No more BS

January 12, 2017

First of all, I want to make it clear that this not about the guy. The question is more about my reaction. He is not important.

After dating online for the last two months, I decided not to waste my time with wrong guys and cut loose anyone who "is too busy," "didn't see my text," or "not in a good place right now" (you know what mean). With that said, I also dont want to go to the extremes and end up rejecting everyone. Do you think I was too harsh with this guy?

I was talking to him for few weeks, we exchanged numbers and texted back and forth. He would say good morning and initiated all the conversations (I didnt exactly like it because we hadnt met yet at that point). Then he asked me out and I told him Monday and Tuesday would probably be good. He said his schedule is unpredictible, he is often on call but one of these two days should work. He asked me to send him a nearby address to see how far we were from each other. Turns out it was 1 hour drive and asked me to meet him half way which is downtown of our big city. I told him I dont like to drive there because there is no parking spot ever. He suggested taking train instead but I told him it was too cold for train. At that point I realized I was being annoying and said "I can always take uber." That was Saturday night. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday till 6pm I havent heard from him. On Tuesday night he texted me and I told him to stop contacting me. He acted surprised and asked what happened. Then, he gave me the usual exuses that he was working and didnt even realize it was already Tuesday. Also his car broke down and is in the shop. I texted: sorry about that, but I dont want to keep in touch." Am I now too strict and overreacting? I dont want to turn into a bitter b*tch.

January 12, 2017

Yeah, so if he liked you enough then he would have drove the hour to see you and would have called you before Tuesday.

You did nothing wrong.

January 12, 2017

If I was trying to set up a date a d they gave me weak reasns for not wanting to meet like no car parks and too cold for the train for not wanting to meet up I'd probably lose interest. From my point of view how about we meet here on Tuesday doesn't really need an answer about logistics. A yes and you'll work it out if you want to see me, or a suggestion of an alternative location would both be fine. You eventually came up with uber... But did he need to have that exchange with you where you basically found lame reasons not to meet him.

I mean if it was the man of your dreams I'm sure you would have rugged up and caught the train if you needed to.

So I guess he thought you were fairly indifferent to meeting him and therefore was surprised by your Tuesday reaction.

He may have really liked you (and maybe not) but I don't think your response really enthused him to see you.

Not the end of the world, but maybe don't slap the guy in the face with a wet fish when he asks you out next time.

January 12, 2017

Well it cuts both ways. I think you at the beginning of dating or setting up a date want (and need!) to present the best side of yourself. Frankly, your reasons for not wanting to meet up downtown made you sound whiny and high-maintenance. I would never want to present myself that way to someone who is just getting to know me and really doesn't have things to counter a perception of annoying, whiny and high-maintenance. It's good that you realized it & changed course with the uber thing. I just think you need to be more aware and considerate where you don't just blurt those sorts of things out without realizing you only get one chance to make the impression you make (then you may have to really go out of your way to correct it, if you even get that chance). I would always line things up in the most favorable way to yourself--this is the best way that dating is like a job interview--i don't think it should be in other ways at all. BUT, you should be on best behavior to get what you want, a chance, a job offer, a completed first date. Maybe you will decide you don't want to move forward. he's not the guy for you or whatever but you will get the opportunity, present yourself in the best light, etc. It's also good not to keep on with bad habits that would prevent road blocks for when the right guy is trying to date you. To be honest (sorry), you did sound a little negative about things in general. You didn't like that he initiated texts & conversations in the am, and whatever else you mentioned. Are you sure that online dating is not burring you out & causing you to be a bit bitter and jaded? I don't think anyone will get the best result when they are not being their best self.

So onto him: you were not completely wrong. I think you handled the aftermath of the date that did not happen perfectly fine & good for what you want and need. Just don't forget that things you did may have caused him not to follow thru properly. This is the problem with not presenting your best self. Now you will never be sure. If you present your best you, and he pulled this stuff you can easily say, no loss. But now you can't be sure--maybe he's a jerk or maybe he was put off and confused by your behavior. Saying you would take the uber was good and showed that you were interested but it might have been too little, too late. There are other ways to express what you do want to do rather than complain--and I'm afraid that's what you did and how it came off. Anyway, I would write this one off & handle your end of the street much better. You can always choose to do the same thing when someone is being flakey. And it will be much more clear that it is on them, rather than anything you did. Good luck

January 12, 2017

I didnt know how to bring that up. Meeting in downtown is a horrible idea (imagine looking for a parking spot in Manhattan). I never thought of the train idea but when he mentioned it... again he is just the guy I never met. It is zero degrees outside (even colder in downtown) and I. Not leaving the house in the evening to take the train for someone I dont know. If it was the man of my dreams... well that is another story. I thought of suggesting uptown area but that is much closer to where I live and he seemed to want to meet halfway. And I find it weird that he completely dissapeard on the days when I was off.

