To confess or not?

January 16, 2017

I'm not convinced he lied, but let's stipulate that he did. Now show me the part where she let him know that she cared. I'm not sure that "I asked him about it" counts. I have no idea what that really means, whether or not she told him she was freaking out or upset or whatever. It sounds to me like she just kept joking about it, so he didn't take her seriously.

I don't think she was ever straight up with him, but I can't really tell. I think you're filling in the blanks, not allowing for the possibility that she hasn't been.

I don't think there are any blanks to be filled, really...

What would she have done, give him an ultimatum? Surely if the guy isn't prepared to take the thing down of his own accord, he's not that interested?

She cares, seeing as she addressed it with him directly, jokingly or not - any genuinely interested guy will have taken the hint; any decent and straightforward guy will have either admitted his profile was still up or will have offered to take it down, not given a half-truth that could be construed in whichever way is more convenient to him. He may have chosen not to take her seriously (as you are doing now) but that's only a sign of his disinterest and his dishonesty, from my perspective.

FWIW OP, I'd have done exactly the same, ie not ask or guilt-trip or make the guy take his profile down before he was ready. He's in no hurry to do anything about it though (his prerogative) but you don't have to wait around until he does...

ETA: I posted this before reading your reply, OP.

Looks like you are willing to give this a go despite your doubts, which is fine. Good luck with it all!

Edited January 16, 2017 by PrettyEmily77

January 16, 2017

There (in bold, for your convenience).

He lied, then she cared. You're welcome.

That's not true. I actually did care. I just didn't want to be 'controlling'. I don't 'date around' and once I'm really interested in someone I focus on them. But that's my personality type and I know not everyone is that way. So I don't pressure people to be like me. I may not be totally comfortable with it but I didn't want to force anything on him. But him and I discussed the pof thing and I told him I didn't want to get too involved with someone who was still acting looking elsewhere.

Also after talking to my friend more turns out she had seen him and talked to him like a month before I even met him. Sorry if I didn't word that right because I was pretty tired last night and stressed out. Plus trying to keep it as short as possible (writing short sentences is hard for me haha) so I left out a good amount of detail. I only wanted to know if I should confess to lying or not. But she said she had seen him on there before and that they talked briefly (she did tell me he was really nice and seemed like he really was looking for something serious. But they just didn't click and the conversation fizzled out). I didn't know when the 'before' was (days ago? Months ago?) and I was getting an odd feeling so I checked. When I asked her when she said "Oh like a while ago". She said her profile was hidden and she hadn't been on there for weeks.

See if I had gone into REAL detail my post would have been sooooo long nobody would have read it! I wasn't here for opinions on him. Anything you have to say I've thought of or I've already had that discussion with a friend who said the same thing. I only came here to figure out if I should confess or not.

Edited January 16, 2017 by Nyx001

January 16, 2017

That's not true. I actually did care. I just didn't want to be 'controlling'.

I know, that's exactly what I was saying! I was referring to the whole profile thing btw, not the guy himself.

January 16, 2017

That's not true. I actually did care. I just didn't want to be 'controlling'. I don't 'date around' and once I'm really interested in someone I focus on them. But that's my personality type and I know not everyone is that way. So I don't pressure people to be like me. I may not be totally comfortable with it but I didn't want to force anything on him. But him and I discussed the pof thing and I told him I didn't want to get too involved with someone who was still acting looking elsewhere.

Also after talking to my friend more turns out she had seen him and talked to him like a month before I even met him. Sorry if I didn't word that right because I was pretty tired last night and stressed out. Plus trying to keep it as short as possible (writing short sentences is hard for me haha) so I left out a good amount of detail. I only wanted to know if I should confess to lying or not. But she said she had seen him on there before and that they talked briefly (she did tell me he was really nice and seemed like he really was looking for something serious. But they just didn't click and the conversation fizzled out). I didn't know when the 'before' was (days ago? Months ago?) and I was getting an odd feeling so I checked. When I asked her when she said "Oh like a while ago". She said her profile was hidden and she hadn't been on there for weeks.

