Why Do Men Believe Women Have It Easier With Online Dating?

January 13, 2017

I read it all the time... Men think women have it so easy with online dating. All she has to do is create a profile, sit back and wait, then she can pick and choose who she wants to date.

Then women respond telling how it is not so. One thing that I've never heard women complain about is all the narcissistic men there are.

You do realize we are experiencing a Narcissistic epidemic? That's where, generally speaking, most everyone are only interested in talking about themselves and only of their interests. (Men and Women)

I'm an attractive female. I get lots of emails. If I decided to meet a different man every day for 30 days, then I would sit and listen to 30 men talk about themselves. How boring! And the only reason he would pretend to authentically listen to me is because he wants something from me.

I hear wealthy men and attractive men say the same thing. "She is only interested in me because I'm wealthy. I can offer her financial opportunities." "She is only going out with me so she can boost her ego by going out with a handsome man."

January 13, 2017

I read it all the time... Men think women have it so easy with online dating. All she has to do is create a profile, sit back and wait, then she can pick and choose who she wants to date.

Then women respond telling how it is not so. One thing that I've never heard women complain about is all the narcissistic men there are.

You do realize we are experiencing a Narcissistic epidemic? That's where, generally speaking, most everyone are only interested in talking about themselves and only of their interests. (Men and Women)

I'm an attractive female. I get lots of emails. If I decided to meet a different man every day for 30 days, then I would sit and listen to 30 men talk about themselves. How boring! And the only reason he would pretend to authentically listen to me is because he wants something from me.

I hear wealthy men and attractive men say the same thing. "She is only interested in me because I'm wealthy. I can offer her financial opportunities." "She is only going out with me so she can boost her ego by going out with a handsome man."

It is a fact. If you don't believe me create one male profile and one female profile (of equal attractiveness) and watch how the woman gets 300 messages a day and guy gets 4 a week. Anyone can be a narcissist, men or women. If anything if you check Instagram and Facebook you will see more women taking selfies and updating pics than men.

January 13, 2017

It is a fact. If you don't believe me create one male profile and one female profile (of equal attractiveness) and watch how the woman gets 300 messages a day and guy gets 4 a week. Anyone can be a narcissist, men or women. If anything if you check Instagram and Facebook you will see more women taking selfies and updating pics than men.

But why do you think women have it easier dating then? If you agree that most people are narcissistic, what is the value of meeting 30 different people and all they do is talk about themselves. A person is better off dating 0

January 13, 2017

It is a fact. If you don't believe me create one male profile and one female profile (of equal attractiveness) and watch how the woman gets 300 messages a day and guy gets 4 a week. Anyone can be a narcissist, men or women. If anything if you check Instagram and Facebook you will see more women taking selfies and updating pics than men.

It's this "equal attractiveness" thing that's one of the stickier parts here - I find (sorry) that men (not ALL men, but many) tend to be a lot more forgiving of what constitutes a "good-looking man" v. what constitutes a "good-looking woman."

The second issue is that more options doesn't mean better options. Again, JMO: more men than women tend to throw tons of approaches out even if they're just lukewarm at best about whom they're throwing them out at. Women are *initially* more targeted that way. So a woman might get inundated with inappropriate matches but they ARE inappropriate, so...? That's not more *good* options. That's more options to have a miserable time with someone who is totally wrong and with two people who aren't even attracted to one another...what good did that exercise do, in that case?

January 13, 2017

Your beef seems to be shallow people in general, that has nothing to do with OLD. You can meet narcissistic people at the same rate irl.

The fact that you acknowledge you get a lot of attention with no effort on your part confirms their issue. Dating in general is tough but it's a lot easier when you have more options

January 13, 2017

IME, since I used the medium when it first began 20 some years ago and have watched ever since, I don't believe women have an easier time 'online dating', rather they, in general, garner more first interest. I gained this insight from having numerous female friends when younger and from the women I actually met through online dating, both here and around the world, including the woman I married.

After we divorced a few years back, I tried online dating again and got similar feedback from women. Again, it wasn't 'easier' for them at all, rather just as difficult to find a good match but it was easy to be contacted by men online. They had a lot of contacts and as many first meets as they chose. That didn't mean they had easy or good dating experiences or successful relationships result.

