BluSpark Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 Met a woman at a bar/club one week ago. We chatted and seemed to hit it off. We exchanged contact info that night. She even texted me the next morning to say hello. We exchanged a few texts that day. Then the following day I called her for a date for the end of this week (Friday). She said yes. She even texted me mid-week to say, "Hello. Hope you had a nice day. Looking forward to seeing you on Friday." Fast forward to Friday morning. We exchanged texts and confirmed the time and place where we would meet (a restaurant). Soon after I left my house at 7pm I texted her to say I was on my way as we planned to meet at the restaurant at 7:30pm. She replied with, "I had an emergency I'm so sorry." I texted her, "You can't make it at all?" She replied, "I am so sorry. I have to drive to Sacramento and I won't be back until Sunday." Sacramento is an 8 hour drive from where I live. Sounds like total B.S. to me?? I was very tempted to say something sort of rude about how I hate flakes but instead I sent this: "Well I hope everything with your family and relatives is ok." Caveat: She is young (21 years old) but seemed mature for her age. No reply from her after my last text.
winny Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 Hmmm, sorry it does feel bad when people cancel at the last moment. Most probably she changed her mind. Don't take it personally, many people do it. At least she should have canceled before you started. Nothing you can do right now. 1
Author BluSpark Posted January 14, 2017 Author Posted January 14, 2017 Yeah, I don't mind someone changing their mind. But a one day or even a few HOURS notice is far more acceptable and respectable than LAST minute. Thanks for your reply though. 1
winny Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 Yeah, I don't mind someone changing their mind. But a one day or even a few HOURS notice is far more acceptable and respectable than LAST minute. Thanks for your reply though. Someone else will flake them 1
Erik30 Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 (edited) I think you handled it well, but I would delete her number. You were going to be stood up by her if you didn't send that text while you were on your way to the restaurant.. so that's even worse than just cancelling last minute Edited January 14, 2017 by Erik30 3
phineas Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 "what is the nature of your emergency ma'am?" lol. If they don't even bother to offer an alternative time when they cancel i don't even bother acknowledging i got their text. 2
Author BluSpark Posted January 14, 2017 Author Posted January 14, 2017 "what is the nature of your emergency ma'am?" lol. If they don't even bother to offer an alternative time when they cancel i don't even bother acknowledging i got their text. That makes sense...very reasonable rule to go by.
carhill Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 Flesh out a plan and keep it consistent. You'll get a lot of this in life. Since, for myself, any potential stand-ups meant sunk travel, I developed a plan B strategy to do something else or meet someone else (not necessarily a date) if things went sideways. That strategy almost cost me the first date with the lady who later became my wife because it was before cell phones, she was a half hour late and I was ready to order my own lunch and then move on to the next deal. The only thing stopping me was the rain and she had a long drive too. So I waited, still with a plan B in mind. Nowadays with instant communication there's no ambiguity unless their device, or they, died. I'd do like was suggested to you, not even acknowledge their existence, not in a mean way but zero'd out way. Back to the billions they go. 1
ElizabethIII Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 Silence. If they cancel last minute they get silence. 4
kendahke Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 (edited) Met a woman at a bar/club one week ago. We chatted and seemed to hit it off. We exchanged contact info that night. She even texted me the next morning to say hello. We exchanged a few texts that day. Then the following day I called her for a date for the end of this week (Friday). She said yes. She even texted me mid-week to say, "Hello. Hope you had a nice day. Looking forward to seeing you on Friday." Fast forward to Friday morning. We exchanged texts and confirmed the time and place where we would meet (a restaurant). Soon after I left my house at 7pm I texted her to say I was on my way as we planned to meet at the restaurant at 7:30pm. She replied with, "I had an emergency I'm so sorry." I texted her, "You can't make it at all?" She replied, "I am so sorry. I have to drive to Sacramento and I won't be back until Sunday." Sacramento is an 8 hour drive from where I live. Sounds like total B.S. to me?? I was very tempted to say something sort of rude about how I hate flakes but instead I sent this: "Well I hope everything with your family and relatives is ok." Caveat: She is young (21 years old) but seemed mature for her age. No reply from her after my last text. The operative word in this post is underlined and bolded. And she's on block now, right? Edited January 14, 2017 by kendahke 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 "How would you respond..." By not speaking to the person anymore. If he (for me it would be a he) texted me I'd be polite and vague in my answer and not say anything meant to elicit a return response...I.e. "Fine, thanks" and not "Fine, and you?" I would pick up on NO hints of a future date and NO flirtations. (Why answer at all? Because "ghosting" is dumb in anyone over 17 and because that person might not be polite, but I am. BUT I have been given zero reason to respond quickly or enthusiastically. Vague niceties as I might give a neutral stranger in the street are plenty in this case.) If he then continued to text I'd just sort of trail off....maybe respond vaguely and emotionlessly a week later, maybe not at all. If he demanded to know why I wasn't answering, rather than him just taking the hint, I would airily say I just didn't really feel a friendship potential between us but thanks for the convo x weeks ago or whatever, take care. Lots of people say "block..." Unless the person is being a nuisance or threatening I can't see bothering. I feel immediate blocking in a case like this is just juvenile and in fact will show the person how deeply she or he did affect you. Me...I wouldn't even give the dude that much. He hasn't earned that much of my emotion. Meh.
