Girlfriend of 3 years left

January 13, 2017

I was in a relationship for 3 years with my now ex. We got together when she was a freshman and I a junior. I graduated college and decided to stay back for one year with her before I moved to go after my masters. I'm 25 and she's 21 now. We lived together for a year and I was working while she was going to school. She transferred schools last may and I moved to another state to continue my education. Things were good for the first couple of months. I would see her as much as I could. Often flying out to see here every month.

Last time I seen her was in September. It was all good. Then come October, she starts telling me she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she felt free being apart. I told her after 3 years how can you just do that. Then she says she wants to take a break. I was ok. I could. It take it, I called her ever other week trying to see what was the problem, she just kept getting colder and colder towards me. She didn't even call me to say happy thanksgiving. The Sunday after that I text her did she even want to be with anymore and she dropped the hammer and broke up with me. Said I was selfish and pushed her away because I couldn't stop contacting her during the break.

I went into survival mode and started begging for her to give me a chance, but it was too late. She blocked my number and I took it to instragram to finish. She made it seem like I was the worst boyfriend in the world. Resented me for her losing friends, calling me an introvert. Just all a bunch of hateful attacks. I did everything for this girl. Paid her rent her parents couldn't pay it, paid for her hair, got her a job at a great company and she just leaves me like I am nothing. I am not perfect, but I did love her. i feel like I'll never find another woman like her. I am blaming myself that once I moved away I kind of became possessive cause I was alone in the new state. I always wanted to talk and make sure she was ok.

I have been no contact for a month and 3 weeks but it is hard. I feel like she hates me and probably will never talk to me again. I'm trying to move on but I can't. the thing that kills me is her last words to me "I'm sorry, but for now this is goodbye, I love you, don't ever forget that." do you think I'll ever talk to her again, especially if I didn't do anything serious. I feel like her blocking my number is killing me, but if I wanted to send her a message on social media I can, but I just haven't. I'm surprised i have made it this far. I need some advice. Please help me

Edited March 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs and merged 4 threads ~6

January 13, 2017

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain, OP.

I think she will probably talk to you again, someday. For now, she has too many bad memories and too much resentment - in her mind, it doesn't matter if you feel it's warranted or not. Unfortunately, the rent you paid and the gifts you gave her and all of those kind gestures don't guarantee the survival of a relationship.

Can you elaborate when you say you became possessive after you moved? There is a difference between wanting to make sure she was okay and being possessive. Were there trust issues?

Her age is also likely a factor. She probably is nowhere near ready to settle down and commit, really. Most people in their early 20s aren't. I know it's the last thing you want to consider, but she may wanting to be date other guys. It doesn't mean anything was necessarily wrong with you, but the guy we ladies start dating at 18 usually are not the ones we end up with in the long-term. We're just simply doing too much growing and changing and our interests/needs in a partner often change too.

January 13, 2017

Can you elaborate when you say you became possessive after you moved? There is a difference between wanting to make sure she was okay and being possessive. Were there trust issues?

.

I wanted to talk to her everyday. would get upset if she hung out with friends and didn't want to talk to me. Its hard cause I loved her a lot. But it just feels like I am nothing now. Because I feel like I lost the best thing that ever happened to me.

January 13, 2017

Just all a bunch of hateful attacks. I did everything for this girl. Paid her rent her parents couldn't pay it, paid for her hair, got her a job at a great company and she just leaves me like I am nothing. I am not perfect, but I did love her.

You've got to ask yourself, why DO you want her back? Look at the way she's acting right now. Is this enticing behavior? If she acted that way on the first date, would you want to see her again?

Don't view her as she was when she was a teenager, see who she's become as a woman in the here and now. From what you've said, there's nothing you've done to warrant this sort of behavior.

January 13, 2017

It sounds to me like you two grew apart and she started losing interest. Combine that with her feeling like you were too clingy, and you've got a recipe for disaster. You likely felt her growing more distant and so you tried to hang on harder. It's a natural instinct for most of us, but usually completely backfires. I don't believe this is all your fault, though. As I said before, she was very young when she started dating you and probably won't really be ready to seriously commit for a few years to come.

