Ex dumped me but now thinks she made a mistake - actions don't match

[Trace87]

So my best female friend of several years and I dated for about four months until we broke up about a month ago. The relationship was long distance (she's originally from my area but moved about 4 hours away literally months before we became intimate for the first time. Awesome timing) but we were able to see each other roughly every two weeks and all was great for a while.

 

Some background: She is 30 and I'm 29. She apparently had had a crush on me for much of the time we were platonic friends, yet I remained completely oblivious despite her best efforts. Her feelings were not reciprocated until we started seeing each other intimately, and I finally noticed her as a woman (if that makes sense). This fact seemed to bother her for much of the relationship with her doubting my attraction to her at times (not overly often, but often enough). However, I can honestly say my feelings for her grew steadily over the next several months until I was unmistakably in love.

 

She ended up breaking up with me in December blaming the long distance, which in her words had no end in sight. Now it's not my first rodeo so I know that what a dumper says during a breakup is very rarely the real reasons for their decision, especially because I had told her previously I was open to moving (with the condition we wouldn't live together as I wasn't ready; just share the same town). Regardless, I didn't beg for her to reconsider nor did I attempt to communicate and resolve our issues. I simply went along with the breakup (whoops?).

 

A few weeks later she broke NC and we made plans to hang out the week of New Years. After much talking and some whoopie, she told me she loved me but that she was still confused and asked me not to contact her for three months, otherwise she wouldn't be able to move on. We are now two weeks into NC.

 

Some insights from our week-long reunion: She thinks she may have made a mistake, but I guess isn't certain enough to reconcile?

She has babies on her mind ALL THE TIME - which I get, given she's 30, and in the past I'd communicated I was cool with the possibility eventually, but it may have played a bigger role than I initially thought.

It doesn't appear there was another guy in the picture.

She's used to dating beta males (her words) and said that I "didn't need her enough", and given what she's used to, doubts my love for her. Now I'm a pretty confident guy and I understand that there are plenty of fish out there, but I honestly can't think of any instance where I gave her reason to doubt my love or attraction for her. And it honestly gets kind of frustrating to keep hearing "do you really, though?" as a response. But in fairness this wasn't really a problem for me until the breakup period.

 

This is getting kind of long so I'll just end with that I miss her, I'll move on if I have to but would consider seeing her again if she came back (I won't initiate obviously). Though she hinted she regretted the breakup and says she still loves me, her actions don't match her words and each passing day I lose hope of a reconciliation. Anyone been in a similar situation? Should I just cut my losses and move on? It just really blows because I not only lost a girlfriend but my best friend as well.

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe I missed it, but when did she actually say she made a mistake breaking up with you?

 

I see that you two got together over the holidays, which often happens with recently-separated exes. They don't like being alone around that time of year. You had a fun time but then she tells you she is confused and not to contact her for 3 months. Those, to me, aren't the words of someone who necessarily regrets the break-up.

 

I think you should cut your losses and move on. She is telling you in so many words that you aren't really what she is looking for. You also don't want to risk having her come back only because she wants to have a baby. Move forward as though you two will stay broken up. If she comes back, she actually needs to tell you - unequivocally - that she wants to reconcile.

[Trace87]

Maybe I missed it, but when did she actually say she made a mistake breaking up with you?

 

It was during the holiday get-together. It was more "I may have made a mistake..." but later nothing to indicate she wanted to reconcile - in fact, the opposite. It's on me for grasping at it with logic I guess.

 

She is telling you in so many words that you aren't really what she is looking for.

 

This is what I needed to hear. Appreciate it, friend.