Another heart break

January 11, 2017

Hello all,

Who would have thought that I would be back here again (different username as I haven't used my old one in 6 years).

A bit about my relationship background. Went through a rough break up 7 years ago and sort after support and help on here which really did help. Thank you all.

One year later I fell in love again. Now this one I really thought was the one, and this was after the "honeymoon" stage. Things could not have been any better, to me this was all a dream with my dream girl.

Fast forward 5.5 years (mid last year), I entered a rough patch in my life due to being laid off at work, not finding work etc. but she was there to support my highs and lows which I loved her for. She was always there to help me off the ground.

Now, I've been offered a great job (more stable, better pay, new town etc) and just last week she calls me and doesn't see us getting old with each other anymore. Devastated. I have no clue what to do. I was hoping for a fresh start and begin a new adventure with the love of my life. She does not want to talk it through, does not want to work it out, does not want to see me.

To me partners are there to support you no matter how tough it gets and I would go to the ends of the earth and back for her. Her reasoning is because her emotions have been on a rollercoaster, going for a ride with me which I'm sorry for for the lows. Now she cannot cope with it anymore even though it's only going to be up and onwards from now on, and that has changed her love for me.

I too have supported her when she was down. I've always lent her a hand to help her up and hug and kiss her.

And what really hurts right now is that I was soon going to ask her father for her hand in marriage. :(:(:(:(:( I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and start a family of our own.

I'm not too sure if I'm here to rant or to seek help and answers. But I think I'll leave this here and log in again tomorrow to see if there are any responses.

I would never have though my heart would break again.

Edited January 11, 2017 by not-again

January 11, 2017

So sorry you're going thru this. Breakups absolutely suck. Everything you say makes sense. You have a right to say that for as long as you need to. Keep being honest. Keep leaning on those who love you. Plz know you're not alone. Peace to you my friend. Hugs.

January 11, 2017

Appreciate the response divegrl.

Yes it has been hard. I try and keep busy but it's so hard not to think of her when I have some alone time, be it driving to/from work, to/from hockey practice, even in the shower. The whole of last week seemed like eternity. I believe I'm getting to that stage where I am contemplating on given up attempting to win her back, but deep down inside of me, there's a part that doesn't want to.

My heart's been torn into pieces.

January 12, 2017

Sorry bro, I've never gone that far into a relationship but I've felt what it's like to really love someone and know deep down inside that you would do anything for them. To have them walk away just hurts like hell and leaves you feeling stranded alone with thousands of different roads to take. It's so hard to know where you should go and what the right answer is. We might just have to accept the fact that life wasn't meant to be easy and embrace it. I know it's ****ing easier said than done. It's something I'm trying to figure out myself. I think the best we can do is become a better person, someone better than we were when we were with our partners. After we make it then we can decide what the best option is.

January 12, 2017

Sorry bro, I've never gone that far into a relationship but I've felt what it's like to really love someone and know deep down inside that you would do anything for them. To have them walk away just hurts like hell and leaves you feeling stranded alone with thousands of different roads to take. It's so hard to know where you should go and what the right answer is. We might just have to accept the fact that life wasn't meant to be easy and embrace it. I know it's ****ing easier said than done. It's something I'm trying to figure out myself. I think the best we can do is become a better person, someone better than we were when we were with our partners. After we make it then we can decide what the best option is.

Well said buddy. Like you mentioned, when they walk away with no attempt to resolve whatever the issue is makes it that much more harder. I'm blessed to have really close friends who are willing to help me through tough times. That's why I have never placed my families/friends on the "back burner" when I'm entering/in a relationship. They will always be there to support you unlike my now ex who wasn't able to cope. Although hard, I believe that is what makes a solid foundation for a relationship.

How do those marriage vows go? Oh right "I ______, take you, ______, to be my lawful husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, while we both shall live.

January 12, 2017

Sorry to hear that this sound very similar to my story. My gf broke up with me 1 month before i closed down my business. I had the toughest 5 months ever! Afterall of that we are here now she lost all of her emotions for me. Also me not having a job made it worse for her because she can't see a long term with me but she doesnt knew i have an interview on monday. But having all that time to think after the breakup sucks. Heart hurts, sleepless nights. If they would have held on just a little longer smh.

I know its tough but keep you head up hit the gym. For your mind i find that reading self improvement book helps calm down my brain a bit. Now it's time to be a better you so she will see what she left. But yea don't make the same mistakes i did. I kept contacting and contacting which pushed her away even more. I pushed her away so much that she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore. I had sooooooo many chances in the beginning i blew all of them because i was impatient and wasnt in my right mind. All ahe wanted was a little bit of breather space and then she was going to come back when she was ready. That didn't happen so i think i lost her for good and we broke up in August. Don't make the same mistakes i did give her space and nc if you can. All you can do is work on yourself and make her became attracted to you again. Good luck

January 12, 2017

That is true, if they had held on for that little longer things would have been much much better than before. It is stupidly hard at times but to me, if I love someone that much, I would support them when they need me the most.

