Is this a rebound relationship?

[No-one55]

First of all this is a same-sex relationship situation. My ex and I dated online for a year, we met on a chatroom app. I was supposed to meet her in real life but I had financial issues and it had to be delayed, I'm in Europe and she's all the way in the US. I would say that our relationship was intense, we talked everyday 24/7 for 12 months, she was my best friend, but we also fought a lot and I was really insecure and paranoid,but it's because she was unfaithful once at the beginning of our relationship, but I stayed because I love her and gave her a second chance. I woulda done anything for that girl, I sent her stuff constantly although she never did the same, I was her shoulder to lean on, emotional support, I was available all the time, she made me cut off a lot of people for her too. But it ended up going downhill, she dumped me because I was too insecure, paranoid, accusatory...She said I pushed her away and how I am a ****ty person and ruined it all and hurt her, she makes me feel like everything in the world is my fault, she called me selfish, ****ty, insecure...All i wanted was reassurance. We always broke up and she would always come back chasing and acting psycho jealous if someone else talks to me, but this time she was cold and distant, I begged to fix things, but i got short replies hours later, and she asked for space. And when she said "space" I knew there was someone else. She was going out with this girl in real life, but at the same time telling me she wants space from me, and that she wasnt seeing anyone else and that I'm not allowed to let anyone flirt with me. She would go out with this girl but randomly pop up on the app we met on to be mean to me, or give me mixed signals, or message me random things every 3 days. We ended up arguing and she told me she has someone now and I told her to "prove" that she has a new gf, she sent me pics and I bashed her girl because I'm hurt, her new gf took over her phone to be nasty to me and threaten me. I just dont get it? How do you go from totally loving someone to being this nasty and move on so quickly?? And the girl she moved on with is not even her type, my ex isn't into manly girls, I was really shocked to see my replacement, I'm not shallow but we are nothing alike and I'm way more feminine and pretty, but yet she's dating her and they have no problem rubbing it in my face. It's been 10 days and they've already had sex and my ex hangs out at her apartment and they're posting pics being all happy while I dont even have an apetite or wanna do anything, just here miserable. Is this a rebound relationship? What's going on? Has my ex totally lost feelings for me? I'm so confused and hurt. My guess is my ex probably thinks this is better because it's in real life, but i already have a ticket to the US in a few months and I'm completely shattered now.

[smackie9]

It's not a relationship unless you have met....it's just an on line fantasy relationship. Yes you are right, she realized that real life is better than online. it's not a rebound, she has finally met someone.

 

She has moved on, and so should you....get your money back on the airfare.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is why it's such a bad idea to get so attached to someone you have never met.

 

An online relationship just can't compare to a real, in-person one. I know there are plenty of defenders of online dating, but I will always maintain that you aren't really "dating" a person you have never actually gone on a date with or even laid eyes on offline. If you'd met and built from there, that would be a different story. But that's not the case here, and you're now seeing why committing to an online friend is very unwise.

 

The relationship you had sounds very toxic and one-sided. You got attached and gave her your heart, and what did you get in return? She sounds completely loony. In the future, please, don't get involved in these internet-based relationships. They very rarely work out well and can't offer you the same satisfaction and love you'd get from meeting a girl who could actually be there for you, in your physical presence.

 

To answer your question, no, I don't think this is a rebound relationship. I say that because I don't think your ex was talking to you for the right reasons to begin with. She liked your attention and the things you sent her, but she didn't reciprocate, and you can't physically offer her what her new girlfriend can. Thus, she's not hurting the way you are.

 

You really need to block her and remove her from your life. This isn't healthy, OP.

[jstar845]

I’m glad you reached out for support. It’s understandable your feelings from your breakup. Although, the relationship was long distant I could see the closeness between the two of you. Thus, I know you cared as well as your partner. I see that you mentioned how does someone love someone to being nasty towards them to moving on quickly; everyone is different and it’s difficult to predict why others act the way they do. It seems that your partner wanted to meet you and you the same and this may have affected the relationship. Additionally, time spent together in a relationship is imperative just as communication. Furthermore, when an ex makes the decision to move on it doesn’t mean the person doesn’t care for you or about you anymore. It could just be there way of dealing with not seeing you or the pain experienced and a number of other reasons. Have you thought of healthy coping methods to help you deal with this situation? Best wishes!