As for being annoyed by his texts... we hadn't met yet but he would text me "good morning beautiul." No, just no. The rest of the texts I didnt mind.

January 12, 2017

If I meet a man online for dating, my first questions before continuing to talk:

1) what city do you live in?

2) Are you married or in a relationship? (sadly you have to ask)

If either of those yields an answer I don't like, I don't even go on to continue talking with him. It would be a waste of time.

You already didn't like that he lived far. That would have been a continual problem.

But, yeah, he messed up by "forgetting" about your date. You were not too harsh.

January 12, 2017

If I meet a man online for dating, my first questions before continuing to talk:

1) what city do you live in?
2) Are you married or in a relationship? (sadly you have to ask)

If either of those yields an answer I don't like, I don't even go on to continue talking with him. It would be a waste of time.

You already didn't like that he lived far. That would have been a continual problem.

But, yeah, he messed up by "forgetting" about your date. You were not too harsh.

I was ok with the distance. It is one hour drive but I wouldn't mind driving that far if the relationship is serious. But of course, for first dates, at the beginnjng we would have to meet half way.

Anyway, this post is more about my reaction to his actions. We didnt set a firm date but he consciously avoided texting me on my days off.

January 12, 2017

I didnt know how to bring that up. Meeting in downtown is a horrible idea (imagine looking for a parking spot in Manhattan). I never thought of the train idea but when he mentioned it... again he is just the guy I never met. It is zero degrees outside (even colder in downtown) and I. Not leaving the house in the evening to take the train for someone I dont know. If it was the man of my dreams... well that is another story. I thought of suggesting uptown area but that is much closer to where I live and he seemed to want to meet halfway. And I find it weird that he completely dissapeard on the days when I was off.
As for being annoyed by his texts... we hadn't met yet but he would text me "good morning beautiul." No, just no. The rest of the texts I didnt mind.

Look at the highlighted portion. So..you didn't think enough of him to just go and meet without all the stipulations. But..u get snippy when he treats you the same way?

As someone said, I agree that in the beginning you sounded whiny and high maintenance and just unwilling to compromise. Its a first meeting. The next time you could have said lets meet somewhere else. But, you kinda sounded like a spoiled princess. Sorry.

Because of that, its hard for me to judge if this guy seemed like a jerk for waiting until Tuesday. How you came off to him might have affected his reaction to you. I would have certainly been lukewarm after that.

January 12, 2017

I was ok with the distance. It is one hour drive but I wouldn't mind driving that far if the relationship is serious. But of course, for first dates, at the beginnjng we would have to meet half way.
Anyway, this post is more about my reaction to his actions. We didnt set a firm date but he consciously avoided texting me on my days off.

Well, this is a first date, which is necessary and you didn't seem all that enthused about meeting half way with all your gripes. Maybe he noticed that too.

January 12, 2017

I didnt know how to bring that up. Meeting in downtown is a horrible idea (imagine looking for a parking spot in Manhattan). I never thought of the train idea but when he mentioned it... again he is just the guy I never met. It is zero degrees outside (even colder in downtown) and I. Not leaving the house in the evening to take the train for someone I dont know. If it was the man of my dreams... well that is another story. I thought of suggesting uptown area but that is much closer to where I live and he seemed to want to meet halfway. And I find it weird that he completely dissapeard on the days when I was off.
As for being annoyed by his texts... we hadn't met yet but he would text me "good morning beautiul." No, just no. The rest of the texts I didnt mind.

Sounds like you weren't that interested in him and I think they way you responded to him shows that and that is probably why he disappeared. Doesn't sound like you missed out on anything, if you had been really interested in him you probably would have responded differenly I imagine. Don't worry about it and move on

January 12, 2017

I don't think you're missing out. You guys are just too far apart. It would have been a push-pull every date. Look for someone closer. )

