Looking for input from bad texters

[swim808]

So I have this great connection with this guy and we’ve been talking for a while. We text throughout the day almost every day, and I feel it’s usually a pretty two-sided and naturally flowing conversation with questions on both ends – so I feel that both of us are enjoying the texting. It’s a pretty even balance between who initiates and the texts are spaced out enough that it’s not like constant texting…it’s like maybe 20 texts back and forth throughout the entire day.

 

But then sometimes he’ll do this weird thing where he’ll just drop off in the middle of a conversation that was flowing pretty well and he will not answer for a really long amount of time. Like up to a couple days. To give an example of what I mean, we were talking yesterday and the conversation reached a pretty natural stopping point to which I wasn’t going to reply, but then he texted again and asked a question. So the conversation picked up again and I answered, he responded with a few jokes, then I asked him a simple question (if he was having a good time where he was) and he just stopped answering.

 

Granted, this is usually something that happens when I know he’s busy. Like this weekend I know he’s visiting with family in a different state, so I was kind of surprised that we were really even texting as much as we were yesterday up until the point when he stopped. But I just feel like from my perspective I would at least say something like “Yeah I’m having fun! Gotta go though, we’re heading to dinner!” or something like that that takes literally two seconds to send. Especially since we both know his phone is glued to his side and he definitely must have seen my text. Even if he genuinely was so incredibly busy that he couldn’t type a quick response, it seems to me that everyone has at least that moment before they go to sleep where they could send a quick one saying “hey, sorry I didn’t get a chance to answer earlier, I was busy. But have a good night!”

 

This has happened a few times and typically he will either text me again a few days later and completely ignore the previous conversation or the fact that it ended so abruptly, or I will have to initiate texting again with a new conversation. I’m not trying to be needy – it doesn’t really make me angry or anything, it just kind of makes me question his interest and makes me wonder if he's trying to hint that all the texting is annoying him. He has mentioned before that he is known as somewhat of a bad texter. Which I guess makes me feel kind of flattered that we do text as much as we do then. But I'm still interested in perspectives from people who admit they are bad texters. Is dropping a conversation like this something you could see yourself doing? What would usually be your reasoning behind it and does it typically indicate a lack of enough interest?

 

Thanks all!

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you gone on any dates?

 

Your answer to this will influence my response regarding his communication habits.

[lana-banana]

Horrible texter here. This isn't about texting at all. Anyone who is into you will go to whatever lengths it takes to prove that they're into you. If you have to pose these kind of questions and wonder what the issue could be, the answer is simple: he's not that into you.

[winny]

Expectations!!! The reason for all the pain....

You are not that important in his life yet that he feels obliged to answer every text. Take this lightly and give him only as much importance as he gives you.

Problem solved.

[Gaeta]

You don't mention having met?

 

Bad texter usually know they are bad texter and they will compensate by calling you. I met many men that didn't text or were bad texter BUT they were great at touching base daily by calling. A man that forgets your text and doesn't call isn't that interested.

 

When a man is interested in a woman he wants to make sure she won't forget about him. Just read threads on here created by men.

[winny]

You don't mention having met?

 

Bad texter usually know they are bad texter and they will compensate by calling you. I met many men that didn't text or were bad texter BUT they were great at touching base daily by calling. A man that forgets your text and doesn't call isn't that interested.

 

When a man is interested in a woman he wants to make sure she won't forget about him. Just read threads on here created by men.

 

If he cannot answer he will apologize... Basically his actions will never make you want to question his intentions. He will go out of his way to make sure he is in your good books.

[swim808]

Have you gone on any dates?

 

Your answer to this will influence my response regarding his communication habits.

 

Yes we have gone on multiple dates! We have a kind of complicated history that would be pretty long to type out, but we were regularly going on dates and seeing each other almost every day for a while before having the "what are we" talk and deciding to just be friends because I'm leaving the country for 5 months this year. We had a bit of a fallout after that and have only recently reconciled, which is why I'm nervous about the communication now because things were very tense for a while. We ultimately decided to stay in touch because feelings weren't going away and we both hope to reconnect when I get back. I'm just trying to figure out how I should feel about his texting/phone habits since that will likely be our primary form of communication for the next few months.

 

 

 

You don't mention having met?

 

Bad texter usually know they are bad texter and they will compensate by calling you. I met many men that didn't text or were bad texter BUT they were great at touching base daily by calling. A man that forgets your text and doesn't call isn't that interested.

 

When a man is interested in a woman he wants to make sure she won't forget about him. Just read threads on here created by men.

 

Yes we have definitely met, as I said above. Our interactions have just recently transitioned to long distance. I have tried to make the transition from texting to phone calls but our last phone conversation was when we had our fallout and was pretty negative so I think he's nervous to speak on the phone again...I also don't want to set a precedent that he should be calling me every day or anything while I'm gone. That's why we decided not to date while I'm gone because we don't want the distance and obligation of constant phone calls and such to make us start to resent each other.

 

If he cannot answer he will apologize... Basically his actions will never make you want to question his intentions. He will go out of his way to make sure he is in your good books.

 

If he doesn't answer for a few hours, he usually apologizes and explains to me what he was doing. But for some reason when the gap is especially long, he doesn't! He just restarts the conversation. So I guess maybe he doesn't really realize that I was waiting around for an answer? Or just figures it's been long enough that it doesn't matter anymore?

 

Thanks everyone for the input so far!

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes we have gone on multiple dates! We have a kind of complicated history that would be pretty long to type out, but we were regularly going on dates and seeing each other almost every day for a while before having the "what are we" talk and deciding to just be friends because I'm leaving the country for 5 months this year. We had a bit of a fallout after that and have only recently reconciled, which is why I'm nervous about the communication now because things were very tense for a while. We ultimately decided to stay in touch because feelings weren't going away and we both hope to reconnect when I get back. I'm just trying to figure out how I should feel about his texting/phone habits since that will likely be our primary form of communication for the next few months.

 

 

There's your answer.

 

He's keeping it casual because you're leaving. It seems you want more, but he (for now, anyway) doesn't.

 

There might still be feelings, but given the context, it's evident he doesn't want to become more involved at this time.

[venusishername]

I look back on all the half-arsed relationships I've had, and I've had quite a few. Those were the ones who didn't call and relied on texting and sporadic communication. The men who were genuinely interested and into me would never let a text drop, or if they did they would apologize and I wouldn't be hanging for hours wondering. They would just call instead.

I'm recently single and I know from here on out that I wouldn't put up with that much texting and no phone call, after a couple of dates, especially. I think if you make it past date one there should be a lot less texting and more calling. If someone is a "bad texter", if they were into you, I would say they would just call instead...... because someone who values your time and also wants to hear your voice and get to know you.... knows it takes more than texting. I'm old school. Screw texting!