GF on tinder??

[frigginlost]

I do not think it is that shady. My guy and me are exclusive, he deleted his Tinder (we met on it), I have not deleted mine. I have not been on it, to be honest, in the 2 months we have been dating, but I have not deleted it.

If he would ask me to, I would, but if he would make a huge deal about it, i would be embarassed too.

I think I looked at it twice in the last two months to check if he had re-established his profile...

So there you have my reason for still keeping it.

 

Who knows what her intentions are... but sometimes women also keep the backdoor open in case they get hurt.

Are things great between the two of you otherwise?

Are you really BF and GF yet?

 

But, you see, you're being completely logical and I bet if his girlfriend explained it exactly as you have, there would not be an issue at all. This is not the case with his situation. She is clearly deflecting and there are reasons behind that.

 

Also, regarding "keeping the backdoor open" any woman that walks this earth that pulls that sh*t with me is nexted before her next breath. Backdoors remaining open are massive red flags to a man secure in himself.

[Conviction]

Because she had turned off her phone and it's long to restart it (she said). The following day would have been just fine.

 

I have to clarify. By turning it off, I mean juat hit the screen off button, she didn't power it down fully.

[Gaeta]

I have to clarify. By turning it off, I mean juat hit the screen off button, she didn't power it down fully.

 

Thanks for clarifying. Her excuse is weak then. I really thought she had powered it off.

[Gaeta]

Conviction: I am just remembering your last thread. I had suggested that her low sex drive may be caused by an interest in another man. This Tinder may well be the reason she is not interested in sex with you lately.

 

Your last thread really shed a different light onto this one.

[Conviction]

Conviction: I am just remembering your last thread. I had suggested that her low sex drive may be caused by an interest in another man. This Tinder may well be the reason she is not interested in sex with you lately.

 

Your last thread really shed a different light onto this one.

 

Good memory. Yes I agree, dots are certainly starting to connect and is making me ill.

[Weezy1973]

OP I think you're right to be seeing red flags. Trust your gut is advice you see on here a lot, and I think your gut is telling you something is off. Now whether or not she's cheating, or even using the Tinder app still is anybody's guess. But the main problem is that when you expressed a concern, her initial reaction was to dismiss it.

 

People that are healthy emotionally want their partners to feel safe and secure in the relationship and will do whatever it takes to make sure they do. Your girlfriend did not do this. That is the flag, and that is why you should be considering whether or not to stay in the relationship, regardless of whether or not she is being "shady".

[Conviction]

OP I think you're right to be seeing red flags. Trust your gut is advice you see on here a lot, and I think your gut is telling you something is off. Now whether or not she's cheating, or even using the Tinder app still is anybody's guess. But the main problem is that when you expressed a concern, her initial reaction was to dismiss it.

 

People that are healthy emotionally want their partners to feel safe and secure in the relationship and will do whatever it takes to make sure they do. Your girlfriend did not do this. That is the flag, and that is why you should be considering whether or not to stay in the relationship, regardless of whether or not she is being "shady".

 

I certainly agree with you here. You're right, whether she is active on tinder or not is yet to be seen, and really I don't have enough evidence to assume she is actually using it. What bothers me the most was how she reacted to it. If she said "oh shoot I forgot that was on there, let's delete it right now" it would have been a moot point and a non issue, I would've given her the benefit of the doubt. But since her reaction was the way it was, it spiked my suspicions.

[Larryville]

People that are healthy emotionally want their partners to feel safe and secure in the relationship and will do whatever it takes to make sure they do. Your girlfriend did not do this.

 

Weezy ABSOLUTELY!

 

That logic applies to almost every Thread on this site. This is why people who choose to be in these “unhealthy circumstances” or choose to be with people who cause chaos in their lives something much deeper going on.

 

Oft used but "choose" happiness and Positivity and the people who bring this about in your lives.

[LivingDeadGrl]

I think once you are exclusive any and all dating apps should be deleted. If she uses her phone a fair amount, and you two have been exclusive for months, there is no way she didn't notice it there. If she did notice it, why keep it? Tinder is not the greatest app to keep on your phone if you're dating someone!

 

I have an iPhone and it literally takes seconds to delete the app. If she actually wanted to deactivate it then maybe that could have been her excuse as to why she would do it "tomorrow", but seeing as you questioned it why not do it now, she should have just done it.

