Mark1 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Older women at my work call me cute, handsome, give me hugs etc. Is this just a motherly kind of thing? I would never hook up with a coworker but is it a good sign at least that they are comfortable being physically close to me with hugs and shoulder touches etc? Or is this just a motherly thing as they are in their 40s and early 50s and I am late 20s?
IfonlyIknew Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 aw that's adorable! If they're calling you handsome then you probably are but to them in a motherly way, if it's out in the open they most likely have no secret motives. 1
Author Mark1 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Posted January 13, 2017 aw that's adorable! If they're calling you handsome then you probably are but to them in a motherly way, if it's out in the open they most likely have no secret motives. thanks! anyone else?
stillafool Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Probably not all of them. Older women do like younger men. You guys are cute! Why? Do you want to have sex with one of them?
mrs rubble Posted January 14, 2017 Posted January 14, 2017 You must be handsome. I wouldn't read anything more into it other than these ladies appreciating your looks and pleasant personality. My youngest son gets told all the time how cute he is by people in the street and people who he's just met, it's been happening all his life. He is a gorgeous looking young man and the girls drawl over him, he's had the same gf for the last 3 years much to the disappointment of his admirers.
Author Mark1 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Posted January 16, 2017 The holiday party was Saturday night....it seems they have progressed to kissing me on the cheek
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 As a 49-year-old...this sounds motherly to me.
Author Mark1 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Posted January 16, 2017 As a 49-year-old...this sounds motherly to me. Thanks for your thoughts!
gaius Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 They sense you have confidence issues so they're trying to prop you up. It's a terrible sign that whatever energy you're putting out is coming off as weak. I held the door for some old fart the other day and he actually got a little offended, said he could handle it himself. That's exactly how you should take it. 1
Mind-Chants Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 It's a motherly thing. 5 years back, I had similar experience when I joined a new dept. Complementing me all the time (without the touchy feeling). A particular co worker in her early 50s was giving me way too much attention. Even she brought homemade lunch, cookies for me. She and her colleagues always invited me to parties where I used to be an outlier. Turns out she was trying to set me up with her daughter (Even her daughter didn't knew about it). She was quite disheartened to know that I was in a LTR.
Lilyana76 Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 I'm a 40 year old woman, I call younger men "cutie" "handsome" "sweetie" "honey" "sugar" all the time. It's not a flirty thing, its just how I am. I call women "honey" and "sweetie" all the time too. Maybe it's the region I live in? It may be just in their nature to do so, it may also be because you are just a little sweetheart to them and they enjoy when you are at work! What a good confidence booster to you, and what a bunch of sweeties you work with
Author Mark1 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Posted January 17, 2017 They sense you have confidence issues so they're trying to prop you up. It's a terrible sign that whatever energy you're putting out is coming off as weak. I held the door for some old fart the other day and he actually got a little offended, said he could handle it himself. That's exactly how you should take it. Interesting, thank you for your thoughts. I hope this isn't the case but you bring up an interesting possibility.
normal person Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) They sense you have confidence issues so they're trying to prop you up. It's a terrible sign that whatever energy you're putting out is coming off as weak. I've got to agree with this to an extent. Here's why: The fact that you had to start a thread discussing the inclinations of women decades older than you touching you on the shoulder. Why is this such a big deal to you? To most people this is a total non-issue. The fact that you're so curious about it at your age leads me to believe you probably have trouble decoding social cues, and therefore you probably have some other pretty visible idiosyncrasies. These women have picked up on it and are trying to be nice to you because of it, and/or they see you as incredibly nonthreatening (weak, even) and subconsciously know that giving a (I'm assuming "weak") guy some harmless attention (specifically a guy who will probably be grateful for it, as you seem to be) will help them feel a little younger and wilder without fear of you judging them on their age and relative lack of sex appeal. I remember when I was about 17 and I was standing next to my 60 year old, overweight aunt at a wedding for a photo. She grabbed me and said to everyone "look at my date!" laughing, like I was there with her. I was a clueless, non-predatory, harmless, teenager (but also the only one there who wasn't old and overweight). I wasn't going to present any sort of resistance to the suggestion, and I'm sure she felt what it was like to be younger for a fleeting second. I suspect it's the same sort of thing with you. The holiday party was Saturday night....it seems they have progressed to kissing me on the cheek See, this is what I mean. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you almost seem happy these older women are doing this. From what you've written and how you've written it, it almost seems like they can sense it too. Most men wouldn't even remember a 50 year old woman kissing them on the cheek. You started a thread about it. Ask yourself why, and realize that whatever the reason, these women could probably sense it too. Likely, your answer falls somewhere in there. Best of luck. Edited January 17, 2017 by normal person 4
kendahke Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Speaking as a 57 yr old woman, it sounds rather patronizing and dismissive to me... I wouldn't call any young man in my workplace by a term of endearment because that is demoting their professionalism, the same way when older men call young women "sweetie" or tells them to "smile". 1
Author Mark1 Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 anyone else? i cant imagine they would be giving me hugs and kisses if i were ugly
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Speaking as a 57 yr old woman, it sounds rather patronizing and dismissive to me... I wouldn't call any young man in my workplace by a term of endearment because that is demoting their professionalism, the same way when older men call young women "sweetie" or tells them to "smile". Agreed, it's rather sexist in a sense and could be reported to HR. You don't call someone at work "sweetie". 2
BikerAccnt Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 aw that's adorable! If they're calling you handsome then you probably are but to them in a motherly way, if it's out in the open they most likely have no secret motives. Adorable? Really? I can only imagine what would happen if I, a 5o something year old man, were to go around calling the 20 something females in my office "adorable, cute" or any other such thing. I don't even want to imagine what would happen where I to hug them. Egads. Teeny double standard here. 2
normal person Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 anyone else? i cant imagine they would be giving me hugs and kisses if i were ugly No one's saying you're ugly. We're saying these older women sound like they're playing with/patronizing you because they think you're non-threatening, weak, and/or in need of sympathy. They sound like they think you're a puppy. And the fact that you're so excited, curious, and seemingly clueless about it helps to corroborate that theory, at least to me. Best of luck.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Adorable? Really? I can only imagine what would happen if I, a 5o something year old man, were to go around calling the 20 something females in my office "adorable, cute" or any other such thing. I don't even want to imagine what would happen where I to hug them. Egads. Teeny double standard here. Lots of men in the business world call younger women "dear" and the like. Happens every day. If the person in question (whether the OP from his perspective, or a woman or man as in the example I give above) is offended, yes, certainly this is HR-worthy. The OP doesn't seem distressed and he doesn't seem to be asking what to do in order to get any of this to stop. We were answering his actual question. Whether or not a person CAN go to HR to complain of such treatment isn't really in question. We all know that's something an employee could do...male or female.