January 12, 2017

I didnt know how to bring that up. Meeting in downtown is a horrible idea (imagine looking for a parking spot in Manhattan). I never thought of the train idea but when he mentioned it... again he is just the guy I never met. It is zero degrees outside (even colder in downtown) and I. Not leaving the house in the evening to take the train for someone I dont know. If it was the man of my dreams... well that is another story. I thought of suggesting uptown area but that is much closer to where I live and he seemed to want to meet halfway. And I find it weird that he completely dissapeard on the days when I was off.
As for being annoyed by his texts... we hadn't met yet but he would text me "good morning beautiul." No, just no. The rest of the texts I didnt mind.

oh i totally agree--texts like that are a "thing" and not genuine, especially if you've never even met. I guess it depends on if you express annoyance to him--i still think you want to present your best self, which doesn't mean accepting those texts happily--you could ignore or tease him about it, showing that you are light-hearted but he is being too much and you can't take him seriously. See? There are ways around things you don't like--provided you are going to move forward with him. If you find it a no-go that he is sending these kind of texts (i might too so I def hear you!!), then decide no-go and don't date him. I think if you are trying to be more open-minded and not miss out on good people then address it in your way (trying to make a good impression while not letting the behavior continue or encouraging it). I mean, some guys--prob most-- are just as burnt out and confused by online dating and trying to make themselves competitive with what they think other guys are doing (like a fake good morning text) to have an advantage. Funny thing is it is backfiring for a decent amount of girls, like you. Idk, I would show some compassion and figure he could be confused and certainly about what you like.

The whole logistics of downtown Manhattan is tough. Don't really know what to say about that. I think you need to be somewhat flexible if your search radius includes that far away from you. You want a guy to be a gentleman but at same time it has to be reasonable distance for each party to sustain a relationship & yes get through the first date. Good luck

January 12, 2017

I was ok with the distance. It is one hour drive but I wouldn't mind driving that far if the relationship is serious. But of course, for first dates, at the beginnjng we would have to meet half way.
Anyway, this post is more about my reaction to his actions. We didnt set a firm date but he consciously avoided texting me on my days off.

I think you need to understand that HIS actions are a reaction to YOUR actions. That's how things in life work. Nothing is just isolated. It would be inaccurate & ineffective to start your analysis of what happened and solicit opinions without considering what happened prior to him not contacting you on your days off. This applies to every human relationship. (there is a name for the phenomena but I can't recall it now). Anyway, it's common sense too. He was developing an opinion of you via your actions and your interactions with each other PRIOR to not communicating on those days you were off. Take that into consideration of how & why he acted as he did. I know you are not interested in this guy anymore--that's a fair decision, probably the best one at this point. Lots of us are just telling you that you need to behave a little differently & conduct your search a little differently to have your best results (and not miss out on good people. And that was the real question in your original post, right? That you wanted to make sure that you weren't being too harsh or nit-picky?

January 12, 2017

Anyway, this post is more about my reaction to his actions.

his behavior didn't happen in a vacuum.

January 12, 2017

First of all, I want to make it clear that this not about the guy. The question is more about my reaction. He is not important.
After dating online for the last two months, I decided not to waste my time with wrong guys and cut loose anyone who "is too busy," "didn't see my text," or "not in a good place right now" (you know what mean). With that said, I also dont want to go to the extremes and end up rejecting everyone. Do you think I was too harsh with this guy?
I was talking to him for few weeks, we exchanged numbers and texted back and forth. He would say good morning and initiated all the conversations (I didnt exactly like it because we hadnt met yet at that point). Then he asked me out and I told him Monday and Tuesday would probably be good. He said his schedule is unpredictible, he is often on call but one of these two days should work. He asked me to send him a nearby address to see how far we were from each other. Turns out it was 1 hour drive and asked me to meet him half way which is downtown of our big city. I told him I dont like to drive there because there is no parking spot ever. He suggested taking train instead but I told him it was too cold for train. At that point I realized I was being annoying and said "I can always take uber." That was Saturday night. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday till 6pm I havent heard from him. On Tuesday night he texted me and I told him to stop contacting me. He acted surprised and asked what happened. Then, he gave me the usual exuses that he was working and didnt even realize it was already Tuesday. Also his car broke down and is in the shop. I texted: sorry about that, but I dont want to keep in touch." Am I now too strict and overreacting? I dont want to turn into a bitter b*tch.

I think this bolded is a fine statement if that's how you feel and it's very possible that you were on the right track, and certainly for you, with this statement. I think telling him to "stop contacting you" initially on tuesday night is a bit extreme. Definitely cloaking anger, frustration and bitterness which is not a good look. You could have just jumped right to "sorry to hear about that, but I don't want to keep in touch" or not responded at all. Same result=no more talking and you do it in a dignified way, which is partly for yourself btw. If a person acts out in anger or frustration then some of that is internalized and it DOES become bitter bitchy which you would take on. Also it's unnecessary. You could believe his story is bullsh*t and it might totally be, but then the easiest way to get a person like that out of your life is no response and/or "sorry about that, but I dont want to keep in touch".