 

She is acting shady and definitely NOT normal, or how someone should act if it was a genuine slip of the mind. I would be on guard for sure.

[Mrin]

OP: Yes, concerning and a red flag. Here's the probable explanation. She has a chat or three going with some guy(s). She probably doesn't want to lose contact with them - for whatever reason - and if she just deleted the app right then and there those guys are lost to her. So she wanted to get them phone numbers or email addresses before deleting the app.

 

Sorry dude.

[xUnknown]

Takes a second to delete an app. I think she wanted to do it the next day for couple of reasons 1) hoping you'll forget 2) communicate with whomever she's talking to on that site that she may have to get off/provide alternative mode of communication. She couldn't do that infront of you.

 

Shady.

 

Doubt that. Nobody is that stupid.

Could easily delete app in front of him, then re-install the next day when he is not around - takes 1 minute, and keep writing with the people she perhaps has been writing with. Nobody would even really notice.

I doubt that's the reason.

 

I'm with Zahara. She probably didn't know if she deleted it if it deletes the account also, thus, being no way back to whoever she was talking to. She wanted him to forget so she can get his number or message him some other way.

 

Because she had turned off her phone and it's long to restart it (she said). The following day would have been just fine.

 

She turned it off as an excuse to do it tomorrow. "oopse, my phone is off, it takes a while to turn back on, I'll do it tomorrow". I have an iphone. It takes 30 seconds to turn back on and literally, 2 touches on the screen to delete the app. Less than 1 minutes and it could be gone. She's making excuses for some reason...WHY is the question.

 

I have to clarify. By turning it off, I mean juat hit the screen off button, she didn't power it down fully.

 

Well even more of an excuse. Unlocking your phone takes seconds.

Edited January 18, 2017 by xUnknown

[ReformedPUA]

Yes, your girlfriend is in the wrong here. But, OP I looked at your past threads. This habit of your girlfriend's disrespect towards you and your relationship seems to be an entrenched pattern though. Why do you expect things to change, and more to the point, why do you keep putting up with it.

 

"Dog bites man once shame on dog. Dog bites man twice shame on man."

[xUnknown]

Now that I'm seeing some history from previous threads. Please do what I said earlier. Cut it off. Do it now before things get worse and it will drive you even more crazy. Trust me on this.

 

An interesting way to get that started is download Tinder yourself. Start using it, while in front of her. You two are watching a movie, pull out your phone and kind of angle yourself away from her slightly, start "machine gun right" on the girls. She sees you, calls you out. Be like, "yeah, I'm not interested in being with you anymore. Do you want to leave now or after the movie?" PS: Please do this. Power move right there. haha.

 

Just imagine the shock she will be in.. She wouldn't have any clue its coming. Go No Contact, then let her realize the loss of not having you there. Then, highfive your buddies when you tell them how you cut it off with her, as you walk into a club and get yourself a 10.

[heavenonearth]

But, you see, you're being completely logical and I bet if his girlfriend explained it exactly as you have, there would not be an issue at all. This is not the case with his situation. She is clearly deflecting and there are reasons behind that.

 

Also, regarding "keeping the backdoor open" any woman that walks this earth that pulls that sh*t with me is nexted before her next breath. Backdoors remaining open are massive red flags to a man secure in himself.

I am just saying, in the case that OP may not tell us the whole truth, and there are other problems in this relationship. We don't know that. I don't delete my dating profiles for a man who doesn't clearly state he wants me and me only.

[GunslingerRoland]

If she uses her phone a fair amount, and you two have been exclusive for months, there is no way she didn't notice it there.

 

In fairness I use my phone a lot but if I need to use any app that isn't on the first page I search for it rather than scrolling through pages of apps. On the rare occasion I do look through I'm sometimes surprised to find apps that I thought I'd deleted that I downloaded for a one time specific purpose... also if she uses the horrible abomination of a program known as itunes, it'll sometimes decide to put apps back on your phone that you've deleted off, just to be annoying.

 

Mind you I still wouldn't trust this girl.. I just don't think it's inconceivable to forget about having an app.

[Miss Peach]

I get the part about forgetting the app is there but I find it strange she picked a fight over deleting it unless it was said in a really bad time like in bed.

[TheTraveler]

Iphone. I wasnt exactly sure because I have an android, but I deleted mine the moment we became exclusive (for this exact reason) and it took me 5 seconds.