See if I had gone into REAL detail my post would have been sooooo long nobody would have read it! I wasn't here for opinions on him. Anything you have to say I've thought of or I've already had that discussion with a friend who said the same thing. I only came here to figure out if I should confess or not.

And the thing is I always figure this stuff out for myself. I just wanted some different views and to discuss it a little. I find when I discuss stuff with people I often find the answer not in what THEY say but in myself. Like I already knew the answer all along. I just needed to find it. I generally know what I have to do, but I just need to work it out in my own way. Sometimes that involves being totally closed off but then sometimes it involves discussion. I hardly ever talk about my problems. And I know what my issues are and why I have them lol. I am extremely self aware (and no that isn't just my 'opinion' but what many people have said. Plus it's a professional, medical opinion. I've gone to therapy in the past to deal with anxiety and depression issues. I already knew what they were going to say. Their assessment of me was always positive. That I was intelligent, well spoken, self aware, etc... and they didn't even think I even NEEDED any help... and even this guy I'm seeing has said multiple times he likes how self aware I am) and am never surprised by anything anyone says.

Edited January 16, 2017 by Nyx001

January 16, 2017

Sticking by my original assessment: they are both a piece of work.

He was deceptive and she pretended not to care about something she cared a lot about and then freaked out on him and he claimed to be testing her.

They both showed controlling non-genuine behavior. If I were him I would break up with her. And if I were her I would break up with him.

This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase but it's nothing but drama. Cut out the rot and be done with it already.

January 17, 2017

And the thing is I always figure this stuff out for myself. I just wanted some different views and to discuss it a little. I find when I discuss stuff with people I often find the answer not in what THEY say but in myself. Like I already knew the answer all along. I just needed to find it. I generally know what I have to do, but I just need to work it out in my own way. Sometimes that involves being totally closed off but then sometimes it involves discussion. I hardly ever talk about my problems. And I know what my issues are and why I have them lol. I am extremely self aware (and no that isn't just my 'opinion' but what many people have said. Plus it's a professional, medical opinion. I've gone to therapy in the past to deal with anxiety and depression issues. I already knew what they were going to say. Their assessment of me was always positive. That I was intelligent, well spoken, self aware, etc... and they didn't even think I even NEEDED any help... and even this guy I'm seeing has said multiple times he likes how self aware I am) and am never surprised by anything anyone says.

If you are self-aware than you must know what is your limits in terms of still showing online while dating? If you are aware of your limits than why not verbalize them? Expressing our dating style, our limits, is not imposing anything on anyone. When I was dating my limit was 5 dates to get off line. I had no problem expressing that, in a positive way, to men I dated. They were free to go along with me or to move along. I imposed nothing, I just expressed what I am comfortable with and respected my own limits.

If he offered you to delete his profile it's because he was happy to do so. You didn't ask him anything, it was coming from his own will. Your part would have been to say ' I agree with you, lets take our profile down'.

Instead of being self-aware of your own limits and needs you worried about his, worried he'd view you as imposing him something, and from there you tried to play cool and it all went downhill.

Next time be truer to yourself.

January 17, 2017

1. He's not testing you, he's playing around and getting caught.

2. You ARE kind of stalking him.

3. This does not sound like a good match.

4. "Confessing" will do nothing but make him truly think you're off your nut.

Conclusion: time to go. Do address your issues with anxiety, but as a separate thing, for you and your own future.

