JohnnyBravo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 So, I'm confused. I've only been seeing this girl for a bit over a week, but our chemistry when we're together is amazing. It's been completely effortless and organic when we're together. In that, I mean that we're always all over each other, very affectionate, etc... And it's balanced. In other words, it's not me coming at her all the time, or her coming at me. WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER. When we're not together I feel like i get mixed signals, and now, I'm confused. The other day, she got a bit carsick during a day trip to go shopping - on the way out, and on the way back. Our day date was supposed to continue that night, but after feeing not too good on the way back, she asked that I just drop her off and she'll see how she feels. We spoke later that evening and she decided to stay in, alone. I was a bit bummed, but if she wasn't feeling 100%. She did say earlier in the day that she was looking forward to going out that night, but if she felt crappy... I decided to call the next day to see how she felt. She seemed happy to hear from me and we were on the phone for a while. It was then that she mentioned that she's still kind of getting over a recent relationship that had to end, but that it's stilla bit painful for her, and due to that, she doesn't want to rush into anything new just yet. She said she felt she should mention that to me, as she says being honest with each other is best. When she mentioned she was getting hungry, I suggested we grab a bite, but she said she'd rather stay home and take advantage of the fact that her roommate was away for the weekend. That she just kind of wanted to have a low key sunday. I was a bit disappointed, to say the least. I'm trying to be very careful not to come on too strong, but I'm a bit confused. This girl is really quite beautiful and while that doesn't intimidate me, she definitely can have her pick of the litter. I didn't call yesterday, but will be calling today since there's something happening tomorrow night I'd like to take her to. Now here's my problem, I always think that a girl's going to decide she doesn't like me at some point between the times I see her. I know this is sometimes crazy, but I can't really help it since it's happened a couple of times in the past, where everyhting seems fine and then boom, no more. So in this case, that she's deferred seeing me twice, I'm thinking something might be wrong, even though the last time we were together, we were all over each other. Maybe I'm being a bit irrational, but this is an issue I need to deal with as I get this feeling over and over. In every other way, I'm not crazy. Really. And part of my feeling this, in this case, is that I tried to make a joke the other day that didn't go over too well. Not well at all actually, but she soon got over it and things seemed fine again, but for some reason, I can't help but think that that's colored her feelings for me and makes her not want to see me again. Please tell me I'm being irrational. Thanks. JohnnyB
J dub Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 what was the joke that didnt go over well? That stuck out in your post to me.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by JohnnyBravo Please tell me I'm being irrational. You're being irrational. And a bit of a wuss, frankly - this is not attractive in a man, so drop it. Basically, sometimes you'll lose girls. That's the way it goes. Fretting about it makes it more likely to happen. Here's my advice. Have fun with your other friends, your hobbies. Keep your life going - don't make it revolve around this girl. Make her work just a little to get you. She has put you off twice - let her contact you to put it back on track. Be a little difficult to get hold of, too. This means you have fun. As well as making you more interesting and attractive to her.
Author JohnnyBravo Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 what was the joke that didnt go over well? That stuck out in your post to me. It was about something sexual and just kind of killed the mood. Stupid. Nothing more.
clynn Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Yah, it is too early in the relationship (in my opinion) to be seeing too much of each other, but that's just me. I tend to whig out, even with the greatest guys who I totally totally like, if they want to see me too much. Makes organizing my life around them quite difficult. I actually once threw up on a date NOT because I was just plain old sick, but because of the stress and pressure. I really liked the guy but couldn't seem to balance his pace with mine and it was just too much for me. I couldn't seem to communicate to him effectively that I needed the pace to be slower. Yet I liked him a lot. It literally made me sick. And if she is newly off of a relationship, then she is already stressed out from that. She asked to give her time. The best thing you can do is to give her time. A date once a week is probably just enough right now for her. Have fun, slow down. If you're stressed during the inbetween times, take deep breaths, calm down, maybe do yoga! Ha ha. Well, just realize that you can't control her feelings for you, whether you're with her or not.....
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by JohnnyBravo It was about something sexual and just kind of killed the mood. Stupid. Nothing more. Well, learn your lesson. Don't do it again. But if Ms. Princess can't get past one stupid remark that you regret making, then draw your own conclusions. Do you want to spend the rest of your life under her unforgiving microscope?
