My boyfriend has added a woman to facebook after creeping her name on her ticket.

[sandylee1]

Why waste your time with this guy. Such people aren't worthy of your time.

 

Get rid of him.

[VeveCakes]

He is just going on a trip which was planned before hand and made a new friend on Facebook. Rest all is speculation.

Would OP have the same reaction if this woman was "unattractive"?

If she doesn't trust her BF and needs to monitor and control his online activities then that in itself is more than enough reason to break it off.

 

No of course she wouldn't be as worried, because I hardly doubt he would have added her if she was some ugly woman. Has nothing to do with her insecurities, it's called being smart and following your gut. I would never be ok with my bf meeting hot women and then adding them on Facebook. Why does he need to add her on there, other than to creep her pics or chat with her?

[joseb]

Or he is feeling that she is trying to control every bit of his life due to her own insecurities. If he chatted up an attractive woman and added her on Facebook that is not a crime. Why is OP feeling so threatened? This has more to do with their relationship than this new woman. She seems to already not trust him.

 

I'm all for having a life and friends while in a relationship.

But no way I'm going to chat up pretty women and add then to Facebook if I am in any kind of serious relationship. I avoid being in one so I can do such things

[aisuru]

It sounds as though you have been desperately trying to make a relationship with somebody who is just not into you between this thread and your October breakup thread.

 

You have to believe you deserve better.

[bluefeather]

He is attempting to cheat. sorry :/ good detective work, though.

[kendahke]

He has refused to delete her and now we aren't talking. Any thoughts?

 

What is there to think about?

 

You asked him to remove her and he told you to go kick rocks. Ball is in your court now.

 

You either reward this behavior by staying with him and understanding that the presence of you in his life isn't enough to make him act in a respectful way with you

 

or

 

you bounce and find a man who doesn't creep other women and their privacy--preferably one who remembers he's in a relationship before ok-ing with himself to creep other women.

 

 

But there is nothing any of us can tell you to make him flip into being someone more acceptable for you. He's got to do that of his own volition and from what you've written, his volition isn't coming from or leading him towards a path of integrity.... so the rest is on you to effect a change for you--meaning: bounce.,

[Versacehottie]

i would keep NOT talking to him. Doesn't feel like there is much to discuss. Sorry & hang in there.

[BlueRidgeMT]

This guy has caused you grief before, and NOW he is totally disrespecting you right to your face.

 

If you are good with that, and are looking for more of the same, stay with him.

 

If you are tired of being treated like trash, dump him. AND DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK AGAIN!

[mellybelly]

I don't agree that is fine for my partner to chat up an attractive girl and add her on facebook. Would it be okay for him to ask for her number? I don't see a difference. It might be okay in some relationships but it is not okay with me and I don't see that as being controlling. I would not do that and I feel like I have the right to want the same thing in return.

[kassy]

I haven't read the other thread. But this sounds like it's not much fun for you. Whatever his intentions, and whatever his reasons for not wanting you on holiday with him... This sounds like a horrible relationship.

 

Just do yourself a favour, move on and look for someone who is a nice person who you have fun with! Life is too short for stuff like this. People usually either add or detract from your life. Keep the ones who add to it and remove those who detract from it... Starting with him. And he needs to be removed in every way and permanently.

[phineas]

I don't agree that is fine for my partner to chat up an attractive girl and add her on facebook. Would it be okay for him to ask for her number? I don't see a difference. It might be okay in some relationships but it is not okay with me and I don't see that as being controlling. I would not do that and I feel like I have the right to want the same thing in return.

 

while i agree, OP shouldn't even be in a relationship with this guy.

She sounds damaged.

 

No healthy woman would be with a man like OP's.

[kendahke]

I don't agree that is fine for my partner to chat up an attractive girl and add her on facebook. Would it be okay for him to ask for her number? I don't see a difference. It might be okay in some relationships but it is not okay with me and I don't see that as being controlling. I would not do that and I feel like I have the right to want the same thing in return.

 

It's not controlling on your part... But you have to recognize that he's not about to give you the same thing in return---and thus, machining outcomes and bargaining away your self respect/esteem for no gain is called "selling yourself out", and on that, you cannot blame him. Only yourself.

 

He's going to do exactly what he feels like doing and the presence of you make no difference in that decision. He's been pretty explicit from what you've written and I'm surprised you are not making the connection.

 

Question really is: are you going to like who you have to turn into in order to keep this guy in your bed?

[mellybelly]

So he is into surfing and is going to CR for surfing camp. He doesn't want me to come because "he wants to concentrate on surfing". Now he is telling me a whole extra part of the story which is that he added her because she is a surfer and knows good spots and that is why he wanted to keep in contact with her. He says he just happened to see her name on the boarding pass and it dawned on him after she had already left that he should add her on facebook.

 

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

[olivetree]

So he is into surfing and is going to CR for surfing camp. He doesn't want me to come because "he wants to concentrate on surfing". Now he is telling me a whole extra part of the story which is that he added her because she is a surfer and knows good spots and that is why he wanted to keep in contact with her. He says he just happened to see her name on the boarding pass and it dawned on him after she had already left that he should add her on facebook.

 

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

 

Lol. He didn't say this originally because he just came up with it.

 

It seems like you are motivated to hang onto this relationship no matter what.

 

Everything everyone said here still stands.

 

Your bf is being shady and you're putting up with it.