January 17, 2017

Nyx, I've been in your shoes before...and let me tell you its not pretty when it ends

I was dating a guy for 2-3 months (exclusively). I couldnt figure it out why but during that time I was having some of the worst anxiety of my life. I would break down in tears, calling my gfs, calling my Mom, trying desperatly to figure out why I was so f***** anxious! Everytime I thought of him, I had this sick sinking feeling in my gut even though he really hadnt shown any red flags and seemed like a great guy

Fast foward...I walked in on him cheating on me

So...please, for the love of god...listen to your gut. Its your intuition trying to protect you. And as Gaeta said, if this situation is causing you this much distress, you need to walk away for your own health. Forget about whether or not he's a good guy...having this much anxiety isnt healthy for you. Dont torture yourself

And btw...I dont think he's a good guy at all. I think he's full of s***. I wouldve walked away a long time ago with all those red flags waving. And yes, you ARE being naive. Its not too late to walk away relatively unscathed though...I highly recommend you do so

January 17, 2017

Am I missing something? In the beginning he said he would take his profile down if you weren't comfortable with it. Sounds like you weren't comfortable with it and you should have told him to. Instead you have all kinds of anxiety attacks if he's on there, friend snooping him online, asking if you should tell him you caught him. That's what happens when you play games :s

But yeah I wouldn't trust this guy and he's playing games too

January 17, 2017

That he's on a dating site while ignoring your texts tells you really all you need to know. Time to pack up and move on

January 17, 2017

If you are self-aware than you must know what is your limits in terms of still showing online while dating? If you are aware of your limits than why not verbalize them? Expressing our dating style, our limits, is not imposing anything on anyone. When I was dating my limit was 5 dates to get off line. I had no problem expressing that, in a positive way, to men I dated. They were free to go along with me or to move along. I imposed nothing, I just expressed what I am comfortable with and respected my own limits.

If he offered you to delete his profile it's because he was happy to do so. You didn't ask him anything, it was coming from his own will. Your part would have been to say ' I agree with you, lets take our profile down'.

Instead of being self-aware of your own limits and needs you worried about his, worried he'd view you as imposing him something, and from there you tried to play cool and it all went downhill.

Next time be truer to yourself.

We HAVE talked about this. I've told him exactly how I feel about it all. I told him I did not want to continue on seeing him further if he was still going on there. From the very beginning we've discussed how we are in dating and what we want.

And he said he would take it down if I asked him to. I didn't take that as a offer.

January 17, 2017

Nyx, I've been in your shoes before...and let me tell you its not pretty when it ends

I was dating a guy for 2-3 months (exclusively). I couldnt figure it out why but during that time I was having some of the worst anxiety of my life. I would break down in tears, calling my gfs, calling my Mom, trying desperatly to figure out why I was so f***** anxious! Everytime I thought of him, I had this sick sinking feeling in my gut even though he really hadnt shown any red flags and seemed like a great guy

Fast foward...I walked in on him cheating on me

So...please, for the love of god...listen to your gut. Its your intuition trying to protect you. And as Gaeta said, if this situation is causing you this much distress, you need to walk away for your own health. Forget about whether or not he's a good guy...having this much anxiety isnt healthy for you. Dont torture yourself

And btw...I dont think he's a good guy at all. I think he's full of s***. I wouldve walked away a long time ago with all those red flags waving. And yes, you ARE being naive. Its not too late to walk away relatively unscathed though...I highly recommend you do so

I understand what you're saying though at the same time I've been having issues withdrawing from this sleeping medication which causes me to have anxiety anyway. On top of that I'm scared ****less of getting hurt. So I've been all in my head.

Funny thing is when I'm with it just feels 'right' and I don't worry. But after we spend a bit of time apart (we have both been really lately) I start to get worried about stuff.

I am considering walking away but it's just hard to tell what is real and what is me. You know?

January 17, 2017

He's "testing" you?

Ok, don't walk away, but RUN away from this guy...next thing you know he'll be filing harassment charges against you.

I'm going through something similar and now am seeing the red flags I ignored.

My FWB and 6 yr guy never made me "anxious" and didn't "test" me. If a guy's actions are producing anxiety in you, that's a bad sign. I knew where I stood with those guys...recent dude is an enigma that at one time I made excuses for (i.e. his age, maturity level), but now realize that he's a Drama King.

If dude is into some BSDM type thing - then this is "not" the way to go about playing it with me - where my job is at risk.

Again, RUN away from this guy...

