Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 God no, i fell for her in the first month! I absoultely gave her my heart...which was now, in hindsight, was a mistake becasue this is where i am right now.
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 When she said she was falling in love with you, what did YOU say? If you said you loved her back, then she simply changed her mind. If you didn't say the right thing, she thinks it's not reciprocal and she left.
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 When she said she was falling in love with you, what did YOU say? If you said you loved her back, then she simply changed her mind. If you didn't say the right thing, she thinks it's not reciprocal and she left. I think i just said, i love you too, ive got something to say to you tonight, and i just gave her some sweet talk, but yeah, i think it was a test. And obviously, like you said, shes changed her mind, which i think it fickle as f
Sweetfish Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Just a question We spent 3 months together, and i just got to thinking, like, a couple days before she split with me, she said "I think im falling in love with you" "We're soulmates" All this - and then we split up because she was out and she wanted some 'space' because its just how she 'felt' right now. This was over text, like, and i just felt i was used and i felt i was getting mixed messages. But is normal for girls to do this? In no way am i sentimental about it, but its like, why string me along?! I felt like a 'filler' for her, until she found the next one, and like you'll probably see from other posts, i fell in love with her, which was a big mistake. But i still do love her, but i just want to know how i can regain my power. Im sleeping with this new girl, but its just not the same. We had a different connection. It is not normal for NORMAL WOMEN to do this. Do not let it effect your sense of confidence or your view as women as a whole. Many women also go thru a lot of guys who do the same thing. Regaining power should be internalized.... not an outside source. Yes, you can shift the ball into your court...but than what? Create the idea that she just passed up on a great deal. Unless your not? This is ALL the power you need. 2
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Well I'm sorry it went that way. You know there are people, men and women, but not too many, who just like to "play house" and "pretend to be in love." They aren't mature enough to know what it is, but are just trying to be like in the movies. It's immaturity. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I don't know. Why are you doing the same thing to the girl you are currently sleeping with? Maybe she felt the way you feel about this new girl, about you. That it wasn't the same connection as with someone else. You should take time off dating when you aren't over someone. It's unfair to the girl you are sleeping with now. 5
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Well I'm sorry it went that way. You know there are people, men and women, but not too many, who just like to "play house" and "pretend to be in love." They aren't mature enough to know what it is, but are just trying to be like in the movies. It's immaturity. Yeah you hit it on the head. But she told me that 'I didnt know what love was. Which i thought, really?! Like, I love you girl, and you're telling ME that?! But yeah we had alot of fun, but its like, she had two sides to her, she was a Gemini. She had this very...undermining side, she would always say things to esmasculate me. But here i am, with my heart till in her hands.
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 I don't know. Why are you doing the same thing to the girl you are currently sleeping with? Maybe she felt the way you feel about this new girl, about you. That it wasn't the same connection as with someone else. You should take time off dating when you aren't over someone. It's unfair to the girl you are sleeping with now. I mean, i agree with you. But the girl im seeing now, knows what shes getting into, i told her before we 'got together'. But its, like, its not helping. Im totally against things like this, and my instinct was like, will this help? And it hasnt, i want HER. Who am i kidding? But i appreciate your answer.
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Yeah you hit it on the head. But she told me that 'I didnt know what love was. Which i thought, really?! Like, I love you girl, and you're telling ME that?! But yeah we had alot of fun, but its like, she had two sides to her, she was a Gemini. She had this very...undermining side, she would always say things to esmasculate me. But here i am, with my heart till in her hands. That's rough. She was playing the role. But it sounds like if she was putting you down, you are well rid of her. She's like that during early days, it will only get seriously bad later. 1
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 That's rough. She was playing the role. But it sounds like if she was putting you down, you are well rid of her. She's like that during early days, it will only get seriously bad later. You think? Im in denial a little, but yeah man, its like, urgh, im not unique at all in this situation, but i guess you just had to be there, as me, to experience what i felt for this girl. Promises, holidays, like, a 'future' together, but its like oh, now i need space. She text me on new years midnight, you know the usual, like 'Im so happy to of met you, i love you my soulmate', 4 days later, 'space'. Its so hard, i guess you've been there too, where, you love someone, and its not the same for them. If only they could SEE their inner beauty.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I know how you feel, I went through this myself recently and posted about it. We also only dated for three months, it's been three months since the end and I still have feelings for her which is strange. I think the issue with these short term things is you don't see the other persons negatives so it's difficult to detach...you see them as a fantasy almost as you weren't with them long enough to see their bad side. If it ends during this stage then that person will likely always appear that way to you. From my experience, I usually find meeting someone else is what gets me over the hump. You'll think about this girl until you meet the next one and realise that people aren't as unique as you believe them to be and somebody else is occupying your mind. 1
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Yeah man, like, you're right. She was an angel, but she also had a devilish side, which i loved, we clicked at first, totally. But things were like, very superficial for her, i could see it in her eyes, i just wanted her to feel the same, and feel like...i see so much potential in you, but your head was in the clouds. Shes not ready for real 'love'. And again, thats what hurts the most. 3 months felt like, literally, 3 years. It was so intense, so quickly. But you're right, you dont see the side to them, thats the 'real' them. I mean, shes young, and here i was, thinking i could settle her down with someone like me, but girls dont want real love now, they need to see you pushing a Benz.
