niskanen Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I'm dating a girl (25y/o) I met on a dating site. She has her own little restaurant and basically works 6 days a week, 12 hours days, of running around all the time. We've been on a couple of dates, which were very good. Lots of fun, laughs, seductive looks, shared some secrets, good rapport. She told me she likes to move slowly, to be really sure of the next steps etc, so I'm aware of that. She's relationally inexperienced (only had 1 BF before). I know she's not dating others, because she only has 1 free day a week, and she mostly spends it with me (which is a big sacrifice, which means she must like spending time with me). However, what I don't understand, is that it takes her days to react to my texts or IM. I'll write her something, I'll get a very short response 2-3 days later. At the same time, I see that's she's online often, sharing and liking on Facebook. Chatting with her bff. It's annoying to me to only see someone once a week, and hardly get any response from her in the meantime. What could be the cause of this? Is she scared to commit? Emotionally immature? How can I tell her that I would like her to be more responsive, without seeming needy?
IfonlyIknew Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Sounds like she is keeping you at arms length. I was all for her in the beginning of the dilemma that she isn't talkative online/phone but totally "there" in person but 2-3 days with social media time in between isn't a good sign of interest. You can't really do much about it or address it with out sounding needy, it's her pace vs your pace. If you asked her to speed up the texting, it would most likely backfire.
Larryville Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 It's annoying to me to only see someone once a week, and hardly get any response from her in the meantime. Someone on another thread mentioned about how women have to “politely delay” to keep dudes from triggering a negative response. You guys are not even a couple yet you are annoyed…. I don’t get that. She’s busy and things in her life are a bigger priority than you are right now. Chill… If time is an issue with you, find someone who can give you more time... 4
NinjaX Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Yeah, just let her be. Let her come to you at her own pace because you cannot force or rush it. Keep yourself busy and stop obsessing over her behaviours. Appreciate that she is spending quality time with you in person.
Author niskanen Posted January 12, 2017 Author Posted January 12, 2017 Someone on another thread mentioned about how women have to “politely delay” to keep dudes from triggering a negative response. You guys are not even a couple yet you are annoyed…. I don’t get that. She’s busy and things in her life are a bigger priority than you are right now. Chill… If time is an issue with you, find someone who can give you more time... I understand what you're saying. Perhaps I should change my words from 'annoyed', to 'surprised'. Because, I've just never seen this type of behavior before. (Being very into someone, but only in person.) I'll give it time and patience.
Sara1989 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I would say she is not interested but she is still seeing you weekly for dates. She could be playing hard to get? she may not want come across too keen? she may be meh about you? I think give it a bit more time as its early days, as long as the dates are still happening. But at a point you should be able to speak to her about the lack of contact.
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 First do not assume she is not dating others because she works 12 hours a day. I met a man online that owned his restaurant and yes he spent 6 days a week managing it but he had multiple affairs at night. He would invite women to his restaurant when it was closed for sex. Before you met her face to face was she responsive online? When you made contact with her did it take her 2-3 days to reply to you. If not, if she replied promptly then you have your answer. You are less interesting now than before meeting. Also, let me share a little secret with you. When a woman says she wants to take it slow it's because she has another (or several others) waiting on her line and you're not her favorite one. 2
Author niskanen Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 First do not assume she is not dating others because she works 12 hours a day. I met a man online that owned his restaurant and yes he spent 6 days a week managing it but he had multiple affairs at night. He would invite women to his restaurant when it was closed for sex. Before you met her face to face was she responsive online? When you made contact with her did it take her 2-3 days to reply to you. If not, if she replied promptly then you have your answer. You are less interesting now than before meeting. Also, let me share a little secret with you. When a woman says she wants to take it slow it's because she has another (or several others) waiting on her line and you're not her favorite one. She practically said that she always takes it slow almost immediately on the first date. As a kind of disclaimer. I think, partly because she has little time, came from a painful relationship (over a year ago), and partly, to keep her options open as long as possible. She also lives with her parents. She doesn't date on the other days. There is no question about that, this is a little city where rumors go quick :-) Initially, she was also slow, but that meant reacting after half a day. I guess she's probably in online contact with someone else and wants to have a date or two as well, and/or unsure about what she feels for me.
Gaeta Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Initially, she was also slow, but that meant reacting after half a day. I guess she's probably in online contact with someone else and wants to have a date or two as well, and/or unsure about what she feels for me. Reacting after half a day...so you know she has it in her to reply promptly to messages. If she doesn't now it's because she purposely leaves your messages there unanswered for days. Of course she doesn't know what she feels about you, you've only been on a couple of dates, she should not feel anything, it's still the exploring phase. Now, you shouldn't spend your energy on what she wants and ask yourself what YOU want. What is your goal online, if you are a serious dater, if your goal is to find a long term partner, than don't waste your time with people only there to keep their options open, concentrate on women that are serious daters and will let you know after 2-3 dates if it's a go or not.