January 17, 2017

Sticking by my original assessment: they are both a piece of work.

He was deceptive and she pretended not to care about something she cared a lot about and then freaked out on him and he claimed to be testing her.

They both showed controlling non-genuine behavior. If I were him I would break up with her. And if I were her I would break up with him.

This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase but it's nothing but drama. Cut out the rot and be done with it already.

I didn't pretend not to care. I just didn't expect him to take it down right away. Figuring out if someone is right for you takes more time than two or three dates. I know how online dating can be. I generally try to just ignore that stuff unless it's been over a month or a few months (depending on how fast things are progressing). I was not expecting him to stop going on there for at least a little while. But I just wasn't expecting to get as upset over it when I first saw him on there, after we had spent some more time together (and like I said I don't really connect with people so this is very rare for me. The feeling I had almost immediately, just doesn't happen for me). I mean I didn't blow up on him but I asked him, calmly, about it.

But what I was really upset about is that he said he took it down then put it back up because he supposedly had his own doubts about whether or not I was really into him. But like... so easily? I really didn't like that (and I told him that). He said he's usually pretty quick to feel where he stands with someone but he can't 'read' me and that is really difficult for him. And well he is honesty 100% right on that. I'm an INFJ with Aspergers (which is kind of a paradox)... People generally don't 'get' me. So I need someone pretty patient. I also was closed off that one night (because I was thinking about things). It seems like he is so used to dating people much different than myself. Knowing instantly what's up. I've told him that I really like him and I'm not playing games with him but he says he doesn't know the 'depth' or 'context' of where I'm coming from...

Keeping your options open because you aren't sure if someone is that into you isn't being a 'player' BUT I was definitely upset that he did that instead of asking me what was going on. Though at the same time I understand it's not always an easy thing to ask, especially that soon in. I've had those thoughts of thinking someone wasn't that into me but afraid to say anything... So it's like "I'm pissed but I get it... but I'm still kinda pissed".

But we have talked about this. He knows how I feel about it. I have been very clear about what I want. There are no surprises here for him. There are way more details to this than I wrote. That is why I told people not to make assumptions.

It actually has been GREAT except for this one thing. When we are together it's awesome.

Edited January 17, 2017 by Nyx001

January 17, 2017

It actually has been GREAT except for this one thing. When we are together it's awesome.

I really don't get why you're getting so much flak about the whole taking the profile down thing - you shouldn't need to ask this of a guy you've been dating a couple of months.

If he's already putting the impetus on you to make these decisions so early on and is incapable of taking action without prompting, at best he is an insecure wet blanket, at worst he is a manipulator.

Either way, things like the bolded will keep on happening until he gets bored or you finally see the light.

January 17, 2017

There's a bigger issue here than the profile. It doesn't feel great, but you have some trust issuecthing here or else you wouldn't have got that "feeling" that he was on there. I'm sure it didn't feel great to see your suspicions affirmed but...Guys don't need an app to get women. They can get women at bars and clubs, grocery stores and coffee shops, mutual friends. That's just what you can see...not all the women he's scoping irl. If a guy you feel suspicious of a guy and think he's up to something removing a profile will only temporarily alleviate that. May I ask how many days per week you see him these 2 months?

January 17, 2017

Ah, poor communication.......the relationship killer

You two just do not appear to be compatible. The first two months should be filled with fun and excitement and not mistrust and passive aggressive behavior. From my experience a growing relationship should hit speed bumps around the 4-6 month mark.

January 17, 2017

He's "testing" you?

Ok, don't walk away, but RUN away from this guy...next thing you know he'll be filing harassment charges against you.

I'm going through something similar and now am seeing the red flags I ignored.

My FWB and 6 yr guy never made me "anxious" and didn't "test" me. If a guy's actions are producing anxiety in you, that's a bad sign. I knew where I stood with those guys...recent dude is an enigma that at one time I made excuses for (i.e. his age, maturity level), but now realize that he's a Drama King.

