KayteeB93 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 (edited) This will be a long one so bare with me!! So, I met a guy on Monday and we went out for a drink on the beach. We had a wonderful time and sat under the stars drinking wine and laughing etc. We went back to his cause it was cold but nothing happened, we just cuddled and watched TV. We arranged a date for Saturday as he offered to take me out to eat somewhere so that was all arranged. Tuesday came around and asked if he could see me on Wednesday and suggested bowling to which I was really excited about. We messaged all night and it was lovely. Unfortunately on Wednesday when we got there it was packed and because I have anxiety I didn't want to go in so instead we drove back to his and watched a movie and again apart from cuddling and kissing nothing happened and he didn't try and peruse anything too forward which was nice. We saw each other again on Friday but this time things got heated, very heated lol and we ended up having sex but afterwards we still cuddled and watched a movie together and he was kissing my forehead etc. Saturday we went on and had the most amazing time, we were acting like a couple, having such a great laugh and it was honestly perfect. All throughout this week he was texting me consistently, speaking all the time and as you can see we had seen eachother three times already. I text him Saturday to see if he was busy the next day as it had been him which had arranged all the dates so far. He said he was so i said that was no problem. Anyway, so I saw him Monday evening and it was really cosy, no sex just cuddling, kissing and we gave eachother a back rub haha. However, we were watching a dating show on the TV and he said how this guy got more dates than him and his friend called up and called him a player after he said "yeah im busy, im with her" so I'm assuming his friend knew about me. Anyway, when I asked casually how many other girls he was dating he said "Well I am single, aint i" and I replied that of course he was. But to be honest, he'd be spending so much time with me I dont see how he could have been seeing others. Anyway, from then on the contact has become basically non-existent apart from the fact he would always call me when he got home from work and tell me about his day. I realised I had initiated the last three text convos. Apparently things are really stressful right now as he's just been promoted to manager and he explained everything that was going on but I didn't really understand it so I acted interested etc. I text him yesterday because I knew it was going to be a particularly stressful day just to tell him I was thinking about him and how he's doing an amazing job. He text back "thanks babe x" but didn't call me after work like he usually does and I haven't heard from him today at all. Could it all have been moving too fast for him? I'm so upset and confused cause we just clicked perfectly. What's my best move from here on out? I realise I was probably being a bit too clingy so is there anyway i can revive this? Or maybe he's just got comfortable so doesn't feel like we need to be in constant communication Edited January 13, 2017 by KayteeB93
stillafool Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Yes pull back. If he just got promoted he's probably busy. Give him space.
Author KayteeB93 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 Yes pull back. If he just got promoted he's probably busy. Give him space. thankyou, that's my plan, just let him to do the initial contact and see if he gets in touch
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 (edited) It's only been a week... You realize that your "relationship" has progressed really, really quickly, right? Maybe too quickly. It's possible that he's taken everything he wants from you and now he is ready to play the field again... Pull back and see what he does. And be wary, he has pretty much told you that he is dating other women. Do you really want to be sleeping with a man who is probably dating other women? I'm sorry to be a bit of a wet blanket, but be careful that you are not developing feelings for a man who may not actually be as invested in the relationship as you are right now... Edited January 13, 2017 by BaileyB 3
travelbug1996 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Us women have to learn to ask the pertinent questions before having sex, NOT AFTER. He owes you nothing. Lesson learned. Stop getting to the good part before knowing exactly how he feels about you. 8
ExpatInItaly Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Let him come to you. The truth is that you hardly know this guy. Yes, he might be Mr. Wonderful. Or he might be a total jerk. Trying to analyze his behaviour after a few days of interaction is futile. You don't yet know how he usually conducts himself when he's dating. Keep in mind he implied he is seeing other women, too. The point is not to panic. Let him show you who he is, and if he is still interested. If he fades, then there's not much to do but let him and carry on your way. 4
Author KayteeB93 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 Thankyou for your responses Yes, I am aware it has only been a week but its been a bit of a whirlwind week hence why I'm so up in the air. Of course having sex was stupid, but it happened and I refuse to beat myself up over it as we still had an amazing time without sex after that. He made it cleaar he is dating other women as we are obviously not exclusive yet and I won't be sleeping with him again until we have the whole "exclusive talk" 2
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Good plan. If you want to have sex, no need to beat yourself up... Just be cautious... You don't want to be hurt if he pulls back and fades away because the truth is, you really don't know much about him or his intentions at this point... In fact, you should trust his friend who says he's a "player" because he knows him better than you at this point... If he's dating other women, his intentions are a little suspect...
