ThisisIt606 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I had 3 good dates with a guy from a dating app. After the 2nd date he texted me that he was going home for a few weeks for the holidays but would really like to see me again. He suggested dinner when get gets back. I told him I'd like to see him again soon and dinner sounds great when he gets back. We kept in touch a bit over break wishing each other merry xmas and happy new year. Asking how things were going and he sent me a pic with his family. He texted me when he was back in town asking if I had plans the next night. I told him I had (my hobby) and asked if he's around during the weekend. HIM: No, I have [planned trip] this weekend. However that should be my last weekend I'm away HIM: I'm usually much more available lol. HIM: I'm actually free tonight if that works. Obviously super last minute so no pressure. I told him tonight wouldn't work because I was in the middle of something. I suggested a day next week and he agreed. This was date 3. We went to 2 bars/restaurants and talked. We also went for a brief walk after through a park. He said "I know I don't have a lot of free time (grad student) but I've really enjoyed getting to know you and I had a good time tonight" I told him I did too. He turned towards me and we kissed/good mini make out. He asked what I was doing this weekend bc he'd like to see me again. He said he was just studying. He suggested his place to watch a horror movie (it's one of my favs even though he isn't too keen on it) and to bake a pastries from our cultural background. I told him that sounded good. We got a cab together and it dropped us off in a spot where we could walk to our respective homes. He kissed me again and said "see you this weekend" and I replied "sounds good." When I got home, I texted: ME: Thanks again fun night! have a good rest of the night luck with your (proj he told me about) tomorrow! HIM: I had a great time too. Looking forward to seeing you this weekend! ME: Looking forward to seeing you too! So far no major red flags that I'm seeing... I have a history of making excuses for guys and/or trying to take the reigns in the early stages when I should just see if he initiates. I'm trying to start this year off right and not go back into my old ways. So far he is doing well initiating dates and I'm being enthuastic about them. We don't text much in between dates and that's not concerning me too much just yet. Should I try to make small talk during the days between dates? I'm thinking of texting tomorrow afternoon: "Hey *name*! hope your days going well. what time works for me to come by tomorrow?" I'm also only willing to make-out at his place. Going to try really hard to stick to my boundaries I set in my head (in the past I can get carried away) If he DOES try to do more than make out/cuddle. What are some good things I can say to put the breaks on? I only want to have sex once we are exclusive (however I don't want to scare him away by talking about exclusivity so soon). So far I like him and I am interested in being exclusive if after a few more date getting to know each other we still feel compatible. I'm sick of *wondering* post sex and want to try to do things better with guy.
Purepony Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I'd be more concerned on why a grown man is using lol in his text 1
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 That sounds great!!! Texting him to confirm the time you are expected is totally ok and you should always confirm the time of your arrival. If you don't want to be intimate then just don't let it escalate to anything. No touching under the clothes, no undressing and no laying down on the bed, don't get drunk, don't stay over. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I wouldn't have accepted the just slightly creative take on "Netflix and chill" offer this soon, especially after the repeated "I don't have much free time" warmup...sounds like he is warming up to hitting it and then ignoring you for days on end because I mean, he DID tell you he's busy busy busy after all, now didn't he...? Not to be the voice of doom. I could certainly be wrong. I don't know, I would've been put off by his making so darned sure you have it hammered into your head that he is just SUCH a busy guy...Be prepared, he almost certainly expects sex on Ethnic Pastries and Netflix Night, so...whatever you decide about that is your choice. I hope I am wrong but it all just sounds so formulaic to me, right out t of The Official Hit It And Fade Textbook. Watch yourself about what you do with all this and how quickly you invest emotions. JMO.
