Is this my answer?

[Iva0201]

Two days ago was my ex's bf birthday. We broke up 2 months ago and went NC. I reached out to say happy birthday but he didn't respond the same day. This morning he said thank you and asked me how everything was with me. We texted back and forth and, I finally told him I missed him and never got over our break up. He told me he misses me too. Few hours later, I asked him to give us another try. He saw the text but never responded. Is he just afraid to say "no". Maybe not afraid but doesn't want to hurt my feelings.... why silence.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Two days ago was my ex's bf birthday. We broke up 2 months ago and went NC. I reached out to say happy birthday but he didn't respond the same day. This morning he said thank you and asked me how everything was with me. We texted back and forth and, I finally told him I missed him and never got over our break up. He told me he misses me too. Few hours later, I asked him to give us another try. He saw the text but never responded. Is he just afraid to say "no". Maybe not afraid but doesn't want to hurt my feelings.... why silence.

 

Call him! Don't do this via text.

[strawberryshortstack]

Call him! Don't do this via text.

 

I agree with this. Call him. However, you should be prepared for either scenario. It is possible to miss someone without wanting them back.

[Iva0201]

I agree with this. Call him. However, you should be prepared for either scenario. It is possible to miss someone without wanting them back.

 

I know, just because he misses me doesnt mean he wants to be with me again but... why is he not responding.

One side of me thinks that he is taking time to think about it. And the other thinks, he hopes his silence will tell me the answer.

[Homer J]

If you need to know call him. Without knowing the history I wouldn't be surprised that he has met someone, or at least is talking to someone. That's why he's not answering you.

[Iva0201]

If you need to know call him. Without knowing the history I wouldn't be surprised that he has met someone, or at least is talking to someone. That's why he's not answering you.

 

If he met someone, it means his silence means "no." The reason I am wondering is that before he would reply to my texts within seconds. Even after break up. This time, it took him a day. I believe he was really contemplating whether to reply or not.

Our break up was messy and basically, he told me with our arguments and given circumstances the relationship wouldnt work long term. And I am not worried about whether he met someone... if he doesnt want to give us another chance, the reason really doesnt matter. I only wonder if his silence can be somehow a positive thing (in the sense he will reach out in few days and tell me he really thought about it and.....)

Edited January 11, 2017 by Iva0201

[Versacehottie]

To me, if he hasn't answered the answer is not yes. Well not yet. I would leave it alone for now. He knows how you feel. There's nothing you can say to persuade him. Typically i think when guys don't answer in a dating scenario it's because they aren't sure of their answer or don't want to give one (keeping their options open). I tend to think if you press for an answer in "your" timeframe, you will be pushing to get a "no". I do think it would be better to talk to him-BUT since you already reached out AND told him you want to get back together, let him have "his" time to process. There is no "need" for an immediate answer. You are broken up- you can date and do what you want, which is what you should be doing. Right now by not answering, he must know on some level that without an answer, at some point you will truly give up on truly move on, believing the answer to be no. The best chance to get what you want, ie. a yes, is to leave him alone now and let him come around. My guess he might be somewhat open to it because he was open to dialogue with you. I think it's a classic case where a girl (or whoever) thinks because she knows what she wants the other person does too. Sometimes if you push, you will get the opposite of what you want. You put it into the universe, let things take their course. Make sure you are not "waiting" in the meantime. Live your life; be happy--that's your best chance. good luck

[Iva0201]

To me, if he hasn't answered the answer is not yes. Well not yet. I would leave it alone for now. He knows how you feel. There's nothing you can say to persuade him. Typically i think when guys don't answer in a dating scenario it's because they aren't sure of their answer or don't want to give one (keeping their options open). I tend to think if you press for an answer in "your" timeframe, you will be pushing to get a "no". I do think it would be better to talk to him-BUT since you already reached out AND told him you want to get back together, let him have "his" time to process. There is no "need" for an immediate answer. You are broken up- you can date and do what you want, which is what you should be doing. Right now by not answering, he must know on some level that without an answer, at some point you will truly give up on truly move on, believing the answer to be no. The best chance to get what you want, ie. a yes, is to leave him alone now and let him come around. My guess he might be somewhat open to it because he was open to dialogue with you. I think it's a classic case where a girl (or whoever) thinks because she knows what she wants the other person does too. Sometimes if you push, you will get the opposite of what you want. You put it into the universe, let things take their course. Make sure you are not "waiting" in the meantime. Live your life; be happy--that's your best chance. good luck

Thank you. I know all of this. It was very hard for me to tell him how I feel and ask for another chance even if he rejected me right after the break up. But, I needed to try it again. I promised myself I will accept whatever answer he gives me. And I am definitely not waiting on him. I have been single for two months and even dated but he kept popping up in my mind so I decided to try again. I was just curious. Don't want to get my hopes up only to find out he decided to ignore my text forever.

