Love2015 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 After a horrible divorce and being cheated on within 3 months of marriage ..I am back in the dating game...I took a year and some months off and I feel much better than before and looking for someone but I don't really know what exactly I am looking for. A companion....someone who I feel comfortable. I don't trust my own judgement of men but I want to explore. First Failure: -Talked to a guy online for two week and met in public. We had coffee and hit it off an chatted for a while long ..then I cut conversation short. He wanted to meet up again and we set up a date for next day. He was overly confident saying he should have kissed me cause he felt it. Thing is I felt it too. Next day, met for dinner and yes the night ended with a kissing session. We msgd back and forth and then he traveled for the weekend abroad. He returned and would msg but not make plans. I then basically moved on..although being the first man I kissed after my ex..was having a hard time ...like I felt desired after long. Anyways...for 3 months, he would msg say wants to meet up yet nothing. Including during holiday season. I gave him till first week of Jan and then decided to date again. This time I was going to date more than one guy not just be with the first one I got....I need this to understand my own judgement of men after being blindsided. Second Failure: - Met this past Sat. Coffee, Movie and Dinner. Talked a lot about a lot of things. Felt comfortable but no chemistry...I end the night saying it's nice meeting you. He was interested to date second time so I said sure. I also disclosed that I will continue dating others and then we can see where everything goes....anyways...he said he totally thinks its ok and we shall see. - Met next day as he asked for...and it was for a little bit. Then went home - Next day, he sends a message saying how he is not interested to date as he sees he is just an option for me and not into him....But isn't it too early ? Anyways...long story short, we talked for a bit and then he starts sending out of the blue more flirting ..physical texts (not not really really sexual but heading there) ....Till then we had no intimacy whatsoever ..no holding hands..nothing....so after that in conversation, I mentioned something about how I am so crazy and I think to become sexually involved, you have to both know about each other in terms of sexual partners, medical information about each one. To this comment, he acts defensive and angry. He says what is it I think of him and so forth. I said I was not saying in a negative tone or judgement..but as a caring kind of thing. Anyways...he says stuff an blocks me. Next morning he apologizes and I was upset myself so I saw him upon his request. See if we don't date, I have a good time with him hanging out minus any of his attempts physically. That day we spent good time and then we made out but very little. He then goes home. Now ..he starts with if I know any girls to introduce him as I had told him I would be dating more so I should introduce him to other gals then.... I didn't say much because till this point I was not sure what I wanted and started feeling guilty as if I am using him to feel good physically Next day, he invited me over. We decided to be friends as I am not ready and did't want to lead him on. When I got to his place, he has dinner ready for me . Very sweet.And we then sit ..chit chat and make out again. Now i am more into him and he out of blue says ...he knows he would not be serious with me and doesn't want to use me and adds that we should just be friends. I got upset cause that make out session made me think maybe I should try and not date many.. Anyways...next tihng I know is I felt like slap on my face. But in evening he complains by text how I had told him I was going to date more and that if I was hurt I deserved it as he was hurt as well. He then proceeded to delete me. I have sour feeling. and I don't know if based on what happened to me with m ex hb (see posts)..if I should just not date and let it be.? Any advice? hI realize ..I am making out with both guys I went out with but if I dont ...my hear will become stone. Coments?
winny Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Keep it light during first few dates instead of getting into stuff like you are dating multiple men, sexual medical history etc etc. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Most people have no problem with multi-dating. But announcing to every man you meet that you are going to be dating others, is pretty OTT! Most will assume that until you're exclusive, you'll be seeing others... but telling them that to their face makes them feel un-special, and as they said, just an option. I think your first mistake is being too candid about this. It's perfectly OK to not mention it. Your second mistake is expecting success too soon. It may take many, many first dates until you meet a good match. Some people are incredibly lucky and meet their perfect partner in 2 or 3 meets, but others search for years. The only thing you can do is to enjoy the process rather than stressing about it, and not get your hopes up too soon. 1
kassy Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 If you aren't into them don't force it, maybe try just short coffee dates and no kissing at the beginning to get to see what is out there and start to get your judgement back. If you really hit it off with someone then see them again and keep it light. Pretend you aren't on a date, this is just a random person you don't know and are getting to know and if sparks fly then that's great if not it was probably lovely to meet them.
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Stop taking it so seriously. Meet for as brief drink or coffee as what you have been doing. If you like him and you feel spark agree to see him again. If not then say you are sorry but you don't think you are match and it was nice meeting him. I have no ideas what happened with the last guy.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Honestly, as someone who did date before OLD was a "thing" (I started dating in the 80s), I don't think there are necessarily more "failures," so to speak, with OLD than with some other type of meeting (like through friends, or an approach at a store or venue or whatever). I mean it was pretty much always a saying that you had to kiss a lot of frogs before you got your prince (or princess). AFAIR it has ALWAYS been a case of: lots of dates, including some that wound up being "OMG - you're kidding me" stories, then that rare gem - i.e., the person you really connected with, who connected with you. 1
Recommended Posts