I know it's very hard now. And it will hurt for a while. But the good news - though it's impossible to see now - is that you are still very young. The chances are high that your best partner is yet to come. Yes, a cliche, but in my experience, it's true.

She could be blocking you completely because she feels guilty for hurting you. Rather than confronting that and giving you an avenue to talk to her, it's "easier" for her to just cut you off. I can guarantee you did mean something to her; you spent 3 years together so it's not as though she doesn't remember any of that. I don't think the total silence will be permanent, but it will probably benefit you right now. You need time to detach from her and being able to contact her would delay that.

January 13, 2017

It sounds to me like you two grew apart and she started losing interest. Combine that with her feeling like you were too clingy, and you've got a recipe for disaster. You likely felt her growing more distant and so you tried to hang on harder. It's a natural instinct for most of us, but usually completely backfires. I don't believe this is all your fault, though. As I said before, she was very young when she started dating you and probably won't really be ready to seriously commit for a few years to come.

I know it's very hard now. And it will hurt for a while. But the good news - though it's impossible to see now - is that you are still very young. The chances are high that your best partner is yet to come. Yes, a cliche, but in my experience, it's true.

She could be blocking you completely because she feels guilty for hurting you. Rather than confronting that and giving you an avenue to talk to her, it's "easier" for her to just cut you off. I can guarantee you did mean something to her; you spent 3 years together so it's not as though she doesn't remember any of that. I don't think the total silence will be permanent, but it will probably benefit you right now. You need time to detach from her and being able to contact her would delay that.

You're right man. It's hard. Like she can just go in like I mean nothing. I wanna send her a message on social media, but I won't. I just wanna be ok. But the thing that kills me is that her being with somebody else. Kills me man. Kills me. But I appreciate that. I hope one day she'll realize what she has done to me

January 13, 2017

You're right man. It's hard. Like she can just go in like I mean nothing. I wanna send her a message on social media, but I won't. I just wanna be ok. But the thing that kills me is that her being with somebody else. Kills me man. Kills me. But I appreciate that. I hope one day she'll realize what she has done to me

It's "ma'am", actually

Some of what I have said is based on a similar experience I had with an ex-boyfriend some years ago. I had definitely outgrown the relationship, and coincidentally, I was also 18 when I started dating him. We split after 5 years. I loved him but wasn't in love, as the saying goes.

When we parted ways, I didn't get as cold as your ex, but I also didn't make any special effort to keep the lines of communication open. There was no Facebook or other social media then, so I couldn't block him, but I did become very frustrated by his repeated attempts to call, email and so on. Part of that came from the fact that I genuinely wanted to move on, part from the fact that I didn't want to lead him on, and part from guilt. I felt terrible for hurting him, and that indeed stuck with me for a while.

We became civil again down the road, which is why I tend to think you and your ex will too, at some point. She - like me at the time - has a lot of growing up yet to do and will one day probably cringe at how she handled all of this. I know I wish I had been more sensitive too. My ex was a good man, just not the right life partner for me. With time, you will very likely meet someone who blows your ex right out of the water. Until then, give yourself plenty of time to heal.

January 13, 2017

It's "ma'am", actually
.

lol my apologies ma'am. But its hard to see right now. She became so cold to me. And I hate thinking about her being with someone else. It kills me. Someone you once loved can turn bitter cold towards you. I cant see myself shaking this at all. Especially the way I cared for her. But its life. Just gotta man up and keep moving.

January 19, 2017

Hey y'all,

I made a post last week about how my ex girl of 3 years broke up with me. She wanted to take a break I but ive never been through nothing like that, so every week I would try to talk to her she would get colder and colder towards me. She pretty much resented me and blamed me for her not enjoying college. We got together her freshman year, and my junior year. She's 21 and I'm 24

I moved to another state to attend law school while she's finishing her under grad. She said she felt free and blah blah, and said I was selfish because I couldn't put aside my pride and give her space. Sho she ended it. Mind you, I did everything for this girl. Paid her rent, bought her hair, gave her advice, got her a great job at 500 company and everything a man is supposed to do for there woman. All that.