[Versacehottie]

If he met someone, it means his silence means "no." The reason I am wondering is that before he would reply to my texts within seconds. Even after break up. This time, it took him a day. I believe he was really contemplating whether to reply or not.

Our break up was messy and basically, he told me with our arguments and given circumstances the relationship wouldnt work long term. And I am not worried about whether he met someone... if he doesnt want to give us another chance, the reason really doesnt matter. I only wonder if his silence can be somehow a positive thing (in the sense he will reach out in few days and tell me he really thought about it and.....)

 

Having read this post, I would add that you can use the CURRENT scenario to show him how you are different, have changed and would be different in the relationship. Reading between the lines ABOVE, i take it with lots of arguments, you were confrontational and not patient from your end with him. This right now is a golden opportunity to show him the new you. That you can be non-confrontational and patient. And by patient, I don't mean that you are obligated to "wait" forever. You are not even obligated to wait whatsoever. If his "yes" doesn't come in time, you will have moved on. Sometimes it's as simple as letting the other person just "be". I think couples who fight a lot are unable to do that, one party or the other or both. This is a prime opportunity to show him some freedom and the relationship will be a good place, not a place where he continually feels pressure and unhappy. Something to think about.

[Versacehottie]

Thank you. I know all of this. It was very hard for me to tell him how I feel and ask for another chance even if he rejected me right after the break up. But, I needed to try it again. I promised myself I will accept whatever answer he gives me. And I am definitely not waiting on him. I have been single for two months and even dated but he kept popping up in my mind so I decided to try again. I was just curious. Don't want to get my hopes up only to find out he decided to ignore my text forever.

 

you're welcome. that's why I said let the universe take it's course. You said what was on your mind. Effectively, he is ignoring your text right now. Doesn't mean it's for a bad or horrible reason. You did what you needed to do & what was right for you (letting him know) and now let him do what he needs to do. You should try to temper your expectations or interpretations as much as humanly possible. (i know it's difficult). He is ignoring your text for right now. Try to just take things for the facts that they are. He doesn't have an answer for you at this time.

[Iva0201]

Having read this post, I would add that you can use the CURRENT scenario to show him how you are different, have changed and would be different in the relationship. Reading between the lines ABOVE, i take it with lots of arguments, you were confrontational and not patient from your end with him. This right now is a golden opportunity to show him the new you. That you can be non-confrontational and patient. And by patient, I don't mean that you are obligated to "wait" forever. You are not even obligated to wait whatsoever. If his "yes" doesn't come in time, you will have moved on. Sometimes it's as simple as letting the other person just "be". I think couples who fight a lot are unable to do that, one party or the other or both. This is a prime opportunity to show him some freedom and the relationship will be a good place, not a place where he continually feels pressure and unhappy. Something to think about.

Exactly!

I even said in my text that I have to work on my patience and communication and dont want to stress him out anymore.

[angel.eyes]

Silence in dating generally means no. Answering you with silence is not positive.

 

Please go full NC! If you had, you wouldn't be torturing yourself this way. You're in limbo right now, hanging on to a shred of hope when he told you definitively it was over. Yes, you will both miss each other for a while. That's the nature of breakups. But he conveyed to you that your relationship had no future, and that's why he broke it off.

 

The only way you're going to start the recovery process is to go completely NC. Hanging on to hope is just holding yourself back unnecessarily. I know it's hard, but it's harder still, not to mention more painful, to do what you're currently doing--dragging out an already difficult process with false hope.

[Iva0201]

Silence in dating generally means no. Answering you with silence is not positive.

