Why Do Men Believe Women Have It Easier With Online Dating?

[Weezy1973]

If dating is a numbers game, whoever gets the most dates on average is going to have the most success.

 

Just curious though, for the women who don't have success - how many men do you message first when online dating? And how many of those men do you end up getting a date with?

[PogoStick]

For a woman to get a good date, say 10% of her 100 responses, is far better than a man's 10% of his 3 responses.

 

Who knew having so many options could be so difficult for a woman? Cry me a river!

[Cathy92506]

Who knew having so many options could be so difficult for a woman? Cry me a river!

 

Just create a profile on a Philippine dating site. Then you can say, "Who knew having so many options could be so difficult for a man? Cry me a river!"

[mortensorchid]

I'm not sure if men or women have it easier with OLD or any kind of situation when it comes to relationships. I have seen it time and time again that women who are good women if not superior in the looks, career and social life department get thrown over for trashy girls (myself included), and just as many times it happens to the men as well. I guess the only answer is that life is complicated. It's a delicate balance between two people. Somewhere out there is Mr. / Miss Right and there are so many who are Mr. / Miss Wrong. So, so, so MANY Mr. / Miss Wrongs out there. More than you thought as you go through life. It's what it is.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I'll say it one more time.

 

Go out this weekend and look at all the couples you pass on the street and take literal inventory. Unbiased full face inventory. Look at EVERY obvious couple you pass, not just the ones that support your excuse-making, and come back to tell us all with a straight face that in dating (for which OLD takes up at least 30%, IIRC), wonderful, gorgeous men are forced to slum it with the female dregs.

[chphan]

Who knew having so many options could be so difficult for a woman? Cry me a river!

 

Just create a profile on a Philippine dating site. Then you can say, "Who knew having so many options could be so difficult for a man? Cry me a river!"

 

What does that prove? This is like trying to reach to get an example to prove a point when the example itself only favor towards men who find Philippines women attractive and want to look outside a country miles away from them.

 

If you want to date you want to date someone local. Why the heck would anyone here look to join a Philippine site to date someone in another country?

Awesome logic there.

[CaliforniaGirl]

If dating is a numbers game, whoever gets the most dates on average is going to have the most success.

 

Just curious though, for the women who don't have success - how many men do you message first when online dating? And how many of those men do you end up getting a date with?

 

"If people think dating is a numbers game..."

 

It isn't. It's about actual human beings and their feelings.

 

A person, male or female, literally could date for ten solid years without finding that right person. Or longer than that. Even a lifetime, though that's rare.

 

So many inaccurate qualifiers to attempt to support an already untrue hypothesis. Honestly, the whole idea of how incredibly easy dating is for womankind in general, including the "picky" dregs who apparently have hundreds of suitors begging for their attention, falls down at a glance - it doesn't even require in-depth scrutiny.

 

Excuses and more excuses. Stop whining (general advice, not necessarily to the person I'm quoting), start self-improving. Oh, and the chip on a few shoulders here isn't exactly a panty-dropper either.

[phineas]

Dating in general is tough but it's a lot easier when you have more options

 

Person A has 0 dates for the month.

Person B puts out the time, energy and money and dates 20 different people. But they were mostly awful dates and none of them worked out.

Who has it easier?

 

I'm sorry but if you go on 20 dates in a month and can't find a person "good enough" to date you, that doesn't mean it's harder for you to date it means you have set unrealistic expectations or too picky.

 

This is how women think of dating sites. Men just want sex. Of course nowadays, many men are looking for a woman to take care of him. Whether this is true or not, it just seems like it.

 

Women just want sex also off dating sites.

The number of times women pretty much invited themselves to my house for the first date then had sex with me.......

 

gonna have to do better than this to convince us women don't have it easier when it comes to dating.

 

As was stated, more options - easier time finding someone.

Edited January 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
troll callout moderated 3 days ~T - Quote and bolding fixed ~W

[phineas]

People always think the other gender has it easy instead of trying to see things from their point of view. This contest to see who was it worse is destroying modern relationships.

 

I believe women have it worse.

But only because they price themselves out of the market.

They get 50 likes per selfies on facebook, they get 50 messages on okcupid, they hooked up with some drunk hot guy, they have men hitting on them regularly....

 

So they think they can always do better.

 

The number of times a woman who rejected me or flaked on me then hit me up weeks to months and sometimes a whole yr later because.......they ran out of options and expected me to be over-joyed they decided to give me a chance now.

[Miss Spider]

Because the majority of men use online dating for hookups/casual, therefore are much less selective and message so many women. So in that way women do have more options. But the majority of women aren't looking for that. They're more selective so they actually don't have it easier.