If dude is into some BSDM type thing - then this is "not" the way to go about playing it with me - where my job is at risk.

Again, RUN away from this guy...

I do kind of understand why he tested me IF that is what he was really doing... but yeah it still wasn't cool. Part of me is like "Oh similar experience" maybe she's right but then part of me wonders if you are just wrapped up on your own stuff. I mean not saying you are, but I see that a lot when people are working through their own romantic issues. But maybe I should call it quits just to relieve some of the anxiety, whether or not people here are right. I mean it's hard when you don't know everything. You are just people hearing a very short version. But you are right I shouldn't be anxious.

Edited January 17, 2017 by Nyx001

January 17, 2017

I really don't get why you're getting so much flak about the whole taking the profile down thing - you shouldn't need to ask this of a guy you've been dating a couple of months.

If he's already putting the impetus on you to make these decisions so early on and is incapable of taking action without prompting, at best he is an insecure wet blanket, at worst he is a manipulator.

Either way, things like the bolded will keep on happening until he gets bored or you finally see the light.

We haven't been dating for months. It's been a month and a half. And we didn't see each other for two weeks because of holidays, family, friends visiting, work, and other stuff.

I wouldn't say he put any 'impetus' on me. I haven't felt that at all. And what sort of action is one required to take after, when you really sum it together, maybe a few weeks of dating? Sorry I'm just kind of confused on this whole thing. Dating isn't really my 'thing'. Maybe I'm missing something here. Is there some rule I don't know about?

Edited January 17, 2017 by Nyx001

January 17, 2017

We haven't been dating for months. It's been a month and a half. And we didn't see each other for two weeks because of holidays, family, friends visiting, work, and other stuff.

I wouldn't say he put any 'impetus' on me. I haven't felt that at all. And what sort of action is one required to take after, when you really sum it together, maybe a few weeks of dating? Sorry I'm just kind of confused on this whole thing. Dating isn't really my 'thing'. Maybe I'm missing something here. Is there some rule I don't know about?

There isn't. He doesn't need to take his profile down and neither to you until you have a expliciy discussion about it which usually follows after a discussion of exclusivity. It's nice to have them take it down on their own accord.. but that doesn't always happen. There are other problems here besides that...You felt uneasy about your relationship. You get anxiety about dating...understandable..but you said you felt him becoming distant which probably wasn't just in your head. Then he lied to you.For no reason,really. He said "you really think I'd still be on there?" When he was....

January 17, 2017

Oh yeah, then he ignored your texts..so it's not like he was just messing around on there when he couldn't talk to you and was bored or something. He prioritized it over you. Sigh

January 17, 2017

There's a bigger issue here than the profile. It doesn't feel great, but you have some trust issuecthing here or else you wouldn't have got that "feeling" that he was on there. I'm sure it didn't feel great to see your suspicions affirmed but...Guys don't need an app to get women. They can get women at bars and clubs, grocery stores and coffee shops, mutual friends. That's just what you can see...not all the women he's scoping irl. If a guy you feel suspicious of a guy and think he's up to something removing a profile will only temporarily alleviate that. May I ask how many days per week you see him these 2 months?

Yeah I have some trust issues but even without them I'm sure I would have still gotten that feeling. It's not really even a feeling. I just knew. I know that sounds weird and you may think it's nuts haha. I'e already had someone here tell me that. Yeah ok... People can think whatever they want. But well it's true. It's hard to explain. I had the thought "He's going online right now" and he literally was unhiding his profile right when I checked. Like he wasn't there, then I refreshed the page and suddenly he was. Odd eh?

I knew when an ex was in a car accident. Had the thought suddenly one day "He's been in a car accident". We hadn't talked in months. He contacted me two weeks later to tell me he had come out of a coma. From a car accident. I asked when it happened and sure enough it was when I had that thought. Lots of other stuff too. I just get these 'knowings'. I'm not quite sure what else to call them. So yeah... I would have known. Haha yeah crazy right.

