2005tahoe Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I am a 38 year old male and recently I met a 21 year old mother of one, online. W had a first date last night and had great chemistry. It not that odd for me because my dad was 15 years older than my mother. They we 36 and 20 when they met. Just wondering if there were any success stories or any advice that could be given.
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 It will only be successful if you both have the same priorities, expectations, life goals, level of maturity, and things in common like music, interests, etc. If there are too many differences generation wise, it will become evident down the road when the honeymoon period ends. 2
VeveCakes Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 21 is young nowadays - compared to 20 when your dad was young. Not saying it won't work - but be very careful to line up what you are both looking for. Once risk with dating someone so young is that a few years down the road they begin to feel they missed out - and want freedom. 3
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 YOU didn't just meet this young lady online, you went looking for a very young women and I guess she is either looking for sex/casual/FWB, or she is looking for a father for her child. Seems to me that most of the stories on here, result in the older guy getting very hurt. He lines the young woman up as "wife material", which she at first agrees to, but as she grows up, younger men and the life she missed out on take her away from him. At 21 she may think her peers are immature boys, but when she is 25, those "boys" are now men and she is stuck with a 42 yo... I am not saying it cannot work, but the different stage of life and different life goals usually take their toll long term, especially in modern times. It may have worked for your father but there is no guarantee it will work for you. Be careful. 3
fireflywy Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 To the OP I would read "The Decameron" and Boccacio tales of older men and younger women.
Miss Peach Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I've seen this happen many times and often times the men think they lucked out and want to lock the woman down. But people change a lot between 20 and 30 so there is a good statistical chance that even if it works now, she'll want something different by 30. I've always said when it comes to age, being in the same place in life is important. Between 20 and 38 I really doubt you are (even though she might have grown up quickly being a mom). Usually the age gap is less felt as you get older. For example 18 to 25 is a big age gap but 35 to 42 isn't. 3
Purepony Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 I wouldn't have anything in common with a 21 years old but then again I hate Facebook so yeah ...
joseb Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 What are you looking for OP? If some fun, then yeah i can envision a success story. I wouldn't be looking at that situation long term. 1
morrowrd Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 You'll be fine. It's going to be an act of will you your part to not assume an air of authority because your older. Treat her as an equal. I was in a three year relationship with a girl 14 years younger, once your past 30 - unless there is some dysfunction or a maturity problem (I know 55 year olds who act like teenagers), you should be fine. 1
Epicurus77 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 People can only make generlizations. Maturity, as well as compatibility are a case-by-case basis. How relationship savy are you? You are going to have to do the heavy lifting - its your life, sink-or-swim. Any bad relationship can mess up your life. A good one can add value.
aileD Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 So it's just a fact that at 21 her brain isn't fully developed in the areas of reasoning and decision making. Just keep that in mind because as she matures, her views on life and relationships may change. Also a lot of times young women who are attracted to older men are looking to be taken care of (either consciously ...but a lot of the time unconsciously too)...and she has a child so she may see you as a stable grounded and established man which instantly makes you more attractive. The problem is when she's at the age she can provide those things for herself you may become less attractive . You also may have issues with having history in common. Different tastes in music and movies. she also is at the age where many people her age are finding themselves. Going out and having fun, taking risks in social and career settings. You've kind of been there done that. She may also want to have more kids, are you at the age you want to have kids (or have more kids if you have some)?. I'm 41 with 16 and 13 year olds and can't imagine starting over and spending til I'm almost 60 raising another kid. Also when she's in her sexual prime, you're going to be 60 and on the other end or headed that way. Younger men may catch her eye. Now this is not to say it can't work. But you have to be realistic about all these things I've mentioned plus probably a lot more. You can't go off of "it's LOVE! It will be perfect". You have to have realistic expectations and conversations to make sure this is going to work for both of you. But for now date and have fun. Go there if it starts to get serious
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 OP, you said your father and mother were just fine with such an arrangement, so what is it you need advice on? Didn't you see this very dynamic modeled all the time you were growing up?
Simple Logic Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I am a 38 year old male and recently I met a 21 year old mother of one, online. W had a first date last night and had great chemistry. It not that odd for me because my dad was 15 years older than my mother. They we 36 and 20 when they met. Just wondering if there were any success stories or any advice that could be given. Why don't you date a woman 55 years old? What do you think is going to happen when she is 38 and you are 55?
Mumbles Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I think this is quite common, and its not only between an older man and younger women. I've got a small but not insignificant number of couples in my circle where the age gap is anything up to 25 years. The age difference tends to show up most glaringly at the opposite ends of the age timeline. So, 20yo with 40yo tends to be difficult, likewise, 60yo with 80yo. In between, theres a lot to be said for pairings of this type. If theres more than just a couple of years between the two, chances are high that the older partner has their **** together, material wise, probably in a good job, owns a house, car(s), timeshare somewhere, etc, etc. I'm not talking about the cliche gold-digging here, but having a partner with whom life won't necessarily be a continual struggle to get by can be terrifically freeing and interesting. But ... if its going to be an LTR then both people need to walk in with their eyes wide open. There are differences in both maturity and physiology that will show up from time to time. To use a cliche, theres not much future in a 40yo party girl being with a 60-65yo guy who'd prefer to be in bed with milk and cookies at 9pm. But different people reach different maturity and life experience levels at different ages, so, at face value, with due caution and understanding from both sides, why can't it work? 1
Shanex Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Well said, Mumbles, enigma32 too. I am turning 33 soon. I do not think it is a preference at all in the OPs situation. Seems they just clicked for a first date and it is a bit early for speculations about whether this will work. Saying that most if not all relationship are doomed is brutally honest yet sadly true. Enjoy the ride, to be completely honest with you. I also love younger chicks. I would not go bellow 20 though and even a 21 may not be at the same phase of my life. But feelings, interests, hobbies and why not love know no bounderies of race, wealth or age. My take about that girl is she is already a mother hence won't be able to go to wild parties and enjoy the night life for some months or years anyway. The youngest I ever been with was 19 and I was a decade older. But it was very casual and neither she and I were expecting more then. 1
gorf Posted January 15, 2017 Posted January 15, 2017 I am a 38 year old male and recently I met a 21 year old mother of one, online. W had a first date last night and had great chemistry. It not that odd for me because my dad was 15 years older than my mother. They we 36 and 20 when they met. Just wondering if there were any success stories or any advice that could be given. You are here questioning whether it would work or not... cause you already know a lot of reasons why It would not work. I wouldnt use your parents as a model here. Just because they had a similar age gap, doesnt automatically mean this will work. Different time, different values, depends how they were specifically raised, etc.. not to mention 2 unique people. Could it work with you and her, sure. Who's to say it cant, we dont know you two. But honestly now, you already kinda know why it isnt likely. I would be interest to know what this great chemistry was when you first met her. Cause I hear that phrase often by others, and its usually followed by posts about troubles and breakups and nonsense drama over the course of months and years following.
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