 

She isn't too protective of her phone. She gave me her password because of the Netflix on there and she falls asleep before me so that way I can watch movies/shows until I fall asleep.

 

I feel so sick to my stomach right now. Where do I go from here?? I mean, I don't have any hard evidence that she's cheating, but I do have all these suspicious red flags. I dont know what to do.

 

Next time in whatever situation you are in, you can just open the app while she is asleep.

[Pill]

She probably wanted to wait until tomorrow so she could follow up with the guys she was messaging to get their contacts before deleting it.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Although it could certainly be a red flag, at the same time, she might just have resented the fact that you were TELLING her what she could or could not have on her phone...from the first sentence you said about it (if what you typed here is exact to what you said) you were confrontational and demanding and cock-of-the-walk...IMO.

 

I'd have balked too. And pushed back. Just because um, I'm not dating my Daddy, or God. I can tell MYSELF what to do with my own damned phone.

 

Now if the guy had mentioned it in a nicer, less freaked-out way, perhaps then I'd have smiled and said "Geez, okay, I'll just get rid of it now" and done so. But this means the guy would have been respectful of it being my choice and indeed, of me, as one person in the two-person relationship, having choices in the first place. So yeah, I'd have been more predisposed to being understanding in that case.

[CaliforniaGirl]

How do I do that though without it looking like I'm on there for the wrong reasons?

 

I did do some research and found a site called swipe buster. You pay a fee and it will apparantly tell you if a person is on there, let you look at the profile and tell you the last time it was active.

 

Are you kidding? If you're at the point of spying on her, then IMO it's time to break it off...for both your sakes.

[ChatroomHero]

Frankly if I were you I'd hire an escort. Have over after your gf gets in bed, and then you and the escort get in bed. When your gf asks what's going on, tell her don't worry about it, you'll ask the escort to leave in the morning. It would be fair play.

 

Personally if my gf had tindr and hesitated even a second to delete it, I would ask her to go home right then and there and I would go NC and not feel bad one bit.

[AnnieRose]

Although it could certainly be a red flag, at the same time, she might just have resented the fact that you were TELLING her what she could or could not have on her phone...from the first sentence you said about it (if what you typed here is exact to what you said) you were confrontational and demanding and cock-of-the-walk...IMO.

 

I'd have balked too. And pushed back. Just because um, I'm not dating my Daddy, or God. I can tell MYSELF what to do with my own damned phone.

 

Now if the guy had mentioned it in a nicer, less freaked-out way, perhaps then I'd have smiled and said "Geez, okay, I'll just get rid of it now" and done so. But this means the guy would have been respectful of it being my choice and indeed, of me, as one person in the two-person relationship, having choices in the first place. So yeah, I'd have been more predisposed to being understanding in that case.

 

Ugh, what a lame excuse!

 

OP, please take the advice of most others in this thread and either be extra guarded going forward or end it completely! This is shady behavior.

[phineas]

After everything you put her through, had her cry, ordered her to delete it on the spot, got stern with her, it's normal she turned her back to you to delete it. It's not about hiding anything to you, it's a body language closed off against you. What did you expect her to do after how you handled the situation? that she'd get back to you all lovey dovey and do this together like love birds? No. She did it, but she did it in a passive aggressive way because of your previous confrontation.

 

crying over tinder?

crocodile tears.

 

OP should of just kept his mouth shut then went on tinder to see if she was out looking for his replacement.

Yeah, easier said than done.

Now he has to wait a few weeks until she thinks the coast is clear and gets back on tinder so he can catch her.

 

if i got exclusive with a woman and she still had dating apps on her phone i'd be gone.

Mostly because any woman i'm dating who wants to be exclusive is told to stop talking to her ex's and delete all her online dating profiles.

 

if she isn't willing to do that then what's the point of being exclusive?

 

OP did it wrong.

next time a woman wants to be exclusive he needs to set the ground rules so this doesn't happen again.

[Logo]

Yes. Like others have said, go No Contact.

 

It sounds like you're being strung along.

 

Before you get hurt and find out about all the details, do the right thing for yourself and just walk away from her. She's not worth it. She's clearly manipulating you and lying to you. Save yourself.

[Gaeta]

Conviction: There is nothing good for you here. There is nothing worth salvaging. You have just dated what, 4 months. She's dead in the bedroom and she spends her time on snapchat with other men. Break up, move on. You won't be losing much.