I think the PREVIOUS part where you two where debating where and how to meet up for your first date had shades of bitter and shades of bitchy. It def was not on point--doesn't matter if he was or wasn't the guy of your dreams, it's not how to treat someone & not how to make a good impression, which often people DO care about after 5 minutes of meeting someone or getting to know them. Several of my gf's are with guys that they were like "ehh" about or did an annoying thing (kiss badly or tell them they were beautiful in a way that felt a little fake or desperate). They worked through those things & got a great guy. Not saying this guy is that but that's why it pays to find ways to be on point yourself & give within reason people a chance. For your story with this guy, I don't think anything was that wrong with him (not enough information & perhaps too high expectations for a monday/tues thing which he did follow up on tuesday--too late for it to be a date but obviously still had some interest). Logistically your distance from each other was perhaps the biggest problem that there was solid knowledge about.

January 12, 2017

First of all, I want to make it clear that this not about the guy. The question is more about my reaction. He is not important.
After dating online for the last two months, I decided not to waste my time with wrong guys and cut loose anyone who "is too busy," "didn't see my text," or "not in a good place right now" (you know what mean). With that said, I also dont want to go to the extremes and end up rejecting everyone. Do you think I was too harsh with this guy?
I was talking to him for few weeks, we exchanged numbers and texted back and forth. He would say good morning and initiated all the conversations (I didnt exactly like it because we hadnt met yet at that point). Then he asked me out and I told him Monday and Tuesday would probably be good. He said his schedule is unpredictible, he is often on call but one of these two days should work. He asked me to send him a nearby address to see how far we were from each other. Turns out it was 1 hour drive and asked me to meet him half way which is downtown of our big city. I told him I dont like to drive there because there is no parking spot ever. He suggested taking train instead but I told him it was too cold for train. At that point I realized I was being annoying and said "I can always take uber." That was Saturday night. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday till 6pm I havent heard from him. On Tuesday night he texted me and I told him to stop contacting me. He acted surprised and asked what happened. Then, he gave me the usual exuses that he was working and didnt even realize it was already Tuesday. Also his car broke down and is in the shop. I texted: sorry about that, but I dont want to keep in touch." Am I now too strict and overreacting? I dont want to turn into a bitter b*tch.

He would say good morning and initiated all the conversations I didnt exactly like it because we hadnt met yet at that point -- So, you didn't like that he intiated conversations alot, but now you're pissed he didn't do a lot of it????

And, if you were going to accept a date with him, didn't like the train idea, said you'd use Uber, you should have said 'Ok, I'll meet you at Xplace and take Uber". Essentially, you left him hanging, IMO.

If I were him though, I would have gotten in touch with you Monday at least, not the day of. But given there was probably some confusion on his part, he probably wasn't too sure what to do either. There's another thread from a male OP who is struggling with some confusion about the girl too because she was "nebulous" with her intentions. If you wanted a date with the guy, you should have been more clear.

January 12, 2017

He would say good morning and initiated all the conversations I didnt exactly like it because we hadnt met yet at that point -- So, you didn't like that he intiated conversations alot, but now you're pissed he didn't do a lot of it????

And, if you were going to accept a date with him, didn't like the train idea, said you'd use Uber, you should have said 'Ok, I'll meet you at Xplace and take Uber". Essentially, you left him hanging, IMO.

If I were him though, I would have gotten in touch with you Monday at least, not the day of. But given there was probably some confusion on his part, he probably wasn't too sure what to do either. There's another thread from a male OP who is struggling with some confusion about the girl too because she was "nebulous" with her intentions. If you wanted a date with the guy, you should have been more clear.

I felt good morning texts were unnecessary. They are for people who are in a relationship or at least who met. Especially good morning beautiful (how does he know I am beautiful???) Sounds too fake but I ignored them anyway. I would just respond "good morning"

January 12, 2017

I felt good morning texts were unnecessary. They are for people who are in a relationship or at least who met. Especially good morning beautiful (how does he know I am beautiful???) Sounds too fake but I ignored them anyway. I would just respond "good morning"

I tend to agree with that. Nevertheless, you entertained it and eventually were prepared to accept a date anyway . . . the guy was working too hard, for sure. But, you could have simply said, "hey, let's leave some conversation for when we meet in person". You answered, he thought you were OK with it.

how does he know I am beautiful??? Sounds too fake -- You have a profile picture, don't you?