smackie9 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Thankyou for your responses Yes, I am aware it has only been a week but its been a bit of a whirlwind week hence why I'm so up in the air. Of course having sex was stupid, but it happened and I refuse to beat myself up over it as we still had an amazing time without sex after that. He made it cleaar he is dating other women as we are obviously not exclusive yet and I won't be sleeping with him again until we have the whole "exclusive talk" TBH I think he was just pumpin his own tires in front of you, to make him of more value....it's in the players handbook. 1
Author KayteeB93 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 TBH I think he was just pumpin his own tires in front of you, to make him of more value....it's in the players handbook. I have to agree, part of me thinks this because like I said he hasn't had any time to date other women unless he's been out on dates this week
Conviction Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Sounds like he ghosted you. I don't mean to be negative Nancy here, just giving my opinion. Look, when I was single, if I was interested in a girl, she'd know. Yeah life may get busy, but it's never that busy to the point that we can't take 5 seconds to send a "was a busy day, but I'm thinking about you" text. He may be a manager now, but he's not managing 24/7. He has time to contact you, he's just choosing not to. 2
Sara1989 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I think what happened is you went way too fast and he has just ran out of steam and lost interest. You should not have spent all your dates at his place, you should be going OUT together on dates at the start. I would let him contact you now, he MAY come back if you give him space. If he does, then maybe you should put some boundaries in place so you do not end up the fwb. I agree with the poster who said, have the talk before sex. I never done this and its come back to bite me a couple of times so I am now changing tact with guy I am currently dating. Goood luck 2
winny Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Anyway, when I asked casually how many other girls he was dating he said "Well I am single, aint i" and I replied that of course he was. I am only worried about this statement. It implies too many things - ~He is sleeping around. ~He is not serious about you. ~He is not planning to be serious any soon. ~He may be showing off or lying - not a good trait. ~He is not very concerned how you would feel when he makes such a blunt statement. Makes him selfish. ~You seemed to have made him your priority while he hasn't made you his. 2
hippychick3 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I have to agree, part of me thinks this because like I said he hasn't had any time to date other women unless he's been out on dates this week That is most likely what he did on Saturday when he was too busy to see you. 2
GildedLily Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 This will be a long one so bare with me!! So, I met a guy on Monday and we went out for a drink on the beach. We had a wonderful time and sat under the stars drinking wine and laughing etc. We went back to his cause it was cold but nothing happened, we just cuddled and watched TV. We arranged a date for Saturday as he offered to take me out to eat somewhere so that was all arranged. Tuesday came around and asked if he could see me on Wednesday and suggested bowling to which I was really excited about. We messaged all night and it was lovely. Unfortunately on Wednesday when we got there it was packed and because I have anxiety I didn't want to go in so instead we drove back to his and watched a movie and again apart from cuddling and kissing nothing happened and he didn't try and peruse anything too forward which was nice. We saw each other again on Friday but this time things got heated, very heated lol and we ended up having sex but afterwards we still cuddled and watched a movie together and he was kissing my forehead etc. Saturday we went on and had the most amazing time, we were acting like a couple, having such a great laugh and it was honestly perfect. All throughout this week he was texting me consistently, speaking all the time and as you can see we had seen eachother three times already. I text him Saturday to see if he was busy the next day as it had been him which had arranged all the dates so far. He said he was so i said that was no problem. Anyway, so I saw him Monday evening and it was really cosy, no sex just cuddling, kissing and we gave eachother a back rub haha. However, we were watching a dating show on the TV and he said how this guy got more dates than him and his friend called up and called him a player after he said "yeah im busy, im with her" so I'm assuming his friend knew about me. Anyway, when I asked casually how many other girls he was dating he said "Well I am single, aint i" and I replied that of course he was. But to be honest, he'd be spending so much time with me I dont see how he could have been seeing others. Anyway, from then on the contact has become basically non-existent apart from the fact he would always call me when he got home from work and tell me about his day. I realised I had initiated the last three text convos. Apparently things are really stressful right now as he's just been promoted to manager and he explained everything that was going on but I didn't really understand it so I acted interested etc. I text him yesterday because I knew it was going to be a particularly stressful day just to tell him I was thinking about him and how he's doing an amazing job. He text back "thanks babe x" but didn't call me after work like he usually does and I haven't heard from him today at all. Could it all have been moving too fast for him? I'm so upset and confused cause we just clicked perfectly. What's my best move from here on out? I realise I was probably being a bit too clingy so is there anyway i can revive this? Or maybe he's just got comfortable so doesn't feel like we need to be in constant communication "I am single, ain't I?" Besides being a cring worthy grammer nightmare is a DICK thing to say. That one response tells you all you need to know, this guy isn't boyfriend material. 6
