Lucysherman Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Can the 'I'm busy' excuse be legit? When I suggested a drink for a second date the guy told me he was getting slammed at work so 'it would have to wait a couple weeks, if that's ok.' I said sure, he said 'thanks for understanding.' I know he does work crazy hours but don't you make time for someone if you really want to see them? Do you guys think this is legit or just a fancy way to say he's not interested? We had a really great date but can't tell if he's for real...
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 This is what you do....put him in your option bin, and go out on dates with other men. If he comes around fine, if not you already have other options lined up and haven't wasted your time investing in someone that blew you off. 6
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Legit: yes and no. Legit: I am swamp this week but we could grab brunch Sunday morning Not Legit: I am swamp for 2 weeks and more is not something I would hold on to. During 2 weeks there are 1 or 2 weekends in there he could work something out. This guy is luckywarm due to his so-so answer + YOU had to come up with the second date invite. An interested man knows how to forward a 2nd invitation quickly. 6
IfonlyIknew Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Any interest would want to close the gap. The typical spin is "I'm busy but soon for sure!" leaving it open ended.
PinkPampies Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Is this the same guy you met at a bar before your holiday?
kendahke Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Can the 'I'm busy' excuse be legit? When I suggested a drink for a second date the guy told me he was getting slammed at work so 'it would have to wait a couple weeks, if that's ok.' I said sure, he said 'thanks for understanding.' I know he does work crazy hours but don't you make time for someone if you really want to see them? Do you guys think this is legit or just a fancy way to say he's not interested? We had a really great date but can't tell if he's for real... that all depends upon how he conducts himself between now and when his schedule clears up enough to go out on a date. If he keeps in contact with you by calling you--not texting you--and he has a target date for when he will be able to take you on the second date, then I would tend to believe him. IMO, texting is for managing people without getting into a protracted conversation that you don't have time to participate in. If he drops off the face of the earth, then you have you answer about his interest in you. I've had great first dates and never hear from the guy again... he didn't owe me anything, there was no conversation about his interest in me as a romantic partner. on or right after that first date.. in the absence of a conversation conveying his interest in you, I'd chalk this up to a one off; that he doesn't really have sufficient interest to go further at this point. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Can the 'I'm busy' excuse be legit? When I suggested a drink for a second date the guy told me he was getting slammed at work so 'it would have to wait a couple weeks, if that's ok.' I said sure, he said 'thanks for understanding.' I know he does work crazy hours but don't you make time for someone if you really want to see them? Do you guys think this is legit or just a fancy way to say he's not interested? We had a really great date but can't tell if he's for real... Yeah, if it's a couple of or a few days, but two weeks?????? He's not that interested. Go over to the thread titled "Did he ghost me or is his phone broken". The OP in that thread got an "I'm busy" from a guy. Read how that one is playing out . . . The other thing about your scenario is that it's best to let the man lead for a bit before doing any initiating. In other words, you had a good first date, in your opinion, and then you initiated a second and got a response and it leaves you wondering if he would have done it himself or if he's really interested. Let the guy initiate the first few dates, you'll have a little better idea at least of his level of interest. After a few dates, then you should start doing some initiating and then let him have the "reigns" again. I'd say, if you hadn't initiated, this guy would have moved on and not set up another date soon anyway. 4
andie1969 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Yeah, I get I'm super busy the next few days or the rest of this week, but to put out a general "next few weeks" doesn't sound like there is much interest, or there is interest in someone else and he wants to see how that pans out. I really am crazy busy this week, with stuff at work and also with my daughter's activities. But if I were on the dating scene, I could definitely find time for a drink with someone who piqued my interest.
