objob1994 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 So I matched with this girl on New Year's Eve. We had stuff in common - both went to uni etc and live in a big city. I've graduated my uni and moved to my home city, she is from my home city but has 1.5 years to go but she is 100% moving to the home city once she's done. So in the first date she played with her hair loads and I felt a spark. We hugged lightly and parted. She texted me after (about 30 mins later) to tell me she had a really nice evening and said thanks) I reciprocated. Then, we only had a small window before she was heading back to uni, I had to see her again to see if things were real. I asked her out again, this time for drinks rather than dinner, she said yes. For some reason I felt I needed to know where it was going so asked the question and she said obviously it's only the second date and I said of course, but you're enjoying it? And she said yes and I then I spoke of how she seemed like a really happy girl etc and I felt that was important. She said a bit about that she wanted to marry in the future and mentioned her brother a bit. Then she grew me a deep question and asked about my past, and I responded 'you're going to be surprised but I haven't been in a relationship'. She replied 'I'm so surprised as you come across as the long term relationship type. At the end she gave me a super tight hug and our eyes locked until she turned the corner. She said I was welcome to visit her in her uni city but of course left it to me to arrange. She has since gone back and we have had short texting sessions. I texted her the other day to see which weekends she was free and she said she'll let me know. (To be fair some dates are three weeks away and I get that lots can change Ina. Short time at uni). One issue I'm finding is I'm texting first all the time, is this her way of ensuring I'm genuine and want her? I did mention on the second date that I'm not the greatest texted. She does reply though and they often expressive responses as if she were saying things in person. Anyone got a feeling of where this is heading? Do you think she wants to see how much I'm texting her/want her before she confirms a date. Obviously inviting me up takes this to the next level.
ElizabethIII Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 You matched only 12 days ago and sounds like you are long distance because of uni. Who knows what will happen. Come up with a weekend you're free and ask her if she's free. If she's non committal you have your answer. 1
Author objob1994 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 You matched only 12 days ago and sounds like you are long distance because of uni. Who knows what will happen. Come up with a weekend you're free and ask her if she's free. If she's non committal you have your answer. I asked about the 21st and said she had her best friends party. And then I suggested the following week, she said she'll get back to me. If she wanted to par me off that was a pretty good chance to right? And planning here weeks ahead at uni can be tough tbh
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) "I haven't been in a relationship" = dealbreaker. She's blowin ya off dude. Listen....it's better to just go with the flow, and have a little mystery to build up sexual interest.....stop asking "where is this going" even guys don't want to hear that..... That's why she asked....she had an inkling that something was off when you asked her. just sayin.... Edited January 11, 2017 by smackie9 2
Erik30 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 I asked about the 21st and said she had her best friends party. And then I suggested the following week, she said she'll get back to me. If she wanted to par me off that was a pretty good chance to right? And planning here weeks ahead at uni can be tough tbh Don't contact her and wait till she texts you about the date. If you don't hear from her or doesn't mention it, she's not interested.
NinjaX Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 You know when a man brings up the "define the relationship" talk on the second date, it can come across as needy, clingy, and desperate. It's natural for a woman to back off when they feel pressure early on. In the initial stage of dating, it's best to keep it no pressure. Just be with each other and enjoy your company. Let the relationship gradually escalate. If she's into you, her attraction will slowly grow over time. It's best to let her bring up the relationship talk when she is ready. Right now, I would recommend hanging back and stop initiating text. She said she will get back to you. See if her words match her actions. If she reaches out, make a date. If not, move on.
ElizabethIII Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 (edited) I asked about the 21st and said she had her best friends party. And then I suggested the following week, she said she'll get back to me. If she wanted to par me off that was a pretty good chance to right? And planning here weeks ahead at uni can be tough tbh Not really. I've been to uni and now I work. Uni is a walk in the park compared to working. There is plenty of free time at uni unless you are studying medicine or vet med. The bottom line is, if she was interested in meeting you, she would make time. She has time for her best friends party but not to see you. Just stop contacting her and see what she does. If she never gets back to you, there is your answer. Edited January 12, 2017 by ElizabethIII 1
5x5 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 So in the first date she played with her hair loads and I felt a spark. Playing with one's hair doesn't necessarily mean they want you, they could simply be; vain, nervous, find their hair products itchy, have dandruff, head lice or could even be a bit bored. We hugged lightly and parted. She texted me after (about 30 mins later) to tell me she had a really nice evening and said thanks) I reciprocated. Then, we only had a small window before she was heading back to uni, I had to see her again to see if things were real. I asked her out again, this time for drinks rather than dinner, she said yes. All well enough up to this point, since you did get a second date. For some reason I felt I needed to know where it was going so asked the question and she said obviously it's only the second date and I said of course, but you're enjoying it? Oh dear... This is the point where you rolled out your banner parade of needy, clingy and desperate red flags! If you want a great sexual relationship, it helps to see if there is some sexual attraction and compatibility before you start making earnest declarations. And she said yes and I then I spoke of how she seemed like a really happy girl etc and I felt that was important. She said a bit about that she wanted to marry in the future and mentioned her brother a bit. Then she grew me a deep question and asked about my past, and I responded 'you're going to be surprised but I haven't been in a relationship'. Then you removed all doubt, yep desperate!!! She replied 'I'm so surprised as you come across as the long term relationship type. Wow those red flags were right, I thought he might just be a bit too earnest or maybe he was being sarcastic, but no he's just desperate and clingy. Ugh. At the end she gave me a super tight hug and our eyes locked until she turned the corner. She said I was welcome to visit her in her uni city but of course left it to me to arrange. Oh well since I'm here I'll give him one more shot just in case I'm reading him wrong. Hmmm, not that bold either. Oh well, I don't want to upset the guy since he probably doesn't have the best of luck. So... "next time you're back home we might say hi". She has since gone back and we have had short texting sessions. I texted her the other day to see which weekends she was free and she said she'll let me know. If she was romantically/sexually keen, she would find some time. She doesn't because she isn't. One issue I'm finding is I'm texting first all the time, is this her way of ensuring I'm genuine and want her? No it's her way of trying to be nice to you by not ghosting you or directly giving you the bad news. Anyone got a feeling of where this is heading? Yep! As a sexual relationship it's going nowhere.
Recommended Posts