January 12, 2017

I tend to agree with that. Nevertheless, you entertained it and eventually were prepared to accept a date anyway . . . the guy was working too hard, for sure. But, you could have simply said, "hey, let's leave some conversation for when we meet in person". You answered, he thought you were OK with it.

how does he know I am beautiful??? Sounds too fake -- You have a profile picture, don't you?

I have and they are recent picture and I do look the same in person but he doesn't know that. Pictures might have been from 5 years ago or completely deceiving. I heard stories where people would show up on a date and look completely different (the same person just not as beautiful as the profile picture).

January 12, 2017

I have and they are recent picture and I do look the same in person but he doesn't know that. Pictures might have been from 5 years ago or completely deceiving. I heard stories where people would show up on a date and look completely different (the same person just not as beautiful as the profile picture).

Well, he's hoping you're being "honest" with putting up recent pictures. And, regardless, he finds that picture of you attractive at least.

I heard stories where people would show up on a date and look completely different -- That does happen very often. Which is why you don't waste a ton of time chit chatting/texting online, etc. You meet for a quick meet up for drinks and/or hors d'oeurves to confirm they look like their pictures and that they are who they say they are and to see if after you see them in person and talk a little more face to face and determine if there's enough real interest to date some more . . . You're not committing to a relationship, you're just going to meet them.

January 12, 2017

I think this bolded is a fine statement if that's how you feel and it's very possible that you were on the right track, and certainly for you, with this statement. I think telling him to "stop contacting you" initially on tuesday night is a bit extreme. Definitely cloaking anger, frustration and bitterness which is not a good look. You could have just jumped right to "sorry to hear about that, but I don't want to keep in touch" or not responded at all. Same result=no more talking and you do it in a dignified way, which is partly for yourself btw. If a person acts out in anger or frustration then some of that is internalized and it DOES become bitter bitchy which you would take on. Also it's unnecessary. You could believe his story is bullsh*t and it might totally be, but then the easiest way to get a person like that out of your life is no response and/or "sorry about that, but I dont want to keep in touch".

I think the PREVIOUS part where you two where debating where and how to meet up for your first date had shades of bitter and shades of bitchy. It def was not on point--doesn't matter if he was or wasn't the guy of your dreams, it's not how to treat someone & not how to make a good impression, which often people DO care about after 5 minutes of meeting someone or getting to know them. Several of my gf's are with guys that they were like "ehh" about or did an annoying thing (kiss badly or tell them they were beautiful in a way that felt a little fake or desperate). They worked through those things & got a great guy. Not saying this guy is that but that's why it pays to find ways to be on point yourself & give within reason people a chance. For your story with this guy, I don't think anything was that wrong with him (not enough information & perhaps too high expectations for a monday/tues thing which he did follow up on tuesday--too late for it to be a date but obviously still had some interest). Logistically your distance from each other was perhaps the biggest problem that there was solid knowledge about.

Thank you. Your replies are sp insightful. You are right, it is my internalized anger. Something similar happened few weeks ago. I talked to a guy, exchanged numbers, and agreed to see each other on Wed but didnt specify location. Wed comes and I hear nothing from him. I got pissed off and texted him if we were still on. He kind of ignored my question but replied to everything else. I waited for few minutes and told him the same thing, to stop texting me. He ended up calling me and we talked for 3.5 hours (that was the first phone call). I was leaving the town the following day and when I returned he left for Florida. So, we never met but we might. The bottom line is that he ended up liking me a lot (as a person, based on the phone conversation) and told me I was one of the rare normal women on OLD. He still keeps in touch with me and hopes to see me once he is back from Florida.

Sorry, for giving you another story, but what is wrong with these guys? OLD makes people jaded and lazy to meet.

Oh, and once we finished our phone conversation, he wanted to meet. But it was too late and I wasn't going to go out just because he decided the last minute he now wanted to see me.

Edited January 12, 2017 by Gracieboo

January 12, 2017

I felt good morning texts were unnecessary. They are for people who are in a relationship or at least who met. Especially good morning beautiful (how does he know I am beautiful???) Sounds too fake but I ignored them anyway. I would just respond "good morning"

So you are mad that someone trusts the pictures you put up and you would rather have liked him to be cynical and not believe anything on your profile? LOL why put up a profile or pictures then?

You need to cool off and be chill.