I remember, I think back in 2012 or therabouts, visiting a LS'er back east when she had a couple dating profiles up, one on a mainstream site and the other on a religious-focused site. The volume of messages was staggering. I saw them, right over her shoulder as she was plowing through them. This was a divorced law student with two kids living in an apartment. Her son actually took the pictures that were in her ads. She could have gone on dates every day of the week if she wanted to and my bet is, with the men I saw contacting her, they would have been good dates too. Maybe nothing would work out but plenty of opportunities.

Men believe women have it easier because we're not women and we can't read their minds so project our own desires to have it easier on them. It somehow assuages our ego when we struggle. Makes our failures seem less significant. Typical psychological stuff.

January 13, 2017

Because lots of men (especially on here) conflate "getting a lot of messages" with "having it easier." They don't consider that a large portion of those guys are not up to par and are just a nuisance to sift through. The men complaining about this assume that because they have low standards, that these woman also do and don't factor in the considerations women have to make when choosing a man.

January 13, 2017

IME, since I used the medium when it first began 20 some years ago and have watched ever since, I don't believe women have an easier time 'online dating', rather they, in general, garner more first interest. I gained this insight from having numerous female friends when younger and from the women I actually met through online dating, both here and around the world, including the woman I married.

After we divorced a few years back, I tried online dating again and got similar feedback from women. Again, it wasn't 'easier' for them at all, rather just as difficult to find a good match but it was easy to be contacted by men online. They had a lot of contacts and as many first meets as they chose. That didn't mean they had easy or good dating experiences or successful relationships result.

I remember, I think back in 2012 or therabouts, visiting a LS'er back east when she had a couple dating profiles up, one on a mainstream site and the other on a religious-focused site. The volume of messages was staggering. I saw them, right over her shoulder as she was plowing through them. This was a divorced law student with two kids living in an apartment. Her son actually took the pictures that were in her ads. She could have gone on dates every day of the week if she wanted to and my bet is, with the men I saw contacting her, they would have been good dates too. Maybe nothing would work out but plenty of opportunities.

Men believe women have it easier because we're not women and we can't read their minds so project our own desires to have it easier on them. It somehow assuages our ego when we struggle. Makes our failures seem less significant. Typical psychological stuff.

This post is extremely contradicting

January 13, 2017

Dating in general is tough but it's a lot easier when you have more options

Person A has 0 dates for the month.

Person B puts out the time, energy and money and dates 20 different people. But they were mostly awful dates and none of them worked out.

Who has it easier?

If a man joined a Philippines dating site he would get tons of replies. Young and beautiful women. However, after corresponding with several, he is convinced that they just want the green card. Whether this is true or not, it just seems like it. But he sure has a lot of women interested in him! Lots of options!

This is how women think of dating sites. Men just want sex. Of course nowadays, many men are looking for a woman to take care of him. Whether this is true or not, it just seems like it.

January 13, 2017

Because lots of men (especially on here) conflate "getting a lot of messages" with "having it easier." They don't consider that a large portion of those guys are not up to par and are just a nuisance to sift through. The men complaining about this assume that because they have low standards, that these woman also do and don't factor in the considerations women have to make when choosing a man.

I think if you factor the fact that men specifically have those low standards due to the standards of women in the first place then you understand the discrepancy in mindset.

It's easier to find what you're looking for when you have many more options. It's disingenuous to act like this isn't the case. Women wouldn't give up their privilege in online dating if their lives depended on it. I've never seen a woman say I wish I got 1/20 the messages I get like men do.

January 13, 2017

It's a tough comparison. It's easy to say that the person who got 0 dates and the person who went on 20 bad dates, both struck out and so it was equally bad for both. But eventually the person going on 20 dates a month is going to find a couple of good dates. The person getting 0 dates, has to hope that the one rare date they actually get is the good one.

The whole premise of this thread is that all of the women dating online are date-able but most of the men aren't. That just isn't reality.

January 13, 2017

I think if you factor the fact that men specifically have those low standards due to the standards of women in the first place then you understand the discrepancy in mindset.