Edited January 14, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Dark Horse]

I haven't read anybody else's post so I won't give a biased response and here is the reason why I believe women have it easier.

 

 

First off, many men are a lot less picky when it comes to online dating. On Tinder, men typically swipe yes to every girl who's decently attractive and will message just about every girl on OkCupid or Plenty of Fish who isn't overweight or obese. Women on the other hand are a lot more picky, they wont swipe yes to every guy and the guys they do swipe yes to, it's almost a guaranteed match.

 

Secondly, a typical girl receive more likes, more messages, more matches in just a few weeks than most guys could get in a year. And not only that, a girl who messages a guy first is a lot more likely to get a response back than the other way around. A guy could message 30 different women before he finally gets a response.

 

Another reason is that a girl's profile information doesn't even have to be great. She can write in her profile, just message me and see what happens and will STILL get a ton of messages from guys.

 

 

Now why does this make it easier for women? Simple, because the more people that are interested in you, the more of a chance you'll meet someone great and someone whom you connect with. Who has an easier time dating? Someone with 1000 people interested, or someone with only 5 people interested? Since women typically attract more people, they have a greater chance of meeting someone as long as she's willing to be friendly and put herself out there.

 

 

Another reason is that since men are typically the initiators, a shy guy can go his entire life being single if he never puts himself out there. A shy girl on the other hand as an advantage because she can rely on the man to do the initiating, getting to know her, asking her out etc...

[Jj66]

Women have an easier time finding a man but she doesn't want just any man.

[Dark Horse]

Let's go through the numbers again. Men vs Women.

 

So let's just say that a woman gets 100 messages from men. Of course she's not going to respond to them all. She may sort through some of the creeps, the obvious booty callers, and the hobo rapists, and the men she's just not interested in or is too far away and now she's down to 20 men who are near her and let's just say she goes on a date with 15 of them. Chances are of those men, she's going to find somebody that she likes and wants to see again.

 

Now for men, he may message 100 different women and may only get a response back from 12 of them. A few of them he's not interested in and depending on how bad he is with online conversations, he gets eventually ignored by 30% to 75% of them and then there's the girls who will flake. So now he's only down to 1-4 women who he eventually goes on a date with. And of those women, chances are they're talking to multiple men which further decreases his odds because now he's competing with 10 other guys to why she should choose him.

 

So for a man depending on how attractive or unattractive he is, usually goes on fewer dates. And by going on fewer dates, decreases his odds of finding someone. But this also means he has more to lose so the pressure to have a good first date only increases.

[SwordofFlame]

I'll also add it's easier to sift through hundreds of messages vs sending hundreds of messages. And not only that, the message has to be at least a little unique, "how are you?" generic messages rarely work.

[Dark Horse]

Yeah if you're a guy, don't ever just send hey how are you?

 

I honestly cant really fathom why any guy in his right mind would send a message like hey nice tits or hey beautiful, or hey come sit on my asss. Like it's just stupid, do you really expect any girl to respond to that? Unless they're just trolling or doing it to be funny.

[selinaluv]

Yeah if you're a guy, don't ever just send hey how are you?

 

I honestly cant really fathom why any guy in his right mind would send a message like hey nice tits or hey beautiful, or hey come sit on my asss. Like it's just stupid, do you really expect any girl to respond to that? Unless they're just trolling or doing it to be funny.

 

Agreed. I always feel like someone must react or respond to this.

 

I also have the men who will spam me with messages every hour.

 

We may get many messages, but the vast majority have no quality to them and are an immediate delete.

 

But I will say in the rare moments I send a message, I am pretty much batting 1000. I know this is not the same for men.

[Dark Horse]

Agreed. I always feel like someone must react or respond to this.

 

I also have the men who will spam me with messages every hour.

 

We may get many messages, but the vast majority have no quality to them and are an immediate delete.

 

But I will say in the rare moments I send a message, I am pretty much batting 1000. I know this is not the same for men.

 

 

So what kind of messages are you most likely to respond to? What stands out? I'm just curious because I want to increase my chances of getting a response from women.

[selinaluv]

So what kind of messages are you most likely to respond to? What stands out? I'm just curious because I want to increase my chances of getting a response from women.

 

I usually prefer witty intros myself. Someone who shows me he is fun and has a sense of humor. Even if I wasn't initially attracted, sometimes it has sparked a conversation.

 

Much better then some of the hey sexy/sexy lips/how would you like to see my &^%$/wanna have some fun? messages. And that was just some from today.

