Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Posted January 17, 2017 I’ve been dating this guy I met off and app (had a recent post about a rescheduled date due to his hospitalization). Anyways, the date happened and it went well. The plan was to watch a movie at his place, but he texted me asking if I wanted switch to mine bc he didn’t want me to get sick. He thought he cleaned up pretty well (surface areas, door knobs etc.), but just wanted to be safe. He left the final decision up to me (my or his place for the movie). I chose mine bc I didn’t want to take any changes. We had a good time, learned more about each other and he told me he liked me. I responded I liked him too and he made a joke like “phew! Would be awkward if you said you didn’t!” and we laughed about it. When it was time for him to go he said “see you later this week?” I said smiled and said yeah, sounds good. He then made a weird joke being like “ah no, you’re just going to be like F off” and i laughed and said “no, i want to see you! What days would work for you this week?” He took out his phone and told me Thurs or Fri work and I told them they would work for me too. 2 questions... Do you find it concerning HE would make the joke that I would reply “no, F off haha” to seeing him later in the week? I’ve accepted all dates so far. Asked questions about him/his life, told him stories about me, laughed, and shown intimacy towards him. I also told him I liked him too after he said it first. I’m thinking this may be his way to ease tension as he might be a BIT nervous at times regarding my reactions to dates. Since he’s for the most part arranged all dates so far, I wanted to suggest dinner at this specific restaurant. I have a gift certificate to this restaurant that we can us. I was thinking of texting Wednesday: “Would you be interested in checking out x restaurant Thurs or Fri? I have a gift certificate we can use”. ^ Does this make me come off sounding cheap or insincere? Basically, I want to plan/pay for a date myself. Or say, “my treat” (instead of mentioning the certificate... which he will see anyways when I pay) idk if “my treat” sounds too weird. I just don’t want him to think he’s automatically paying for this dinner as I know a grad student’s budget is tight.
lurker74 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 OK - to the question about, "EFF off," it sounds like it's his sense of humor. Many people - especially inexperienced men - use humor as a defense mechanism. It sounds like a harmless if slightly annoying trait of his. You have to decide if it's too much for you to bear. As to the certificate, as a man, I am used to paying for a lot of dates. Eventually the woman offers to pay or split the bill. If she offered to pay and then took me to a place she had a certificate about, I would absolutely have no problem with it. I would mildly tease you about it but it would just be a joke (see first paragraph) and I would honestly feel like if I were certificate-worthy, that's a good thing. If he feels differently then he's probably a jerk and better to find out now.
anna121 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 It sounds more like a bit of an awkward moment. I would see if it recurs. As to the certificate, absolutely nothing wrong with using it. It's using your resources to treat him. The fact that it you yourself got it as a gift is irrelevant.
kendahke Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Do you find it concerning HE would make the joke that I would reply “no, F off haha” to seeing him later in the week? No. This is called "self-deprecating humor". “Would you be interested in checking out x restaurant Thurs or Fri? I have a gift certificate we can use”. For me, that would convey that you had an awareness of how much it costs to date. I consider it to be a nice gesture. Not everyone thinks as I do, so you may get a wide range of responses on this. 1
Lilyana76 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 I just think he likes to bash himself and thinks its funny.. i wouldn't read too much into that comment. As for the gift cert. just say, "hey I have this gift cert to xxxx, wanna come check it out with me?" To me, I like when a person has coupons or gift certs. It shows me they are financially responsible in some ways. Maybe that's just me because I'm a cheap *ss lol
