toxinoco55 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 So my ex is going out with someone new... feels bad but that's life. I wasn't even actively searching for this information..quite the opposite, one of my friends texted me that they were all going out and "the new woman" was coming along (and she has the same name as me which was like one last twist of the knife) When I read it I cried for a hours with my friends, who are probably pretty sick of these since it's now been a month and a half post breakup.I thought that was the final straw and yet here I am still pining away.. The thing is I know he won't but it's always there in the back of my mind. It's probably a coping thing, but it needs to end because the rational side of me knows he's gone and moved on. My mind also loves to think of happier times, dates, birthdays ect and I think I'm looking at him with rose tinted glasses but even the bad things don't seem so bad now....
Zahara Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 It's only been a month and a half since you ended. You will grieve for as long as you need to so there is no set time for those emotions to transition directly to a point of indifference. It doesn't work that way. Everything you feel is normal. There is no hope. He has moved on to someone else. He is not in anyway giving you false hope other than you feel that he may come back, and that is denial. You're going through the stages of grief. There's a part of you that is in denial, maybe sometimes feeling acceptance. You'll likely steer through all 5 stages, going in and out but it'll take time for you to come to complete acceptance. That is when the sadness lifts and you feel optimistic about life and love again.
layla21 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 My recent breakup was also one month and a half ago and I feel with you as my ex is probably in a rebound by now or is still pursuing her. I can only agree with the previous post. You are going through the stages of grief and yes, it hurts and will continue to hurt you but take your time and let it out. With or without your friends, when those moments come let it out and tell yourself it will get better. You will continue on to think about the happy times, think about him and have the hope that someday he may come back. I dont know your story and the following breakup but i hope i can give you some advice on how i am still trying to move on and it is working: i deactivated FB & Messenger (also for study reasons) but i was sick of looking up his possible online status or any news of him, i am working out in the gym, i meet up friends and reconnect with some after such a long time, kept myself busy with books (i can recommend you Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life by Cheryl Strand, it is not a self help book but you see we all have different problems in life and seeing it from a different perspective helps), started journaling and writing a letter for my ex (let it all out, your love for him, your anger, everything and continue but do NOT send it out) and just try to overcome the need to break the NC - the NC is so important to stick through. I can tell you, after doing this all - i do feel better. Day by day. Step by step. It is easier said than done but at some point it all becomes so clear and you want to move forward and eventually lose the hope in the process if that's your goal. At some point you will accept it fully and each day will be better, trust me!
mightycpa Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Sustained bouts of reality is generally the only thing that will do the trick.
Redhead14 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 So my ex is going out with someone new... feels bad but that's life. I wasn't even actively searching for this information..quite the opposite, one of my friends texted me that they were all going out and "the new woman" was coming along (and she has the same name as me which was like one last twist of the knife) When I read it I cried for a hours with my friends, who are probably pretty sick of these since it's now been a month and a half post breakup.I thought that was the final straw and yet here I am still pining away.. The thing is I know he won't but it's always there in the back of my mind. It's probably a coping thing, but it needs to end because the rational side of me knows he's gone and moved on. My mind also loves to think of happier times, dates, birthdays ect and I think I'm looking at him with rose tinted glasses but even the bad things don't seem so bad now.... It's early yet, so let yourself grieve. I think I'm looking at him with rose tinted glasses but even the bad things don't seem so bad now -- I call this "pain amnesia" I liken this to women who have babies. It's excruciating, but they have more. Babies are worth it . . . not guys who are no longer in your life and probably for good reason. Be good to yourself. Go out and buy yourself something you've always wanted. Buy new curtains for your apartment, new throw pillows, put fresh flowers on the table, give it a facelift. You'll feel better soon. Don't become a shop-a-holic though . . . 1
freddy2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 when someone is gone, you only tend to remember the good times and the bad is forgotten cos the brain dont want that stress the only way you will move on is to be with someone new until then youll be in pain grieving, and youll always grieve i miss partners from years gone by everyday but someone new is a new journey and therell be new highlights and adventures with him go forwards now not backwards remove all evidence of that person in your current life, put it all in a box and move it to the basement, have no reminders of that person anywhere
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