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) Hey, So its like, its been a month since we've broken up, since she split up with me. Ive been okay, up to now but its like this past week, ive been really bad. I miss her like mad, and I'm not the type to be like this. I've been posting throughout last month, and just been generally upset about things. We were together for 4 or so months, and its like, I fell for her, hard. I know i keep bringing this up, but she was a Gemini, she just had something about her. I felt she setteled for me, until something better came along. Although she said she loved me, i was her soulmate, but then it turned into esmasculating behaviour, like little digs at me. When her brother came back to live for a while, she was like "oh its nice to finally have a man in the house, for a change!" - I said, what...like...are you joking?! But she called me up on things that i cant change, physically, about my body. It hurt, i cant lie. But i still stuck by her, thinking she'd change. She had a past. She had a lot of previous boyfriends, and the subject came up like, oh, how many people have you been with? And she just wouldn't even tell me. I told her my number, but she wouldnt even tell me hers. Is that a red flag? Anyway, i dont want anyone to really symphathise with this, i just need to vent. Im originally from London, and hope to get back down there soon. I mean I still DO love this girl, but its like, shes 22, shes overly indepedant, and very...She 'has her head in the clouds' alot, which i didn't really like. I guess i need someone grounded. She never really looked at me, like i looked at her. They say good lovers can be good friends, and Im not trying to be friends with her. She cut ties with me, but god, theres this part of me, lord knows, that i still MISS. Maybe it was the promises, the 'I love yous'. I dont know, but i know that i did everything for that girl, not in a weird sense, but the basics, holding her hair back when she was being sick in the toilet after a night out, making her tea and all that. But girls dont want caring guys, they want a holes. But i still feel like shes around me, like physically. The last relationship i was in was 7 years, and this one, only being 4 months, just hit me out the water. Like, theres no denying she was good at what she did, seduction and all that, but there was this underlying energy, that i felt if it wasn't real, then what was it? I want to say, aswell like, when we first MET each other, she picked me up in her car, and i stayed at hers the night. Is this a red flag, in terms of, like, i could of been anyone, but was she just looking for a 'good time'? Like im nearly 24 in april, i need someone grounded. But i always fall in love with B's. I crave those kind of women, i've never liked the 'nice girl'. Maybe i should learn to? I dont know. I just constantly imagine her with someone else, doing whatever she wants to do. I dont know, thats just my story, and theres been a few really great responses from a few of you, dont think i havent forgotten what you've said. Josh Edited February 9, 2017 by bakerjd1993 wanting to add more.
