getting over an "almost" relationship.. what happened?

[audreydash]

Hey everyone so i am going through a confusing situation and any feedback would be appreciated.

 

I've been friends with a guy for about 6 years I've known him since I was younger. We've kept in touch throughout the years and recently have been talking alot, weve been texting and snap chatting each other every day for about 6 months, and we hangout in the same friend group. Weve always been very flirty to each other.

 

I've always kind of had a crush on him, but he's a huge player. Recently he told me he started getting feelings for me and he never really gets feelings for girls, but he said he likes me. We were together at a party on new years and he kissed me. Then he invited me over twice to hangout after new years and both times we just layed in bed and watched netflix but nothing happened. We just talked, opened up to each other a little and watched movies.

 

I've never been the type to just hook up with people I wasnt serious about and he knew that. He told me he doesn't do relationships but that he has a crush on me. Everything was going fine, we still talked everyday and were very flirty.

 

Then all of a sudden be messaged me today and said "I might not be able to talk to you anymore"

 

confused, I asked why?

 

And he said that he has a woman in his life now?

 

I just replied "okay"

 

And he said "tried with you but you just wasted my time"

 

I don't understand how I wasted his time or what happened? It seemed like things were going okay, and not only is it rude behaviour for a guy to do that to a girl he likes but I thought we were friends?

 

He snapchatted me twice after that two random things and I just ignored him. I'm not sure how to get over this weird situation and I have no idea what happened...

[Ronnys93]

Sounds like he's trying to string you along. Letting his interests be known and then tell you, you can't have him. Just take it as a dodged bullet and move on.

[Homer J]

You said it yourself he is a player. He didn't put the moves on you when you were over because you are friends, but if you would've put the moves on him he would've been all over it.

 

He's found a girl that puts out, or he thinks will. So you are not needed anymore to just talk to.

[preraph]

To anyone but you, this situation is very obvious. You were friends for six years. If during that six years he'd had any true romantic feelings for you, he would have asked you out on dates and dated you properly. Instead he got to know you, knew you had a crush and decided he might as well see if he could get you to have sex. He knew just how to act because he knows you well and so he did all the "right things" he knew you'd fall for to get you into bed -- but then when you didn't have sex, he is done. He was only in it to have sex with you just like he does with other women. You are lucky he didn't force sex on you and at least didn't cross that line and make you feel bad or be pushy and humiliate you. You already knew he was a player. Don't know why news of another woman would surprise you.

 

You knew exactly what you were getting into. Men don't just become your Prince Charming after you've known them for six years and they've had no real interest. He is who he is. Find someone who likes you and wants a relationship.

[winny]

he wanted sex, that dint happen so he doesnt wanna waste time on u anymore. stay away from him.

[olivos]

Ive a similar issue at the moment. For me I know I need to stay away from him, as do you, its the best thing. Thats easier said then done when you have feelings but the reality is youre only going to get hurt. He doesnt have a woman, he distracted by another fling. Thats his way of getting at you. Whoever she is, she is not as good as you, youve been friends for so many years, he obviously has respect for you and enjoys your company. Even if thats just as friends I can guarantee its more than he has for this next fling. Walk away from him and be strong, that is the grown up thing to do and will be your way of getting to him. Time and distance will make you stronger.

 

And if youre the same as me, you will know all of the above and be kicking yourself for ever getting involved with someone so unreliable. And now the biggest question is friendship, which is where Im struggling. How do you hide feelings and go back to what you were? At the minute Im just distancing myself which is hard but helping me, I dont know what the next step is but right now I know thats what I need to do and you should too.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

He was probably expecting a completely different response ie: jealousy or protesting that he was getting somewhere with you.

 

If he is a "player" that hasn't had that much experience having relationships with women (other than on a superficial level), he may revert to playing games, rather than allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable and asking where he stands with you.

 

For what it is worth, I think you handled it really well by not playing into it.

 

If he can't communicate honestly and openly, then he probably isn't ready to be in a relationship yet.

[audreydash]

yeah i agree with everything you`re saying, i guess i was just suprised and confused because i thought we were actually friends you know, i didnt think i was just someone he wanted to sleep with. thank you for your reply and honesty!

[audreydash]

Ive a similar issue at the moment. For me I know I need to stay away from him, as do you, its the best thing. Thats easier said then done when you have feelings but the reality is youre only going to get hurt. He doesnt have a woman, he distracted by another fling. Thats his way of getting at you. Whoever she is, she is not as good as you, youve been friends for so many years, he obviously has respect for you and enjoys your company. Even if thats just as friends I can guarantee its more than he has for this next fling. Walk away from him and be strong, that is the grown up thing to do and will be your way of getting to him. Time and distance will make you stronger.

