fiatflux Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 His behavior sounds like it's coming from some deep-rooted insecurities that he has. It will really get old if it continues if/when your relationship becomes more established.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by fiatflux It will really get old if it continues if/when your relationship becomes more established. Or he'll become more secure as he comes to trust you...
Author J dub Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Or he'll become more secure as he comes to trust you... Right now I'm just takin it for what its worth. I just got out of a LTR (I was dumped) so this is a good chance for me to just hang out and have fun. He makes me laugh, so for now thats all I am concerned about Sure he probably does have some insecurities, he told me that him and his colleagues pegged me as one of the hottest girls in the company a long time ago and he never thought he'd have a shot in hell with me so I can see how his vulnerability may cause for him to act up a bit. I guess for me its not all that uncommon for a guy I am dating to get insecure and weird like this, maybe its me?
Cecelius Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 J Dub, I think you can actually do this guy and yourself a real service here. You said before that things were good EXCEPT that he seems a little weak -- basically, he's got the A by default and all he can do is get his grade lowered, which he's doing by calling too much, seeking reassurance, etc. You can set him and any man he talks to straight just by saying something like "you know, the thing I like best about you and guys like you is that you're so cool and self-confident and contained. There is nothing less attractive than a man who needs reassurances." Sure its a lie, but you need to help this dude before he forces you to dump him.
Author J dub Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius J Dub, I think you can actually do this guy and yourself a real service here. You said before that things were good EXCEPT that he seems a little weak -- basically, he's got the A by default and all he can do is get his grade lowered, which he's doing by calling too much, seeking reassurance, etc. You can set him and any man he talks to straight just by saying something like "you know, the thing I like best about you and guys like you is that you're so cool and self-confident and contained. There is nothing less attractive than a man who needs reassurances." Sure its a lie, but you need to help this dude before he forces you to dump him. Oooo I like the way you think...kind of a reverse-pyschology strategy Good idea!! I will try that, and youre right -- that seems to be his only pitfall at this point. When he gets quiet and doesnt call or doesnt say weird stuff, I get all mushy about him and giggle when my friends ask about him Guys, pay close attention here --- in case it wasnt already ingrained into your head, DO NOT CALL TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! Let her wonder! Because trust me, she will!!!
Marshbear Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 He seems like a normal guy in pursuit of a women he finds attractive, using humor to try to win her over. You say he is going " to much to soon " but if I were him after the lukewarm interest you have shown him and the kiss on the check it would be time to step back and let you chase him ( if you are interested ). He has shown you active interest and you seem to not be able to handle it. If you want him you are going to have to show some interest or you will lose him.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by J dub Sure he probably does have some insecurities, he told me that him and his colleagues pegged me as one of the hottest girls in the company a long time ago and he never thought he'd have a shot in hell with me so I can see how his vulnerability may cause for him to act up a bit. Great compliment, though
Author J dub Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear He seems like a normal guy in pursuit of a women he finds attractive, using humor to try to win her over. You say he is going " to much to soon " but if I were him after the lukewarm interest you have shown him and the kiss on the check it would be time to step back and let you chase him ( if you are interested ). He has shown you active interest and you seem to not be able to handle it. If you want him you are going to have to show some interest or you will lose him. Oh trust me I am letting him chase me, I know better than to let that game turn and bite me in the a$$. I just mean that too much too soon part because yesterday for example, despite the fact that he was probably already drunk when I talked to him, he told me he missed me already. It seemed like something he would say to me maybe in afew months, not weeks. We've only been talking for 2 weeks now. But I am showing him interest. I answer his calls, return his missed calls, I kissed him back when he kissed me on Tues night. He has no reason to think I am just "meh" about our situation, for lack of a better term. I'm just nervous because honestly? I am afraid he is going to fall for me before I am ready to make that commitment to someone again. Hes too sweet and I dont want to hurt him you know? I probably sound conceited, what with my, "oh hes going to fall for me"....I just fear that he is seeing this as more than it is right now. Great compliment, though It definitely made me blush!!!!
Cecelius Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Dub, I think you are doing fine -- you don't know the guy really, so how much interest should you be showing? I think he just barely packs the gear to run with a woman who has a strong idea of how he should be able to operate. Give him a little reverse psychology and see if it works. If not, try to let him down easy, and GENTLY explain where he went wrong -- your goal of kindness would be to make sure he doesn't end up posting on boards like this about his feelings...
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by J dub I'm just nervous because honestly? I am afraid he is going to fall for me before I am ready to make that commitment to someone again. Hes too sweet and I dont want to hurt him you know? I probably sound conceited, what with my, "oh hes going to fall for me"....I just fear that he is seeing this as more than it is right now. To me you just sound kind and considerate. Cecelius is right - you can help him out a little. Agree to deliberately pace this relationship slowly. And help him into a more self-confident state of mind. This will come with time as he settles down to you, anyhow.
Author J dub Posted August 1, 2005 Author Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo To me you just sound kind and considerate. Cecelius is right - you can help him out a little. Agree to deliberately pace this relationship slowly. And help him into a more self-confident state of mind. This will come with time as he settles down to you, anyhow. I will try my best, it is definitely a good idea!!! But thanks Romeo, the intent is to be kind & considerate I am a bit concerned -- the night before he left, he called me and we made small talk for a minute, and he tells me he has been thinking about me all day long. I was drunk and made some sassy comment about how if he was thinking about me, why hadnt I heard from him all day (dont ask me why, my normal filter wasnt on because again, I was drunk and 2am) and he says "why didnt you hear from me sooner?....can you hang on a sec?" I say sure, and then the phone disconnects. Since this is something that happens occasionally between us with our cell phone connections, I figured he probably just lost signal or something...so I waited for him to call back like he usually does. Well he didnt and I didnt call him either I was starting to pass out during the conversation to begin with, so I dozed off and then woke up saturday morning like...wait a second...he never called again! I think either he is under the impression I hung up on him and he was waiting for me to call HIM back? I dont know, its bugging me because he wont be home for a week and there's no way for me to say hey -- sorry about that lil mishap. But he called me a couple times the day before that and everything seemed a-ok so I dont have any reason to think he was like "screw you! ::click:::" I know ya'll wont have the answer obviously since youre not him, I am just speculating -- it was very strange
Recommended Posts