Gaeta Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 At this point I literally had to ask several times for her to delete it. She was reluctant, saying things like "I'll delete it tomorrow, I promise" "I already turned my phone off, and it takes a long time to delete it, I'll do it tomorrow" I eventually started to get annoyed and got stern with her. So here's where another red flag gets raised. She finally grabs her phone to delete it, BUT she sits up and positions her beck to me so I can't see what she's doing. WHOA! I get pissed, but I don't say anything. She puts her phone down and I ask if she deleted it, and she says yes. I questioned her why as her boyfriend do I have to beg her to delete a hookup app off her phone. And explain how it makes me feel like a low priority that she kept saying "I'll just do it tomorrow". She gets upset starts crying and storms out of the room. After everything you put her through, had her cry, ordered her to delete it on the spot, got stern with her, it's normal she turned her back to you to delete it. It's not about hiding anything to you, it's a body language closed off against you. What did you expect her to do after how you handled the situation? that she'd get back to you all lovey dovey and do this together like love birds? No. She did it, but she did it in a passive aggressive way because of your previous confrontation.
GunslingerRoland Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 So y’all help me understand because I don’t nor would I ever use Tinder. It’s a hook-up app… You meet someone, you get together, app still on phone and you are upset? You weren’t looking for matrimony by using this particular app and the fact she still has it bothers you? I don’t get it. If she refuses to get off the service she ain’t that into you! You simply were just what Tinder promotes a hook up. Just because you don't understand what Tinder is, doesn't make your idea of it true. It's a dating app, lots of people use it to find serious relationships. Lots of people also use it for hookups. 4
Author Conviction Posted January 18, 2017 Author Posted January 18, 2017 After everything you put her through, had her cry, ordered her to delete it on the spot, got stern with her, it's normal she turned her back to you to delete it. It's not about hiding anything to you, it's a body language closed off against you. What did you expect her to do after how you handled the situation? that she'd get back to you all lovey dovey and do this together like love birds? No. She did it, but she did it in a passive aggressive way because of your previous confrontation. Everything I put her through? I'm the bad guy in this situation? Please.
frigginlost Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 After everything you put her through, had her cry, ordered her to delete it on the spot, got stern with her, it's normal she turned her back to you to delete it. It's not about hiding anything to you, it's a body language closed off against you. What did you expect her to do after how you handled the situation? that she'd get back to you all lovey dovey and do this together like love birds? No. She did it, but she did it in a passive aggressive way because of your previous confrontation. No offence Gaeta, but, bullcr*p. At the very moment he brought it up, a "normal" reaction would have been "I have not gotten around to it, I'll go ahead a remove it right now". He should have never had to walk the issue to conclusion. Every reaction she had screamed deflecting... 11
Lilyana76 Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 I don't agree, she was deflecting her actions to make it appear he was making a big deal over nothing... when in fact being on a dating app while your in a relationship is a very big deal. she turned her back to him so he wouldn't see if she deleted it or not... she threw a fit to get him to back off of it. Shes deflecting it on him, to not take responsibility for having the app on her phone still. Her reaction was one to be very suspicious of, she is hiding something. 2
Gaeta Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Everything I put her through? I'm the bad guy in this situation? Please. Ok, lets go over it again: Me: uh, why not do it now, is a simple request from your boyfriend really that low of a priority? At this point I literally had to ask several times for her to delete it. She was reluctant, saying things like "I'll delete it tomorrow, I promise" "I already turned my phone off, and it takes a long time to delete it, I'll do it tomorrow" I eventually started to get annoyed and got stern with her. So here's where another red flag gets raised. She finally grabs her phone to delete it, BUT she sits up and positions her beck to me so I can't see what she's doing. WHOA! I get pissed, but I don't say anything. She puts her phone down and I ask if she deleted it, and she says yes. I questioned her why as her boyfriend do I have to beg her to delete a hookup app off her phone. And explain how it makes me feel like a low priority that she kept saying "I'll just do it tomorrow". She gets upset starts crying and storms out of the room. ** You nagged, you got annoyed, you got pissed and finally you questioned her. Does not sound like a respectful treatment to me.