Mystique01 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 You're probably a handsome young man. If any woman is ever commenting about how cute or handsome a man is, it's because she thinks he's nice looking period. Look, just because these women are in their 40s and 50s doesn't mean they're dead. They recognize good looking men when they see it. In fact, most women around that age are In their sexual PRIME...so, don't think for one second that at least one of those women haven't thought to themselves... "If only I were 20 years younger...." It's not a patronizing/ sexist/motherly thing necessarily, I just think they think you're cute. Also, you must have a really nice/endearing personality as well, because anytime I've called a younger guy "cute" or "adorable" it was usually because he was a good natured guy, or something about his personality was endearing to me. It doesn't mean you're weak at all. I actually like guys like that. They may not be the jump your bones type,but more like the "being home to meet the family"/" relationship" type. I've had older guys say I'm beautiful.....I don't take it to mean anything other than they find me attractive. some I've even gotten. The impression that they wish they were younger lol. Take it as a compliment! It's nothing to overanalyze imo. 3
Author Mark1 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 You're probably a handsome young man. If any woman is ever commenting about how cute or handsome a man is, it's because she thinks he's nice looking period. Look, just because these women are in their 40s and 50s doesn't mean they're dead. They recognize good looking men when they see it. In fact, most women around that age are In their sexual PRIME...so, don't think for one second that at least one of those women haven't thought to themselves... "If only I were 20 years younger...." It's not a patronizing/ sexist/motherly thing necessarily, I just think they think you're cute. Also, you must have a really nice/endearing personality as well, because anytime I've called a younger guy "cute" or "adorable" it was usually because he was a good natured guy, or something about his personality was endearing to me. It doesn't mean you're weak at all. I actually like guys like that. They may not be the jump your bones type,but more like the "being home to meet the family"/" relationship" type. I've had older guys say I'm beautiful.....I don't take it to mean anything other than they find me attractive. some I've even gotten. The impression that they wish they were younger lol. Take it as a compliment! It's nothing to overanalyze imo. Thanks, this is what I was hoping!
stillafool Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Adorable? Really? I can only imagine what would happen if I, a 5o something year old man, were to go around calling the 20 something females in my office "adorable, cute" or any other such thing. I don't even want to imagine what would happen where I to hug them. Egads. Teeny double standard here. No this is a huge double standard. Why do women feel they can get away with this sort of behavior when they know a man cannot.
stillafool Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 You're probably a handsome young man. If any woman is ever commenting about how cute or handsome a man is, it's because she thinks he's nice looking period. Look, just because these women are in their 40s and 50s doesn't mean they're dead. They recognize good looking men when they see it. In fact, most women around that age are In their sexual PRIME...so, don't think for one second that at least one of those women haven't thought to themselves... "If only I were 20 years younger...." It's not a patronizing/ sexist/motherly thing necessarily, I just think they think you're cute. Also, you must have a really nice/endearing personality as well, because anytime I've called a younger guy "cute" or "adorable" it was usually because he was a good natured guy, or something about his personality was endearing to me. It doesn't mean you're weak at all. I actually like guys like that. They may not be the jump your bones type,but more like the "being home to meet the family"/" relationship" type. I've had older guys say I'm beautiful.....I don't take it to mean anything other than they find me attractive. some I've even gotten. The impression that they wish they were younger lol. Take it as a compliment! It's nothing to overanalyze imo. Exactly! Women that age still want and need sex and if some hot young man is around them their minds will go there. I know mind would. But it's okay to look but don't touch.
Author Mark1 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 No this is a huge double standard. Why do women feel they can get away with this sort of behavior when they know a man cannot. Because women do not have sexual power over men in society, like men do over women.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) Because women do not have sexual power over men in society, like men do over women. Well, and also because it's not true that women can "get away with this behavior while they KNOW a man cannot." EDIT: Forget it, not worth it. Suffice to say, this ^ is accurate and unless you've been on this gender side of it, don't assume. You have NO idea. Edited January 27, 2017 by CaliforniaGirl
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