Jim nine three Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Here's the thing.Me and my ex have been broken up for almost 2 years now after a 3,5 year old relationship.I even posted here back then while I was going through the process.After almost a year of failed attempts at reconciliation (most of them from my side) and way too much heartbreak I came to a point where I could honestly say I had moved on.I even saw her with another guy about 3 months ago and while it emotionally hurt me for a week I managed to brush it off completely.I am even dating a new girl with whom I have a great time and want to take things to the next step (a relationship,that is),and this is still the case even after what I am about to tell you. My ex and I have been on limited contact ever since I decided to let it go and move on with my life,about 5 months ago.Mostly it's just a conversation about our life status (work,family,friends etc.) which is totally fine by me,since I don't feel it's dragging me back,after all I managed to move on at this point.So lately she started talking to me more often dropping subtle hints about us (she sent me a photo wearing a ring I bought her back when we were together,called me cute nicknames and so on).I didn't put much thought into it and brushed it off as if it was nothing at all,maybe she was influenced by 2 of our best friends who are trying to reconcile and things are going well between them.Anyway as I have told you I am dating someone new and I am pretty excited about it so I didn't have much to think about the matter. Today I learned from a mutual friend that she went abroad for holidays over a month ago to a place we were planning to go back when we were together.I didn't show it to anyone but it hurt me.For a moment all the emotional pain I went through came back to me,like a feeling of being replaced completely in someone's life.The things we planned to do,now she does with someone else,while I was still struggling to move on with my life,and even though I honestly deeply believe I did,this brought me back,at least for the time being.Is it weird I feel like this?Am I to blame for allowing these thoughts to cloud my judgement again? 1
Satu Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 You'll never fully move on until you stop the emotional intimacy with your ex. The 'cute nicknames', nostalgia, sending you photos of the ring, etc, needs to stop, if you want to be all-in with the new woman. To be blunt, I think you've moved on no more than 50%. You've done the easy part of moving on, but if you want things to flourish between you and the new woman, you'll have to do the hard part. The hard point is fully removing yourself from your exe's life, and being somebody else's man, 100%. ymmv. Take care.
Popsicle Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Grieving has different stages that can happen at different times. They might not all be sequential, one right after the other. I don't think it's uncommon to feel like you're over someone and move on and then feel gut punched once you see them for the first time with someone else. You will get over this too. I agree with Satu, though, that you need to stop talking to your ex. Besides the obvious, it's disrespectful to your new girl.
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