But it seems she just lost attraction towards me and wanted to be free. It hurts. She broke up over text and said she didn't even want to. i begged her to say once she broke up with me that day, and we haven't spoken in 2 months. she blocked my number but didn't block me on no social media websites. But we don't follow each other but our pages are private. So I can send her a message whenever I want, but I haven't said a word. I don't think I'll ever talk to her again. Which sucks because I wanted to marry this girl. Now I don't even know her.

I broke no contact because I called her grandmother today who loves me to say hello. I fell like crap because I know it's gonna get back to her and now she's gonna know I'm still strung out over her. I'm mad at myself. Do you guys think I'll ever talk to her again? I feel like it's gonna make her resent me more because she's gonna think I'm using her grandmother to get with her. I wanna send her a message on insta and just ask her what did I do to you to treat me like this. What do you guys think?

January 19, 2017

My advice for you is that you more you can contact her, the more she backs off.

Dont feel bad, we all make mistakes.Just dont do it again

January 20, 2017

Poster above me is right. You need to stay Nc. Probably did a lot of dmg with all the pushing you did, so i wouldnt expect to hear from her until maybe after a lot of NC/Distance/Time. I wouldn't beat yourself up about the grandmother thing - after 3 years together im sure her family became like your family in a way, probably OK to say hi like you did. But i wouldnt do it again, personally, since the ex is so upset with you.

Just keep hard NC and focus on proximate cause and all that fun 1L stuff

January 20, 2017

She's gone her own way which is what you should do. Pining isn't going to help you much.

You're young. It happens.

Block her on everything and get a life. You don't have one there anymore.

January 30, 2017

Everybody who is going through a heart break, and are in here, listen to the people who've gone through it and there advice. Everything they say is true.

My ex left me the Sunday after thanksgiving, telling me she didn't wanna be in a relationship with me or anyone. And this is after 3 years. I begged the day we broke up and haven't said a peep since. I've been 2 months no contact. She blocked my number but didn't on any social media websites.

I listened to everything everybody told me, expect don't go snooping for stuff you don't wanna see and I just found out she has a new man. After all that crap about I don't want to be in a relationship with you or anyone, less than a month a later she has someone else. WOW. I'm so messed up right now. I don't know what to do. I've posted on here before, you can read the breakup we had.

Everything everyone on here says is true, listen to what they say. As much as I want to send her a message on social media, I wont. Silence is deadly, I won't say anything. I don't know if this a rebound relationship or what, but I know I am going to have to start my healing all over again because it messed me up. Don't do what i just did. There life should not matter to you anymore. I'm trying my best to move on and get back to my happy place. I'm happy I know that after 3 years it was that easy to move on. Life I tell ya. Stay strong brothers and sisters. We will all get through this together.

February 1, 2017

What wonderful advice you offer to others! So sorry to hear of your recent break-up! Perhaps these things happen for a reason although the pain of breaking up is still difficult, especially if you have invested years into that relationship! Continue to work on your own healing and follow your own advice! I hope you are back to your happy place very soon!

February 1, 2017

Thank you for this post. This is so true...I think a lot of us come on here heartbroken seeking advice, but we have trouble ACTUALLY listening and taking it.

I just recently posted about something similar, it's been a year since I've been dumped and I went snooping and found my ex is in a new relationship. It sucks. I actually went as far as contacting him after I saw that and it was HUGE mistake.

It sounds like you are handling this heartbreak the best you can, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how much it hurts. But it will get better, it's not easy, but it'll happen.

February 1, 2017

What wonderful advice you offer to others! So sorry to hear of your recent break-up! Perhaps these things happen for a reason although the pain of breaking up is still difficult, especially if you have invested years into that relationship! Continue to work on your own healing and follow your own advice! I hope you are back to your happy place very soon!

I will find it. I know one day I will have someone who adores and loves me with all there soul. And I know one day she will see the type of man that I am. It's life and we call have to go through some kind of hurt to fully live.

February 1, 2017

Thank you for this post. This is so true...I think a lot of us come on here heartbroken seeking advice, but we have trouble ACTUALLY listening and taking it.