A guy can send you anything, dont take them seriously if u dont want to... Whats the big deal. You are projecting your insecurities on to him.

Yeah he maybe fake in his compliments.... No one is putting a gun on your head and saying - You have to accept my compliment bcoz I texted them to you!!!!

Read it, ignore it, chill....

January 12, 2017

Or have a fun conversation around it..

"Oh you think I am beautiful? What do you find beautiful about me?"

Let him answer... Evaluate it... Flirt..

January 12, 2017

Thank you. Your replies are sp insightful. You are right, it is my internalized anger. Something similar happened few weeks ago. I talked to a guy, exchanged numbers, and agreed to see each other on Wed but didnt specify location. Wed comes and I hear nothing from him. I got pissed off and texted him if we were still on. He kind of ignored my question but replied to everything else. I waited for few minutes and told him the same thing, to stop texting me. He ended up calling me and we talked for 3.5 hours (that was the first phone call). I was leaving the town the following day and when I returned he left for Florida. So, we never met but we might. The bottom line is that he ended up liking me a lot (as a person, based on the phone conversation) and told me I was one of the rare normal women on OLD. He still keeps in touch with me and hopes to see me once he is back from Florida.
Sorry, for giving you another story, but what is wrong with these guys? OLD makes people jaded and lazy to meet.

Oh, and once we finished our phone conversation, he wanted to meet. But it was too late and I wasn't going to go out just because he decided the last minute he now wanted to see me.

You're right, you don't accept last minute dates especially from OLD. But this most recent guy didn't do anything wrong really, except you didn't like how much he texted. This guy isn't that other guy . . .

OLD makes people jaded and lazy to meet. -- This is how you are coming across here.

January 12, 2017

Thank you. Your replies are sp insightful. You are right, it is my internalized anger. Something similar happened few weeks ago. I talked to a guy, exchanged numbers, and agreed to see each other on Wed but didnt specify location. Wed comes and I hear nothing from him. I got pissed off and texted him if we were still on. He kind of ignored my question but replied to everything else. I waited for few minutes and told him the same thing, to stop texting me. He ended up calling me and we talked for 3.5 hours (that was the first phone call). I was leaving the town the following day and when I returned he left for Florida. So, we never met but we might. The bottom line is that he ended up liking me a lot (as a person, based on the phone conversation) and told me I was one of the rare normal women on OLD. He still keeps in touch with me and hopes to see me once he is back from Florida.
Sorry, for giving you another story, but what is wrong with these guys? OLD makes people jaded and lazy to meet.

Oh, and once we finished our phone conversation, he wanted to meet. But it was too late and I wasn't going to go out just because he decided the last minute he now wanted to see me.

Thank you. Sometimes it can be hard to hear but i think the most helpful replies that lots of people give can help with the OP's behavior. I mean, that's all we can really fix--we can't fix the other people who might be sh*tty people or maybe something OP's are doing isn't maximizing the opportunities & good dating stuff that should happen to them. It's all an effort to maximize what YOU can do (that a lot of my advice & i'm sure others too comes from). I think online dating can make people really jaded & frustrated but you want to be careful not to take it out on the next person. Learn from it, be honest with yourself, change up some of what you do to get the right combo that will bring you a good person. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is ONLY using online dating. that is bound to make a person frustrated and angry. It's especially brutal on there. I think it would do people that are frustrated by dating online a good help for all venues and their dating life and happiness to not only do online. Do other ways of dating. Flirt with people; try to meet people through friends or activities. With a full life, you are likely to lower your expectations and raise your standards authentically. Because your life will be more busy with things that are fulfilling to you & seeing more opportunities around you & with the people you come in contact with.

I think your knee jerk reaction when a guy is being flakey is not good. If you feel that upset with the person for flaking, then do nothing and do not consider them dating material for you. There is no reason to lash out, especially if you have never met. I don't know if I would want to date a guy who flaked the first time we were supposed to go out. To me, what happened with the guy you mentioned above is mixed messages from both of you. You were pissed but allowed him to resurrect--that kinda says to me that you either really really want a relationship or are trying to be opened mind but lash out first and then "try" to fix. I think you leave more options open for yourself AND show a guy he needs to treat you better if you had just let the wednesday come and go without reaching out. Basically if a guy doesn't follow through with you, he doesn't GET to see you. That simple. You will consider it when and if he gets his sh*t together. As a practical matter, maybe when you and each of these people are discussing the date you need to have a more nailed down discussion& participate at THAT time. That should help too. Good luck

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