hawkeye_fan_20 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Well, about 8-9 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend on the grounds that she wasn't mature enough in life to carry out a long distance relationship (200+ miles away). We agreed to stay friends (we all know how THAT goes) and I thought that I had put it behind me. Well 9 months later I am single, live alone, haven't had a "date" since my last date with my EX. The problem is, is that everytime I think i'm over her, she calls me, and then I can't stop thinking about her for a week. Or if I get drunk I can't hlep but call her and everytime I watch a sappy movie I can't finish it becuase it brings back too many memories. I bought a dog to attempt to soothe the lonliness, but its not working. Should I just be stronger and carry on or did I make the biggest mistake of my life?
Merin Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by hawkeye_fan_20 did I make the biggest mistake of my life? Honestly the only person who really knows the answer to that is you.. Sounds to me that you still care a lot about this Girl, and maybe things were not as bad as you thought when you ended the relationship to begin with
Moose Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Hey hawkeye fan, my wife is from the quad cities. Anyway, about your post. Personally, I think your excuse for breaking it off is a lame one. That was your first mistake. I think it's too late to consider getting back with her unless she moves closer. So you might as well get out and have some fun. I realize that Iowa isn't the biggest, badest, happenin' state.....but hey, if Mrs. Moose is from there, there has to be a few other hotties up there!
Author hawkeye_fan_20 Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Well, it is slightly more complicated. 1st of all I might be moving to Seattle in August leaving her 2000+ miles away not just 200. And secondly, one of the huge reasons I haven't gone running back into her arms is because she is....well...for lack of a better word, clingy. After 9 months form what she tells me and others she would take me back in a heartbeat, and has done nothing but think about me these past 9 months. Honestly I dont know wether or not to read this as extreme devotion or bordering on the line of low self-esteem becuase she is trying to hold onto something that made her feel good. But hey, thats why I am not a psychiatrist. Its just, she is starting college this fall (she choose this college because I attend it BTW) and now I will be leaving. I dont want to hold her back or make her move to a city that she isnt ready for (hell, i dont know if i am ready for seattle). I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I will never have the same connection with anyone as i did with her. All I want her to do is move on and be happy so at least I can get the idea of us being together again out of my head once-and-for-all.
Moose Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I will never have the same connection with anyone as i did with her. GEEEEEZ Dude, get into your car, drive to her place, pick her up, take her with you, and never let go!!!! I'm serious!
mixwell Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Moose GEEEEEZ Dude, get into your car, drive to her place, pick her up, take her with you, and never let go!!!! I'm serious! Serious man do it !! 200 miles isn't that bad.. you can drive for 2-3 hours and be with her.. thats not bad at all.. When i moved away my ex was 1/2 way across the US ! I think you should get in your car and take her with you like moose said !! I think you both love each other very much and you both aren't happy.. Don't let this girl go man !! Take her to Seattle with you !!! If you don't it might be one of the biggest mistakes you have ever made.. DO IT !!! Okay let us know whats up.. You should just call her though and drive and see her.. When was the last time you saw her anyways ?? Take care, Peace
Author hawkeye_fan_20 Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 first off thanks for the insights and adivce ppl, i apprecaite a 3rd perspective (thus the entire point of this forum). Last time I saw her was when I was back in town for Christmas of 04 and I last spoke with her a few weeks ago on the phone. I just dont know, I feel like I am split 3 ways. I do want her back, but I dont want to hold her back. Also, I still have that slight urge to check out the grass on the other side of the fence...that syndrome. Besides, she comes from a family where her mom is a nurse and her dad is a doctor, and, of course, has always wanted his daughter to date someone like him....Im not a doctor, never will be, nor will I ever have enough money to impress her family. As I talk to you guys about this, it is opening my eyes to how many reasons why this would never work. It was a great 2 years while it lasted but I just dont think that it was meant to be. Thanks again for all the input.
smile95 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I will never have the same connection with anyone as i did with her. I have the same fear with my ex....however no one ever told me to go to him and never let go....they would have told me to go to him....maybe just to kill that jerk! Sounds like nothing really "happened" to break up. Can you talk to her about it? Maybe she feels the same and just does not know how to tell you? What do you have to lose? I 10000% know the feeling of being scared to never find that connection, but everyone here tells me that is a normal feeling. Good luck!
Author hawkeye_fan_20 Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 Thanks again all for the posts. Just to let you all know what is happening, I got an IT job out in Seattle yesterday. I move the middle of August. I called my ex and told her about it, no emotion from me. She sounded 1/2 way alright but her friend called me this morning to tell me she had broken down and her friend stayed up with her for most of the night. What am I supposed to do? There isnt anything I CAN do is there? I am moving to Seattle and she has to stay in Iowa and thats that. I just wish it didn't have to work out this way.
Moose Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Besides, she comes from a family where her mom is a nurse and her dad is a doctor, and, of course, has always wanted his daughter to date someone like him....Im not a doctor, never will be, nor will I ever have enough money to impress her family.I'm sorry, but this isn't a good enough excuse. Who cares what her family wants their child to have monitarily. I don't know if I spelled that right, but that's lame. Her parents should care more about her happiness, not what her SO can provide for her. As long as you can support her and provide her with what she needs to have a normal life, they shouldn't complain. Don't let the parent's expectation have a bearing on her or your hapiness. It doesn't have to work out this way, a man can change his stars.......I borrowed that......
strange love Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Hi Most of us on here will never get a chance to get back with someone. You not only have that chance, but your ex is very into you still. I had a few "what if" girls in my life already. I wish I could get back with my current ex. I think about her everyday and life seems pretty empty without her. So I guess what I am saying is you seem like you are in the same situation. Months later still having feelings for her is probably a sign. I too have dated many ladies. I still end up wanting my ex. I may just end up closing up my shop and moving away to run away from these feelings.