I have tired to give her space, NC but it's hard. I'm doing much better now at those things. As you mentioned, I'm going to continue to improve myself mainly for MYself and if she realises what she had and lost and wants me back...well it'll depends how I feel then. If not, well I'll be a much better person for my next love wherever she is. She must be out there somewhere, it's just a matter of finding her...if I we cross paths

January 12, 2017

I had a similar thing happen to me about 4 years ago; my son was really ill and in hospital, my business went down the pan. I was in a real low crappy part of my life.

Despite me helping her many times over the preceding 5 years when I needed help she wasn't there.

I think you need to maybe see this for what it is, you dodged a bullet.

You're in a great position, a new Job, a new start in a new area away from what would have been the constant reminders of your ex.

Take the bull by the horns

January 12, 2017

Similar story here; after 10 years together I lost my job and had a hard time finding a similar one so had to settle for one paying 70% less. In the end she gave up on the relationship and dumped me. That was 3 1/2 years ago.

Since then I've gotten 2 other jobs with increased pay and met a wonderful woman who loves me for who/what I am and not what I have.

Keep the faith and NC, things will get better.

January 12, 2017

Thanks all, your comments means a lot to me.

I just posted in another thread which helped me to cope that little bit more. Actually put a smile on my face (not to blow my own trumpet). This is what I posted.

- You may cry, get angry, mope around but it will pass. Your heart will heal and you will, unexpectingly, fall in love again with someone that you deserve.

- Surround yourself with friends and families and keep busy. As soon as you start thinking about them, consciously try and think about something else like your new hobby you just took on.

- That person is out there, waiting to fall in love with your smile, your humour, your personality. It's just a matter of time of when you two will cross paths.

-Just because you were dumped, it does not mean you are flawed. You're an amazing beautiful person regardless of what your ex says. Here's a link to people's reactions, when they hear strangers commenting on if they find they other person finds them attractive/beautiful even if they don't think so (in this case it's not what the ex has said but more of them being self conscious but hopefully you'll get the point).

New link to the right video I was referencing

- As mentioned, don't think that you will never heal/fall in love again. Life will throw at you a curve ball (in a good way) when you least expect it, and you will meet that girl/guy who has been looking for you, waiting patiently to fall in love with you.

^^^ Reminds me of How I Met Your Mother for those of you who are familiar with the TV show.

Edited January 12, 2017 by not-again

January 13, 2017

Well another day has just ended, still finding it hard to cope even with friends spending time with me to cheer/support me.

If find that every moment I have to myself, I can't help but start thinking what went wrong, how things could have been different etc. but what really gets me most is that she is so stubborn at the moment that she doesn't even what to try and work it out, talk it through, come see me. Not one bit, not budging. WHY? I'm starting to not recognise her anymore through her actions, she was always the understanding one, the one that shared her emotions.

I miss her hugs, her kisses, her smile, her voice, her touch.

January 13, 2017

The process of analyzing and re analyzing our exes actions is life sucking. We so badly want a why. Why did they just leave us?

I'm so sorry. Hugs.

January 14, 2017

Thank you divegrl.

Trying my hardest to come to terms why she doesn't even want to talk it through. Did the last 6 years mean nothing? At least have the courtesy to allow me to have some closure, if not for me at present, than for the me that you were so in love. Do it for the past me and you.

January 15, 2017

Woke up from having dreams about her and reality sunk in when I rolled over and she's not next to me. Shi**y start to another day without her.

January 15, 2017

Received a message on Facebook just then from her wishing me a a great first day at my new work.

WHYYY!?!?

I havent contacted her since a day or two after she broke up with me because she was adamant that she did not want to work it out. I haven responded and not planning to either. What I should have done was block all social media contacts and numbers.

Just reopened up the scab that's trying to heal my heart. Hope I can put on a smile at work tomorrow. A new chapter awaits.

January 15, 2017

Good !. Keep avoiding her like a politician on voting day.

Cause she will speak rubbish, like a politician on voting day.

Its just a matter of time before she starts the "Im sorry, lets get back together" tune..

I think that she actually has someone on the side, and she's not sure if its going to work out for her.

So, she's holding you at a distance, and thinks she can reel you in with the "Tears" and crying attitude when she's ready to get you back..

You went through it before, and came out with a tougher hide.

So, take it like a man, and walk proud.

Ted.

January 21, 2017

Ok bit of an update, after for some thoughts.