 

And if youre the same as me, you will know all of the above and be kicking yourself for ever getting involved with someone so unreliable. And now the biggest question is friendship, which is where Im struggling. How do you hide feelings and go back to what you were? At the minute Im just distancing myself which is hard but helping me, I dont know what the next step is but right now I know thats what I need to do and you should too.

 

Thanks so much! I know I need to just walk away and let it go, but just as you said it`s a struggle. And it`s hard because ive been talking to this guy everyday, and we were good friends we talked all throughout the day just sharing stories and talking about random stuff, so its hard to not text him when something happens and I want to tell him.

 

 

And yeah, im deffinitely regretting even putting the time and effort and letting myself develop feelings for someone unreliable. As you said, we need to just distance ourselves!

[audreydash]

He was probably expecting a completely different response ie: jealousy or protesting that he was getting somewhere with you.

 

If he is a "player" that hasn't had that much experience having relationships with women (other than on a superficial level), he may revert to playing games, rather than allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable and asking where he stands with you.

 

For what it is worth, I think you handled it really well by not playing into it.

 

If he can't communicate honestly and openly, then he probably isn't ready to be in a relationship yet.

 

Thank you!

I was considering that too, that maybe he was just saying that to try and see how I would react? Im not sure. But im not into playing games, and I dont feel its nessecary to fight for or try and put myself out there telling him he was getting somewhere if he is lying or trying to upset me

[lurker74]

You've been gaslighted. I'm a guy and I have friends who do this crap with people. Please move on and recognize that you deserve better. Yes, you can learn from it but only learn those things that are useful to your next relationship (not that this was a relationship) because being gaslighted can damage you for future relationships drastically.

 

I can almost promise you that if you ignore him he will come back. But understand that if he does, he's looking for a conquest to prove to himself that you need him more than he needs you. That's not true. You do not need him.

[kendahke]

Then he invited me over twice to hangout after new years and both times we just layed in bed and watched netflix but nothing happened. We just talked, opened up to each other a little and watched movies.

 

I've never been the type to just hook up with people I wasnt serious about and he knew that. He told me he doesn't do relationships but that he has a crush on me. Everything was going fine, we still talked everyday and were very flirty.

 

Then all of a sudden be messaged me today and said "I might not be able to talk to you anymore"

 

confused, I asked why?

 

And he said that he has a woman in his life now?

 

I just replied "okay"

 

And he said "tried with you but you just wasted my time"

 

I don't understand how I wasted his time or what happened?

 

You didn't seduce him and have sex with him.

 

He found someone who would and you've been dismissed.

[ashy555]

The fact that he openly dismissed you to your face is what gets me. If he met another woman who did give him sex in the space of the week.. they usually just disappear. Cool.. why does he have to add that little dig at the end about how he 'tried with you' after he got a one word response? He's looking for your attention. He wants to feed his ego. He wants you to NOT be ok with what he is saying. Just playing games. Hence why hes snap chatting you like normal as he didn't get the response he was after.

 

This guy sounds very immature.

 

He told you he didn't do relationships, so obviously he means he tried to get sex with you. Just plain rude.

No big loss there! This guy sounds like filth.

[winny]

The fact that he openly dismissed you to your face is what gets me. If he met another woman who did give him sex in the space of the week.. they usually just disappear. Cool.. why does he have to add that little dig at the end about how he 'tried with you' after he got a one word response? He's looking for your attention. He wants to feed his ego. He wants you to NOT be ok with what he is saying. Just playing games. Hence why hes snap chatting you like normal as he didn't get the response he was after.

 

This guy sounds very immature.

 

He told you he didn't do relationships, so obviously he means he tried to get sex with you. Just plain rude.

No big loss there! This guy sounds like filth.

 

Great points and I doubt he met any other girl. He was trying to get reaction from her. I can write a book on the kind of crap guys have told me to get my attention and reaction. Some guys just cannot take it (especially the player types) if you do not react and will try anything to get it. And yes, he will come back to you some time in future and try to be friends again etc... He may even tell you that out of all the girls he ever met only you turned him down and how you are so different because of that... Beware its just more games.

[winny]

You didn't seduce him and have sex with him.

 

He found someone who would and you've been dismissed.

 

I doubt he found anyone...