caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I don't mind being rejected. I'm not needy. I respect no and I move on. What I don't like is asking women out and them saying they will let you know. This is for a specific date on Friday and she said I will let you know if it's possible to see you. This was four days ago. I haven't heard anything since. Am I supposed to do anything else or do I just leave it?? If she isn't interested why did she leave me hanging?? Any advice on my next move?? Link to post Share on other sites
Pill Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Some men don't know how to handle rejection so they try to put them down easily so they won't be triggered. You can send out a feeler text asking about her day or something and transition into the possible date but she doesn't seem interested so keep it moving. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I don't mind being rejected. I'm not needy. I respect no and I move on. What I don't like is asking women out and them saying they will let you know. This is for a specific date on Friday and she said I will let you know if it's possible to see you. This was four days ago. I haven't heard anything since. Am I supposed to do anything else or do I just leave it?? If she isn't interested why did she leave me hanging?? Any advice on my next move?? You asked her, she told you she'd let you know. The ball is in her court. Let her hit it back if she's going to. She needs to confirm or bail by tonight. If you don't hear from her until tomorrow and accepts, you say that you'd made other plans since you hadn't heard from her and offer an alternate date, time, etc. and go from there. If she says she'll let you know again . . . tell her thanks anyway but you're booked up for a while. If a man asked me for a date and I don't get confirmation by the night before, I'm out. My time is valuable and so am I. The same holds true for a guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Some men don't know how to handle rejection so they try to put them down easily so they won't be triggered. For men who would describe themselves as a “good dude” basically, you will no doubt from time to time be a victim of the actions and behaviors of other guys. The horror stories I have been told and actually seen in written form from what should be “grown @$$ men” are seriously screwed up. The more a given woman has had to deal with some crazy dudes BS causes some women to be cautions of those “trigger.” This is not to say that women can’t be screwed up as well but the decay of manners and respect towards women by some real jerks in the long run affects all guys in dating. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 When a woman says "I will let you know" that is a rejection. Next time take that curve as a NO! Sorry. If she wanted to she would has responded enthusiastically with a yes! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Because women are taught to "be nice". Many times we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, we don't want to be the "meanie", we don't want to do the rejecting, we don't want to take the courage to just say NO. So instead she says, "maybe later" or thank you so much for the offer but I am busy that day, or I'll get back to you. All very passive ways of rejection, because many times we do not want to be as forward and assertive to straight out reject. I know when I was younger this was true of me. As I got older, I have become more assertive when it comes to these sorts of things - but it took some time, maturity and self confidence to get there. Rejecting someone is very rarely a pleasant experience, and many find ways to avoid it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Hmm probably. Pretty disrespectful behaviour if they don't let you know in my opinion. So,I probably won't hear from her in the future then?? Delete the number and move on?? It's a complicated situation as she is separated and has 2 children anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Because women are taught to "be nice". Many times we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, we don't want to be the "meanie", we don't want to do the rejecting, we don't want to take the courage to just say NO. So instead she says, "maybe later" or thank you so much for the offer but I am busy that day, or I'll get back to you. All very passive ways of rejection, because many times we do not want to be as forward and assertive to straight out reject. I know when I was younger this was true of me. As I got older, I have become more assertive when it comes to these sorts of things - but it took some time, maturity and self confidence to get there. Rejecting someone is very rarely a pleasant experience, and many find ways to avoid it. That is worse in my opinion as it gives the other party false hope. I don't have time for people like that. I'd rather just be told no. No doubt it will hurt the pride but at least you know where you stand then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I can't imagine telling someone I was really interested in, that "I would let him know" when he asked me out on a date at a specific time and place and leave it like that. If I was genuinely unsure about whether I could make it or not, I would at least let him know within a day or reschedule another specific time. I would be worried that someone else would snap him up in the meantime, if I just left him hanging around. I guess she has little or no interest, OR she is one of those game players and you probably don't need one of those. Of course if you weren't particularly clear as to your intentions when you asked her out, she may just be responding to your "fuzziness", with some "fuzziness" of her own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 I wasn't being fuzzy. I asked her to go out for a drink on the Friday. We have already been physical with each other so I don't doubt she finds me attractive. First exchanges were precipitated by her. She's a lot older than me as well. She was really optimistic when we first started texting saying how she had a great time. Just don't understand what's gone on since. I'm going to give up I think. Just wanted some closure in my mind so I can focus on the other romantic interests that I have Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I wasn't being fuzzy. I asked her to go out for a drink on the Friday. We have already been physical with each other so I don't doubt she finds me attractive. First exchanges were precipitated by her. She's a lot older than me as well. She was really optimistic when we first started texting saying how she had a great time. Just don't understand what's gone on since. I'm going to give up I think. Just wanted some closure in my mind so I can focus on the other romantic interests that I have Sorry I didn't realise this was someone you are already dating/seeing/sleeping with. If she hasn't contacted you in 4 days, unless that is her norm, or she has suffered some catastrophic event, (either personally or to someone she is close to), then she probably has lost interest Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 So the best thing is to just leave it and never contact again?? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Women don't like to be blunt (except for me of course haha). This is what you should go by....., if they give you any answer other than yes, it's a "NO". There that will make it easier. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 so the best thing is to just leave it and never contact again?? yes............................ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 So the best thing is to just leave it and never contact again?? If this is a woman you have slept with, then are you not comfortable enough with each other, for you to send her a text to ask about Friday night? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 If she is again evasive with no good reason, then you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Hmm I'm not really sure what the situation is with her husband so I don't want to pressurise her. They are separated but I've got no doubt they are still involved with one another. She's even said to me that she's not really a single woman but she can still see other people and that's why she continued seeing me and contacting me. She's also my mothers friend to make things even more complicated. She has two children. One is 11, the other 9. I don't know what goes on in the woman's head. Trust me, I wouldn't have got involved with her off my own bat. I saw her in a club in November and she literally did all the work. I just don't know where she stands now and whether she is interested. Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaX Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 If a women says "I will let you know" when you ask for a date, my recommended response is "That's okay, if you can't make firm plans, I'd rather not schedule anything. Why don't you let me know when you are free and maybe we can plan something then". After that, never contact her again until she contacts you. Easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 (edited) I don't mind being rejected. I'm not needy. I respect no and I move on. What I don't like is asking women out and them saying they will let you know. This is for a specific date on Friday and she said I will let you know if it's possible to see you. This was four days ago. I haven't heard anything since. Am I supposed to do anything else or do I just leave it?? If she isn't interested why did she leave me hanging?? Any advice on my next move?? That's the equivalent of the male "I'll call you..." If she doesn't answer in the affirmative within 20 minutes, she's not interested. When she hadn't gotten back to you at least by the next morning, she needed to go on block and you needed to look elsewhere. She's hoping by her 4 day silence that you are bright enough to get the hint. In the future with new women, understand that she doesn't know how you take rejection--you say you don't mind, but at the same time, you feel you are entitled to a satisfactory answer or you're triggered. For someone who doesn't even know you or anything about you, that's a bit angry/aggressive coming from a stranger. Apparently, you have history with this woman who is still legally married. Only death and an executed divorce decree dissolves a legal marriage, not being separated. I think her actions qualify as a big "duh"--she's prioritizing her husband more than likely or she's focusing on her life with that husband. Might be a good idea to leave married women alone in the future. Edited January 12, 2017 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Hmm I'm not really sure what the situation is with her husband so I don't want to pressurise her. They are separated but I've got no doubt they are still involved with one another. She's even said to me that she's not really a single woman but she can still see other people and that's why she continued seeing me and contacting me. She's also my mothers friend to make things even more complicated. She has two children. One is 11, the other 9. I don't know what goes on in the woman's head. Trust me, I wouldn't have got involved with her off my own bat. I saw her in a club in November and she literally did all the work. I just don't know where she stands now and whether she is interested. OK so you are essentially the other man (OM). Push/pull, hot/ cold are classic behaviours from married people in affairs. Go onto the OW/OM section of the forum and read the stories. Even if she is genuinely separated, my advice is NEVER get involved with anyone who still has unfinished business with their ex, as YOU will be the one that gets very hurt. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Yeah I agree with what everybody has said. Was just confused as to what her intentions were. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Yeah I agree with what everybody has said. Was just confused as to what her intentions were. Don't be confused . . . let her demonstrate her intentions. Until then, she's just a girl you asked for a date with and may or may not be interested. Ask another girl for a date in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I don't mind being rejected. I'm not needy. I respect no and I move on. Yeah, it took a bit to balance that stuff but it came in time, probably mid-20's. What I don't like is asking women out and them saying they will let you know. This is for a specific date on Friday and she said I will let you know if it's possible to see you. Yeah, ambiguity is frustrating sometimes. However, part of that rejection education was learning to take maybes as nos. This was four days ago. I haven't heard anything since. Yep, sounds normal. Am I supposed to do anything else or do I just leave it?? I'd leave it. If she isn't interested why did she leave me hanging?? Unknown but IME the main reason is they get what they want regardless of treatment so why burden themselves? If you had women approaching you and asking you on dates and there was always another one how much would you care about any one particular stranger you'll never have contact with for the rest of your life? They're nobody. Nothing. Any advice on my next move?? Learn from women. They're great teachers. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 If someone is truly interested they will be careful about giving the wrong impression about their interest (i.e. giving impression of low interest when it is actually high) for fear of losing a potential relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 Hmmm she's a family friend so no doubt there will be contact again, albeit a pleasant hello. Link to post Share on other sites
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