Erik30 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Sorry, he's probably not interested. If a really cute girl asks me out, I'm not going to make her wait weeks and risk "losing" her. I think he's trying to let you down easy, and is hoping you won't bring it up again.... or he's also seeing another girl and is keeping you as a back up. 2
faith2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Even if he is legitimately busy for two weeks you deserve better then that. 2
alphamale Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Do you guys think this is legit or just a fancy way to say he's not interested? its just a fancy way to say he's not interested 1
Sara1989 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 First thing, YOU asked him out again. SECOND, he said he is busy for 2 weeks. No, no. 4
Miss Peach Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 My experience is that typically if a guy doesn't make time for you once per week then it's not very likely he's too interested. If he is, he's probably going to tell you things so you don't go anywhere like he had a business trip already planned. There are exceptions... my xBF played a lot of games at the beginning. But it's en exception rather than the rule.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 My experience is that typically if a guy doesn't make time for you once per week then it's not very likely he's too interested. If he is, he's probably going to tell you things so you don't go anywhere like he had a business trip already planned. There are exceptions... my xBF played a lot of games at the beginning. But it's en exception rather than the rule. Yes. Most guys (I realize that's a generalization, but this is absolutely my experience and the experience of pretty much any woman I know IRL) worry a bit that the woman may "disappear" out of lack of interest if they (the men) don't check in regularly at the very least - that is, if they are interested and really like the woman. They see her as a catch, so they feel other guys will see her as a catch too, and they figure if they don't keep checking and reminding the woman they exist, some other guy will snap her up. Any man who's legitimately been interested in me has made darned sure to call/text/email/whatever very very regularly and to check in even if there's no real "reason" to - i.e. "just wanted to share this funny meme" or...whatever. Anything at all to keep in touch. And there was always a future date in a solid way on the table. "Are you still free next Sunday? That's when I get back in town..." "Counting down the days until next Sunday," etc. (without prompting from me, I mean). Again...JME, but when a guy really wanted me...I never had to wonder. Forget "whoops, didn't have my phone turned on" or "hoo boy! So swamped at work" or "I hurt my texting hand," the guy would have sent smoke signals from a hospital gurney if that's what it had taken. Well...maybe not literally but you get the idea. 4
BlueRidgeMT Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 Again...JME, but when a guy really wanted me...I never had to wonder. Forget "whoops, didn't have my phone turned on" or "hoo boy! So swamped at work" or "I hurt my texting hand," the guy would have sent smoke signals from a hospital gurney if that's what it had taken. :laugh::laugh::laugh: 2
phineas Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 lol at "2 weeks" Either that guy just isn't interested and too much of a wus to say it or he is the worst backburner ever. When a woman i know who "just wants to be friends" and hits me up looking for my attention i give her the "busy" line. 1
Jj66 Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 It's possible to be legitimately busy. But this is not one of those times. If it were legit he would have given you some sort of explanation to try to maintain your interest in the meantime and an indication that he would like to see you again and when he would be available. Most likely he liked you ok but he's exploring his other options. If you liked him, you should treat him like an option, too. 1
kassy Posted January 13, 2017 Posted January 13, 2017 I sometimes use the too busy excuse when I'm not interested in someone and don't think they will take a no I don't want to see you again. I have had great dates with guys and walked away thinking cool guy shame I am in no way attracted to him. So good dates don't equal second datess/attraction. If he liked you he would have said something to the effect of I am really swamped the next two weeks I have a big presentation and report delivery on the 21 Jan (whatever date whatever work thing) and I won't be able to see you till then but can we get dinner on the 22nd and I'll make it up to you? And then texted/called intermittently between now and the 22nd just to make sure you don't forget him see the difference. This guy is too busy for you because he doesn't like you
Author Lucysherman Posted January 21, 2017 Author Posted January 21, 2017 So he actually did end up texting me today (about two weeks after he said he was busy)...so maybe he was legit?
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 He was too busy to contact you for two weeks? Sorry, I don't buy it. 2
Pill Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 It's possible he was on a project and was too busy to be bothered. It's a new year and many people in finance or even law have year end wrap up tasks that aren't flexible. I personally had to work on budgeting and software conversions that put me out of commissions for a while. I think its important to remember that if it's early no one has necessarily earned the right to be a priority. I may like you, but I may not like you enough to necessarily break my neck to accommodate you during rare critical times. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 So he actually did end up texting me today (about two weeks after he said he was busy)...so maybe he was legit? What did he say?
Miss Spider Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 Of course it can be. Of course some people might say "If a guy likes you, he's never busy. He will move mountains and swim seas to be with you. He's saying his busy because he has a date lined up every day for the next few weeks. He'll never be into you, just stringing you along. Dump that chump! " ...but he could just be busy with work.
Redhead14 Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 So he actually did end up texting me today (about two weeks after he said he was busy)...so maybe he was legit? I've had to tell dating partners that I was going to be very busy but I also said, my schedule will be clear on Xday and that I'd really like to see him again. And, I didn't disappear during that period of time. We kept in touch until then. I left him with a clear indication that I was interested in seeing him again and I didn't drop off the earth for 2 weeks. I kept him updated as to my progress and whether or not my anticipated availability date was still in play. Frankly, if I didn't see or hear from a guy in two weeks, I'd have lost interest and forgotten about him, especially after only one date. he actually did end up texting me today (about two weeks after he said he was busy)... -- He remembers his lies and who he told them to. He may very well have been "legit" AND he didn't have very much interest in you. 1
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