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I had 3 good dates with a guy from a dating app. After the 2nd date he texted me that he was going home for a few weeks for the holidays but would really like to see me again. He suggested dinner when get gets back. I told him I'd like to see him again soon and dinner sounds great when he gets back. We kept in touch a bit over break wishing each other merry xmas and happy new year. Asking how things were going and he sent me a pic with his family. He texted me when he was back in town asking if I had plans the next night. I told him I had (my hobby) and asked if he's around during the weekend. HIM: No, I have [planned trip] this weekend. However that should be my last weekend I'm away HIM: I'm usually much more available lol. HIM: I'm actually free tonight if that works. Obviously super last minute so no pressure. I told him tonight wouldn't work because I was in the middle of something. I suggested a day next week and he agreed. This was date 3. We went to 2 bars/restaurants and talked. We also went for a brief walk after through a park. He said "I know I don't have a lot of free time (grad student) but I've really enjoyed getting to know you and I had a good time tonight" I told him I did too. He turned towards me and we kissed/good mini make out. He asked what I was doing this weekend bc he'd like to see me again. He said he was just studying. He suggested his place to watch a horror movie (it's one of my favs even though he isn't too keen on it) and to bake a pastries from our cultural background. I told him that sounded good. We got a cab together and it dropped us off in a spot where we could walk to our respective homes. He kissed me again and said "see you this weekend" and I replied "sounds good." When I got home, I texted: ME: Thanks again fun night! have a good rest of the night luck with your (proj he told me about) tomorrow! HIM: I had a great time too. Looking forward to seeing you this weekend! ME: Looking forward to seeing you too! So far no major red flags that I'm seeing... I have a history of making excuses for guys and/or trying to take the reigns in the early stages when I should just see if he initiates. I'm trying to start this year off right and not go back into my old ways. So far he is doing well initiating dates and I'm being enthuastic about them. We don't text much in between dates and that's not concerning me too much just yet. Should I try to make small talk during the days between dates? I'm thinking of texting tomorrow afternoon: "Hey *name*! hope your days going well. what time works for me to come by tomorrow?" I'm also only willing to make-out at his place. Going to try really hard to stick to my boundaries I set in my head (in the past I can get carried away) If he DOES try to do more than make out/cuddle. What are some good things I can say to put the breaks on? I only want to have sex once we are exclusive (however I don't want to scare him away by talking about exclusivity so soon). So far I like him and I am interested in being exclusive if after a few more date getting to know each other we still feel compatible. I'm sick of *wondering* post sex and want to try to do things better with guy. Going to try really hard to stick to my boundaries I set in my head (in the past I can get carried away) -- If you don't want to have sex with him yet, don't even put yourself in the position for it to happen. And, now what you're setting yourself up for, if he seems to want sex and you cuddle, smooch, everything else, and you take it off the table, is going home and wondering if he's upset that you didn't have sex with him and that's the reason he stopped calling. It's really a catch-22, you have sex and he stops calling or you kinda open that door then close it and he stops calling. Nevertheless, if he starts to go down that road, you simply say that you are attracted to him that way but aren't prepared to do that with him just yet. If he keeps calling, great. You maintained your boundaries and he's still calling. I'd rather maintain my boundaries and have him stop calling than drop my boundaries and have him stop calling. 4
Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Posted January 14, 2017 (edited) I was supposed to have a 4th date tonight with this guy I met off an app. He's initiated all dates and I've been receptive. He texts me this AM a picture of him in the hospital saying bad news, I got really sick last night and ended up in the hospital. I was hoping to feel better by tonight but it doesn't look like it. I hope to be better by Sunday or Monday if you'd like to reschedule? I told him oh no! I hope you're feeling better. What do you think it was? Want to say Monday? That gives you a bit more time. He said he thinks it was food poisoning but isn't sure. He also said Monday would work. He said he would text me tomorrow night if he's not feeling better. I told him ok, sounds good and I hope you fell better! Food poisoning stinks! I know he's telling the truth so that's not my question ( could see his hospital ID band with name, bday, MRN, and a hospital name I know very well that is also close to where he lives) so it makes sense he would go to that hospital. I could also check the date the pic was taken and saw he took it last night ( which aligns with what he said) Should i send him periodic texts to ask how he's feeling or just to chat? He knows I had a hair appt today, should I send him a snap of my new hair? I don't want him to think I'm too dismissive. I want to let him know I'm interested despite his illness setback. Should I send him something or just wait until he texts me again? I just don't want him to feel like he's doing all the work since he's sick in the hospital. Maybe I can suggest a low key date idea for Monday? Edited January 14, 2017 by ThisisIt606
alphamale Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 Should I send him something or just wait until he texts me again? let him convalesce and wait for him to text you 2
Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 Yeah, I haven't sent anything yet. I'm just going to let him rest and hope he feels better by Monday. Usually these are 24 hour things if it's food poisoning?
