London28 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I've been so depressed about my break-up recently. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years. The first two years were absolutely amazing, however the last year he treated me appallingly and I know that we are no longer compatible as lovers but I'm just wondering if I will start to feel anger for everything he has put me through or will I just stay depressed? I feel like anger will be a lot easier to deal with than depression. He cheated on me with different people for a year and eventually left me for someone else. Surely I will feel angry about that at some point?
fromheart Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Most probably, yes. But whatever you are feeling, look after yourself. Fresh air, eat and sleep well. Take lots of exercise to break the depression, and channel any negativity into something positive. 1
Blanco Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Anger is one of the five steps of grief, so yes, totally normal. Just make sure you channel that anger into something positive. Also work hard to avoid the trap so many fall into of letting that anger fester and remain with them for years. 2
fairyfloff Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Mine went the other way, anger first then depression 1
not-again Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Sorry to hear, I was just dumped after 6 amazing years. From previous experience, yes, anger will come abouts especially when cheated on. As mentioned above, turn it into something positive. Try boxing or a contact sport, sure did help me for me it was boxing and hockey. I concentrated on training hard because while I was training my mind was off me break up. A positive side note, met a lot of new people which now I consider as good friends, expanded my social network and that's how I met my recent ex of 6 years. Kind of ironic ay?
SerPundnes Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 We all deal with BUs diferently. I haven't had this anger-stage at all. And don't think it's comming either, because I'm slowly starting the I-don't-care-stage.
Redhead14 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 I've been so depressed about my break-up recently. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years. The first two years were absolutely amazing, however the last year he treated me appallingly and I know that we are no longer compatible as lovers but I'm just wondering if I will start to feel anger for everything he has put me through or will I just stay depressed? I feel like anger will be a lot easier to deal with than depression. He cheated on me with different people for a year and eventually left me for someone else. Surely I will feel angry about that at some point? You will process a break up similar to the way you grieve a death. There are stages -- anger, denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Not everyone goes through them in the same order and sometimes people vacillate between one or two or three for a while. It's important to allow yourself to sit with and deal with those feelings and it's best to do that in little bits so that you don't overwhelm yourself and cause you to start ruminating/dwelling. Set aside, say 1/2 an hour a day, to feel your feelings and at the end of that time, you force yourself to do something else -- anything else to take you away from it. Over time, you will find that you need/take less time for that. And, yes, you will experience anger. And, when you do, use that energy in a positive way -- hard as that may sound. But, anger is a very powerful and useful tool for processing if "used" properly. When you are angry, you find strength which can be used for something productive, like, doing something you've always wanted to do but couldn't for some reason. Use the energy to re-decorate, give the apartment a facelift, etc. -- new curtains, throw pillows, switch pictures out, reorganize, new bedspread. In fact, this is good for the depression stage as well. Depression is anger that's turned inward among other things usually. The anger is there, you can create outlets for it to come to the surface more . . . break some old dishes, cut up/burn pictures, etc. Just let the emotions come as they will.
preraph Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 The anger part isn't any fun. That is my longest phase and I was depressed at the same time and it lasted forever and the anger part was a real problem. Why not just go ahead and exorcise the anger in you. Get in the car or somewhere no one can hear you and put on some loud music and just start screaming at or about him and tell him off.
kztar Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Yes you will move on to anger however that will also take a while. After anger I'm sure you'll reach acceptance and finally indifference and that's when you will be able to move on! It's a tough long process but we are rooting for you!
Been Posted January 18, 2017 Posted January 18, 2017 You'll go back and forth. People say their is an order but I've found that sometimes you'll switch between being sad and then angry. And in your case-where cheating was involved it makes it more complicated. Just take your time. But don't linger.
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