 

But a good photo also helps. I don't need super handsome, but I truly question some men's profile pictures. For example... sunglasses on every pic? Why? I feel like you have something to hide.

[winny]

Getting a date on OLD is very easy if you are a woman with average to above average looks. But it is tough to find someone who is what you are looking for. Most of the guys are only looking for hook ups. So that takes out almost 70-80% of the messages right away. Out of the remaining again most of them are players or acting like they want a relationship but will ghost if they dont get sex soon or immediately after they get sex. That leaves very few men who are actually looking for a relationship.

[Sara1989]

Me and my ex split 2 years ago, he is a nice looking man and in that time doing OD has had a gf for year, one for 2 months and the current one he is dating who looks to be long term.

 

Compared to me, yes I may get more messages than him but I bet as a man he gets more quality messages. Women are more likely to want to commit and are genuine.

[phineas]

Getting a date on OLD is very easy if you are a woman with average to above average looks. But it is tough to find someone who is what you are looking for. Most of the guys are only looking for hook ups. So that takes out almost 70-80% of the messages right away. Out of the remaining again most of them are players or acting like they want a relationship but will ghost if they dont get sex soon or immediately after they get sex. That leaves very few men who are actually looking for a relationship.

 

if you know most of the guy's online are just looking for hookups, then why use it?

[William]

Oh, my our banned member brigade has been quite active in this thread and it appears Robert did quite a lot of work, including removing responses to those members.

 

Couple things in this directive:

 

1. If a new member shows up and posts inflammatory comments, engaging them usually will result in any time you spend being erased by moderation so instead hit the alert button, type 'Troll?' into the box and hit submit. Fast, easy, done.

 

2. In this thread we are discussing *why men believe* women have it easier in online dating, not why women have, or don't have, it easier or why men have, or don't have, it harder. This thread is about men's beliefs, valid or erroneous. That's all. We've got other threads to discuss online dating, huge threads, and we don't want or need another one.

 

Thanks and have a pleasant morning!

Edited January 14, 2017 by William
Quite, not quiet

[WomenWubber]

I think I'd speak for most men if I said we would have an easier time dating if we received more messages. So the mindset in a nutshell is this:

 

Women receive more messages ==> Easy dating for them

 

I'm aware, though, that there's a small number of men who now can literally lie on their backs while women flock to them like hungry pigeons. The challenge women have is to get those men so the way I see it women and average men have similar difficulties. The difference is most women play in the major leagues and most men must play in the minor ones, which brings us to another never ending discussion about leagues in dating.

[Shining One]

I believe women have it easier with online dating because of the different levels of effort involved. Generally speaking, a man has to put in more effort to get a date than a woman does. A woman has the option to be passive, active, or a combination of both. Most men must be active in order to have any chance of getting a date. I have female friends who have let me view their OLD inboxes. Yes, a lot of messages are trash, but it's still easier to read through a hundred messages and filter out the bad ones than it is to write a hundred initial messages.

[Minestie]

I'm sorry, I'm really trying, but I really can't understand how anybody could think (straight) women have it equally hard as (straight) men in online dating.

 

The only fact that seems to be universally agreed-upon in this thread is that women get many more messages from men. Some people seem to try to make the argument that "men get fewer messages, therefore the messages they get are higher quality". Yet for the life of me, I can't see how this argument would make any sense? What would you base this assertion on? This is a clear non-sequitor.

 

Yes, women surely have to deal with a lot of creeps, and yes, it can get awfully annoying after a while, but I just do not see any reason to assume that after sifting through all the terrible male candidates, they are not still left with significantly more options than men!

 

I understand we need actual statistics in order to make an informed claim. I don't have numbers or studies, sooo I'm going to go with anecdotal evidence:

 

On Tinder, I will get about 1 match per 150 swipes. My unbelievably good-looking friend who works as a male model gets about 1 per 10 swipes. My other friend, who is not as attractive as the former, but still an absolutely fine-looking guy in his mid twenties, recently uninstalled the app after seeing that he gets about 1 match per 900 swipes.

 

All of my female friends that I've talked about get 1 match in 5 swipes or even more frequently. Is this even a contest? Is this even a conversation?

 

(experience based on results as a white person in Germany and the UK. I did get significantly different results in Russia and China - however, I am entirely sure that has to do with my ethnicity / name / attitude towards foreigners.)

 

I also feel obliged to mention at this point that I consider myself a feminist, and also reasonably successful at dating and attracting potential mates. This is really not a childish attempt to assert that men are oppressed or whatever bullcrap some people of certain political leanings are inclined to say. I am honestly just trying to understand how anyone could ever dispute the fact that women have it easier in online dating.