Author BluSpark Posted January 14, 2017 Author Posted January 14, 2017 I have used the silent treatment before so I totally get that method. But since I didn't do that this time I am tempted to send ONE more follow up text that says something like this: "A little feedback. Nothing wrong with changing your mind about a date; however, to do so at the very last minute is terribly rude and inconsiderate. Try to be more considerate of other people's time in the future."
kendahke Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 (edited) I have used the silent treatment before so I totally get that method. But since I didn't do that this time I am tempted to send ONE more follow up text that says something like this: "A little feedback. Nothing wrong with changing your mind about a date; however, to do so at the very last minute is terribly rude and inconsiderate. Try to be more considerate of other people's time in the future." No. You will be exposing your underbelly to her to gut. Take hold of your dignity. You aren't her parent and this is what this exchange amounts to--dad scolding his kid. Radio silence and block. She will get the message loud and clear from that. Met a woman at a bar/club one week ago. She doesn't owe you anything, really. She's a stranger--8 days ago, you used to didn't know her. Revert to that default position. Edited January 14, 2017 by kendahke 2
alphamale Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 She is young (21 years old) but seemed mature for her age. no 21 year old is mature
Author BluSpark Posted January 14, 2017 Author Posted January 14, 2017 No. You will be exposing your underbelly to her to gut. Take hold of your dignity. You aren't her parent and this is what this exchange amounts to--dad scolding his kid. Radio silence and block. She will get the message loud and clear from that. . I basically agree silence is the way to go....however She doesn't owe you anything, really. She's a stranger--8 days ago, you used to didn't know her. Revert to that default position. No, she doesn't "owe" me anything but some basic human decency would have been to flake out at least few hours before the damn date!
Jj66 Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 Delete her number but don't block it. No need to hate on her but no need to contact her either. In the unlikely event she texts you someday then you can legitimately say "who is this?" and go from there. "Oh, yeah. You're the woman who stood me up" 1
Saracena Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 I have used the silent treatment before so I totally get that method. But since I didn't do that this time I am tempted to send ONE more follow up text that says something like this: "A little feedback. Nothing wrong with changing your mind about a date; however, to do so at the very last minute is terribly rude and inconsiderate. Try to be more considerate of other people's time in the future." No. I would waif and see if she gets back to you and if so see what she offers by way of explanation. If she's serious about the date she will. She MAY have been completely in a spin if it was a genuine emergency and literally forgot to let you know. I had a friend in uni who was justy like this -when something happened that stressed her out, everything else just fell by the wayside!! 1
bachdude Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 So why in the world should he block her when she said she had an emergency and had to drive out of town? I know the dating world is tough out there and she may just be making an excuse, but it could be legit. I would just move on and start lining up other dates but I wouldn't block her. It looks too grade schoolish, sorry to say. 2
kendahke Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 No, she doesn't "owe" me anything but But nothing. You and she are strangers. You had one face to face meeting--the night you met. Texting for the next 5-6 days didn't confer anything. You trying to reprimand her/punish her isn't going to make her flip into someone she never was to begin with, which was someone who was interested in you enough to be arsed to show up for a date. All it will show is exactly how desperate and bothered you are that you can't get a date. Leave her be. Learn your lesson here. Don't invest anything in anyone just because you spent a week texting after one meeting. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 I have very low tolerance for flakes. I understand people get nervous or something comes up, but if a guy waits until the LAST moment to tell me he can't make it, he's basically saying my time means nothing. Very disrespectful. She doesn't sound mature at all. Also, don't send her a passive aggressive message lecturing her. That will do nothing but make her roll her eyes. You're not her father. Move on. 3
dumbass2 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 One of the big issues I have is that she didn't initiate the contact with you about cancelling so you would have gone and waited for her to show. Last minute cancellation should be done by phone. If she had done that I would cut her some slack. She didn't reply to your follow up text. She had an 8 hour drive where she could have called you if she wanted to. It appears that she's just not considerate of people other than those in her immediate circle of family and friends. I absolutely would not initiate any contact with her and if she does contact you again then you can decide then what you want to do, but don't try to teach her consideration by texting her. 4
Author BluSpark Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 One of the big issues I have is that she didn't initiate the contact with you about cancelling so you would have gone and waited for her to show. Last minute cancellation should be done by phone. If she had done that I would cut her some slack. She didn't reply to your follow up text. She had an 8 hour drive where she could have called you if she wanted to. It appears that she's just not considerate of people other than those in her immediate circle of family and friends. I absolutely would not initiate any contact with her and if she does contact you again then you can decide then what you want to do, but don't try to teach her consideration by texting her. You are pretty smart for a "Dumbass"...HaHa. Yep, thank you! I AGREE with all of the above. To the other posters: I will not text her a lecturing text. I have a date with another woman set up for tomorrow. I am moving on.... 3
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 When I was dating, a cancellation required a phone call and a request to reschedule. If they called and cancelled without a reschedule, I'd say thank you for the call and move on. If they called me again in the future, I didn't answer. If they texted a cancellation, especially, last minute, I would not respond and I would block and delete immediately.
dumbass2 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 You are pretty smart for a "Dumbass"...HaHa. Yep, thank you! I AGREE with all of the above. To the other posters: I will not text her a lecturing text. I have a date with another woman set up for tomorrow. I am moving on.... Good luck! Let us know how that one goes.
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