Robchap Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Hi, my fiancée is going to be home in less than 2 hours and I'm freaking out because I want to tell her I'm breaking up with her tonight. We're in our late 20's and have an 18 year old living with us (we're her guardians). In a nutshell my fiancée is a very strong woman who I have so much respect for. She has had a hard life, being orphaned when she was a little girl and the losing her carers (her grandparents), when she was a teenager. She fought her way back from poverty to go to university and get a good job. She is a unbelievably good mother to our sort of adopted (long story), 18 year old. I love her too, she's my best friend and we share everything. The problem is we haven't had sex in four years and it's driving me to depression. I've been off work for nearly 2 months now trying to fight it, seen councillors and talked about how I feel. They basically say I should leave. She says that the reason we don't have sex is because she feels unattractive because of her weight (she's on day 1 of a food pack diet - this is her 4th attempt at it). She also says that I haven't been making her feel attractive or making her want sex. I do get where she's coming from in some respects, although I tell her how beautiful she is everyday, there is a lack of effort to make the relationship work. She wants to wait until April to see how things are until seeing a councillor. With regards to the actual breakup, neither of us could afford to leave so it's likely that we'll have to live together for some time. Neither of us have friends or family around us. We are pretty much each other's world and depend on each other for everything. I'm just frozen here sitting in the couch not knowing what to do and incredibly afraid by what might happen. I don't know what to do.
mightycpa Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Pull yourself together! You don't sound ready to break up. You have no place to go, no prospects, no capability to leave? And how is it that an 18 year old needs a guardian? Mentally disabled? The kid can't be related to the both of you. Somebody is responsible, the other is probably just being nice for the sake of the relationship. Is the guardian you or her? You say you both like and love this woman, but you're not getting any nookie. It seems to me that's the problem you need to solve. Instead of breaking up, why don't you drag her to the bedroom and have your way with her. If she doesn't let you, there's your opening. From what you say, maybe it's time to be brutally honest. Tell her she needs to stop stuffing food into her piehole, starting yesterday. Tell her whatever else is on your mind about what bothers you, you don't need counselors to do that. Be prepared to get it right back between the eyes, like, "get off the couch and get a job". Then, set a short deadline, and start working on those things. If you find that one or both of you don't take change seriously, then at least nobody is surprised by what happens. This will also give you and her time to arrange your finances. You may not maintain the same lifestyle you're used to, but staying on the couch is hardly an option.
Author Robchap Posted January 18, 2017 Author Posted January 18, 2017 So you're saying I should attempt to rape her and when she says no end the relationship?! It's a long story regarding our daughter. We both love her and she's calls us her parents. The idea of short term goals sounds ok. I do have a job, I'm on paid leave and going back after the end of next week. The've been very supportive of my illness.
divegrl Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It must be really frustrating and hard to cope. Plz make sure you are 100% ready to leave before you break up. When/if you break up with her, she will feel a huge sense of abandonment. The same she did when she was orphaned and when her grandparents passed away. This will be devastating for her. It sounds like she has a lot on her plate... which could drastically reduce her sex drive. Working a job, being a good mom and not having any family or support must be putting a lot of stress on her. Can you plan a day that she can have to herself? Say you will take care of everything. She should go get a massage, go hiking, do yoga or whatever makes her happy. This will give her a break where she can relax and do activities to feel better about herself and more confident. This should make her more open to you in the bedroom as well. And plz get counseling. It sounds like you both love each other... these issues can be resolved. Good luck my friend. 1
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