Author hawkeye_fan_20 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 Hey all, I just wanted to give you all an update. I did some hard thinking these past couple of days and decided hands down I want...nay...need this woman back into my life. I called her for the first time in a month and broke down. I explained to her how I had been wrong and it was stupid of me and how I didnt deserve her...just on and on for an hour, she told me she had to think about it for a few days and for me to not contact her in that time frame....she seemed to have zero emotion in her voice when she did talk which I think can mean 1 of 2 things. 1) she is sick of me didnt want to hear what i said and just wants to wait a few days before crushing me....or 2) she doesnt want to seem to willing to take me back and doesnt want to throw herself out there and be vulnerable all at once....I just pray i get a phone call from her...i miss her so much. and even if i dont get her back (which quite frankly, i dont deserve her back) at least ill have closure. hope for the best all.
Moose Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 That is awesome to hear! Can I suggest something? What's her favorite flower? Send her some.......don't leave your name on them, just send them. Does she have a favorite stuffed animal? Send her one the second day, don't leave your name on it. Is there anything else she likes that only you know about? Send her one, or a likeness of on the third day, again, no name. The rest of us will wait, and hope right along with you.
dr strangelove Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Hawkeye you didnt something really tough. ANd dont be surprised if she says no. You maye have to do a bit more then that to win her back. Your in a special case where a bit of effort would be a good thing flowers or something else. If you could send a little stuffed animal and say this guy here to say I love you and watch over you when im not around or something cornball like that. My otehr thought is if you really want to make an impact you will have to see her face to face.. you can see her emotions etc.. Phone or email is only half way. (dr) strangelove
Author hawkeye_fan_20 Posted July 30, 2005 Author Posted July 30, 2005 Hello all. I drove up and back last night, (450 miles) to see her, to talk to her, to dicuss things. A very long story short she is now seeing someone. After nine months of wanting nothing but to be with me, when I finally come around, she can't. She says she still loves me, and it kills her that she can't, but that her whole heart wouldnt be in it if we did it right now. She told me about how over the course of the past nine months that everytime she saw me she lapsed back into her thoughts when we dated and everytime I left she would do something self-destructive. I care so much about this girl yet it seems all I bring her is pain and misery. I cant decribe to you all how I felt after last night, I just wanted to crawl into a very very small corner and die. My friend told me that I should join the Marines. Said that he knew someone who did that when times were tough and it straightened him out, so maybe ill do that. Who knows. Thanks again for all your comments, they meant alot to me and was the main reason I found the courage to go and talk to her.
dr strangelove Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Im sorry to hear it went that way but I do recall saying she would say no. See you have hurt her. And shes probably afraid that you will leave again. Leave as in "try to break up" right? Or leave as in leave town? Once again im sorry, but shes probably gonna take a bit more work then that. Id either make second pass ..possibly propose to her. Im saying that because of the leaving thing. Or move on and perhaps she will contact you. The new guy seems like a rebound to me. The more I read these posts I see little bits of myself. And little bits of my ex. Its very tough on a woman when you break up with her and walk away. I told my ex I was moving out and breaking up with her and she went nuts.. I didnt understand her actions as being really hurt, I only saw someone as being nasty to me. Keep us updated. But I have feeling you will hear from her in about 2 weeks or less. Just play it cool for now and figure out your work situation. dr strangelove
Author hawkeye_fan_20 Posted August 2, 2005 Author Posted August 2, 2005 thanks dr. strangelove. i guess i knew deep down that she would say no, and i woudl bet all that i am worth that its because she is afraid of beign hurt by the same person again. now she calls me, almost everyday, sometime about pointless crap, other times she says things i dont think she shoudl be saying. for instance, last night she called me up and the first words out of her mouth was that we was very hot from running and was laying naked on her bed. who the **** says that to the guy you just turned down? and she is constantly dropping questions conserning her new bf like advice. not to mention she put her kid sister (3 years old) on the phone to me last night because she said she missed me. is this god's poetic justice here or what? turning me down then doing nothing but throwing her life at me? since that night i havent been able to sleep without the aid of a little green. its the only thing that stops my mind from racing about her. and i just stared at the ceiling all day having no motovation to do anything. i am thinking i should seek professional help. who knows. but once again, thanks for the post.
dr strangelove Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Maybe I should do this professionally. Ok BTW hawkeye there is no guy . My ex pulled that trick on me a million times. I guess she talks about him to test you to see if you are jealous. I remember when my ex went on about well I met some guy hes really spirtual. Then she came to see me so we could go to the beach. I was telling her I was glad she met a new guy, sounds like they are a match.. Then she said oh we havent being speaking lately. And another time I think she just confessed that there was no guy. You dont need professional help I think u just need to think, do I want this girl? Yes obviously you do, its just tough to make it work. You have a second chance still. Dont mess it up like I have, Ive had some many many chances. Now im contemplating leaving everything i built for 10 yrs. Let me ask you is she asking about you at all? About other females? Trust me if she wasnt into you she wouldnt call... if she was totally into this other guy if there is even one. She would be on the phone with him constantly. I can only sit here and give you advice on what to do to get her back. You have to decide if that fits in with your plan. Im sorry love isnt easy, I wish it was but it isnt. But at least she is talking to you. Some of us dont have that luxury.
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