winny Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Also this is pretty textbook for players. Make a girl have sex with you in one week and then done. And in that one week they will love bomb you. And I am pretty sure if you had asked that same question before sex the answer would have been different. Now he has had sex, he is assuming you will go no where so he can be as rude as he can be. In your mind it will be hard for you to give up on the picture he created in the last one week so you will give him benefit of doubt for such comments and actions. Your best course of action is to just be patient and watch his next steps. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 The solution is actually quite simple. Focus on yourself. Go out with friends, pick up a hobby, escape into a great TV series. Do something just for you. If you sense you have been too clingy or get a bit insecure when he's not around, try to boost your own activity outside of the relationship. This will give both of you some time to breathe, it will take your mind off things, and it will remind him why he likes you in the first place. Sometimes when we get into relationships, we forget about ourselves. Get back into your personal groove. This will also demonstrate to him that the relationship isn't the only thing happening in your life. You can also thing of it energetically. If you're focusing too much energy on the relationship, it might be pushing him away because it's too much. Redirect some of it to yourself.
introverted1 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 "I am single, ain't I?" Besides being a cring worthy grammer nightmare is a DICK thing to say. That one response tells you all you need to know, this guy isn't boyfriend material. Haha - yes, the grammar would be a huge turn-off. OP, there's nothing wrong with a ONS or FWB but it sounds like you are hoping for me. If that's the case, you likely need to learn more about a man before having sex and, if exclusivity is important, that's a conversation that should happen before you get naked. Based on what you've written, I'm guessing he's on the next conquest. That's not to say you won't hear from him at some point, but it doesn't sound like he's after a relationship.
kendahke Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Don't beat yourself up for having sex when you did, but do examine not having made sure your interests in this were addressed and shored up before your knickers came off. If all you wanted was to get an itch scratched, hey, ain't nothing wrong with that. But if you are now trying to machine a relationship out of 1 week of knowing someone, then you've put yourself on the path to FWB. ""I am single, ain't I?" TF? Duh, s0n... Or in Roadman dialect: "Allow it! You're so bait, fam... bare jokes, init..."
stillafool Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I don't know why everyone thinks he's a bad guy because he hasn't been in touch. He made it clear he was dating other people. He was honest. Even if he is dating other girls that doesn't make him a bad guy because he was honest about what he does. OP why do you feel bad about having sex with him when you wanted it as much as he did? So you each pleasured each other and you knew there was no commitment when you did it so why are you worried now? Yes I believe he is out dating other girls because as someone else says everybody has time for those they want to be with. My only advice would be to not get serious about men who tell you they are dating others as well. You can have sex with them, use protection and BC, but don't get serious about them.
Cathy92506 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 One of the hard things about relationships is that people can change. A person can feel very lonely (or any other feeling) and will reach out for someone else and find someone. Those two can have an amazing time. And when that person doesn't feel lonely anymore, he/she may not want to continue that relationship. 1
Author KayteeB93 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Posted January 14, 2017 Thankyou for all the replies! He got in touch last night and told me all about his day etc and was mentioning things we spoke about previously. He invited me out for a drink and I went and we had a lovely time before going back to his to watch a movie. Nothing sexual happened at all, we were just cuddling and kissing with his arm around me talking about the movie. His phone rang and it was a girl on the phone who was obviously drunk as I could hear her tell him she was on her third bottle of wine etc etc. Anyway he spoke to her platonically for 2 minuets and then hung up on the phone. I told him that I didn't appreciate him talking to other girls infront of me even if we wasn't exclusive to which he responded "Kaytee im not seeing any other girls, I'm only seeing you. We've seen eachother six times in two weeks between that and working where would I even find the time to make you think i've been seeing other girls" We hang out for another 30-40 minuets just talking and watching the film etc so I'm happy for the minuet. I've already told myself i'll give it another 4-6 weeks before expecting him to want to talk about a relationship and during that time seeing his actions reflect.
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