Simple Logic Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 I’ve been dating this guy I met off and app (had a recent post about a rescheduled date due to his hospitalization). Anyways, the date happened and it went well. The plan was to watch a movie at his place, but he texted me asking if I wanted switch to mine bc he didn’t want me to get sick. He thought he cleaned up pretty well (surface areas, door knobs etc.), but just wanted to be safe. He left the final decision up to me (my or his place for the movie). I chose mine bc I didn’t want to take any changes. We had a good time, learned more about each other and he told me he liked me. I responded I liked him too and he made a joke like “phew! Would be awkward if you said you didn’t!” and we laughed about it. When it was time for him to go he said “see you later this week?” I said smiled and said yeah, sounds good. He then made a weird joke being like “ah no, you’re just going to be like F off” and i laughed and said “no, i want to see you! What days would work for you this week?” He took out his phone and told me Thurs or Fri work and I told them they would work for me too. 2 questions... Do you find it concerning HE would make the joke that I would reply “no, F off haha” to seeing him later in the week? I’ve accepted all dates so far. Asked questions about him/his life, told him stories about me, laughed, and shown intimacy towards him. I also told him I liked him too after he said it first. I’m thinking this may be his way to ease tension as he might be a BIT nervous at times regarding my reactions to dates. Since he’s for the most part arranged all dates so far, I wanted to suggest dinner at this specific restaurant. I have a gift certificate to this restaurant that we can us. I was thinking of texting Wednesday: “Would you be interested in checking out x restaurant Thurs or Fri? I have a gift certificate we can use”. ^ Does this make me come off sounding cheap or insincere? Basically, I want to plan/pay for a date myself. Or say, “my treat” (instead of mentioning the certificate... which he will see anyways when I pay) idk if “my treat” sounds too weird. I just don’t want him to think he’s automatically paying for this dinner as I know a grad student’s budget is tight. Invite him to dinner, pay for it with your gift card, and don't over think stuff.
angel.eyes Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) Sorry, but hanging out and watching a movie at your place with some guy you met off a dating app is not a date! Has he actually planned a date and taken you somewhere that didn't involve his or your sofa? What's with the low effort nonsense and laziness? Why would you bother with someone whose best foot forward is hanging out on your couch and watching Netflix as an early date? If that's the best version of him, what happens when he gets comfortable and complacent and puts in even less effort than this no effort version you're already getting? Save your gift certificate for someone who actually shows some effort and is as invested as you are. This guy clearly isn't. Edited January 17, 2017 by angel.eyes 1
mightycpa Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 I think it's beta humor... he's used to getting shut down, and that's his way of telling you. As for the certificate, that depends on the value. For example, if it is a free sandwich with the purchase of any other sandwich at McDonalds, I'd skip that until you can use it spur-of-the-moment. If it's totally upscale, like Morton's or Ruth Chris', then I'd save it for a later date, something special. If it's middle-of-the-road, then yeah, that sounds really good. Based on the first date, it sounds like he's into saving a buck.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Posted January 18, 2017 I think it's beta humor... he's used to getting shut down, and that's his way of telling you. As for the certificate, that depends on the value. For example, if it is a free sandwich with the purchase of any other sandwich at McDonalds, I'd skip that until you can use it spur-of-the-moment. If it's totally upscale, like Morton's or Ruth Chris', then I'd save it for a later date, something special. If it's middle-of-the-road, then yeah, that sounds really good. Based on the first date, it sounds like he's into saving a buck. It's a middle of the road place. Sit down restaurant in a quaint area of the city that's good for couples and families alike. I ended up sending the text, now just waiting for a response.