It's easier to find what you're looking for when you have many more options. It's disingenuous to act like this isn't the case. Women wouldn't give up their privilege in online dating if their lives depended on it. I've never seen a woman say I wish I got 1/20 the messages I get like men do.

I DOUBT that first sentence is accurate. It might be true if there were double the amount of men as women in the world. That's not the case. Do the math and tell me how what you're saying could be true in any practical way.

Do yourself a favor. Walk a busy town or city this weekend, look around you at the couples holding hands, then see if you can still tell yourself that women wind up with the long end of the stick overwhelmingly as compared to men.

January 13, 2017

Dating in general is tough but it's a lot easier when you have more options

Person A has 0 dates for the month.
Person B puts out the time, energy and money and dates 20 different people. But they were mostly awful dates and none of them worked out.
Who has it easier?

If a man joined a Philippines dating site he would get tons of replies. Young and beautiful women. However, after corresponding with several, he is convinced that they just want the green card. Whether this is true or not, it just seems like it. But he sure has a lot of women interested in him! Lots of options!

This is how women think of dating sites. Men just want sex. Of course nowadays, many men are looking for a woman to take care of him. Whether this is true or not, it just seems like it.

Person B easily.

Let's put it this way. 15 percent of people are compatible in the online universe. Woman receives 100 messages a month. Man receives 2. The odds are in who's favor?

January 13, 2017

If I decided to meet a different man every day for 30 days, then I would sit and listen to 30 men talk about themselves. How boring!

It's not just OLD. Hubby and I were talking about how we notice the same thing at social events. And it's not just men who are like this.

We find ourselves talking to a stranger at a social event. We start with "how do you know the host?" and have a conversation with asking about the bits of life they share with us. Do they ask anything about us in return? Nooooo

It seems to be all generations too. Certainly not limited to the young ones.

January 13, 2017

When it comes to ONS, FWB, or other casual relationships, women do have a lot easier time getting them. Men want these kinds of relationships, but a lot of men struggle to get them when compared to women.

January 13, 2017

This post is extremely contradicting

To be perfectly honest, after 44,000 some posts, I don't believe members read them anymore but thank you for at least reading and commenting. Perhaps the women will explain it to you with more clarity, or you could read our consolidated threads which cover large swaths of this topic:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/396907-consolidated-discussion-dating-relationships-my-gender-has-much-harder-time?highlight=consolidated

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/336060-consolidated-discussion-online-dating?highlight=consolidated

January 13, 2017

When it comes to ONS, FWB, or other casual relationships, women do have a lot easier time getting them. Men want these kinds of relationships, but a lot of men struggle to get them when compared to women.

And women in general DON'T want these relationships, so how is this a win for women?

This is like saying, "It's so much easier for men than women to land someone much younger who will use them for their money by stringing them along with no sex, and then dump them after they get a few free movies and shows. Men who make any money can get this easily! Therefore dating is unfairly slanted toward men." Um...? It's something most guys can manage but they don't want it...yet you are to be considered the winner here? How?

Bringing it back to easy sex as the reason dating is "so easy for women," how is the ability to easily get pumped and dumped by a guy who will then describe her as "ugly, but she took the edge off" to his friends, while the ugly quick lay later gets diagnosed with an STD, some sort of boon for women? This is what gives us the upper hand?

January 13, 2017

"I am not sure why you are complaining when it is a fact women get more responses, more options, more opportunities than men in general. That means a better deal. How? Imagine you are a merchant and supplies provide you a TON of options, some with better value, some with better options, some different (maybe more customized to your needs), etc. Supply/Demand dynamics gets you a better fit and better price. It is simple Economics."

I understand what you are saying. Women get a ton more responses therefore she has more options.

You're translating this supply/demand dynamics to online dating. If a woman receives 30 responses from men she has better options than if she only got three responses. But you are assuming that she would be interested in all 30 men to some degree.

If you think a woman is shallow to disregard all 30 men for one reason or another, or that she is shallow because she thinks that most of those men just want sex...

Then why don't men go to a Philippine dating site? They will get a ton of responses. Supply/Demand.