We've seen each other about 1-3 days a week (minus two weeks we didn't see each other). It's hard though because he works 12 hour days and I work evenings. I've gone to see him after work but he had to work the next day and he was pretty much falling asleep. I generally don't like to stay over if the person works in the morning.

He's said before he doesn't go on there to look for women to hook up with. This could be complete baloney but he said he hasn't met anyone since me (and only one other chick a few months before me, when he first moved here). Yeah I know.. "He says".... And well if you read his profile.. It is very long and very detailed about the type of partner and relationship he wants.... I don't think any guy just looking for sex would put THAT much detail into it. Like he seriously put time and thought into it. He said "If I was searching I would have seen your profile so that proves I'm not". Well I didn't have photos up so he wouldn't have... but well? Maybe that's just bs?

He told me he it's easy to get sex but he wants something serious. And my friend that talked to him said he definitely seems like he's looking for something serious. He just wants one good woman.... That he'll do anything for... Yeah maybe that is bs too. It's all just words. But I haven't gotten that strong 'he's sleeping around' type of vibe. Maybe still searching because he's unsure. I may worry about it but generally if people are doing that my worries don't disappear when I'm with them. I always feel uneasy around them. I actually almost always feel uneasy around people in general... But when I'm around him it's just feels so natural. I'm not worried when I'm around him. But then stuff happens and everyone tells me he's a player and what not. This is what makes this so hard... Maybe my judgment is clouded.

Edited January 17, 2017 by Nyx001

January 17, 2017

Ah, poor communication.......the relationship killer

You two just do not appear to be compatible. The first two months should be filled with fun and excitement and not mistrust and passive aggressive behavior. From my experience a growing relationship should hit speed bumps around the 4-6 month mark.

We are actually very much alike. We can talk to each other so easily. I don't get that with people. Seriously. Communication is always kind of awkward for me. But we have these deep conversations and we just click so much on so many things. It's really quite funny.

And we have a great time together. From the instant we met each other it was like... wow. Can't describe it. He's said himself he felt something intense immediately. Like the 'energy'. Omg I sound like a hippy stoner... We actually met at his work and then I just so happened to come across him on another site (he's not on there anymore). He had a link to his pof profile. I read it and was like "omg this is the guy I want". But I'm shy so I didn't message him. He ended up messaging me and things went from there... But with busy schedules lately we haven't really had the time for a ton of fun and excitement. This is the only issue so far. Maybe it's a bad sign yeah. Just hard to let something go when you hardly ever find it. Most people can get out of something, find someone else, and all is great... It could be YEARS before I find someone I connect with on this level again. Even connect with on any level. And when I say connect I don't mean that I have trouble finding people to date. I get attention. That isn't an issue for me. But just connecting with other people is. Like I've said, I'm an INFJ (rarest personality type. We are known for being 'misunderstood') with Aspergers (which is more common in males). Sometimes it feels like being invited to a costume party where everyone is dressed up as pirates but I'm a penguin... I mean I won't hang onto something that isn't good for me but at the same time... It's just really hard.

Edited January 17, 2017 by Nyx001

January 17, 2017

Yeah I have some trust issues but even without them I'm sure I would have still gotten that feeling. It's not really even a feeling. I just knew. I know that sounds weird and you may think it's nuts haha. I'e already had someone here tell me that. Yeah ok... People can think whatever they want. But well it's true. It's hard to explain. I had the thought "He's going online right now" and he literally was unhiding his profile right when I checked. Like he wasn't there, then I refreshed the page and suddenly he was. Odd eh?

I knew when an ex was in a car accident. Had the thought suddenly one day "He's been in a car accident". We hadn't talked in months. He contacted me two weeks later to tell me he had come out of a coma. From a car accident. I asked when it happened and sure enough it was when I had that thought. Lots of other stuff too. I just get these 'knowings'. I'm not quite sure what else to call them. So yeah... I would have known. Haha yeah crazy right.