So I've been in NC for a little while now, (felt like months), and I'm starting to enjoy going out and living life in a sense. I don't feel like the butterflies in my stomach are dead anymore. I believe I'm on my way forward to moving on....and then came today. I finished work and went out for drinks with a few work colleagues. Came home and found a letter under my door from her. WTF? She had popped around to see me but thank God I was not home. The letter proceeds to say that she misses me and would like for me to meet up with her and talk. Really? When she broke up with me she was adamant that she DID NOT want to talk about it and NOT want to attempt to work it out. What does she want?

Any thoughts on how I should handle this? What should I do? Remain NC or meet up with her because she initiated contact and broke my NC?

Thank you all.

January 21, 2017

I just read your story and even though I didnt go that far in my previous relationship, I still feel connected.

First, I am deeply sorry for what you have gone through. It must have and must still hurt getting no response and asking yourself the why's. From what I have read, you seem like (even with the breakup) a realistic, and still cheerful person who is hurt but still lives life, at least tries to. I admire your action of NC and it is definitely the way to go in order to move on.

Now, she sent you the letter stoppig you from healing.

As you have not gotten your closure, I personally would meet her up. Not for her possible ego-boost, closure of guilt or regret but for yourself. You had history together, and even though you might think she does not deserve even a minute of your time, consider it fair towards a human being. It is the right thing to do to hear someone out if the person feels like getting something out of their chest. Be empathetic even towards your dumper because she herself did do that for fun and it must have hurt her too. Many would disagree because she is at fault but I think empathy is something we should give others even in the worst time. A brekaup does not have to change us negatively.

As for the talk - it may hurt you even more, may devastate you, may even bring you guys closer and back but you do not know it. If you are too afraid, I understand. Nobody wants to go through it again but surely, it will contribute to your own growing. Sure, it may start again but it may also give you some relief. Because if you dont hear her out, you may regret it later.

Whatever your decision is, trust your own feeling.

January 21, 2017

I just read your story and even though I didnt go that far in my previous relationship, I still feel connected.

First, I am deeply sorry for what you have gone through. It must have and must still hurt getting no response and asking yourself the why's. From what I have read, you seem like (even with the breakup) a realistic, and still cheerful person who is hurt but still lives life, at least tries to. I admire your action of NC and it is definitely the way to go in order to move on.

Now, she sent you the letter stoppig you from healing.
As you have not gotten your closure, I personally would meet her up. Not for her possible ego-boost, closure of guilt or regret but for yourself. You had history together, and even though you might think she does not deserve even a minute of your time, consider it fair towards a human being. It is the right thing to do to hear someone out if the person feels like getting something out of their chest. Be empathetic even towards your dumper because she herself did do that for fun and it must have hurt her too. Many would disagree because she is at fault but I think empathy is something we should give others even in the worst time. A brekaup does not have to change us negatively.

As for the talk - it may hurt you even more, may devastate you, may even bring you guys closer and back but you do not know it. If you are too afraid, I understand. Nobody wants to go through it again but surely, it will contribute to your own growing. Sure, it may start again but it may also give you some relief. Because if you dont hear her out, you may regret it later.

Whatever your decision is, trust your own feeling.

Wow, what a response. Thank you so much. It is true, I am still trying to live my life as best as I can. I personally believe a humans life is way to precious for a "hiccup" to derail your life. Maybe a kink but not the last station, in a way.

At this point in time of healing, my heart says to go see her, but my brain tells me otherwise. I may give it a day or two to process my thoughts and feelings.

January 21, 2017

I think empathy is something we should give others even in the worst time. A brekaup does not have to change us negatively.

What you said here really did put a smile on my face. Tells me that there are still people out there like you who has a really genuine heart. Thank you.

January 21, 2017

Wow, what a response. Thank you so much. It is true, I am still trying to live my life as best as I can. I personally believe a humans life is way to precious for a "hiccup" to derail your life. Maybe a kink but not the last station, in a way.

At this point in time of healing, my heart says to go see her, but my brain tells me otherwise. I may give it a day or two to process my thoughts and feelings.

You are very welcome. I am happy if I can reach out in some way as I know - like most here on LS - how tough, complicated and yet so life changing a breakup can be. It just needs takes time to acknowledge it.

You are definitely on the right track, no doubt about that. Take the time you need to process and to be prepared for anything she might have to say. I would hesitate as well if I were in your situation. But be open and and more importantly, accept it. Only if you accept something (after letting all emotions out), you can sincerely move on.

I am sure you will manage it as well as you possibly can.

Edited January 21, 2017 by layla21

January 22, 2017

I think layla21 puts it in very good words. It does take empathy to go meet with her and hear her out. Sorry I didn't pay attention to the timeline of the break up and how long it has been since? I personally don't see how emotions and such could have changed or how circumstances could have changed that quickly. Not to put a negative spin, but time really does put things into perspective. I think a little more time would be beneficial for both parties.