preraph Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 I think gift certificates are perfectly fine under any circumstances unless the person just hates that type food, and I think coupons are fine, but I wouldn't use one on the first couple of dates and I wouldn't HAVE to have a coupon or gc in order to go to a restaurant, because then that IS cheap.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 22, 2017 Author Posted January 22, 2017 I had my 5th date with a med student (out to dinner with my gift certificate). He immediately took out his credit card to pay. I told him I had it. He then asked if I was sure and offered to split the bill, I declined and he thanked me.The dinner went great, good conversation, lots of laughs, and a good stories to tell. He's a very entertaining conversationalist which makes time with him great. He mentioned he had 2 big exams coming up this week. He also expressed he was nervous bc it was a lot of material and he doesn't feel like he's remembering/feels like this will be his lowest grade. He didn't eat much and he said he often can't eat when he's stressed. He got a doggy bag and I told him it would be a good study snack. After dinner, he got us a cab to my place. In the cab he said he was just going to go home after dropping me off bc he needed to study and "party with my books. Real exciting life I have." He asked some questions about the city (he's new here) and said he'd like me to show him around. He asked what some of my favorite restaurants and said we should go sometime. He told me he had a good time (kissed me in taxi-- a little awkward with the driver so close but whatever lol). When the taxi got to my place, he said he would see me again. I asked if he was free next week, he said he studies a lot but he could always come over and study so we could at least spend time together. We kissed again and I told him it was good to see him. When I got inside I texted: Had a good time tonight good luck with studying! would be nice to see you next week after your exams HIM: It was great seeing you! I would really like to see you again soon. HIM: if you don't mind me being boring, I can always come over and study while you watch a movie or something. I study a lot so I figure that might work sometimes. ME: Not at all! You're welcome to tonight , or you can next week, just lemme know when's good ^ I will admit I was a dissappointed (and tipsy) that he didn't come in. But I guess that's better than a "wham, bam thank you ma'am" and then him leaving immediately after to study. After thanking about it, I'm glad he ended the evening at a nice dinner, kiss, and saying he wanted to see me again. I know the "general rule" is let the guy pursue etc., but this one is a crazy busy/stressed med student. I also know it won't let up anytime soon as there is years of school, residency, etc. As I told him "lemme know when's good" should I just leave it up to him to tell me when he wants to do something? OR I was thinking of texting him on the day of his exam "good luck today! Do you want to come over x or x day? You can bring your books and we can order food" I DO really enjoy spending time with him and I realize his studies come first. I told him I was also very busy and stressed when i was in grad school so I can relate. Just not sure how to approach trying to move forward in a relationship with a med student... Let him steer or me to be a little more "forward" suggesting dates?
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 I had my 5th date with a med student (out to dinner with my gift certificate). He immediately took out his credit card to pay. I told him I had it. He then asked if I was sure and offered to split the bill, I declined and he thanked me.The dinner went great, good conversation, lots of laughs, and a good stories to tell. He's a very entertaining conversationalist which makes time with him great. He mentioned he had 2 big exams coming up this week. He also expressed he was nervous bc it was a lot of material and he doesn't feel like he's remembering/feels like this will be his lowest grade. He didn't eat much and he said he often can't eat when he's stressed. He got a doggy bag and I told him it would be a good study snack. After dinner, he got us a cab to my place. In the cab he said he was just going to go home after dropping me off bc he needed to study and "party with my books. Real exciting life I have." He asked some questions about the city (he's new here) and said he'd like me to show him around. He asked what some of my favorite restaurants and said we should go sometime. He told me he had a good time (kissed me in taxi-- a little awkward with the driver so close but whatever lol). When the taxi got to my place, he said he would see me again. I asked if he was free next week, he said he studies a lot but he could always come over and study so we could at least spend time together. We kissed again and I told him it was good to see him. When I got inside I texted: Had a good time tonight good luck with studying! would be nice to see you next week after your exams HIM: It was great seeing you! I would really like to see you again soon. HIM: if you don't mind me being boring, I can always come over and study while you watch a movie or something. I study a lot so I figure that might work sometimes. ME: Not at all! You're welcome to tonight , or you can next week, just lemme know when's good ^ I will admit I was a dissappointed (and tipsy) that he didn't come in. But I guess that's better than a "wham, bam thank you ma'am" and then him leaving immediately after to study. After thanking about it, I'm glad he ended the evening at a nice dinner, kiss, and saying he wanted to see me again. I know the "general rule" is let the guy pursue etc., but this one is a crazy busy/stressed med student. I also know it won't let up anytime soon as there is years of school, residency, etc. As I told him "lemme know when's good" should I just leave it up to him to tell me when he wants to do something? OR I was thinking of texting him on the day of his exam "good luck today! Do you want to come over x or x day? You can bring your books and we can order food" I DO really enjoy spending time with him and I realize his studies come first. I told him I was also very busy and stressed when i was in grad school so I can relate. Just not sure how to approach trying to move forward in a relationship with a med student... Let him steer or me to be a little more "forward" suggesting dates? I can't believe what some of you women will settle for.
Sara1989 Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 Stop acting like the man, you are still in the early days of dating and you are chasing him. Seriously back off now, let him contact you about the date. If a man likes you however busy he is, he will make time. I also think its funny he did not go back to yours after dinner, he really couldnt put studying on hold for the night?
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