I am being lied to

[BeingLiedTo]

I found out my girlfriend of one year and a half has been lying to me about her work. She said she was working as a manager of luxury store and turns out she was just a make up artist at the mall. Now I understand why she kept saying "I don't wanna talk about work...I just got out of work." when I asked how workday was. I did a bit more digging and turns out she never went to college! I guess two lies that complement each other. I feel deceived. It doesn't impact the relationship like financially or anything but I am beyond shocked I've been lied to for more than a year. What now!

[Tressugar]

Always remember it takes 10 lies to cover the one you discover.

 

Ask yourself why are you asking the question.

[BeingLiedTo]

Always remember it takes 10 lies to cover the one you discover.

 

Ask yourself why are you asking the question.

 

I am not sure if I understood you correctly. But now my mind goes to all those moments when she said "Work is too stressful ... " "I can't meet because of this new project ..." none of which applies to this make up artist thing. And the college thing is really bizarre too. I would have had an easier time understanding that lie if she was maybe going and trying to finish the degree but that was a flat out black or white lie. Not sure what the goal was here. Any long term partner could find that out eventually (like during marriage or something) so maybe she wasn't seeing me as a serious bf? But why waste my time and lead me on? My mind is all over the place. Not sure what to make of all this.

[phineas]

I am not sure if I understood you correctly. But now my mind goes to all those moments when she said "Work is too stressful ... " "I can't meet because of this new project ..." none of which applies to this make up artist thing. And the college thing is really bizarre too. I would have had an easier time understanding that lie if she was maybe going and trying to finish the degree but that was a flat out black or white lie. Not sure what the goal was here. Any long term partner could find that out eventually (like during marriage or something) so maybe she wasn't seeing me as a serious bf? But why waste my time and lead me on? My mind is all over the place. Not sure what to make of all this.

 

 

she is really a Russian sleeper agent.

 

or she is nuts.

 

if the former: prepare for the mind wipe and anal probe buddy.

You just blew her cover.

 

if the latter: sleep with one eye open.

[Gaeta]

I found out my girlfriend of one year and a half has been lying to me about her work. She said she was working as a manager of luxury store and turns out she was just a make up artist at the mall. Now I understand why she kept saying "I don't wanna talk about work...I just got out of work." when I asked how workday was. I did a bit more digging and turns out she never went to college! I guess two lies that complement each other. I feel deceived. It doesn't impact the relationship like financially or anything but I am beyond shocked I've been lied to for more than a year. What now!

 

How can this not have a financial impact? There is a substantial difference in income between a manager and a make-up artist in a mall.

 

Did she really lie about her education or you assumed she had a college degree given she was a manager?

 

Also didn't you go to that mall in a year?

[Art_Critic]

She sounds young, young enough to think this was a good idea..

Is she young?

 

She obviously is embarrassed about her standing with her job when compared to you, maybe a talk is in order..

 

If she is young then I would talk it out with her, if she isn't young.. maybe mid to late 20's or older then just walk away as it would be a pattern at this point.

[salparadise]

My mind is all over the place. Not sure what to make of all this.

 

 

Well, draw the obvious conclusions. She lies and you can't trust what she says. The aspects of moral-ethical development that make us value authenticity and congruity is missing.

 

Little white lies often serve as social lubrication (no dear, your ass always looks awesome). Substantive lies used to paint a false reality are completely different. My guess is that there will be a lack of conscience and remorse as well.

[mikeylo]

I would think what else has she lied about.

[BrutalHonesty1980]

It all starts with A lie, then another lie to cover that lie.......You have to ask yourself, what else has she lied about?

 

"She said she was working as manager of a luxury store and turns out she was just a make up artist at the mall." JUST? Did you lead her to believe not having a college education and "good" job was not ok with you???

 

How does one not know where their significant other works after dating over a year? In that year, one of your friends, relatives, enemies or yourself has never seen her at the mall working?