Author Conviction Posted January 18, 2017 Author Posted January 18, 2017 Ok, lets go over it again: Me: uh, why not do it now, is a simple request from your boyfriend really that low of a priority? At this point I literally had to ask several times for her to delete it. She was reluctant, saying things like "I'll delete it tomorrow, I promise" "I already turned my phone off, and it takes a long time to delete it, I'll do it tomorrow" I eventually started to get annoyed and got stern with her. So here's where another red flag gets raised. She finally grabs her phone to delete it, BUT she sits up and positions her beck to me so I can't see what she's doing. WHOA! I get pissed, but I don't say anything. She puts her phone down and I ask if she deleted it, and she says yes. I questioned her why as her boyfriend do I have to beg her to delete a hookup app off her phone. And explain how it makes me feel like a low priority that she kept saying "I'll just do it tomorrow". She gets upset starts crying and storms out of the room. ** You nagged, you got annoyed, you got pissed and finally you questioned her. Does not sound like a respectful treatment to me. So taking taking my concern and blowing it off was respectful on her part? I asked vertu nicely in the beginning, didn't get annoyed, jump to conclusions or anything. It wasn't until she stated acting shady about it that I got annoyed. You've given me god advice on here before, and I appreciate your input, but I have to disagree with you on this one. 5
VeveCakes Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 yeah I disagree too...if my bf asked me to delete the app I would be mortified and be like omg...I forgot. I'll delete it asap...but then again I would not have it still in the first place 6
Larryville Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Where did I ever say we met on tinder? Hint: we did not. My bad, sorry Just because you don't understand what Tinder is, doesn't make your idea of it true. It's a dating app, lots of people use it to find serious relationships. Lots of people also use it for hookups. Yup, also my bad because ANY dating site or app can produce “a hook-up” not about the site but the individual. Maybe because I'm older and fundamentally process far more that someones face to indicate interest. 1
Gaeta Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 A couple of years ago I was dating this man. We had established exclusivity and a week later saw that he still had a profile up. I mentioned it to him. He said he didn't get around to deleting it but he would. I left it at that. He deleted it 3 or 4 days later. No drama. I stated my concern and he took care of it. Than later I reminded him of it and I said I was curious why it had taken him a few days to delete it and he said he just wanted to do it on his own it was important to him. He did not want to be dictated. I know if a BF of mine would request I do something right there in front of him it would not set well with me. He should trust I will execute myself when I said I would. I dated this man for a few months and never had a bad word to say about him. 1
xUnknown Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 She should have deleted it when you asked her to. Simple request, I have an android and iphone. It takes seconds to delete the app, no more than 10. So, she's lying about that looking for reasons to keep it on her phone until tomorrow. To be honest, after she said I'll delete it tomorrow repeatedly, I would have asked "okay, let me see it then". Then you'll know if shes been active on it or messaging someone since you two got together. She's more than likely talking to someone on it and wanted to message him and either add him on FB, Instagram or get his number before she deleted it so they could keep in touch through that. Keep an eye out for "girls nights" or any new "girlfriend" that she may be texting more often than normal. There's trust issues now and to be honest, where there is smoke there is fire. I'd cut it off. An interesting way to get that started is download Tinder yourself. Start using it, while in front of her. You two are watching a movie, pull out your phone and kind of angle yourself away from her slightly, start "machine gun right" on the girls. She sees you, calls you out. Be like, "yeah, I'm not interested in being with you anymore. Do you want to leave now or after the movie?" PS: Please do this. Power move right there. haha. 2
Gaeta Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 So taking taking my concern and blowing it off was respectful on her part? I asked vertu nicely in the beginning, didn't get annoyed, jump to conclusions or anything. It wasn't until she stated acting shady about it that I got annoyed. You've given me god advice on here before, and I appreciate your input, but I have to disagree with you on this one. Here is how I see it. You asked her to delete it. She said she would the following day. You end the conversation there and trust she will do it. Have you got any reasons to not trust her so far? If not, why start the distrust now? Then a week or 2 later you verify if it's been deleted in a calm conversation. 1
Lilyana76 Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 I woulda deleted it right that second on the spot I was asked about it. And then i woulda spend the next hour showing him that he was the only one.... I think the girlfriends reaction was childish, and again.. deflective behavior. OP like i said... get on her phone, if the app is still there click it. All will be shown right? Then you have your answers if she can be trusted or not.... 6
xUnknown Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Also, Bumble is also another "dating" app like that. But where girls have to message the guy first. Keep an eye out for that app too.