whatdeww18 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) Hey, So its like, its been a month since we've broken up, since she split up with me. Ive been okay, up to now but its like this past week, ive been really bad. I miss her like mad, and I'm not the type to be like this. I've been posting throughout last month, and just been generally upset about things. We were together for 4 or so months, and its like, I fell for her, hard. I know i keep bringing this up, but she was a Gemini, she just had something about her. I felt she setteled for me, until something better came along. Although she said she loved me, i was her soulmate, but then it turned into esmasculating behaviour, like little digs at me. When her brother came back to live for a while, she was like "oh its nice to finally have a man in the house, for a change!" - I said, what...like...are you joking?! But she called me up on things that i cant change, physically, about my body. It hurt, i cant lie. But i still stuck by her, thinking she'd change. She had a past. She had a lot of previous boyfriends, and the subject came up like, oh, how many people have you been with? And she just wouldn't even tell me. I told her my number, but she wouldnt even tell me hers. Is that a red flag? Anyway, i dont want anyone to really symphathise with this, i just need to vent. Im originally from London, and hope to get back down there soon. I mean I still DO love this girl, but its like, shes 22, shes overly indepedant, and very...She 'has her head in the clouds' alot, which i didn't really like. I guess i need someone grounded. She never really looked at me, like i looked at her. They say good lovers can be good friends, and Im not trying to be friends with her. She cut ties with me, but god, theres this part of me, lord knows, that i still MISS. Maybe it was the promises, the 'I love yous'. I dont know, but i know that i did everything for that girl, not in a weird sense, but the basics, holding her hair back when she was being sick in the toilet after a night out, making her tea and all that. But girls dont want caring guys, they want a holes. But i still feel like shes around me, like physically. The last relationship i was in was 7 years, and this one, only being 4 months, just hit me out the water. Like, theres no denying she was good at what she did, seduction and all that, but there was this underlying energy, that i felt if it wasn't real, then what was it? I want to say, aswell like, when we first MET each other, she picked me up in her car, and i stayed at hers the night. Is this a red flag, in terms of, like, i could of been anyone, but was she just looking for a 'good time'? Like im nearly 24 in april, i need someone grounded. But i always fall in love with B's. I crave those kind of women, i've never liked the 'nice girl'. Maybe i should learn to? I dont know. I just constantly imagine her with someone else, doing whatever she wants to do. I dont know, thats just my story, and theres been a few really great responses from a few of you, dont think i havent forgotten what you've said. Josh Did you ever resolve yourself and truly move on from your last relationship? It seems that from your posts from a year ago, it does not really point towards that direction. Additionally, it seems that way with the type of girl you chose to be in a relationship with, the pace of the relationship, and ignoring the red flags as they came. From reading your previous posts, I would say take some down time to learn about your personality, your interests, and how to take things slow in a relationship. You seem in such a rush to find a girl to marry and have kids. I don't mean to sound crass. But why are you in such a hurry to marry and have kids? Why not enjoy life, take things slow, and let love just come into your life? Truly just being happy and being the awesome you that you can be. Edited February 9, 2017 by whatdeww18 2
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 I get what you're saying, but i feel like, i dont want to be 30 and not have kids. When im 40, they'll be 10, and its like, i dont know if im gonna even make 40. Im nearly 24 now, and its like, this girl, and i know i've said this about past girls, but its like, theres a very specific type of girl that im attracted to. Attracted to in every way. And they're almost alpha, as i try to be, but its like, I have such a hard time, knowing that I know my potential and my value, as I saw in her, i saw the best person she could be, but its like, why would she suddenly stop seeing that in me? If she loved me, like she said, why would anything trivial matter? Surely love is the foundation for anything and everything, and superficialness and fickleness is on them? I guess what im trying to say is that, i saw children with her. For definate. And i just dont want time to slip away.
