Jejangles Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 It looks like this has been resolved for now... But I do think a person's response to a simple request is telling. I too would have been upset if I pointed out to my boyfriend that he still had a dating app and he didn't immediately delete it. If you're not using it or chatting on it, why wouldn't you get rid of it right away? You want to make your partner feel comfortable not raise suspicion or make them doubtful. My boyfriend of a year and I actually did meet on Tinder - it's not just a hook-up app as someone above said. We both had the app on our phones for up to two months of dating, then at some point when we realised we were serious, we both deleted. I think I told him I had deleted all my dating apps and the next time I saw him, he mentioned he had deleted all his. Neither of us ever checked the other's phone because we trust each other 100%. A couple of months ago (so 10 months into our relationship) I got an email from the app Hinge which suggested I still had an active profile. I had deleted the app before I even met my boyfriend, but I guess I hadn't deleted my account. I emailed back right away to ask how to delete the account and the customer service rep let me know my account had been deleted. So just to show oversights can easily happen. If my boyfriend had looked over my shoulder and seen the Hinge email and asked me about it, I would have immediately let him know the situation and showed him my phone if he seemed uncomfortable. Because I love him and am faithful to him and I don't want him to have a second's doubt about that.
Author Conviction Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 It looks like this has been resolved for now... But I do think a person's response to a simple request is telling. I too would have been upset if I pointed out to my boyfriend that he still had a dating app and he didn't immediately delete it. If you're not using it or chatting on it, why wouldn't you get rid of it right away? You want to make your partner feel comfortable not raise suspicion or make them doubtful. My boyfriend of a year and I actually did meet on Tinder - it's not just a hook-up app as someone above said. We both had the app on our phones for up to two months of dating, then at some point when we realised we were serious, we both deleted. I think I told him I had deleted all my dating apps and the next time I saw him, he mentioned he had deleted all his. Neither of us ever checked the other's phone because we trust each other 100%. A couple of months ago (so 10 months into our relationship) I got an email from the app Hinge which suggested I still had an active profile. I had deleted the app before I even met my boyfriend, but I guess I hadn't deleted my account. I emailed back right away to ask how to delete the account and the customer service rep let me know my account had been deleted. So just to show oversights can easily happen. If my boyfriend had looked over my shoulder and seen the Hinge email and asked me about it, I would have immediately let him know the situation and showed him my phone if he seemed uncomfortable. Because I love him and am faithful to him and I don't want him to have a second's doubt about that. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, her response was very upsetting and she knows it. She said it was just because she was ready for bed and didn't want to mess with it. Was she telling the truth? I'm trusting that she was and hope that is the case. Again, I think time will tell. I have no way of knowing the contrary. 1
Lilyana76 Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Conviction, I hope it works out for you. But sadly, the seeds of doubt have already been planted. Those red flags will be waving in your face constantly. Once someone has made you question your trust of them, its very hard to give it back. I've been there, I'm sure all of us have at some point. I would be very cautious if I were you. Best of luck!
Author Conviction Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 Conviction, I hope it works out for you. But sadly, the seeds of doubt have already been planted. Those red flags will be waving in your face constantly. Once someone has made you question your trust of them, its very hard to give it back. I've been there, I'm sure all of us have at some point. I would be very cautious if I were you. Best of luck! I appreciate that, and I appreciate all you've contributed to this thread. That's actually a question I asked myself. Obviously the trust has taken a hit and doubt has been introduced. Is that something that I can overcome? With some work, I think so. She's got some work to do to help me with that and she says she's up for the task so we'll see. If it was a situation where there was more proof, it'd be a different story, but since the situation does carry the possibility that she is telling the truth, I feel like it's worth it. One thing I haven't mentioned in this thread, but some may already know from my older threads is I am a single father. My child has been introduced and they have started to create a bond, they are great with eachother. Not saying that holds a lot of weight in my decision process, but it does contribute. I don't want my childs heart broken again. If it does happen, it will hurt, and it will suck, but it's a struggle that comes with dating while being a parent. I sincerely hope it works out and this was just a misunderstanding. I've always been a highly trusting and forgiving person. It's bitten me before, and hopefully it doesn't here. 1
VeveCakes Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Please don't ignore red flags because your child likes your gf... 4
Author Conviction Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 Please don't ignore red flags because your child likes your gf... Oh definitely not. The fact my child likes her isn't a deciding factor. It contributes, but it isn't the end all. These red flags won't be ignored regardless, even if I didn't have a child.
