Dc74 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Ok here goes, I'm going to try and cover the most important parts. We have been together for 7 years, when we are good we are amazing, but when it's bad it's bad. We have a successful business together, 2 amazing dogs and declared that we are soul mates. Over the past year I have been trying to enhance our future, to create more security and deliver our dreams. In doing this I have become consumed by the whole process of building our dream for the future and also become distant whilst worrying about the future which has manifested into anxiety. She is my everything and all my worries about the future have turned into anxiety which for what ever reason has caused her to tell me that she no longer loves me. I have supported her without reservation, totally devoted my life to her, but because I have not been so loving from the physical side she has come to the conclusion that she does not love me anymore, not forgetting that during the last year where she started to drift apart she has made numerous declarations of out love by different means. So to sum it up, she has fallen out of love, but no matter how much I try to convince her that all of my anxiety, lack of physical love and hugs was all because I wanted to give her a better, more secure future, but unfortunately I have been eaten alive by the whole process and only now I have seen the mess it has caused. I want her to give me a chance to make things better, as they were in the beginning, but she says that can't do that as she is scared of being hurt again, being rejected and unloved, which I totally understand. So after all is said and done, she still wants me to live here, still work together and share what ever responsibilities come with that bizarre set up. She did say if there was a guarantee that things would be better then she would go for it, but as my crystal ball is broken I can't guarantee that guarantee. This my question, she has said no to trying again and she doesn't love me in that way, but reading between the lines, with her saying to continue living here and and work together, is she actually saying she is willing to see if I can become the man she first fell in love without actually saying it?
basil67 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I'm sorry. No, I think she just wants to avoid the mess involved with selling the business or buying each other out. And she's happy living with you, but only as a friend. I would advise you to disentangle yourselves and move on.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 She did say if there was a guarantee that things would be better then she would go for it Usually, I'm of the belief that if some falls out of love with you, that is a death sentence for a relationship. However, I quoted the above which gave me some pause. If this is purely down to a lack of intimacy, affection, and communication, I think there may still be a chance. I think couples counselling may be the way to go here. Ask her if she would be willing to give this a go. If she is open to that possibility then at least if it doesn't work out, you will both know that you tried everything to make it work.
Author Dc74 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 You know it's only this morning when I woke up I also thought another reason her wanting me to stay living and working together is so that I don't take her for pretty much everything. What idiot I feel, she said that she had been feeling this way for a year but was more than happy to keep on taking gifts, holidays and everything else along the way, what a joke, I even think my dignity might be on ebay if anyone is interested!
Mrin Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I'm with Scarlett on this. Up until that last sentence I was like "ya, move on". But that last sentence lingers with me. So, let me suggest this for you to try on: Imagine a future where you ask yourself morning, noon and night if you've been affectionate with her. And if not, you make a course correction. You become affectionate with her. Can you do that? Crystal ball.. bah. You do that all the time! Is my car locked? Did I take out the trash? Did I set the dishwasher to run? You have all of these prompts for the most mundane tasks in your life - why can't you have one for your soulmate? Think about that... Why is it that you can't take three times each day to ask yourself a question about one of the most important things in your life? Seems pretty easy doesn't it? So why make it hard? If you're up to the task then give her than guarantee. Tell her that morning, noon and night you'll check in with yourself to make sure that you're nourishing your relationship in the way she needs it to be nourished. Can't you make that commitment? You make it to your car. Your garbage. Your dishwasher. Why not to her? Write it down if you have to. Set an alarm on your phone. Be mindful of it. DO something about it. Look, you have very little to lose and everything to gain. What's stopping you from making that guarantee? Best of luck! Mrin
Author Dc74 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 Mrin, I have hand on heart said that I would make, give and guarantee that I will give the love, attention and emotional love she needs, requires and deserves, but she can't give me that chance. She can be a stubborn mule when it comes to somethings. I understand why she doesn't want to give me that chance because there is no guarantee from the universe, my personal guarantee is been declared useless in this situation. There could be hope of reconciliation without a verbal "ok, I'll give it a chance to see if you can love me like I want to be loved" I'm not short of options, I have other properties that she has no control over, I can just move there, itemise everything I have put into this home and business and half it, there's no way she can afford it financially. So the original question I posted is starting to look like, no there is no chance of a reconciliation, but just keep me here to avoid the chaos of splitting up the house and business.
Been Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I think you answered your own question. She wants the best of both worlds. Tell her to kick rocks. 1
BAcK Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 She had already made it clear to you that she does not love you anymore. I know it hurts a lot but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you will heal. Honestly she is just being nice and avoiding the legal mess by asking you to stay. But you should move out and avoid being needy or clingy. If she misses you and wants you back she must be the one to take the first step. Sometimes you have to walk away.
Sweetfish Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I like that you said we have a business together and thats code for You built the business and your created the foundation. So let her walk.
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 As you both have a lot to lose here, then I would go to couples counselling and see if there is a way forward. You merely lost your way. You took her for granted and she lost the emotional connection. As she is in no hurry to leave, and there is no-one else involved, I think you may have a chance.
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