by fromheart 4
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 She is already gone. Take her seriously, and never contact her again. 1
Ronni_W Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 I know she loves me This is not 'knowledge' - it is only you hoping or assuming or just plain wanting it to be so. But, you cannot just will someone to love you - or, in this case, to keep loving you. We do know, with a great deal of certainty, that she used to love you. And, we can also know, also with a great deal of certainty, what she herself has communicated to you: she does not want you to contact her again; and, she recommends that you move on with your life. To punctuate this, she has already started seeing someone else. (Her ex - so, someone from at least 2 years ago; unless you two split-up for a period, during which she dated this guy.) It may be difficult to accept, right now, but all's that's left for you to do now is to just leave her alone. I'd also offer to seriously consider basil67's very wise counsel. (Post #4) Hugs, redshadlizard. I know consequences of our actions can sometimes suck the big one. 3
Simple Logic Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 Dude, You got really drunk and got in a nasty arguement, probably over nothing. It is unlikely this event was the first time you have done this. If you didn't hit your girl friend that night, she left because she feared you would. She came back the next day with the police because she still feared you would hit her even after you sobered up. But that wasn't a red flag for you, you continued your abuse her by texting how much you hated her for several days. Needless to say you are very abusive and really have no clue how to love anybody. She is done with you. Advice? Get a good bails bondsman if you decide not to,leave her alone because she is going to have you arrested. If you decide to,leave her alone, go to anger management and substance abuse counciling so you don't make the same mistakes in your next relationship. 6
keiji Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 If a drunken argument ends up in breakup I'm pretty sure it's not the first time it's happened. I don't know if she loves you or not (you don't know, either), but she's mad at you for a reason. You should respect her wishes. Not doing so is wrong and, in this case, it could have legal consequences for you. The path you need to follow is very clear, so you should try to calm down and stay away from her. 2
mightycpa Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 My first post here. My ex and I were together for two years. We truly love each other. 12/23/16 we went to a party and got drunk. We get home and I’m yelling at her and raising hell. I see that she is filming my rant and grab the phone from her hand and it stops abruptly. It looks like I hit her, but I didn’t. I told her to get the …. out my house. She goes and spends the night with my sister. The next morning she comes back and can’t find her keys, so she calls the cops saying I had them. She found them and I was not arrested. She leaves. We texted how much we hated each other and I hurt her feelings as much as I could. Worst mistake of my life. We talked one time since then and I thought it was going to be ok. Two weeks later she is seeing her ex and told me to never contact her again and to move on with my life. She said if I contacted her she would have me arrested for stalking. She didn’t file a RO on me but said she would if she had to. I know she loves me and I don’t want to lose her. What do I do now? I love her and my heart is broken. Any advice?Short of hopping in the time machine and going back and beating some sense into yourself before this ever happened, I guess you should begin to accept that even though a girl loves you, it doesn't mean she wants to be with you. But who are we kidding, right? You're going to test her limits, aren't you? Something about your post screams at me that this is not the last time she's going to hear from you, even though every poster will tell you to leave her alone and move on with your life. On another front, I think that the fastest cure for being a mean drunk is to go drinking nightly at different biker bars, until you learn how to control yourself under the influence. I just get the feeling that doing that gets through to you a lot quicker than therapy, and bonus, at the end, you learn to drink responsibly! 5
jorgeg3d Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 There's no hope man. Move on and get better. Learn from your mistakes. You can't treat women like that and expect them to stick around. Most guys on this site get ditched for much more harmless reasons. Consider yourself lucky you're not in jail. 3
Author redshadlizard Posted January 19, 2017 Author Posted January 19, 2017 Thanks for the replies. I didn't tell you all that we have a thirty year history. We lived together for two years in the 90's. We dated in the 80's. She calls the cops on anyone for anything. I don't understand why one bad night can end two years of happiness. Every text and email over the last two years from her states how much she loves me and thanks God for me being in her life. I haven't contacted her at all. Is there a chance she will contact me? She changes her mind all the time. I do take all your advice to heart.
Nadine123 Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 I find it really strange that she would record you? how did she know something was going to happen?
GorillaTheater Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 I find it really strange that she would record you? how did she know something was going to happen? Probably because it wasn't the first time it's happened. She knows the pattern by now. Thanks for the replies. I didn't tell you all that we have a thirty year history. We lived together for two years in the 90's. We dated in the 80's. She calls the cops on anyone for anything. I don't understand why one bad night can end two years of happiness. Every text and email over the last two years from her states how much she loves me and thanks God for me being in her life. I haven't contacted her at all. Is there a chance she will contact me? She changes her mind all the time. I do take all your advice to heart. Doesn't make a whole lot of difference. If she calls you, don't take the call. You two sound too toxic for each other for there to be any kind of happy ending in this story. 3
Author redshadlizard Posted January 19, 2017 Author Posted January 19, 2017 There is no pattern. It was just an isolated incident. That's what's so confusing. One bad night can kill two years of happiness?
Purepony Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 Move on ! If she's already on her ex shy would you want that ?!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 There is no pattern. It was just an isolated incident. That's what's so confusing. One bad night can kill two years of happiness? Why were you yelling and ranting that night?
jorgeg3d Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 Look through your relationship. Look at all the signs that maybe she was unhappy with other aspects of what you had. If you didn't have a pattern of abuse than maybe it was something else, maybe how you acted was the icing on the cake for her.
nolookingback716 Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 May I ask how old you are, and how old she is? Do either of you have any kids?
preraph Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 She doesn't love you. She loved who she HOPED you were before you got violent with her. Now she's trying to move on, and you need to leave her alone, because you already know she'll keep a log when you don't and call the police on you.
keiji Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 There is no pattern. Yes there is: "She calls the cops on anyone for anything". This sounds like a very toxic relationship. I was in one (minus the cops) for three years and, believe me, the only thing you can do is stay away from each other. It will never work. 2
SerPundnes Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Like other posters said: Keep your distance. Focus on yourself instead. Shes with someone else now. Don't wait around for her.
Author redshadlizard Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 She came back and couldn't find her keys and then called the cops saying I had them. She didn't fear me at all and we talked Christmas day. We were pleasant.
Author redshadlizard Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 I found out she is not with her ex.
Hopefuleddie Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Sorry that this happened to you. Alcohol has been behind a many heartaches . I would encourage you to give her some time. Chances are, both of you said some hurtful words to each other, and the effects are still pretty raw; and the healing process will take sometime. Please hung in there.
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