[IfonlyIknew]

OMG get OUT. I had this exact experience years ago with an ex boyfriend. He told me he was a loan officer at xyz, one day I called up there looking for him "umm there is no x that works here", I let him drive my car to get there. I had cops show up at my house for a gas and go. Things were out of control. Turns out he was a drug dealer. Now he is destroying some other womans life after pulling up court records. These type of people are literally nuts get far away I hope you don't live together!!

[Kempeitai]

I found out my girlfriend of one year and a half has been lying to me about her work. She said she was working as a manager of luxury store and turns out she was just a make up artist at the mall. Now I understand why she kept saying "I don't wanna talk about work...I just got out of work." when I asked how workday was. I did a bit more digging and turns out she never went to college! I guess two lies that complement each other. I feel deceived. It doesn't impact the relationship like financially or anything but I am beyond shocked I've been lied to for more than a year. What now!

 

wondering how you could date for 1.5 yrs and never went to your gf's work or anything.

 

anyways, id automatically dump her after learning such.

[Gloria25]

She sounds young, young enough to think this was a good idea..

Is she young?

 

She obviously is embarrassed about her standing with her job when compared to you, maybe a talk is in order..

 

If she is young then I would talk it out with her, if she isn't young.. maybe mid to late 20's or older then just walk away as it would be a pattern at this point.

 

I'm leaning towards this...embarrassment.

 

I don't like what I do for a living - so, I'll just tell guys that I push pencils for a living when I first meet a guy. Eventually I do tell them what I do for a living.

 

So, why not just ask her?

[kendahke]

I found out my girlfriend of one year and a half has been lying to me about her work. She said she was working as a manager of luxury store and turns out she was just a make up artist at the mall. Now I understand why she kept saying "I don't wanna talk about work...I just got out of work." when I asked how workday was. I did a bit more digging and turns out she never went to college! I guess two lies that complement each other. I feel deceived. It doesn't impact the relationship like financially or anything but I am beyond shocked I've been lied to for more than a year. What now!

 

What now? Do you want to continue on with a bald faced liar or nah? That is your choice.

 

If your answer is yes, then find a way to be cool with a liar.

If your answer is no, then you know what you need to do.

 

Pro tip: liars don't deserve the chance to lie again in your face.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

I also have to wonder what else she has lied about. Time for a serious come to Jesus talk with her and figure out what other things she is hiding or lying about. I don't know why she lied about her work unless she was a dancer or an escort. Same with college. I do not have a college degree but have done pretty well for myself. Not something I would lie about.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I don't care how old she is or how she feels about herself, she's a liar.

 

Some people may view lying about one's job or schooling as small potatoes, I see it as a big red flag ESPECIALLY given that you've been dating for a year!

 

If she feels comfortable and compelled enough to lie about those 'little' things, whose to say what she's capable of regarding bigger issues.

 

Where there is smoke there is fire. Always seems to be the case.

 

Tread very carefully.

[Larryville]

I don't care how old she is or how she feels about herself, she's a liar.

 

Some people may view lying about one's job or schooling as small potatoes, I see it as a big red flag ESPECIALLY given that you've been dating for a year!

 

I agree and I will add one of the most important aspects of me wanting to date someone is “do they like themselves?”

 

If you look in the mirror at your looks or life or life circumstances and you don’t like what you see that is a major issue because you will never truly “like” or “love” whoever you are with.

[strawberryshortstack]

I'm leaning towards this...embarrassment.

 

I don't like what I do for a living - so, I'll just tell guys that I push pencils for a living when I first meet a guy. Eventually I do tell them what I do for a living.

 

So, why not just ask her?

 

I don't like what I do for a living, but I am always honest with the guys I date - I usually disclose it on the first date, or even before we go on a date. The right guy isn't going to care.

[Sweetfish]

I found out my girlfriend of one year and a half has been lying to me about her work. She said she was working as a manager of luxury store and turns out she was just a make up artist at the mall. Now I understand why she kept saying "I don't wanna talk about work...I just got out of work." when I asked how workday was. I did a bit more digging and turns out she never went to college! I guess two lies that complement each other. I feel deceived. It doesn't impact the relationship like financially or anything but I am beyond shocked I've been lied to for more than a year. What now!

