peterspain Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 roughly around 6 weeks ago my ex girlfriend told me she doesn’t want to speak to me because she found it confusing since we weren’t together. Back story: We had previously been together for around 7 years, we decided to move in together around 2 years ago. We had an argument last year (March 2016) where she left our place and went to stay with her parents. After doing this she told me she didn’t want to live with me any more, so i thought i would let her keep the place and i would find somewhere else to stay. So i left. Since i was still in love with her i try to communicate with her and all she does is get her friend to tell me not to speak to her and to move on because she is moving on, so i leave her alone for a couple of months and concentrate on myself. Then she gets in contact and we speak off and on for a couple of months (july/august). Another couple of months pass (with limited or no contact at all), and we start talking a lot more and started seeing each other a lot (without ever stating what we were doing). We started having sex again and meeting up once or twice a week (work permitting)(october/november). Then around 6 weeks ago (end of november/start of december) she says to me she doesn’t want to speak or see each other at the moment because she finds it confusing since we weren’t together. So i try to speak to her a few times and there is no reply, christmas and new year happens and i think to myself well its been a month, maybe me and her could talk and see where we stand. I come to find out she has blocked me on most social media sites and has deleted my number (which she didn’t do before, she only deleted my number). I try to call and i get no reply, i messaged her the other day and her friend messages me back saying she doesn’t want to speak to me and has moved on and that i should too. I am absolutely confused by this, maybe the answer is starring me in the face, maybe its hidden in between the lines, i don’t know. The one thing i do know is i’m still deeply in love with her and still have thoughts and dreams that we could give the relationship another go. I thought she just needed space and i thought i was reading in between the lines by giving her that and now she completely closes me out and tells her friend (who went through a 5+ year long term relationship break up and found someone else within a month or two who she now has been dating for the last 4 years!!, i could be reading too much into it but i hope she isn’t planning on achieving something similar! that would rip me to shreds), To tell me to move on and that she has moved on when less than 6 weeks ago we were spending a lot of time together talking about how we both missed living together and then bang! nothing and the message that its confusing and now telling me to move on. I tried the no contact rule but broke it three times now, but since i last contacted her four days ago i’m determined to make it a success but i’m not sure how long to leave it for. I considered 6 months but then i considered 2 months being the best. I’m completely at odds on what to do after no contact. Any advice would be appreciated! please help!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 You don't do anything after No Contact. It is very hard, yes, but she has been clear she does not want any communication from you. Move forward on the basis that the relationship is over. If you try to put a timeline on it, you could be setting yourself up for significant disappointment. She is single, and at some point, will date again. Trust me when I say you don't want to be the guy that hung around in the wings only to find out she's been seeing someone else. She's telling you to move on because it appears she now wants to do the same. I realize that a short time ago you two were getting cozy again, but for whatever reason, something has changed for her. You didn't mention it before, but what was the argument about that led to the initial breakup?
Author peterspain Posted January 12, 2017 Author Posted January 12, 2017 we broke up because of a silly argument over whether or not i had seen her laptop since she thought she had lost it somewhere in the flat. I told her where i had last seen it, then she said that i didn't tell her, so then i showed her where it was and she started having a go at me. So i just ignored her and continued watching tv and then she turned off the tv and i was like what did you do that for, so i went to another room trying to avoid her as i don't like confrontation i think its best to talk with clear heads rather than say anything we don't mind in anger, but she wouldn't stop she just kept saying things like you don't care where my things are, you don't care what happens to me and continued with the 'you don't care etc.. i kept reminding her of all the things that i do that she seems to forget, for example all the things i did to make her life easier like in the mornings i would wake up before her and i would prepare breakfast and find all the things she needed for work as well as sorting my own stuff, during the day i would send her little messages of love and even send her bouquets of flowers on the random occasion and sign it with your 'secret admirer, only joking its P' i would organise date nights for us (because we work so much datenights were good because most days we would just fall asleep on the sofa after watching a tv programme or netflix etc. and never go out) i would do everything i could to make sure it was like how it was when we first started dating. I never wanted to lose that spark.
Author peterspain Posted January 12, 2017 Author Posted January 12, 2017 Its really annoying because now i feel like a fool for doing all of that and now we aren't even together.
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