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I understand what you're saying. Perhaps I should change my words from 'annoyed', to 'surprised'. Because, I've just never seen this type of behavior before. (Being very into someone, but only in person.) I'll give it time and patience. Yeah, I would find it a bit odd that she's non-responsive online between seeing each other. I mean, most women I've dated chatted/texted between dates here and there. Of course, if using social media in general for her isn't a thing she's into, it would make sense. But I usually stay in touch during the week if dates are a week apart.
Author niskanen Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 True. Good advice. We're on a date again next week. If it goes quite well again, then I feel I should communicate that my wish is for it to become more serious. Let her know unambiguously what I want.
phineas Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 True. Good advice. We're on a date again next week. If it goes quite well again, then I feel I should communicate that my wish is for it to become more serious. Let her know unambiguously what I want. Don't do that. it's cringe worthy. she said she wants to move slow. Let her. You text her to set up a date then you don't text her again and let her reach out to you to verify the date is still on. Then go spend your time and energy meeting other women. I seriously hope you are not sitting home playing video games and ignoring other women for a chick that can only see you once a week and takes days to answer your texts. You are going to tell her you want something more serious? After three dates? Have you even kissed her? You think her waiting 2 days fire off a 2 word response is annoying? Wait until you start to lose interest, find a new girl and the one who seemed like she couldn't be bothered to take 10 seconds to respond to your text has noticed you got scarce and starts blowing up your phone. now, THAT is annoying.
Author niskanen Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 Don't do that. it's cringe worthy. she said she wants to move slow. Let her. You text her to set up a date then you don't text her again and let her reach out to you to verify the date is still on. Then go spend your time and energy meeting other women. I seriously hope you are not sitting home playing video games and ignoring other women for a chick that can only see you once a week and takes days to answer your texts. You are going to tell her you want something more serious? After three dates? Have you even kissed her? You think her waiting 2 days fire off a 2 word response is annoying? Wait until you start to lose interest, find a new girl and the one who seemed like she couldn't be bothered to take 10 seconds to respond to your text has noticed you got scarce and starts blowing up your phone. now, THAT is annoying. Thanks. That's what I have done, I'm not reaching out anymore now. I have been dating other women, and continue to do so. But I prefer this one :-) "More serious": I mean, more serious about communication. I don't mind dating her slowly, but not the radio-silence. If she *does* like me, she should realize that that behavior is not working for me. We've had a couple of short kisses on the mouth. No passionate kissing yet. (I think she's a bit insecure, nervous & inexperienced about dating in general. Most of my 1st/2nd dates usually end with a tongue). 1
strawberryshortstack Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Thanks. That's what I have done, I'm not reaching out anymore now. I have been dating other women, and continue to do so. But I prefer this one :-) "More serious": I mean, more serious about communication. I don't mind dating her slowly, but not the radio-silence. If she *does* like me, she should realize that that behavior is not working for me. We've had a couple of short kisses on the mouth. No passionate kissing yet. (I think she's a bit insecure, nervous & inexperienced about dating in general. Most of my 1st/2nd dates usually end with a tongue). If she's always been slow to respond, and her level of communication isn't working for you, you either need to learn to accept less, or find someone who can give you what you need. You cannot ask, or expect, her to change her behavior for you. Whether she likes you or not. The thing is, no matter how busy a person is, if they like the person they're dating, they make time for that person. Even if it's just an hour for a drink and catching up. I suspect she's lukewarm about you, but doesn't have any other options at the moment.
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I totally get your frustration but as already pointed out, she made it clear she wants to take things 'slow' for whatever reason. You're not in an exclusive relationship so the time and energy you're spending trying to figure her out is wasteful. You're dating other women which is good and important even though you prefer 'this one'. She's not ready to march to the beat of your drum so there isn't much more you can do right now apart from pull back and let her make the next move. It's sh*tty especially when you really like someone and want more but as we say in French, c'est la vie. Good luck.
fred123 Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 I totally get your frustration but as already pointed out, she made it clear she wants to take things 'slow' for whatever reason. You're not in an exclusive relationship so the time and energy you're spending trying to figure her out is wasteful. You're dating other women which is good and important even though you prefer 'this one'. She's not ready to march to the beat of your drum so there isn't much more you can do right now apart from pull back and let her make the next move. It's sh*tty especially when you really like someone and want more but as we say in French, c'est la vie. Good luck. So how long does he wait for her to change? He cant be two or 3 months in and she still is taking it slow like this right??
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