niji Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I've thought it through and it did hurt but I'm DEFINITELY NOT gonna say yes if she wants to give our "relationship" another try. It really hurt me that when I needed her most, she was not there. What would happen if something worse was to happen to me again? God forbid. But IF it does happen will she just pack up and go again? I deserve better. Any comments on what I should ask her this weekend? Or should I just politely cancel it until I'm emotionally ready and prepared to her her story? You do what you think is the best for yourself at this moment. You don't owe her anything - if she didn't "owe" you a lengthy explanation of why she wanted out, then you don't owe her any listening when she finally decides that she wants to "explain". I was in her shoes once; I broke up with my ex of four years in 1 day without any back and forth, just ended it very abruptly without warning signs. I'm not at all proud of what I did, I wish I knew how to end it in a less painful way, but I sure am proud that I didn't leave any breadcrumbs or try to reach out to him later, not even after he's moved on (and casually informed me of this). If there's only one almost universal truth in relationships, it's that someone who broke up with you doesn't care (enough) about you. If they reach out to you after you've moved on, that's because they realized the grass is not greener out there and worried they're never gonna get anything as good, not because of love. There was a certain point I thought I'd end up all alone when I die , the last thought on my mind was crawling back to my ex begging him to take me back. He deserves more than that, for even as I stopped loving him, I never stopped respecting him.
divegrl Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Hey Not again, I think we went thru break ups and joined this forum and around the same time. I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this confusion. As always, i have no advice... I am no relationship expert and am horrible and break ups! But i wanted to let you know that i'm following your posts and hope you get some clarity soon. Know that you have support here and we're rooting for you! Hugs 1
anduina Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) Well bumped into her in the city when I went out for dinner. Heart was thumping at a million miles per hour. I feel sick I excused myself saying that I was meeting some work colleagues for dinner (really it was by myself tonight) and she put me in the spotlight and asked if we could meet up this weekend. Not being able to think, I regretfully said yes. As mentioned above, I would have don't it in due course when I'm emotionally ready to hear her out. I feel really sick in my stomach. My mind is racing too thinking about what she wants to talk about, but in a way I am eager to move on as soon as possible. Rid her from my everyday life. I'm sick of her popping into my thoughts every time there's quietness. But I also want to "rip the bandage" off quickly to get it over and done with. It might set me back a step or two in terms of healing emotionally but before she dropped off the letter, I was starting to see the good in my life again. Enjoying work. Enjoying friends company. I've thought it through and it did hurt but I'm DEFINITELY NOT gonna say yes if she wants to give our "relationship" another try. It really hurt me that when I needed her most, she was not there. What would happen if something worse was to happen to me again? God forbid. But IF it does happen will she just pack up and go again? I deserve better. Any comments on what I should ask her this weekend? Or should I just politely cancel it until I'm emotionally ready and prepared to her her story? Thank you.That's not true that she left you when you needed her most. She was there for you when you needed her most and then left when things were on the rise. Everyone has a break point. This does not mean that this is encouragement to see her if you're not emotionally prepared. Only that to make the choice to see or not, requires emotional honesty with yourself. One more issue to consider. She may want to get back with you but she might also wish to tell you about someone else. If you decide to see her, be prepared for either and if you're not prepared for either, it might be too soon. But the longer you delay, the less likelihood that she will wish to reconnect. Edited January 23, 2017 by anduina
Author not-again Posted January 24, 2017 Author Posted January 24, 2017 Thank you all for the comments. Think I'll take the plunge and see what she has to say. Fingers crossed there's a lengthy explaination but I hope to god it's not because there's someone else, that'll shatter me even more. Might post here between then but I might need some time to gather my thoughts before the weekend. Thanks again for the support.
layla21 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Hi not-again, These are some news. I cannot imagine how it might felt meeting here again after all this time. It must have been a shock. As I can see it you had two choices and you made up your mind to go and meet her. I agree with the previous posts that whatever she has to say, be ready, be emotionally prepared for the worst. Just remember, she wanted to meet up and clarify some things so (just a reminder and suggestion) I would not discuss any relationship issues with her if she herself does not mention them first hand. Tell yourself that it is her call. If she wants to have a smalltalk, sure, get along and leave. If she wants to show off a new relationship and her moving on, sure, let her, say good luck and leave. If she wants to discuss your future together, sure, try to think rationally and dont get too emotional (as hard it may be). Concerning the latter, I agree with you to not immediately say yes to any of her possible advances to reconcile. Reconcilation should be taken seriously and usually takes a long time to build up the foundation of a relationship - which are respect and trust - in order to make it work much better than the old and broken one. There are so many possibilities what she might have to say so dont dwell on those too long until the weekend. Dont think too much about "if she says that, I answer this etc.", it just makes you go backwards on your healing process if things may turn out differently. This doesnt mean you should go into the conversation with an indifferent attitude but rather with an open one. Be open and be ready as much as its hurt. I sincerely hope everything will turn out fine and you get a clearer picture of how things stand. 1
Author not-again Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 Thanks Layla21, I'll try and not over think it but my mind is constantly thinking about her, what can happen, what I hope she says and what I don't want to hear. But yes, I'm not gonna rush into the reconciliation if that's what she wants. As I finished work about to leave, an overwhelming sense of emptiness and sadness absorbed me. Sat in the car for a while and, not going to be ashamed, but had a little cry. Emptiness because from now on, I will be coming home to just me myself and I. No more love and laughter echoing through the house. And sadness that my bestest friend and love of 6 years is no longer by my side. It's something I would cherish forever. If I had the chance to start all over knowing that it'll end the way it did...I'd say yes in a heartbeat. I really am trying my all to enjoy my friends, work, gym and the smallest things but it's really hard and it's taking a little chunk of happiness (what's left of it) away day by day. Wish I had the time and opportunity to go out to the wilderness, into the woods, towards the alps and spend some time out there to get her my thoughts without interruptions from everyday life.
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