Why can't women just give a straight answer??

[caretoimagine]

If someone is truly interested they will be careful about giving the wrong impression about their interest (i.e. giving impression of low interest when it is actually high) for fear of losing a potential relationship.

 

This was never going to be a relationship IME. Just a bit of fun. Too much of an age gap IMHO

[caretoimagine]

Well predictably she never got in touch haha. I was just thinking since I never responded to her last text saying she would let me know that maybe she thought I had lost interest?? Just a random thought.

[Redhead14]

Well predictably she never got in touch haha. I was just thinking since I never responded to her last text saying she would let me know that maybe she thought I had lost interest?? Just a random thought.

 

We can't know for sure, but I will say this, if I was really interested in a man and legitimately had to "check my schedule" for conflict before I could accept his request for a date, I would have done that as soon as possible and called him back to confirm, reschedule, etc. He wouldn't be wondering for long. The BALL WAS IN HER COURT. If she was waiting for you to pick up her ball, she's bad ball player at best.

 

Stop mind-f'ing yourself

[CaliforniaGirl]

That is worse in my opinion as it gives the other party false hope. I don't have time for people like that. I'd rather just be told no. No doubt it will hurt the pride but at least you know where you stand then.

 

In your opinion this is "worse." In the next guy's opinion it might not be and he might yell at her, call her a name, make things feel pretty awful...look dejected...it's not easy to reject someone...don't think it is.

 

She doesn't *know you*. You *say* which you think would be "worse" but I've seen guys actually contradict themselves on this opinion, back and forth...why? Because it's not literally a case of what's morally "right," it's a case of...nobody likes to be rejected, and when we are we try to pick up the pieces of our ego, and one way *some* people do this is by claiming the rejection was done "the wrong way," no matter what that way was.

 

No thanks. Do you think we women are psychic? If we've had terrible experiences with rejecting, coupled with a "be nice! All the time" model smacked into us from the time we were babies because "we're girls," don't nobody got time to be Miss Cleo on what's "better" or "worse," we may (especially if very young and/or easily intimidated) just quietly not answer.

 

You don't like the method? Well, everyone is different, you don't rule the world, and you don't get to dictate exactly how you'd appreciate your rejection to go, especially since ultimately you won't be happy no matter how it goes.

 

Sorry to be harsh, if that does sound harsh, but this is reality.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Don't be confused . . . let her demonstrate her intentions. Until then, she's just a girl you asked for a date with and may or may not be interested. Ask another girl for a date in the meantime.

 

I didn't realize what the actual situation was here. She's still married? That changes everything. I don't see how you can be surprised by something like "ghosting" if there's already, in effect, cheating from her end, and being willing to be the OM, in yours.

 

So I can't see coming down on this woman for "just giv(ing) a straight answer." Well, because this situation isn't straight, so to speak, to begin with, something your'e aware of, and willingly participating in.

 

I mean if we're going to be all offended and up on our horse about morals here, how about: it's kinda-sorta (oops) immoral to be doing someone who's doing someone else, is still married...and keeping that guy in the dark.

 

If we're going to be splitting hairs.

 

I agree that you need the forum specific to OM/OW/cheating (can't remember which forum that is) for this question.

[phineas]

For men who would describe themselves as a “good dude” basically, you will no doubt from time to time be a victim of the actions and behaviors of other guys.

 

The horror stories I have been told and actually seen in written form from what should be “grown @$$ men” are seriously screwed up. The more a given woman has had to deal with some crazy dudes BS causes some women to be cautions of those “trigger.”

 

This is not to say that women can’t be screwed up as well but the decay of manners and respect towards women by some real jerks in the long run affects all guys in dating.

 

Yeah,

My women friends show me texts from guys who they rejected or didn't get back to in a timely manner.

 

What a bunch of butt-hurts. you can see the disgust in their face.

 

When I get rejected i act like it doesn't affect my life one way or another.

if the woman is hotter than average you might have to be persistent.

I've been rejected a few times by the same girl over the course of yr.

 

But, once I stop trying while still being friendly and acting like it doesn't matter.....they end up coming to me.

go figure.

 

and example of a butt-hurt....guy texted my chick friend while we were partying at my place asking when he could buy her a drink. 3 hrs later he sent another text "fine, don't answer me" she left her phone in her purse and put away while socializing.

 

she didn't even look at her phone until the next morning and showed me the cringe worthy texts.

[preraph]

It's great you're not needy and can take the truth, but number one, women are extra empathetic and hate to hurt someone's feelings, and two, there are a lot of guys out there who would take it so badly as to be afraid to ever ask out a woman again. See Loveshack's many entries on the subject.

