Discussion about reconciliation

[abc0001]

I've dumped and been dumped, and every time it's wound up the same way...after the dumpee moved on, the dumper showed interest in coming back. I know it's not every single case that ends up this way, but after speaking to many people about it, there's A LOT of cases like this. Dealbreakers include cheating, abuse, serious debt, and mental issues that still aren't resolved. These make sense to me. The people who I dumped begged me back, which just gave me an ego boost. I started thinking about them more and more as a lot of time went on, the effects of NC were being placed on me. Some dumpers swear that they only give once chance...I agree with that if you never loved them and it never got serious. Even a very experienced and knowledgeable psychotherapist and relationship expert named Craig Kenneth agrees that dumpers at some point visit the idea of reconciliation. From the things I have been seeing, this is true too. It sucks becasue if you don't play your cards perfectly right, it will take a lot longer for the dumper to think about things. I can tell you if you have been dumped recently, the dumper probably feels happy without you, but that's how they feel at THAT TIME, feelings change. Your ex didnt love you right when they laid eyes on you, they loved you after a connection was built, the they lost love. It all changes. You can hate your friends guts after an argument but make up a week later. If the dumper finds interest and tries to come back, many times the dumpee has moved on, or has them blocked on everything. I wanted my ex back, but he moved on. The last time I was a dumpee,I moved on then guess who came back...my ex. So yea it's all complicated. Seems NC sucks at reconciliation because the dumper comes around too late, the dumpee spills too much emotion when they do show interest and push them away, or they show no change from the past issues and change their mind. Another big factor is the timing is so difficult for both parties to be interested at the same time...most of the time the dumpee has already moved on after the dumper finds interest. Just what I have been discovering after a while.

[jorgeg3d]

Since your ex has moved on and isn't willing to reconcile with you, do you regret leaving him?

[abc0001]

Since your ex has moved on and isn't willing to reconcile with you, do you regret leaving him?

 

No, the break up was needed. It allowed me to fix problems that I needed to fix and grow so much. Sometimes break ups are needed, and the two people can definitely reconcile later on after they are healed and their problems are fixed. The timing of when they are BOTH interested in reconciliation is the part that messes their chances up, it seems rare they both want to come back at the same time.