Opium Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I wanted to ask this question because I'm puzzled and confused a little and I would really like some clarification on this matter. If you had the chance to confront someone about something they did that hurt you even though it was a while back would you? Would you bring it up and take the risk of starting a fire that's already put out and you've moved on? It's obvious it must still linger in me if I'm posting whether or not this is something I should do. I'm hurt, not as much as before, but it's still effecting me in some odd way. If you guys can maybe give me your opinion it would be great.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Depends. On how big it is, how likely they are to be constructive about it and how much it is stopping me moving on. Wanna be more specific?
NTB Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 If you had the chance to confront someone about something they did that hurt you even though it was a while back would you? nope i wouldn't it is in the past and i wouldn't want to re-hash anything out again Would you bring it up and take the risk of starting a fire that's already put out and you've moved on? again nope it is a done deal
mujeep Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I've read in a book recently that there is a technique you can use to deal with this "unfinished business". It may sound crazy, but I'm told it helps. You actually pretend that the person is there with you and you let it all out. The book gives an example. Get out a chair and pretend the person is sitting in it. Start talking out loud to the "person" in the chair, yelling if necessary. You will feel better after letting it all off your chest. Note....you may want to be alone when doing this. In my opinion, if you are NOT trying to get your lover back and you are TOTALLY over him, confront him. Tell him either over the phone or in person exactly how you feel and make sure you get your point across. Getting things out in the open "in person" will make you feel tremendously better. If you do want to get him back, I would stick with the chair technique. My 2 cents.
Author Opium Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 It's not about an old fling or nothing like that. I'm in a really happy relationship and I love him to death. But I see what you're saying. That's the whole thing, I don't want to bring up old feelings, but I guess I just need to analyze if having "closure" on this issue is even worth it. mujeep, that's a very interesting technique maybe it will help, who knows? nope i wouldn't it is in the past and i wouldn't want to re-hash anything out again
Pocky Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Opium If you had the chance to confront someone about something they did that hurt you even though it was a while back would you? What would you hope to gain by mentioning it?
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky What would you hope to gain by mentioning it? Repentance and forgiveness build relationship.
Author Opium Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky What would you hope to gain by mentioning it? Good question Pocky! I guess that's what I should be asking myself? The more I think about it the more I realize, what the hell for? Come to think of it, it's probably going to be a waste of time. Ok, that's all I needed. Thanx.
Pocky Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Repentance and forgiveness build relationship. One should not need repentance in order to forgive. One must only decide to forgive in order to complete the task.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky One should not need repentance in order to forgive. True, but it makes the job ten times easier...
EC Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Hmm. Thats a tough one. IMHO..I just recently found out some stuff from the past too and even though things are quieter now and its over what i found out really really bugs me..I wanted to bring it up but then I thought to myself..For what? It hurt when I found out, the person that did it wouldn't probably even admit to it anyways or just make up some validation for it, so why even bring it up to bring more pain to myself??? I say keep it to yourself.
katheryn Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 yoyu could do what i did and write what you want to say to this person in a letter date it and put it in a envelope and hide it somewhere, when and if this subject ever comes up you can then get letter out and hand it to this person im waiting for that moment,
InsatiableStar Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 After ten years I went and saw an ex to get closure and ended up pregnant.
Author Opium Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by InsatiableStar After ten years I went and saw an ex to get closure and ended up pregnant. Talk about closure! yoyu could do what i did and write what you want to say to this person in a letter date it and put it in a envelope and hide it somewhere, when and if this subject ever comes up you can then get letter out and hand it to this person im waiting for that moment, I'm not much of a writer, I rather talk things out but it could be an idea. It hurt when I found out, the person that did it wouldn't probably even admit to it anyways or just make up some validation for it, so why even bring it up to bring more pain to myself??? It doesn't hurt me at least I'm trying for it not to hurt, it just makes me sad none the less. Sometimes I want to say something just to make myself feel better but sometimes I just think like the rest of you, for what? It's hard to forget things let alone if it bothers you, so I'm trying not to think about it as much and it's working. I spoke to some friends about it briefly last night and they were very supportive and told me to do whatever makes me feel better. So, with that in mind I just might let this one simmer away and if it comes up some time in the future I'll bring it up, not to argue because those aren't my intentions but just to let this person know, hey this hurts!
blind_otter Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 About 3/4 weeks into seeing my exhusband when we were dating I cheated on him. I actually thought we weren't exclusive but he insisted that we were. Anyways that's neither here nor there. I never did tell him until a year into being invovled and it destroyed our relationship. I was seeking forgiveness for something I felt guilty about and instead he used this as amunition to shoot me down with for the rest of our abbreviated relationship. It's usually a mistake to bring up the past. It is past and no longer exists except in the realms of your mind.
Author Opium Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter It's usually a mistake to bring up the past. It is past and no longer exists except in the realms of your mind. True, the past should stay in the past, sometimes you just need a reminder. I guess the saying what doesn't kill you will make you stronger is somewhat appropriate.
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