 

Please go full NC! If you had, you wouldn't be torturing yourself this way. You're in limbo right now, hanging on to a shred of hope when he told you definitively it was over. Yes, you will both miss each other for a while. That's the nature of breakups. But he conveyed to you that your relationship had no future, and that's why he broke it off.

 

The only way you're going to start the recovery process is to go completely NC. Hanging on to hope is just holding yourself back unnecessarily. I know it's hard, but it's harder still, not to mention more painful, to do what you're currently doing--dragging out an already difficult process with false hope.

 

Well, I prefer this torture than to keep asking myself what if... I wanted to do all I could and if the answer is still no, then I will have no choice but to move on.

 

 

I broke it off in the heat of the moment. Then I wanted to talk to him about it and he was open to it but then, I was impatient and instead of being calm, I got upset and yelled at him. Few days later, I apologized but, he told me it is not going to work out because we are both too stressed. So, I gave him some time and decided to try again.

 

So, yeah, I do sound like a crazy b**ch but, I promise I am not

Edited January 11, 2017 by Iva0201

[angel.eyes]

No, you don't sounds like a crazy b**** to me. Not at all. Some interactions and people are not good combinations for us. They tend to bring out our "worst" rather than our best. Have you ever been with someone who just brings out the best in you? That wasn't the case here. Quite the opposite, and as a result the relationship was dysfunctional and unstable. Personally,I would learn from the experience, then take those learnings and try again with someone different. If you insist on trying again with this guy (and assuming he takes you back, which is highly unlikely), you'll end up right back in the same dysfunctional patterns of interaction after a honeymoon period.

 

Anyway, you're going to do what you feel you have to do. In a year, I predict you'll look back and realize that you wasted a lot of time and energy on a lost cause...and held yourself back unnecessarily.

[Versacehottie]

Exactly!

I even said in my text that I have to work on my patience and communication and dont want to stress him out anymore.

 

ok, cool, then you ABSOLUTELY know what you need to do. Nothing. Let him absorb the information & do what he is going to do. Flies with honey, that sort of thing.

[Versacehottie]

And oops, I do agree partially with angel eyes and you, OP. You kept asking yourself "what if". So now you have done your best in this situation to try to fix it. I think to fully round out the better person you would be in a relationship with him, with whoever that you now need to remove yourself from limbo (you've done AS MUCH as you could do now) and live your best life. That happiness will transfer and make you the most attractive to him if he gets in touch but don't pin your hopes on it. Additionally, it's your best strategy to be happy alone, to attract other guys AND to move on so you'd best be putting your energy toward that now. It's YOUR best next step. Who knows what he will do with his. But prepare yourself for good future life

[Iva0201]

No, you don't sounds like a crazy b**** to me. Not at all. Some interactions and people are not good combinations for us. They tend to bring out our "worst" rather than our best. Have you ever been with someone who just brings out the best in you? That wasn't the case here. Quite the opposite, and as a result the relationship was dysfunctional and unstable. Personally,I would learn from the experience, then take those learnings and try again with someone different. If you insist on trying again with this guy (and assuming he takes you back, which is highly unlikely), you'll end up right back in the same dysfunctional patterns of interaction after a honeymoon period.

 

Anyway, you're going to do what you feel you have to do. In a year, I predict you'll look back and realize that you wasted a lot of time and energy on a lost cause...and held yourself back unnecessarily.

 

This was the only time I went crazy, yelling and stuff... when we broke up (actually few days later). Before that, I communicated my thoughts calmly and in a nice way. When I said "arguments", we actually had the situation where I felt he changed and he denied it, and blamed it on stress. Eventually, I told him I was unhappy in a relatiinship. But all of this was said in a nice way. He then tried harder to make me happy but something was off and I broke up with him.

[Minka101]

Even if he replies after let's say a week, would you be willing to be with someone who needs to think THAT hard about the second chance?

[Iva0201]

Even if he replies after let's say a week, would you be willing to be with someone who needs to think THAT hard about the second chance?

 

I don't know. I am still heartbroken and can't think straight.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I agree with this. Call him. However, you should be prepared for either scenario. It is possible to miss someone without wanting them back.

 

It totally is. I have felt this way in the past...missing someone, but not actually wanting to be with him again. Usually it was because things already weren't working so I knew they weren't going to work in the future either, OR because I missed the company but the specific person just wasn't "doing it" for me. JME.