 

Yeah, because your paying for everything.

[BeingLiedTo]

How can this not have a financial impact? There is a substantial difference in income between a manager and a make-up artist in a mall.

 

Did she really lie about her education or you assumed she had a college degree given she was a manager?

 

Also didn't you go to that mall in a year?

 

Well, we don't live together or share finances. She comes from a well-off family so you can never tell she lives on a make-up artist salary from her dresses, bags, car, or an apartment, etc.

 

I didn't assume. I went to a top university in the country and it came up "oh cool, where did you go, what was your major" when we first met. She said she has a BA in Psychology. Many times she would say "Need to go back to school" out of nowhere, which was weird if you have a degree already, so I would ask "Didn't you finish school?" and she would confirm "No, I have my Bachelors; I wanna go back for my Masters."

 

Not when she was working. The luxury chain store she said she worked exists in the mall (Neiman Marcus type) so I knew she was working there but not as a counter make-up artist. She said she was working for corporate and managing new store openings and marketing management and such. She would even talk about new store openings in other states and how she might have to go. I mean do make-up artist even travel to other stores? They are an hourly counter people in black shirts, no?

[BeingLiedTo]

She sounds young, young enough to think this was a good idea..

Is she young?

 

She obviously is embarrassed about her standing with her job when compared to you, maybe a talk is in order..

 

If she is young then I would talk it out with her, if she isn't young.. maybe mid to late 20's or older then just walk away as it would be a pattern at this point.

 

She is 28?

[BeingLiedTo]

I would think what else has she lied about.

 

So my mind is in rewind mode to see if I missed other things as well. One thing I can't understand is this was supposed to be a serious relationship as we were talking about getting engaged at some point. Like did she think she could get away with those once we are married or was the engagement talk not even real?

[BeingLiedTo]

"She said she was working as manager of a luxury store and turns out she was just a make up artist at the mall." JUST? Did you lead her to believe not having a college education and "good" job was not ok with you???

 

Not at all. On the contrary, when we met I told her how my ex-gf had lied about going to an Ivy league (because I went to one) and how I couldn't have cared less about it but cared about the lying. So it is really hurtful to find out she lied about having a degree all together. I even was okay with the fact that she didn't wanna work post-marriage.

 

How does one not know where their significant other works after dating over a year? In that year, one of your friends, relatives, enemies or yourself has never seen her at the mall working?

 

Sure but her store was at the mall too. And if you see her there, you don't know what her function is. I never had to call the store phone and ask the operator to find her from the directory. I'd call her cell number.

[BeingLiedTo]

OMG get OUT. I had this exact experience years ago with an ex boyfriend. He told me he was a loan officer at xyz, one day I called up there looking for him "umm there is no x that works here", I let him drive my car to get there. I had cops show up at my house for a gas and go. Things were out of control. Turns out he was a drug dealer. Now he is destroying some other womans life after pulling up court records. These type of people are literally nuts get far away I hope you don't live together!!

 

I found out the similar way. No we don't live together.

[BeingLiedTo]

wondering how you could date for 1.5 yrs and never went to your gf's work or anything.

 

anyways, id automatically dump her after learning such.

 

I did. As I said, she did work at that same mall and such. Just not at the capacity that she said she was. So unless I insist on seeing her in one of her staff meetings, there was no way of me knowing more.

[BeingLiedTo]

I'm leaning towards this...embarrassment.

 

I don't like what I do for a living - so, I'll just tell guys that I push pencils for a living when I first meet a guy. Eventually I do tell them what I do for a living.

 

So, why not just ask her?

 

If it was embarrassment then why did she lie about certain work trips that might come up (for new store openings)? When I offer certain dates or meet ups she would say how stressful her job is these days as the new store openings causing her to completely come up with new ideas and things and she might have to travel to X state or Y state for two weeks and such.

 

Ask her what? "Why did you lie to me"? Wouldn't she lie about why she lied to me, if she is a liar? Is there a point?