[carhill]

To a certain degree I noted empathy in 20 or so years of rejections mixed in with dates and stuff and I did notice one commonality I found heartening, and it actually motivated me to ask more women out and it was that the more universally attractive, and confident, the lady was the more likely she was to be very direct, cordial yes, but clear and direct, about rejections. In fact some went on to become good friends and I came to appreciate the clarity of their style. I liked the feeling it left, killing any previously felt attraction. It was like clearing the slate. Stung a bit in the moment but once done, poof, gone. That motivated me to not ignore those women other than checking the marital status part. The ones who turned out, over time, to demonstrate low confidence and/or self-esteem were far more likely to string me along and it was some of those whom I got into trouble with later finding out they were married.

[phineas]

it took a while for me to hit this point but i've learned anything but a clear "yes" = no and I should move on.

[caretoimagine]

But it's an obvious rejection. I'll let you know still means no so what they have done is still give you false hope whilst rejecting you at the same time. That's for single women. With regards to older married women I don't have a clue. I'll take the hint and leave her alone though.

[Hopeful30]

It's our way of letting you down easy. Women are known to be harsh, and a lot of us are aware of how unpleasant it can feel to be rejected, especially in such a straight forward way.

 

She was letting you down easy. I think that's nice. If you want a straight answer, get in touch with her and ask to confirm about a potential date. If she delays it further, she's not interested.

[caretoimagine]

I wont be getting back in touch. I'm not chasing after a married woman because as far as I know she may have reunited with her husband and I'm not interested in breaking up relationships. Plus it's on her to contact me as I've displayed my interests. I'll probably go back to dating women my own age now.

[preraph]

it took a while for me to hit this point but i've learned anything but a clear "yes" = no and I should move on.

 

Yes, that's an "it is what it is" moment. But hopeful people are always looking for that one little shred to give them a reason to keep trying. But it really is usually just as simple as you say.

[alphamale]

Any advice on my next move??

yes, move on to the next chick

[phineas]

Yes, that's an "it is what it is" moment. But hopeful people are always looking for that one little shred to give them a reason to keep trying. But it really is usually just as simple as you say.

 

I don't believe a woman will actually show for a date until i make it to the bar without them canceling.

[PriashDunleavy]

Because women are taught to "be nice".

 

 

Ghosting is not "nice"

[caretoimagine]

Well I made a horrific mistake which just goes to show that alcohol is a bad idea around ex flames. She came to a family meal and explained the reasons behind not being able to meet up[ husband[ She said she wanted to though. She then proceeded to touch me suggestively throughout the night. I made my excuses and went out with a friend. I then texted her that she was looking beautiful. She replied with thanks. At the end of the night I did something unforgivable and texted her again saying that she was so beautiful and that I wanted to see her again. Unforgiveable and I only sent it because I was drunk. I have deleted her number and I have received no reply. I'm embarrassed and now know to delete ex flames numbers when there is alcohol involved.

[coolheadal]

I don't mind being rejected. I'm not needy. I respect no and I move on. What I don't like is asking women out and them saying they will let you know. This is for a specific date on Friday and she said I will let you know if it's possible to see you. This was four days ago. I haven't heard anything since. Am I supposed to do anything else or do I just leave it?? If she isn't interested why did she leave me hanging?? Any advice on my next move??

 

This another form of mind game to keep you on the back burner, just as you know. But she's not going to contact you again. If she really wanted to be with you she would have made the effort to tell you a date and time. Do not wait for her just move on find another women. Life is too short already to waste time.

[Dente]

I don't mind being rejected. I'm not needy. I respect no and I move on. What I don't like is asking women out and them saying they will let you know. This is for a specific date on Friday and she said I will let you know if it's possible to see you. This was four days ago. I haven't heard anything since. Am I supposed to do anything else or do I just leave it?? If she isn't interested why did she leave me hanging?? Any advice on my next move??

 

 

Usual "let you know" "maybe" means no .

[caretoimagine]

Yeah I know this. Im just embarrassed about my drunken texting. Makes me look like a total fool

[dispatch3d]

I had a girl tell me she'd love to go, then changed to "I'll get back to you". Which was weird. Anyhow she doesn't go to the event, which isn't even a date, then apologizes later for not going. The apology is awkward because I know its highly unlikely its an "accident" or she "forgot". Anyhow she got a little testy with me saying she would have gotten back to me, bla bla bla.

 

I dunno, I don't get the girls actions. I agree with the other posters - anything other than yes or I'd love to is typically a no. Main reason I didn't pursue the "I'll get back to you", I just assumed that meant no, not going. Old enough to realize it now.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I appreciate Women who are straightforward, but have learned to recognize when they're not interested. Like others said, if she says "I'll get back to you", that's a no -- same with "Maybe". If she cancels or says she's sick, she should offer another date, otherwise it's a BS cancel excuse.

[caretoimagine]

What I have learnt from this

 

Don't get involved with married women(separated or not)

Don't drink with her after everything that has gone on and if you do make sure you don't take your phone out if you are going to a bar

[hercules22]

yeah its annoying some women actually say maybe on purpose to tease when they are really keen to do something

[caretoimagine]

Any advice on how to get over sending that embarrassing text that I did?? What do I say if I have to see her again in a social setting? Mortified over sending that text that I did and getting no response is worse.