I just recently posted about something similar, it's been a year since I've been dumped and I went snooping and found my ex is in a new relationship. It sucks. I actually went as far as contacting him after I saw that and it was HUGE mistake.

It sounds like you are handling this heartbreak the best you can, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how much it hurts. But it will get better, it's not easy, but it'll happen.

You have to move on by now. Don't hold on to there lives. Once you fully let go, and I do as well, that light on the other end of the tunnel is beautiful. We will all get there

February 2, 2017

Funny how when the SO breaks up with you they"don't want to get into a relationship they want to work on themselves " means they are interested in someone but I don't want to look bad so I'd rather lie to your face.

February 3, 2017

I don't know if this a rebound relationship or what

It very likely is. Shouldn't matter, you look after yourself for a while and not her, and you will be fine.

February 3, 2017

What do you guys think about her blocking my number and still not reaching it to me. I feel as I may never talk to her again. Sucks to know 3 years is for nothing

February 3, 2017

What do you guys think about her blocking my number and still not reaching it to me. I feel as I may never talk to her again. Sucks to know 3 years is for nothing

2 months is too soon to know whether u will speak again or not.

I was absolutely certain I wouldn't hear from my Ex after she broke off an off-and-on 9 year LDR.

6 months after hard NC, I got a few texts asking me how I am. I didn't respond which was hard because that's not really in my nature but I told myself if she is going to give up after 2 text messages and eating just a few days of my silence, well, it probably wasn't that important.

If and when you do get breadcrumbs, its actually very awkward and when you do get them you will wonder why you hoped for them.

I will say this but, I have thought long and hard about this business of only responding when your Ex kicks your door down. That is nonsense. That will just never happen and if it did, you would probably end up being the one who doesn't respect them. Reconciliations only work when it's a new clean-slate relationship so a returning Ex kicking your door down pretty much dooms the relationship from Day 1.

I do feel her asking me how I have been is definitely a sign she was at least trying to engage respectfully so it's a step in the right direction but not enough to require a response YET.

Maybe in another 3 to 6 months, if I feel I am 99% healed, I'll decide if I respond to those messages. With the crap I went through, I am entitled to take as long as I like to respond.

Edited February 3, 2017 by marky00

February 3, 2017

You are so right! In fact for me, It has been through my painful struggles and heartaches and seeing the other side where I have experienced much growth and wisdom in my life! Hang in there! You are gonna make it to the other side.....and you will learn! And you will grow! And your wisdom (which you seem to have a lot of already) will grow even more! Praying for you!!

Kathy

March 9, 2017

it's been 3 months since we last spoke after she broke up with me over text and I still miss her. She blocked my number, but left me open lines open through social media. I haven't bitten yet, but I do miss her.

a month after she left me she got somebody new, I wasn't even mad. It seems likes she's happy without me, hell she hasn't spoken to me in 3 months.

But the reason why heart break is so funny is that have two beautiful women that are in my life right now but I just find them boring. I haven't tried to sleep with any of them but it's just weird that I can't move on from this relationship. I'm giving myself a year to not date or sleep with anyone but it's so hard because I do love this woman that broke my heart.

I think my ego took a hit just how bad she left me, but that's what you get with dealing with young women. I miss the friendship more than anything, but I just wish she would at least open up communication with me, because 3 years with somebody.

Do you guys think that I should send her message on Facebook to see how's she's doing?

March 9, 2017

Absolutely not. You're not over her at all and that would only cause more pain. Whether you know it or not, you're expecting some kind of positive response, and that will probably not happen. We rarely get the answer we hope for from a dumper. That urge to contact her will recede in time. Don't give in.

March 9, 2017

Absolutely not. You're not over her at all and that would only cause more pain. Whether you know it or not, you're expecting some kind of positive response, and that will probably not happen. We rarely get the answer we hope for from a dumper. That urge to contact her will recede in time. Don't give in.

I don't want the relationship, I miss the friendship with her. It's hard to believe that after 3 years it came down to this. it baffles me. But i hope that I can forget her soon

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