I do think you should meet with her but maybe in a bit? I think when you are in a place where you are prepared to hear the worst is when the meeting should happen. I have been in your shoes just these past couple months and know that phase of just dying inside, analyzing, and finally feeling like my life is moving forward and looking bright again. However, even after all this, I don't think I could go into a meeting with my ex as my feelings are still not completely sorted out. I don't know how my heart would react at the sight of him, what words may come out, and if tears at that. If you aren't sure how your emotions will play out, maybe ask if you could meet in a couple weeks where you can gather yourself some more? For myself, I try to take things as positively as I can, but the pain and such does take time to heal to allow us to see things in a more understanding viewpoint. I think the meet up will benefit greatly when you are in a good state of mind. Only you are the judge of whether you are or not!

I'm glad to hear you got a note, though! I would just introspect to see how your healing has come along and if you feel emotionally and mentally ready to meet up with her! If you are, then go for it!

Very sincerely,

-WhatDEWWWWW

Edited January 22, 2017 by whatdeww18

January 23, 2017

I think layla21 puts it in very good words. It does take empathy to go meet with her and hear her out. Sorry I didn't pay attention to the timeline of the break up and how long it has been since? I personally don't see how emotions and such could have changed or how circumstances could have changed that quickly. Not to put a negative spin, but time really does put things into perspective. I think a little more time would be beneficial for both parties.

I do think you should meet with her but maybe in a bit? I think when you are in a place where you are prepared to hear the worst is when the meeting should happen. I have been in your shoes just these past couple months and know that phase of just dying inside, analyzing, and finally feeling like my life is moving forward and looking bright again. However, even after all this, I don't think I could go into a meeting with my ex as my feelings are still not completely sorted out. I don't know how my heart would react at the sight of him, what words may come out, and if tears at that. If you aren't sure how your emotions will play out, maybe ask if you could meet in a couple weeks where you can gather yourself some more? For myself, I try to take things as positively as I can, but the pain and such does take time to heal to allow us to see things in a more understanding viewpoint. I think the meet up will benefit greatly when you are in a good state of mind. Only you are the judge of whether you are or not!

I'm glad to hear you got a note, though! I would just introspect to see how your healing has come along and if you feel emotionally and mentally ready to meet up with her! If you are, then go for it!

Very sincerely,
-WhatDEWWWWW

Yes it is hard to believe that her emotional could have changed over a short period of time, it's just that I did not see it happening. Through her words and actions towards me. It's been about a month now I think. Everything is starting to be a blur due to the fact that I'm keeping busy and catching up with friends of mine. Not saying it's a bad thing.

I agree with both yourself and Layla. I think I will meet up with her in due course, be it next week, week after etc, only when I'm prepared to hear her out. But I am afraid that the scabs on my heart will be picked at when I see, talk, hear her voice and to really hear what she has to say.

Quoting what I read the other day:

"Gods says, "the reason why some people have turned against you and walked away from you without reason, has nothing to do with you. It is because I have removed them from your life because they cannot go where I am taking you next. They will only hinder you in the next chapter because they have already served their purpose in your life. Let them go and keep moving. Greater is coming".

January 23, 2017

Dear (ex),

One day you are going to remember me and how much I loved you. Then you're going to miss me and wish we were still together. But remember, I didn't leave and walk away from you, you're the one who let me go.

January 23, 2017

Well bumped into her in the city when I went out for dinner. Heart was thumping at a million miles per hour. I feel sick

I excused myself saying that I was meeting some work colleagues for dinner (really it was by myself tonight) and she put me in the spotlight and asked if we could meet up this weekend. Not being able to think, I regretfully said yes. As mentioned above, I would have don't it in due course when I'm emotionally ready to hear her out. I feel really sick in my stomach. My mind is racing too thinking about what she wants to talk about, but in a way I am eager to move on as soon as possible. Rid her from my everyday life. I'm sick of her popping into my thoughts every time there's quietness. But I also want to "rip the bandage" off quickly to get it over and done with. It might set me back a step or two in terms of healing emotionally but before she dropped off the letter, I was starting to see the good in my life again. Enjoying work. Enjoying friends company.

I've thought it through and it did hurt but I'm DEFINITELY NOT gonna say yes if she wants to give our "relationship" another try. It really hurt me that when I needed her most, she was not there. What would happen if something worse was to happen to me again? God forbid. But IF it does happen will she just pack up and go again? I deserve better.

Any comments on what I should ask her this weekend? Or should I just politely cancel it until I'm emotionally ready and prepared to her her story?

Thank you.

Sign In

Another heart break

Recommended Posts

not-again

divegrl

not-again

CantEversay

not-again

Late Nights

not-again

somecamel

JFReyes

not-again

not-again

divegrl

not-again

not-again

not-again

Superchicken

not-again

layla21

not-again

not-again

layla21

whatdeww18

not-again

not-again

not-again

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...