Mickey75 Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 I have an issue I have been wondering about for weeks and I really need some fresh and unbiased eyes to shed some light on this for me. I met a man on a dating site in early Dec. from the very start it was obvious we had chemistry and lots of things in common. We were texting and talking every single day, sometimes all day. In fact one day he called me 7 times and called me in between jobs etc. To say I was smitten would be an understatement. Several times we said to each other that we wanted to take things slow, but the more we talked the more we liked each other. He was even talking about when I would meet his daughter how that would be and we spoke of things we wanted to do together with the kids. The sexual tension between us was unbelievable and it was very obvious we were a match in that area too. He had even told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me. We had not gotten to meet in person due to our schedules and had plans to go out on a Monday night, except he found time on Sunday evening and surprised me with a visit. To say the in person meeting was amazing would be an understatement. We sat on my couch and talked, kissed, some light touching. It all came with amazing fireworks and I was weak in the knees. I told him that I really liked him and that I could see myself falling for him. It was obvious we had in-person chemistry too, and when he left I thought to myself that I am either in for the ride of my life or in for a world of hurt. Little did I know that a few hours later I would find out which one. He called me later that night and when I mentioned our date the next night he got quiet and said that he doesn't think it should happen. Needless to say I was so confused, here he had been saying I was all he could think about and here he was breaking it off. Now, I should also mention he is separated from his wife approximately one year and had not been with anyone since the split. I was worried that they would get back together and he assured me that was not going to happen. Even when he was here he was talking about future plans with me. He said that he felt that he isn't ready to go from me to we and that while he was physically ready to move on he wasn't emotionally ready too just yet. That he was sorry that he was hurting me and that he didn't want to get into anything and a year from now still not be ready. He said it wasn't fair to me. I told him that he shouldn't be on a dating site saying he wants a relationship if he wasn't ready. We ended things amicably with goodbye. But for days I was distraught because I didn't want to leave the door closed to him so I wrote him a message telling him that I understood where he was coming from and that I didn't hate him and knew he wasn't trying to hurt me. I told him that I would give him his space to work on himself, but that I was leaving the door open for him when he is ready to contact me again. He responded right away with thank you for understanding and I hope in time we can reconnect in some way. I told him that I was sad and he said he wasn't trying to make me sad and hoped that I knew that. I have left it at that and have had no contact except for we are on each others facebook pages. Other than that I have not talked or texted him. My friend, however, took it upon herself that night to text his best friend about the situation. Something she did not tell me until two weeks after she did it. She asked him why his friend broke my heart that way and how I didn't deserve it. He wrote that he was shocked because he had told him about me and how happy he was to be getting to meet me and excited for our date night and said he would ask him. He told his friend that he ended things because I had said how much I liked him and that I was falling for him. He felt that was too soon, even though here we were discussing how our kids were going to meet and making future plans together, he had even through out the marriage thing (which scared me). Yet, here he was telling his best friend I scared him off. I will say that I did NOT ask my friend to do this and she didn't even tell me she did until two weeks after the conversation with his best friend. So she knew all of this while I was upset and we have had an upset in our friendship because of this. I am scared that the best friend will tell him she asked and think I was behind it when I wasn't. He is back on the dating site where we met and its killing me seeing him there. Why is he there if he isn't ready for a relationship? Is it just for sex? But it kills me thinking he is going to have a relationship with someone else. I think he realized he was having feelings for me too and that scared him because he wasn't ready for it even though he thought he was... is there a chance he was being honest with me? I really like this man and I cannot seem to move on. I've tried talking to other guys and they all fall flat compared to the connection I had with this man. I don't know what to do or how to get over this. My heart wants him and is holding on to that little shred of the hopes in time we can reconnect. Is there a chance he will come back once he has things figured out and gotten the casual sex thing out of his system? Or am I just wasting my time? My heart wants him to come back to me.
BlueRidgeMT Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 You are wasting time. I have learned the hard way that when they say they aren't interested for WHATEVER reason, they mean it. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 If I was in this situation, I would be more inclined to believe that this guy just didn't feel a strong enough attraction towards me in person. It would hurt, but admitting that possibility would probably help speed up the moving on process. You will meet someone else you connect with but it may take some time to find the right person. When you do meet someone that you click with, I strongly recommend that you meet them before you start developing a strong bond with each other. I'm sorry you are going through this. 1
Jj66 Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 Recently separated = not ready for a relationship. Stay away if that is what you are after. There is almost no chance of this ever coming to anything good. Sorry.
winny Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 Didn't we already tell you that he showed up that night looking for sex and then that didn't happen and he realized you are headed towards relationship-ville while he isn't, that's why he broke it off with you... Move on. Don't log into the dating app if he pops up there. 3
Recommended Posts