We've seen each other about 1-3 days a week (minus two weeks we didn't see each other). It's hard though because he works 12 hour days and I work evenings. I've gone to see him after work but he had to work the next day and he was pretty much falling asleep. I generally don't like to stay over if the person works in the morning.

He's said before he doesn't go on there to look for women to hook up with. This could be complete baloney but he said he hasn't met anyone since me (and only one other chick a few months before me, when he first moved here). Yeah I know.. "He says".... And well if you read his profile.. It is very long and very detailed about the type of partner and relationship he wants.... I don't think any guy just looking for sex would put THAT much detail into it. Like he seriously put time and thought into it. He said "If I was searching I would have seen your profile so that proves I'm not". Well I didn't have photos up so he wouldn't have... but well? Maybe that's just bs?

He told me he it's easy to get sex but he wants something serious. And my friend that talked to him said he definitely seems like he's looking for something serious. He just wants one good woman.... That he'll do anything for... Yeah maybe that is bs too. It's all just words. But I haven't gotten that strong 'he's sleeping around' type of vibe. Maybe still searching because he's unsure. I may worry about it but generally if people are doing that my worries don't disappear when I'm with them. I always feel uneasy around them. I actually almost always feel uneasy around people in general... But when I'm around him it's just feels so natural. I'm not worried when I'm around him. But then stuff happens and everyone tells me he's a player and what not. This is what makes this so hard... Maybe my judgment is clouded.

I am not 100% sold on the whole "if he's still on the dating site, he's not into you" thing UNLESS it's accompanied by other glaring issues (which it usually it is). It's early. Guys like to check out the merchandise even if they aren't buying and also most don't have it like most women where we are told we're attractive. When someone matches them, they feel attractive. There are other reasons to be using a dating site besides actively looking for new sex partners. But it's that in conglomeratation with other things that make it not look so good. Your intuition which seems very keen, telling you something wasn't right. He told you he wasn't on there and made laughed it off like it was ridiculous to assume that. He's delay in returning texts. Trust is really essential to dating and anxiety can make that really hard. Even with all these red flags, you've made the decision you're going to stick this out

So to your question: yes, I think you should come clean about looking yourself.. I don't think it will do anymore damage than has already been done and frankly don't see it as a big deal in with all the other lies. He probably won't either, considering he probably already knows you were behind it and he was caught in a lie. You could tell him the truth, how you felt uneasy about it, and ask he take it down, but since he lies about that stuff it's really no use. He could just make a secret one. I'd do it just so it also help you feel more at ease to progress with him because it seems to be weighing on your heart. Good luck.

January 17, 2017

We haven't been dating for months. It's been a month and a half. And we didn't see each other for two weeks because of holidays, family, friends visiting, work, and other stuff.

I wouldn't say he put any 'impetus' on me. I haven't felt that at all. And what sort of action is one required to take after, when you really sum it together, maybe a few weeks of dating? Sorry I'm just kind of confused on this whole thing. Dating isn't really my 'thing'. Maybe I'm missing something here. Is there some rule I don't know about?

Forget how long you've dated for a second.

You said somewhere in one of your posts that your guy told you he will put his profile thing down if you ask him to, right? That means he is asking you to make the decision for him.

A guy who knows his mind will either do this off his own bat without you having to ask, because he likes you enough to do that and he knows that's what you would like (because you already discussed it, right?), or he will tell you straight up he is not prepared to do anything about it because he hasn't yet made his mind up about you, therefore leaving you in limbo.

I do get the INFJ/Asperger's combo and how hard it is to find someone you connect with, really I do, but what you (and the rest of the world) need is a straightforward guy who won't leave you in limbo, 'test' you or get you to make decisions so he doesn't have to.

So your options are

1. You straight up ask him to take his profile down, which will set a precedent (you're in charge) and cause potential issues seeing as he's already been playing with the truth in that area.

2. You wait for him to make his mind up, however long that takes, but then you stop checking on his profile thing and accept that he is still looking around.

3. You call it quits on the grounds that you are not a good match.

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