ConfusedInOC Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Does the phrase "too hot NOT to cool down" mean anything to you?! Take it slow. Take your time. Don't rush anything. Work on your self-esteem or it will come back to haunt you. Give her time to miss you. Don't call her every day. Go read some of Alpha's post. You need to have some "aloofness" to you. Some mystery. Otherwise you're going to flame out quickly.
unsafe Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 I am in your boat! But I am a woman. The guy I have been dating for two or three months now is kinda like whatever. I know he is busy with work and he just moved out for the first time. At first I thought he doesn't like me he doesn't like me. But you know he does. Its just he needs his time and space. If and when things are to get serious they will. See I am needy I like a man to be all over me and want me 24/7 as long as I am into him. But sounds like your kinda needy too. YOu want a girl and you want her now. But this girl isn't like you. Doesn't mean its wrong or bad. Just different. We should never date someone just like us. We need someone who is different to help us expeience and enjoy life. To bring out things in us we never knew were there. So let her have her time. If she likes you and wants this she will let you know. Again just go have fun. Hang out with the boys or your friends or family. Whatever it is you like to do before you met her. I am doing the same you need to think realisticly. She may just really like to have time to herself. Thats understandable. Try not to worry to much.
Author JohnnyBravo Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 Thanks for all the replies. I spoke to her briefly on Tuesday, when I asked her to a party that took place last night - Wednesday - and she said she thought she could make it but she had plans with a girlfriend so could she bring her along. Since this girl knows I leave town Friday for about 10 days, I was kind of disappointed, especially when she shaid she couldn't really talk, had a bit of a headache, but did want to talk to me, so could she just call me back in a few hours. Well, I never did hear from her later Tuesday eveing, or all day Wednesday. I ended up going to the party on my own. She actually never did call - at all. So now, I'm definitely a bit pissed since I don't know really what's going on with her beyond that she might be a bit rude and inconsiderate. I still do want to speak to her though as I really did like how we were when we were together. I don't want to give up on it totally - yet. I leave tomorrow - Friday - and am now leaning to not calling until I return from my trip. This is bugging me though. Should I call? Johnny
JS17 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 don't call. she's jerking your around so she's got one of three things going on....1-she's just a jerk or 2-something else be it a boyfriend, emotional problems, etc. or 3-she's confused. The only way you should see her again is if it's number 3 and if she is just confused then she'll come around and contact you.
unsafe Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 No Don't call her! let her be. Maybe she isn't interested. Maybe you came on to strong. Just back off. Go on your trip as hard as it is try not to worry about her. She is just a girl there are tons of girls and tons that will have sparks and will want to be around. I am not saying she doesn't want to be around cause I don't know her. But she obviously is rude and inconsiderate. I tell ya, the guy I was or am seeing I am not sure anymore is just like that. They are selfish. All you can do is live your life. If she wants you she will come around. Maybe you need to back off and not be around don't call her and she will miss the time you shared and come to you. Let her come to you this time. You invited her and her friend out to a party and not only did she not come but she didn't even call. You don't want a girl like that. She needs to realize she is making a mistake and not being cool. If she doesn't realize it your better off without her. Because obviously this is bothering you. Maybe this is how she really is. Don't call her. do whatever you can to keep yourself busy. But don't call her! Let her call you. You deserve an appology for not calling when she said she would. Seriously there are tons of girls out there that would love to have a guy that wants her around all the time and that digs her. And if this girl can't see it thats her loss. Remember that!
Author JohnnyBravo Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 something else be it a boyfriend, emotional problems, etc. or 3-she's confused. Firstly, thanks to JS17 and unsafe, I appreciate your comments and will not call. To address the above quote, she did mention that she's recently out of a relationship - within the past month or so, I think - and it's still quite painful for her. As such, she did mention that she's not ready to jump into something new right away. I told her she'd get no pressure from me. In all honesty, the only reason I came on maybe a little strong, if that's how it was perceived, is because I was reacting to her signals when we were together. In fact, this girl met me. She approached me first. Anyway, water under the bridge, but it's a bit disappointing because while I do meet a lot of women, I don't like many of them as much as I did this one. I'm really ready to settle down, and this is something she discussed with me - that she is looking to settle down - no more party girl. I was like, "fine, that doesn't scare me away. That's what I'm looking for too." That's about the extent of my being upfront and honest with her. And she said she's honest too. I guess not. Thanks, Johnny
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I'm sorry but IMO I don't think she is interested. She got "car sick" and then used the excuse that she has a relationship to get over. If she really "felt" it with you she wouldn't have wanted the evening to end and if she found the right guy then she wouldn't even be thinking of the ex. In fact, I have used similar excuses to ward off guys I wasn't interested it. Why not be honest? Because it was just on msn, not a date, and I could tell they were starting to get interested, so I started to make myself less interesting and less available.
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