Imajerk17 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 Text him tomorrow am to ask how he is doing (don't bring up your date on Monday, you're not checking to see if you are still on, you are just seeing if he is feeling better). It's not pushy at all, cripes he was in the hospital! It seems that people on this site are too worried about coming on too eager or whatever, when in reality, a nice text can hardly ever hurt. If I had to be admitted to the hospital and a girl I had been on 3 dates w didn't check in w me at least once, I'd conclude she wasn't that interested.
winny Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 It can take 3-4 days... Dont text anything till Monday morning. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 Text him tomorrow am to ask how he is doing (don't bring up your date on Monday). It's not pushy at all, cripes he was in the hospital! It seems that people on this site are too worried about coming on too eager or whatever, when in reality, a nice text can hardly ever hurt. If I had to be admitted to the hospital and a girl I had been on 3 dates w didn't check in w me at least once, I'd conclude she wasn't that interested. The exchange I wrote about above just happened today. I told him I hopped he felt better. I don't want to step on his toes since he said he would text me, but I agree sending him a quick text tomorrow would be OK. Something like; Hey *name*, how are you feeling? ^ anything else to add? I'd like to make it a bit more personal but not sure what to add.
spiderowl Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 I think I would want to be supportive while he was in hospital. Send 2 or 3 texts maybe, just to show you care that he is not well, but not enough to hassle him. Could say something like 'don't worry about replying, just want you to know I am thinking of you'. What would you want him to do if you were ill?
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 The exchange I wrote about above just happened today. I told him I hopped he felt better. I don't want to step on his toes since he said he would text me, but I agree sending him a quick text tomorrow would be OK. Something like; Hey *name*, how are you feeling? ^ anything else to add? I'd like to make it a bit more personal but not sure what to add. You wait for him to do what he said he would do . . . 2
winny Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 I think I would want to be supportive while he was in hospital. Send 2 or 3 texts maybe, just to show you care that he is not well, but not enough to hassle him. Could say something like 'don't worry about replying, just want you to know I am thinking of you'. What would you want him to do if you were ill? OR wait till Monday morning and say - "Hey good morning!! didn't want to disturb you yesterday. Hope you are doing better now.." 2
Ronnys93 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 OR wait till Monday morning and say - "Hey good morning!! didn't want to disturb you yesterday. Hope you are doing better now.." I like this idea. Nothing wrong with showing some concern. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 OR wait till Monday morning and say - "Hey good morning!! didn't want to disturb you yesterday. Hope you are doing better now.." She should wait for him to do what he said he would do . . . And, she isn't waiting . . . she's sitting back and observing. They've only been on 4 dates. Forget about what he might be assuming about her interest. She's accepted 4 dates. Unless, he's "just that insecure", he will do what he said he would do. 1
winny Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 She should wait for him to do what he said he would do . . . And, she isn't waiting . . . she's sitting back and observing. They've only been on 4 dates. Forget about what he might be assuming about her interest. She's accepted 4 dates. Unless, he's "just that insecure", he will do what he said he would do. Oh I missed that part.... about him saying that he would text tomorrow night. Yes in that case, no texting. Waiting for him to text back. He is a big man... not a baby and I am sure he has family and friends to take care of him... 2
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 Oh I missed that part.... about him saying that he would text tomorrow night. Yes in that case, no texting. Waiting for him to text back. He is a big man... not a baby and I am sure he has family and friends to take care of him... Exactly. If this were a more "established" relationship, sure, she should reach out. They have not even declared exclusivity. Right now, he's just a guy she's accepted 4 dates with . . . This is a big distraction . . . let him show her that food poising isn't more of a distraction than estrogen poisoning 2
Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) Oh I missed that part.... about him saying that he would text tomorrow night. Yes in that case, no texting. Waiting for him to text back. He is a big man... not a baby and I am sure he has family and friends to take care of him... just to clarify it has been 3 dates ( date 4 was what got canceled due to his sickness and may happen Monday). He's new to the area and his family lives on the other side of the country. He as a few friends from school but not sure how close he is to them.... I'm torn b/c i DO like him, and he's never been a big texter. He mainly texts to confirm/update times for getting together. Hardly any chit chat stuff. If I was sick in a hospital, I would want the guy to check up on my via text. However he DID say he would text me by tomorrow night.. We don't have any plans set for monday. The date tonight was supposed to be me going to his place to watch a movie and bake. But on the other hand, i know guys are different from women... prob just want to sleep off their sickness/deal and then talk to me when hes feeling better. I already told him i hoped he felt better and agreed rescheduling sounded good...so i HOPE that shows him i'm interested and I care. Edited January 15, 2017 by ThisisIt606