I'm curious to know how you respond

January 13, 2017

Because lots of men (especially on here) conflate "getting a lot of messages" with "having it easier." They don't consider that a large portion of those guys are not up to par and are just a nuisance to sift through. The men complaining about this assume that because they have low standards, that these woman also do and don't factor in the considerations women have to make when choosing a man.

Totally agree. One of my female friends described it as being presented with a giant bin of coffee beans. Somewhere located in all of that coffee are some diamond earrings. But you have to go through all of that to find them. To her it is exhausting.

I personally like the pitcher/catcher analogy. I didn't reach out to a woman unless she met some threshold to catch my attention. In that case, everyone I spoke to was of interest to me. I was pitching. Where women generally are catching on OLD.

January 13, 2017

"I am not sure why you are complaining when it is a fact women get more responses, more options, more opportunities than men in general. That means a better deal. How? Imagine you are a merchant and supplies provide you a TON of options, some with better value, some with better options, some different (maybe more customized to your needs), etc. Supply/Demand dynamics gets you a better fit and better price. It is simple Economics."

I understand what you are saying. Women get a ton more responses therefore she has more options.

You're translating this supply/demand dynamics to online dating. If a woman receives 30 responses from men she has better options than if she only got three responses. But you are assuming that she would be interested in all 30 men to some degree.

If you think a woman is shallow to disregard all 30 men for one reason or another, or that she is shallow because she thinks that most of those men just want sex...

Then why don't men go to a Philippine dating site? They will get a ton of responses. Supply/Demand.

I'm curious to know how you respond

This is a dishonest question. People date for different reasons, not everyone OLDing is looking for marriage or anything more than what OLD is below the surface. Which is meeting the opposite sex with like minds. It's a lot easier when most of the work is done for you. For example, you wouldn't believe how many women would initiate first contact with me, saying "I normally don't reach out to men on here". When you can dictate the terms, have your pick of the litter and not put in much effort you're already ahead of the class.

I never had to OLD and did tinder for fun, and I got thousands upon thousands of messages. But I can empathize with the fact that most men don't have my privilege. It would be disingenuous to pretend like I had the same experience as my roommate with a couple dozen matches over that time.

It's seems hard for women to admit their privilege because as soon as they do they would have to take responsibility for the outcome of their dating life.

It's a lot harder to look inward in failure to attract what you're looking for when you hold all of the cards.

Edited January 13, 2017 by Pill

January 13, 2017

I think that what people are not getting is that those few messages/matches that men get on OLD are not any better quality than the multiple ones women get.

So guts are left with a very small number of probably all poor choices, compared to a large number of mostly poor choices for women. The large number is still much more likely to have a few gems.

January 14, 2017

Also, from a man's perspective, one who opines women have it easier, he sees a woman making an ad, doing whatever is needed to do that, just like he does, and that ad getting action while he's required to go out (virtually) and create action and apply effort. He sees that as an inequality, or 'harder'. If looking only at that one aspect of the whole process and generalizing it outward, sure it seems that women have it easier, from his perspective. He may never know how many men a particular woman may also make effort to contact because all those messages in her inbox are of no interest to her. He only sees his empty inbox and creates scenarios and imputes feelings to them. Then out comes the Jack and Coke.

January 14, 2017

Women tend to want relationships, and men tend to want sex. Most women can easily get sex, but it's not what they usually want - at least not all they want. Men can't get sex as easily as they'd like - and are wary of relationships, as so many don't work out anyway.

January 14, 2017

People always think the other gender has it easy instead of trying to see things from their point of view. This contest to see who was it worse is destroying modern relationships.

January 14, 2017

Women tend to want relationships, and men tend to want sex. Most women can easily get sex, but it's not what they usually want - at least not all they want. Men can't get sex as easily as they'd like - and are wary of relationships, as so many don't work out anyway.

The statement in bold needs to be re-written. I know men who are not attractive and definitely overweight, who have no problem getting sex at any time. They go on Backpage and for $100 - $200 they can get young and beautiful women for sex - and fetish sex too. I asked a friend of mine, who sees a regular once a week, why does he pay her $100 for sex? He is a nice looking man. He said taking a woman out for dinner, drinks, tip, etc, comes to about $100 anyways.

I don't buy that argument that men can't get sex as easily as they'd like.

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