xUnknown Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 You asked her to delete it. She said she would the following day. Why delete it tomorrow and not then and there. That is the question. If she's in a relationship, there shouldnt be any reason NOT to uninstall it, especially if asked. I've been in relationships where both parties voluntarily delete it, never had to ask. 2
mightycpa Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 it's normal she turned her back to you to delete it. Oh, it's normal alright, if you have something to hide. But not if you're offended or hurt. It's not about hiding anything to you, it's a body language closed off against you. She might turn her back in that case, but she wouldn't hide the phone while she was deleting it. She was probably moving it to another screen page. If she was truly exasperated, I'd think it more likely that she would delete it, then show it to him and say OK, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? and pout with her back turned, but she wouldn't hide the screen and hide the results because she was hurt or offended.What did you expect her to do after how you handled the situation? that she'd get back to you all lovey dovey and do this together like love birds? No. She did it, but she did it in a passive aggressive way because of your previous confrontation.If you re-read that passage, you'll see that we have no idea if she deleted it or not. She hid the phone and went through the motions, but produced no evidence. People who have something to hide, well, they hide things. It's pretty much that simple. That said, I agree with you in principle. He asked once, she heard him, and gave him her true response. If she wants to be all independent and offended and mysterious, then she should reap the consequences. I think he could have waited until morning too, but she dates him only at his pleasure, and she can be fired at a moment's notice. He sets the standards which she must meet in order to date him. Of course, the same is true for her, and if the apps she keeps on her phone are none of his business, then she should simply say so and cut him loose if he becomes a pest about it. She certainly shouldn't hide things from him.
Lilyana76 Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Lets be honest, she said she would delete it tomorrow because she was hoping he would forget about it by then.... She had no intentions of deleting it. In fact, OP did you see if she actually did delete it? Shady shady shady... It's something I would never stand for in a relationship. If I am seeing someone in a committed relationship and find a dating app on their phone, I would have done the same thing OP did. 2
Jj66 Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 I'm not crazy about her initial reaction but we don't have a right to tell our girlfriends or boyfriends what to do. Her initial reaction showed a lack of concern for your feelings on the matter. Then you overreacted to her initial reaction and everything spiraled out of control. Maybe she's trolling. Only time will tell. I do think you owe her an apology and she owes you one too. 2
Author Conviction Posted January 18, 2017 Author Posted January 18, 2017 Lets be honest, she said she would delete it tomorrow because she was hoping he would forget about it by then.... She had no intentions of deleting it. In fact, OP did you see if she actually did delete it? Shady shady shady... It's something I would never stand for in a relationship. If I am seeing someone in a committed relationship and find a dating app on their phone, I would have done the same thing OP did. No, I didn't see if she actually deleted it. That process was really quick though, so either she was BSing and it did take 30 seconds, or she just went throughthe motions.
Lilyana76 Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 So, she claimed it takes to long to delete it.... and she would do it the next day. But she did it in 30 seconds with her back turned to you... hmmm shady shady shady. 1
Zahara Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 No, I didn't see if she actually deleted it. That process was really quick though, so either she was BSing and it did take 30 seconds, or she just went throughthe motions. Takes a second to delete an app. I think she wanted to do it the next day for couple of reasons 1) hoping you'll forget 2) communicate with whomever she's talking to on that site that she may have to get off/provide alternative mode of communication. She couldn't do that infront of you. Shady. 5
heavenonearth Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 I do not think it is that shady. My guy and me are exclusive, he deleted his Tinder (we met on it), I have not deleted mine. I have not been on it, to be honest, in the 2 months we have been dating, but I have not deleted it. If he would ask me to, I would, but if he would make a huge deal about it, i would be embarassed too. I think I looked at it twice in the last two months to check if he had re-established his profile... So there you have my reason for still keeping it. Who knows what her intentions are... but sometimes women also keep the backdoor open in case they get hurt. Are things great between the two of you otherwise? Are you really BF and GF yet? 2
heavenonearth Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Takes a second to delete an app. I think she wanted to do it the next day for couple of reasons 1) hoping you'll forget 2) communicate with whomever she's talking to on that site that she may have to get off/provide alternative mode of communication. She couldn't do that infront of you. Shady. Doubt that. Nobody is that stupid. Could easily delete app in front of him, then re-install the next day when he is not around - takes 1 minute, and keep writing with the people she perhaps has been writing with. Nobody would even really notice. I doubt that's the reason.
Author Conviction Posted January 18, 2017 Author Posted January 18, 2017 I do not think it is that shady. My guy and me are exclusive, he deleted his Tinder (we met on it), I have not deleted mine. I have not been on it, to be honest, in the 2 months we have been dating, but I have not deleted it. If he would ask me to, I would, but if he would make a huge deal about it, i would be embarassed too. I think I looked at it twice in the last two months to check if he had re-established his profile... So there you have my reason for still keeping it. Who knows what her intentions are... but sometimes women also keep the backdoor open in case they get hurt. Are things great between the two of you otherwise? Are you really BF and GF yet? Yes, we established BF GF eclusivity months ago. Things are overall good between us yes.
Gaeta Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Why delete it tomorrow and not then and there. That is the question. If she's in a relationship, there shouldnt be any reason NOT to uninstall it, especially if asked. I've been in relationships where both parties voluntarily delete it, never had to ask. Because she had turned off her phone and it's long to restart it (she said). The following day would have been just fine.
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