whatdeww18 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 (edited) I get what you're saying, but i feel like, i dont want to be 30 and not have kids. When im 40, they'll be 10, and its like, i dont know if im gonna even make 40. Im nearly 24 now, and its like, this girl, and i know i've said this about past girls, but its like, theres a very specific type of girl that im attracted to. Attracted to in every way. And they're almost alpha, as i try to be, but its like, I have such a hard time, knowing that I know my potential and my value, as I saw in her, i saw the best person she could be, but its like, why would she suddenly stop seeing that in me? If she loved me, like she said, why would anything trivial matter? Surely love is the foundation for anything and everything, and superficialness and fickleness is on them? I guess what im trying to say is that, i saw children with her. For definate. And i just dont want time to slip away. Again, I will ask what is the rush? Are you afraid of getting older? Afraid of the future and its uncertainties? Although it is biological to create the next generation before you pass as unexpected events can happen, I don't understand the rush at the age of 23. This may be an insecurity of yours that you are pushing onto the women you meet, which can be scary for any women first entering a relationship. Not to mention, the pace that the relationship will move as a result. Your last statement further supports this. This is where this alpha and beta stuff irks me the wrong way a bit. You're using a term that is a generalization that divides men into two categories and describing attraction. You can attract many, many, many people. Infatuation can carry on for a while and the relationship will last a short while. You can certainly re-attract your ex by being an alpha male. But, like you said, is there love at the foundation? Is there a connection? Have you developed intimacy, beyond sexual intimacy? This is why the term is best used to describe attraction and not love. Yes, love and communication are great foundations for a relationship. To be this in love 4 months into a relationship can happen. What I am questioning is whether you are relating infatuations and love? Your post prior said you always fall in love with B's, well, how many have you fallen in love with? Or is it rather, that the need to rush and have a kid is blinding you? Edited February 10, 2017 by whatdeww18 1
Redhead14 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Hey guys, I love her. Shes a Gemini, im an Aries. And i still love her. Yes, i do. But, shes very fickle, and shes on p.o.f the next day of our breakup. Two days before she wanted to have 'headspace', she told me she was falling in love with me, through text, and she wanted to be with me, and she loved me, and she made plans for us to away on holiday in spring, and everything. She wrote it in her diary. But one day, after those two days, she was like, i need to talk to you about something, but i will tell you on 'tuesday'. I didn't wait. I went straight to her house, because i knew something was wrong, and i didnt want to be played, but she wouldnt let me in. Shes now blocked me, which i actually wanted. But i have this longing for her. Dont get me wrong, i have friends, im pretty much normal, pretty much. And this break up came up out the blue. Again, shes very fickle, and she loves with her brain, whilst i love with my heart. Should i get her back? How do i get her back? Joshua When a woman's heart and mind are not in synch, she is a confused woman and her partner will be confused as well. Some people operate more from a cerebral place and they come across as a little cold, regimented, controlling/in control, etc. Some people operate more from an emotional place and their lives are usually a little chaotic and swiftly changing according to their mood, emotional state. I think you're assessment of where her love "comes from" isn't accurate. A person whose heart and mind are in synch, operates more evenly, openly and with clarity and resolve. They have their emotions and understand them and can manage them with logic and confidence. They know when they are in love and when they are not and they know when they are in love with a person who is right for them and when they are not. When their words and actions don't align or are changeable on a dime, it's time for whomever they are dating to move on.
Author bakerjd1993 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 Again, I will ask what is the rush? Are you afraid of getting older? Afraid of the future and its uncertainties? Although it is biological to create the next generation before you pass as unexpected events can happen, I don't understand the rush at the age of 23. This may be an insecurity of yours that you are pushing onto the women you meet, which can be scary for any women first entering a relationship. Not to mention, the pace that the relationship will move as a result. Your last statement further supports this. This is where this alpha and beta stuff irks me the wrong way a bit. You're using a term that is a generalization that divides men into two categories and describing attraction. You can attract many, many, many people. Infatuation can carry on for a while and the relationship will last a short while. You can certainly re-attract your ex by being an alpha male. But, like you said, is there love at the foundation? Is there a connection? Have you developed intimacy, beyond sexual intimacy? This is why the term is best used to describe attraction and not love. Yes, love and communication are great foundations for a relationship. To be this in love 4 months into a relationship can happen. What I am questioning is whether you are relating infatuations and love? Your post prior said you always fall in love with B's, well, how many have you fallen in love with? Or is it rather, that the need to rush and have a kid is blinding you? I mean, in terms of 'b's', i've had two I've really loved. As in, fell in love with. This one just up and left. In answer to your question of connection and intimacy, for ME, yes, I felt something beyond sex, but for her, i dont think as much. I felt intamicy beyond sex, but i dont think she did. I think she liked the ride with me, but she didnt want to go deeper. I kept trying to show her, and kept trying to guide her into it and i looked into her eyes more and loved her eyes, but she barely looked back at me, vonlunterly. It just breaks my heart that could of done more to show her how to get into her heart space, and not love with her head as much. Shoulda woulda coulda, and all that. But it just breaks me how, she can just give up like this. It's Valentines, and she's probably spending it with a random stranger shes known for a few weeks. You make a really good point though, and you really make me think. In answer to your question, in short, I still can imagine children with her, but in terms of...Intimacy after sex, i dont think she wanted to know. She is overly independant, and doesn't play the girlfriend role well, and i dont blame her. Shes popular, shes has her S together. But for me, i just wanted her to see the best in me, like i see in her.
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