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 just to clarify it has been 3 dates ( date 4 was what got canceled due to his sickness and may happen Monday). He's new to the area and his family lives on the other side of the country. He as a few friends from school but not sure how close he is to them.... I'm torn b/c i DO like him, and he's never been a big texter. He mainly texts to confirm/update times for getting together. Hardly any chit chat stuff. If I was sick in a hospital, I would want the guy to check up on my via text. However he DID say he would text me by tomorrow night.. We don't have any plans set for monday. The date tonight was supposed to be me going to his place to watch a movie and bake. But on the other hand, i know guys are different from women... prob just want to sleep off their sickness/deal and then talk to me when hes feeling better. I already told him i hoped he felt better and agreed rescheduling sounded good...so i HOPE that shows him i'm interested and I care. You accepted 4 dates. If that's not enough of a signal to him, that's his problem. Let him do what he said he would do! Do not operate from a place of anxiety. 1
winny Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 just to clarify it has been 3 dates ( date 4 was what got canceled due to his sickness and may happen Monday). He's new to the area and his family lives on the other side of the country. He as a few friends from school but not sure how close he is to them.... I'm torn b/c i DO like him, and he's never been a big texter. He mainly texts to confirm/update times for getting together. Hardly any chit chat stuff. If I was sick in a hospital, I would want the guy to check up on my via text. However he DID say he would text me by tomorrow night.. We don't have any plans set for monday. The date tonight was supposed to be me going to his place to watch a movie and bake. You have already texted with him today... chill...!! And wait till tomorrow night. He just has food poisoning. He can deal with it. Your text is not gonna make any difference to his health or magically change his point of view about you. Are you actually worried about his well-being or that he may think you are a bad person if you don't text him? Don't try to use this opportunity to make him like you by projecting yourself as a caring person. Whatever you are, you are. These silly things such as texting doesn't prove anything nor are you in anyways obligated to prove yourself. Do you really think he is lying on his bed thinking oh why she isn't texting me? NO. He is not expecting any texts from you because he has made it clear that HE will text you when he feels better. That is a polite way of saying, please don't text me in between. 2
winny Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 Should i send him periodic texts to ask how he's feeling or just to chat? He knows I had a hair appt today, should I send him a snap of my new hair? Please don't do this 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 This may sound cold, but...you're not his mommy, to worry about his tummy. In fact, you're not officially even his girlfriend yet. When you are his girlfriend and you two are closer, then you can cluck over him. Until then you're just going to come off as smothering and overly concerned too early. This will not make the impression you want. You already expressed concern. That's plenty, for how well you know each other so far. Don't text him again until he contacts you. 3
Author ThisisIt606 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Posted January 15, 2017 You have already texted with him today... chill...!! And wait till tomorrow night. He just has food poisoning. He can deal with it. Your text is not gonna make any difference to his health or magically change his point of view about you. Are you actually worried about his well-being or that he may think you are a bad person if you don't text him? Don't try to use this opportunity to make him like you by projecting yourself as a caring person. Whatever you are, you are. These silly things such as texting doesn't prove anything nor are you in anyways obligated to prove yourself. Do you really think he is lying on his bed thinking oh why she isn't texting me? NO. He is not expecting any texts from you because he has made it clear that HE will text you when he feels better. That is a polite way of saying, please don't text me in between. YES- this hit the nail on the head. It's a mix I am worried about his well being AND he might think I'm a bad person if I don't text to ask again.A small part of me DOES think he has been lying around wishing I'd text ( bc I can see that being me if I was in his situation... lol ) But I get it, I've accepted 4 dates, we made out, I told him I've had a fun time on dates.. He should realize that I'm waving the big green " I like you" flag. this is just my anxiety coming through/ would be operating from a place of anxiety ( which is normally where i've fallen in past relationships). So yes, I'll just wait to see what he texts me tomorrow night. thanks everyone! 3
winny Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 I hope he does keep his promise and everything turns out well 2
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