BF volatile sisters... am I overreacting?

[Anxiouscat]

Have been with BF for a year. He has three sisters who I have always got on with. They are all very different.

 

The oldest who we'll call Kelly can be nice but is very forceful, aggressive and has a temper. The other sisters are a little more calmer but Kelly is the one who is extremely unkind to my BF and me. I've always tried to not get involved with things as sometimes one of the sisters will come to me about another sister. I keep what they say to myself as I'm not interested in stirring any drama... there is quite enough. I've been witness to a few arguments where these girls are physically slapping each other and have tantrums with their parents (they are all in their 20s...) and it has made me so uncomfortable that I've had to leave.

 

Anyway, the reason I'm here is Kelly has been pretty rude to me over the last few months despite me driving her places and always being compassionate. She tells me I have no common sense, even though I am a trained paediatric nurse, have lots of practical skills, and I am kind and considerate to people.

 

Today was a step too far. I have a kidney infection (I get these chronically) so I was in bed all evening being sick and drifting in and out of consciousness. My BF finished work and came over to look after me as at the moment I am house sitting for my parents who are working abroad. My little brother has only just moved to Japan and as of yet I haven't heard anything from him. So I am feeling quite alone and anxious anyway. I slept in this morning due to having a rubbish night of being sick. BF is up with me the whole night too so we struggled getting up.

 

Bit of back story, BF's colleague who is 50 was told he'd have to move out of his flat 5 months ago. He did not find a place in time and now he has no where to go. My BF's mum made the very kind offer to have him stay in her house for the next 2-3 weeks... In confidence, I mentioned to my BF that I am a bit concerned about this situation as I have known his colleague for quite some time and has an alcohol/drug problem. He also makes very inappropriate comments. I didn't say anymore but how this man is a bit unstable and I'm worried. He will be staying in my BF room, while the sisters and my BF cram into one of the other bedrooms.

 

Going back to what happened today. BF works long hours and so do I so we don't see each other much. I thought we'd have most of the day together but his sister Kelly rang to ask him to come to their house to get it ready for the colleague that's moving in. He said okay, I'll take him over in a bit but I am sick so need some time. In less than an hour his mum and Kelly are outside my house. Kelly is knocking on the door and clearly loses her temper, starts hammering my parents door down and the whole house is shaking. Both my cats ran up into our room and start crying and freaking out.

 

I have a very small family consisting of my parents and brother who are both away in different continents. My grandparents who are in their late 80s, are housebound and unwell are living just a few doors down from my house. I have had to answer hammering knocks on the door in the past to paramedics telling me they have taken my grandfather in. My dads parents are also very elderly, and live with his sister who is in her 50s, has MS and is paralysed and unfortunately is in her last few months. Keeping in mind that my parents and brother are away as well... due to the very loud, shaking the house, panicked knocks of course I was expecting to open the door to a paramedic or a police man. I was honestly almost in tears, half awake, in pain with my kidneys, all to be met face to face with Kelly who then shouted at me to get BF cus he needs to clean the house with them.

 

I grab BF, who's also panicked that something has happened, and he starts getting ready. I'm really quite upset at this point so I walk towards the car where my BF Mum and Kelly are sat in. I tell them he is coming now, and then I look at Kelly who is on her phone completely ignoring me. I did this SO calmly and said that I understood why she needed to get BF, but hammering the door down was too much for me. I explained that I had elderly grandparents up the road and that my family are away, and that I honestly expected to open the door to an emergency team. She didn't say anything so her mum started shouting that they couldn't get hold of BF and he needed to do his bit of cleaning. I calmly told her that's fine, that it wasn't what I was upset about and that they can talk about that... and then I reiterated that banging down my door on a Sunday morning when I have limited support network and a difficult family situation is very scary.

 

She pretty much says "whatever it's done" and drives off in the car. Had I not have to put up over the last few months with not complaining or fighting back when Kelly is rude to me or BF, I think I wouldn't have approached them but at this point I was so nearly in tears. I love my BF and he treats me so well but I knew he also would not have said anything to them in the car about knocking the door down like that, because he's too scared to stick up for even himself.

 

I feel so shaken and upset about this... and this is honestly feeling like the last straw to me of how his family can treat him and me. To take it to my parents home has made me feel very protective and uncomfortable. Sorry it's so long... it just feels so crazy ATM. What are your views?

[kassy]

How old are you both?

[Anxiouscat]

How old are you both?

 

We are both 22. I live in a flat with other nurses. He lives in the family home. I've only recently qualified so only just started making "real" money and he is also starting to save as we're looking at getting our own place in the next couple of months. We both realise the situation with his sisters is really immature and over the top which is why we don't get involved but today it was too much for me.

[kendahke]

What are your views?

Sorry you're going through the illness and lack of familial support. I'm sure it's quite tedious.

 

She tells me I have no common sense, even though I am a trained paediatric nurse, have lots of practical skills, and I am kind and considerate to people.

Apples and oranges.

 

One can be accomplished, educated, etc., and still not have the sense God gave a gnat.

 

I didn't say anymore but how this man is a bit unstable and I'm worried. He will be staying in my BF room, while the sisters and my BF cram into one of the other bedrooms.

Um... is this the Southfork ranch or something? Are these people all 5 years old? Grown people all sleeping in the same bedroom? Ewww! Why aren't they moved out, living in their own spaces?

 

Kelly rang to ask him to come to their house to get it ready for the colleague that's moving in. He said okay,I'll take him over in a bit but I am sick so need some time .

Was there any reason why he couldn't drive himself, take an uber, take the bus, call a cab, have them come get him? He led them to believe he was on his way when the truth of the matter was, you took command of his transportation without telling them. I understand why you said this; however I also think this is where you contributed to this debacle, even if it wasn't intentional.

 

Kelly is knocking on the door and clearly loses her temper, starts hammering my parents door down and the whole house is shaking.

And you didn't ring the police why? The minute I'd seen it was "Kelly-hair-on-fire" or anyone else not law enforcement related trying to break my door down, I'd have been on the phone to the police. I don't care who it was. The only reason why they were there was because your boyfriend didn't show up when he said he'd be there. If he didn't tell them "Oi I can't be there yet, can I? Anxiouscat is ill and I need to make sure she's squared away before I go", then they took his not showing up as an affront. He already knows how his family is, so why would he go along with provoking them?

 

You have to get with this kernel of truth: Kelly is a thug and she doesn't like you. She doesn't have to like you. She doesn't even have to tolerate you if she doesn't want to, but she dang sure isn't free to come to the door of your parents home and act an a$$ just because she doesn't want to clean a room in her mother's house.

 

Your best bet is to talk to your boyfriend about him moving in with you.

[Anxiouscat]

Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate you going through this giant wall of text and showing me your view. You're 100% right, I think I'm going to have to talk to BF about this as it's crossed a huge line for me.

 

Thank you so much xx

[Gaeta]

All through reading your story I had 'trailer park trash' in my head.

 

What has your boyfriend done so far to solve this? and address their lack of respect toward you?

[smackie9]

To me, if I ever was looking for a life partner I would have to be able to get along with his family and same with him.......sorry but these girls are already to old to change their immature ways.....I really don't see much hope in this relationship. You need to think about your physical and emotional health....being in these stressful situations will only compound your health problems.