[elaine567]

So he is into surfing and is going to CR for surfing camp. He doesn't want me to come because "he wants to concentrate on surfing". Now he is telling me a whole extra part of the story which is that he added her because she is a surfer and knows good spots and that is why he wanted to keep in contact with her. He says he just happened to see her name on the boarding pass and it dawned on him after she had already left that he should add her on facebook.

 

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

 

Because it isn't true, he just newly thought it up to excuse his behaviour...

[Versacehottie]

So he is into surfing and is going to CR for surfing camp. He doesn't want me to come because "he wants to concentrate on surfing". Now he is telling me a whole extra part of the story which is that he added her because she is a surfer and knows good spots and that is why he wanted to keep in contact with her. He says he just happened to see her name on the boarding pass and it dawned on him after she had already left that he should add her on facebook.

 

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

 

Usually people don't creep the names on boarding passes unless they are highly interested or that itself is one of the original lies and they exchanged info. It really really really doesn't look good.

[Zahara]

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

 

It's because he just concocted it to save his behind and pull the wool over your eyes.

[Redhead14]

now it seems quite reasonable. -- Really? This further explanation is reasonable? It only seems reasonable to you because you WANT to believe him and you DON'T WANT to do what you should do . . . rationalization is usually just a way of organizing chaos to calm anxiety . . .

 

By the way: He doesn't want to bring you because he wants to concentrate on surfing . . . so it's OK that he's hitting up a strange woman who just "happens" to surf too??? Why don't you suddenly develop a serious interest in surfing and buy a surf board and ask him to start teaching you . . .

 

Why didn't he give that explanation first? -- Cuz, he didn't think fast enough and/or he thought you were too dumb to keep "doing the math".

 

Buy yourself a calculator with a really well lit screen.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Oh dear.

 

I don't think there's anything anyone can say to talk you out of your denial.

 

So, I'll just wish and hope the best for you.

 

 

So he is into surfing and is going to CR for surfing camp. He doesn't want me to come because "he wants to concentrate on surfing". Now he is telling me a whole extra part of the story which is that he added her because she is a surfer and knows good spots and that is why he wanted to keep in contact with her. He says he just happened to see her name on the boarding pass and it dawned on him after she had already left that he should add her on facebook.

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

[bachdude]

So he is into surfing and is going to CR for surfing camp. He doesn't want me to come because "he wants to concentrate on surfing". Now he is telling me a whole extra part of the story which is that he added her because she is a surfer and knows good spots and that is why he wanted to keep in contact with her. He says he just happened to see her name on the boarding pass and it dawned on him after she had already left that he should add her on facebook.

 

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

 

 

You said initially that he "peeked" at her ticket to get her name and now he says he "happened to" see her name on the ticket and it just "dawned on him" later to add her on Facebook!

 

 

So we have two stories going on, OP. If he had said this from the beginning, then I would be more likely to believe him but the change in details here sounds like he is trying to pacify you.

[VeveCakes]

Yeah, and they must have had quite the convo if he knows all about her surfing. Guaranteed they sat together on the flight. It's almost impossible to creep someones name on a boarding pass...lets be serious.

[hippychick3]

Yeah, and they must have had quite the convo if he knows all about her surfing. Guaranteed they sat together on the flight. It's almost impossible to creep someones name on a boarding pass...lets be serious.

 

Exactly. I can barely see the number on the pass of the person standing in front of me in the boarding pass line to figure out if they should really be in front of me....and boy do I have to strain to see that (Southwest Airlines which doesn't have assigned seats).

[Redhead14]

MY boarding pass gets put in my purse or briefcase as soon as I pass through boarding gate . . . and if I am still carrying it in my hand, I am being herded through the boarding tunnel with the rest of the cattle, bumping, etc. It is impossible to read someone's boarding pass. It would take a whole lot of "creeping" to see my information. It's a bullsh*t story.

[VeveCakes]

MY boarding pass gets put in my purse or briefcase as soon as I pass through boarding gate . . . and if I am still carrying it in my hand, I am being herded through the boarding tunnel with the rest of the cattle, bumping, etc. It is impossible to read someone's boarding pass. It would take a whole lot of "creeping" to see my information. It's a bullsh*t story.

 

Totally! Mine goes in my passport....on the picture page.

 

Even if he did somehow manage this...seems like a lot of effort for a new "friend".

[kendahke]

Now he is telling me a whole extra part of the story which is that he added her because she is a surfer and knows good spots and that is why he wanted to keep in contact with her. He says he just happened to see her name on the boarding pass and it dawned on him after she had already left that he should add her on facebook.

 

He never originally said any of this and now it seems quite reasonable. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just explain in the first place.

 

he said it was a woman he talked to in the line up to the plane. And that he had just peeked her name on her boarding pass and added her.He has refused to delete her and now we aren't talking.

 

If he'd had that conversation and you were standing next to him in line while he was talking to her, how is it that you didn't hear this conversation in real time? Or is it that he's gotten in touch with her during the time you two weren't speaking and now is trying to gaslight you into thinking he'd had this conversation at the airport?

 

Still doesn't cancel out the fact that he invaded her privacy by snooping her boarding pass. That's creepy a.f.

 

He's waxing you to a high gloss. He intends to go to CR, pursue her out of your line of site.

 

Can you afford the time off and expense to fly to CR yourself? He can't prevent you from going if you want to go... even if you weren't going, considering how much gaslighting he's trying on you, for me, the insult to my intelligence would be hard to dismiss. I'd spend my time scaring him into believing I was going to fly there myself. His reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know about his intentions, both towards you and this chick.