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Progress is being made, it's not perfect yet though so I won't claim that. I initiated two nights ago and no arguments were made, she was into it as well. She's on her monthly thing now so it'll be a bit now. Conviction you are a complete mystery to me. I have seen many men remaining is a mediocre relationship because the sex was great and it's hard for a man to move away from great sex but you, you don't even get that so I scratch my head why oh why do you cling on to her. Anyway, I'll be there for when your next issue with her rise up ;-) which should be soon. 5
Author Conviction Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 Conviction you are a complete mystery to me. I have seen many men remaining is a mediocre relationship because the sex was great and it's hard for a man to move away from great sex but you, you don't even get that so I scratch my head why oh why do you cling on to her. Anyway, I'll be there for when your next issue with her rise up ;-) which should be soon. To answer your question, I'm a more sentimental man so to speak. Sex is important to me no doubt, but I value the emotional stuff alot as well. Not typical I know. I'm clinging on to her because she is a great girl overall and I haven't got any definitive proof to tell me these red flags are justified. There is a possibility she could be telling the truth. I appreciate that Gaeta, I'm hoping I don't have to bring up another negative issue that soon, if so and it's related to something like this last one, I'm sure it will be time to walk away.
Ilovepizzalady Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Regarding "correcting" her behavior. I don't believe people change. I have lots of guy friends, who I had lunch with and talk to on Facebook. There's nothing romantic with any of them, but I enjoy our conversations. I know them from high school, college, and work. If someone asked me to unfriend an old guy friend of mine, I would never do it. I would not make NEW guy friends though in general out of respect. So, the problem is that your "correction" of her behavior is unsustainable. She is willing to do it NOW, but once all the love hormones wear off, she will do what she wants to do, including have friends of the opposite sex (and of course you should be able to meet them). You shouldn't have to correct anything if it's "right". Other point, why didn't you trust her and her guy friend? It sounds like you are gun-shy and a little bit anxiety prone. 1
VeveCakes Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 To answer your question, I'm a more sentimental man so to speak. Sex is important to me no doubt, but I value the emotional stuff alot as well.. You need to value yourself a bit more... 4
SevenCity Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Conviction - I learned a long time ago to trust my gut. It has a much higher correctness rate than my heart. I also found that when I lost trust in a woman / got jealous there was usually a reason for it. You may never get irrefutable evidence that she is up to no good. Many guys will explain away red flags because they don't want to lose the girl. But the honest truth is she gave you doubts 4 months into the RL. At that point she should be completely in love with you and assuring you that you are the only one in her life. I fear this behavior will only get worse. I understand you don't want to bail until you have "hard" evidence, but realize the longer you stay the more you will rationalize bad behavior and the more difficult time you will have when it comes time to end things.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 OP she sounds suspicious to me. Mostly because she was evading deleting the app, it takes 5 seconds. If you want to catfish her, make a fake Facebook account and sign into Tinder with it. It won't match you with people you are Facebook friends with. Set your distance low under 5 miles and see if she shows up. This whole situation stinks.
phineas Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 To answer your question, I'm a more sentimental man so to speak. Sex is important to me no doubt, but I value the emotional stuff alot as well. Not typical I know. I'm clinging on to her because she is a great girl overall and I haven't got any definitive proof to tell me these red flags are justified. There is a possibility she could be telling the truth. I appreciate that Gaeta, I'm hoping I don't have to bring up another negative issue that soon, if so and it's related to something like this last one, I'm sure it will be time to walk away. i've seen this more times than I can count. She will end up cheating on you or just out right dropping you out of the blue and have a new guy whom she is basically ravaging in bed. your girl doesn't respect you & isn't sexually attracted to you. Are you supporting her or providing her a place to live? because i can't understand what she actually gets out of this if she doesn't even WANT to have sex with you. 4
fireflywy Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 One last piece of advice for you: Find someone with a good head on her shoulders who knows right vs wrong without having to be directed or dragged to the right choice. All others: Burn the bridge and then keep looking. Sounds rough but it saves you a TON OF time and heartache. 2
KBob Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 i've seen this more times than I can count. She will end up cheating on you or just out right dropping you out of the blue and have a new guy whom she is basically ravaging in bed. your girl doesn't respect you & isn't sexually attracted to you. Are you supporting her or providing her a place to live? because i can't understand what she actually gets out of this if she doesn't even WANT to have sex with you. I agree with this. What he said here is the case. You're clinging onto a hope of an image of her that you're creating: someone respectful and trustworthy. Aka A GOOD GIRL. This woman is not one of those, one look through all of your posts about her is that she constantly disrespects you and the relationship and always has you on the back burner. Stop being weak and move on. Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. 3
xUnknown Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 The two posters above me are correct. OP... why not flip things on her. Start to pull back, start acting distant. Does she chase you or vie for your attention? Sounds to me like she isn't the one to go chasing after you. This should answer any question about her and weather you should stop seeing her. In my opinion, if I had a child, I wouldn't introduce anyone I was seeing to them unless I felt like I could see myself long term. I'm not going to scare away the new girl because I wanted her to see my child, and I wouldn't put the strain on my child of having them meet someone, having them get attached, then have it not work out. To me, it sounds like you did that too fast, now you're clinging onto the fact that your child likes her. I would say that wasn't the smartest move and now your using that as a crutch to hold onto this girl that isn't good for you or your child. Time to find another one.
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