Just ended a 3 year relationship with an unavailable man. No contact starts now

[nolookingback716]

Hi guys. I've been lurking for about six months but just decided to join today because I need to blow off some steam.

 

As the title says, I finally grew a pair and ended a three year on again/off again "relationship", if you can even call what we had a relationship.

 

If anyone is familiar with the book Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl by Natalie Lue, it describes my situation almost perfectly. Blowing hot and cold, future faking, disappearing and reemerging (there were a couple of times he went a whole two months without talking to me then texted me out of the blue like this was normal behavior), hitting the reset button, etc. I actually cringed a bit while reading parts of it because it was so relevant to what was going on with me.

 

Things were good in the beginning, he was nice and sweet and charming, handsome, he pursued me like he wanted a relationship, but eventually he changed (or rather, he dropped the good guy act and his true personality started to show). There would be times when he lusted after me like crazy, then nothing. One week he would be loving and affectionate towards me, then the next week cold.

 

I became his fallback girl, his little play thing that he could turn to when he was feeling horny. I convinced myself that he must care about me on some level, there must be something about me he finds irresistible, otherwise why would he stick around for so long? As painful as it was to admit, I realize now that that's not true. The only reason he kept me around so long was because I was willing to do almost everything he asked without demanding anything in return whereas other women with more self respect would not, and I'm sure he's aware of that.

 

I'm not the only one he keeps at a distance. This man has no real friends and doesn't seem to be that close to his family either. I don't think there are any adults that he has a connection with. The only person I've ever heard him display any real affection for is his 4 and half year old daughter that he sees every other weekend from his last relationship before me.

 

That was his excuse for every awful thing he did to me. "I can't be in a relationship because I feel guilty about not being with my daughter, but we can still have fun" he said (he only decided to tell me about this alleged guilty conscience a full year after we met). I stupidly went along with it at first. Even though my head knew he was full of it, my heart didn't want to admit it so I accepted the breadcrumbs.

 

I told myself that eventually he'll work through whatever issues he has about the kid then he'll ask me to be his girlfriend and the three of us will be one big happy family. Whelp, two years later that obviously hasn't worked out too well. It's just an excuse on his part. There are millions of single parents in this country who manage to balance dating and having kids just fine. I'm not saying I think it would always be easy but it absolutely can be done if both parties are willing to work at it, which I would have been.

 

He used to complain to me all the time about her mother and how awful she was. At first I believed him, but knowing what I know now I'm thinking that she's probably not really that bad after all. What most likely happened is he treated her like crap too and she had the good sense to kick him to the curb where he belongs. It's worth mentioning that she's actually married now while he's all alone. Maybe the problem wasn't with her. He also once mentioned that before he met her he had "girlfriend after girlfriend" which was a huge and very obvious red flag that I should not have ignored.

 

On Sunday I was out with some friends to watch the playoff games. I was a little drunk and decided to text him to try to get something going. We had talked earlier in the day so I assumed he would be receptive. He ignored it. I texted him two more times after several hours apart, still no response. Might not seem like a big deal, but this is kind of garbage he was always pulling. EVERYTHING we did had to be on his terms and his terms only, even stupid stuff like when we talked on the phone. If he didn't want to then it didn't happen, end of story (and yet he would get pissed if he thought I was ignoring him). His time is more important than mine don't you know?

 

I finally decided I had had enough. I had seriously been considering cutting him off for awhile now, but this I guess was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him I was done, we're clearly looking for different things out of life and to please not contact me anymore. He said he's not sure when he gave the impression that he wanted a girlfriend but if he did then he's sorry. Ha, yeah ok. Whatever. This man is incapable of forming meaningful relationships with ANYONE. Always has and probably always will be unless he has some huge epiphany which I doubt will ever happen.

 

This morning I deleted our entire texting history from my phone and other devices. I changed his name to Don't Contact Him. He doesn't have social media but I blocked any and all profiles that could make me think of him (like his kid's mother). No contact officially starts today, and hopefully will last forever. I'm considering this the opportunity for a fresh start.

 

Phew, typing that out felt good. Sorry for such a long post but, like I said I needed to get that off my chest.

Edited January 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T

[Miss Clavel]

that odd sensation you're feeling is your pride, it's growing back.

 

 

kudos!!