mrtango Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 We were in a long term, long distance relationship. Then I proposed her and she accepted with great joy. We were happy for years. She was telling me that I was the love of her life. We were understanding each other very good, we were laughing together, we were respectful and compassionate, we had a very good sex life too. We were on the verge of marriage. Suddenly she sunk into a huge depression. She was telling me that she's only happy when she's with me. I moved there, to live with her. I am an optimistic guy, I was expecting that she would beat the depression. I was trying to help desperately. I was dreaming about our marriage, our happy future and struggling with the actual problem. It was difficult for me too because she started to behave badly towards me. She was sometimes insulting me, she was often crying and she stopped wanting sex. I was trying to stay positive and expecting her happiness. Two months ago, she told me that she's not depressed anymore and she is not in love with me anymore. She told me also that she has feelings for a woman and she left me to be with her. It was a huge shock for me. She tells me that I was great, handsome but she is not interested in men anymore. She wished me to find love somewhere else and she left. She wants to stay friends with me. I should add that she had no interest towards any woman before, it's a new feeling for her. She also told me that she's not interested in women in general but only this woman. What I did? I tried to stay strong in front of her (I failed), I told her that I am not mad at her (it's true) but I am just heartbroken (and sad). I told her also that I can't stay friends (at least for now). I wished her happiness and I told her that I respect her choices. I didn't unfriend her on my social media but I am not answering her comments. She texted me twice (for christmas and new year). I am in no-contact. I know that I should move on but I can't. I can't let this go. Do you think that there could be any chance for a come back?
fromheart Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Sorry to hear you're going through this. But ask yourself, why do you want her back? Try and take some time out from the emotional side of it and ask yourself that logical, rational question. Why would you want to share your life with someone who has depression, and runs off with another woman? Is there a guarantee she wouldn't do this again? What if you had kids, a house, a death in the family. Is this the partner you want in your corner? People with depression must really look after themselves to stop in re occurring. People who betray are likely to do it again, especially if the person they betrayed validate their behavior by taking them back. Don't look at her through rose tinted glasses, see her for as she is and how she is treating you right NOW. And ask yourself if this really is the partner you want and deserve. 1
divegrl Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It sucks. When someone leaves you and already has someone else in the picture it makes it 10 times easier for them to move on. And 10 times harder for you to accept and let go. Plz stop following her on social media. It will only prolong the agony. I know it feels impossible but you are going to survive. Just hold on. Keep being honest and lean on those who love you. My heart hurts with you. Hugs. 1
Author mrtango Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) Fromheart, I am still in love with her. I would like to go back in time which is impossible. Of course, I don't want to be with the brand new version of her who doesn't love me anymore. And I know that you're right about lots of things. Divegirl, it is really difficult for me to unfriend her in social media and I can't stop following her on social media. I know that you're right about stop following her. I try to survive. Edited January 11, 2017 by mrtango 1
Author mrtango Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 But ask yourself, why do you want her back? Try and take some time out from the emotional side of it and ask yourself that logical, rational question. Why would you want to share your life with someone who has depression, and runs off with another woman? Is there a guarantee she wouldn't do this again? What if you had kids, a house, a death in the family. Is this the partner you want in your corner? That was a very very good question. Thank you Fromheart, you made me think hard. You're right. I wouldn't like this kind of partner. However, I still love her. After she left me, I traveled a lot in order to forget. My feet walked on different geographies, my eyes saw different dusk and dawns in the same sky but unfortunately my heart stayed still.
mightycpa Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 It may be as simple as she was in love until she lived with you being around day in and day out. I don't think that's so unusual. Before, she was filling in the blanks. When you showed up, she got to see the real you, not the you that was in her head. Don't take it too hard, that's pretty normal.
Author mrtango Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 Mightycpa, we lived together in the very first year of our relationship and then I had to go to my home country to work. It was a very good job with nice salary. I invited her to live together but she didn't want to quit her country. That's why we were in long distance. I was flying twice a month to see her. And finally I got an opportunity to move there again (with less salary but at least we could be together). Anyway, it was not the first time that we lived together. And I took it hard because when I proposed her two years ago, she said "yes" without any hesitation. She was always telling me that she was the happiest and luckiest girl in the world to have me in her life. Those were her words.
5x5 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Lucky you, it would have been worse if she left you after marriage.
Author mrtango Posted January 12, 2017 Author Posted January 12, 2017 5x5, I agree with you. Anyway, I am still devastated but with less damages (no kid, no broken marriage but only a broken heart).
fromheart Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 That was a very very good question. Thank you Fromheart, you made me think hard. You're right. I wouldn't like this kind of partner. However, I still love her. After she left me, I traveled a lot in order to forget. My feet walked on different geographies, my eyes saw different dusk and dawns in the same sky but unfortunately my heart stayed still. You can have love for someone and also recognize that their is no compatibility at this particular time. That is also love.
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