dufour Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) Met this lady on an online dating website. We had a good first date and we seemed to connect well. Second date went well and ended in a hug. Towards the end of the second date she talked about meeting up again, but she said she was very busy at work. When she got home she text me thanking me for a nice date. I replied saying thanks and mentioned about meeting up again soon. She replied saying she would need to check her calendar, to which I replied suggesting some dates for her. I haven't heard back since and it's been almost 4 days. I know she's very busy at work and she has loads of social activities most weekends, so I don't expect to be her priority. I'm a patient guy, but I sort of (just a little bit) feel like I'm wasting my time with someone who's too busy to be dating. I really like her, so I'm prepared to wait but I don't want be waiting forever, especially if she's not that interested in me. Anyone else been in a situation like this? P.S. We are both in our early 30s so are mature enough not be playing texting games. Edited January 10, 2017 by dufour
Larryville Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 She replied saying she would need to check her calendar… If a woman ever specifically says this don’t waste your time…. Also goes for women if dudes say it. I’m stealing what someone said in another thread but when folks have affairs to the “check their calendars?” hell no! 1
Author dufour Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) If a woman ever specifically says this don’t waste your time Generally I think that is correct, but (in her defence) she has a very busy career and does alot of activities outside of work so it's not like she's a 20 year old student. I think you are right though, time I move on. Also she said it via text and most people have their calendars on their phones, so a quick check would have been easy. Frustratingly I really like her and I thought all the signals were there for more dates. I mean fact she talked about meeting up again during the date means something doesn't it! Edited January 10, 2017 by dufour
Larryville Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 she has a very busy career and does alot of activities outside of work Ok someone posted a thread recently where their response was exactly like yours defending the individual. To me the first rule of dating is does the person even have the time actually date? If they are in the midst of a developing career, demanding job, long hours, extensive travel, education, kids (young or with teens) then unless they specifically say to you “I will find the time…” then why bother? People use the excuse of “being busy” because they are not interested or maybe mildly interested. And the “let me check my calendar” crap is a dead giveaway.
Author dufour Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 Ok someone posted a thread recently where their response was exactly like yours defending the individual. To me the first rule of dating is does the person even have the time actually date? If they are in the midst of a developing career, demanding job, long hours, extensive travel, education, kids (young or with teens) then unless they specifically say to you “I will find the time…” then why bother? People use the excuse of “being busy” because they are not interested or maybe mildly interested. And the “let me check my calendar” crap is a dead giveaway. Her exact words were, she needs to check the calendar but she has time most weekends.
Larryville Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I'm wasting my time with someone who's too busy to be dating. Think of the "calendar" reference as nothing more than a polite refusal. No truly interested woman would ever bring that up.
mortensorchid Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 She doesn't sound interested. I would have said if I was interested in seeing the man again that I am busy on Day 1,2 or 3, but I am free on Day 5 if you would like to get together then. I would have let him know that I am free at some point. I would move on. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 It's 2017, do you know anyone (under 70) whose calendar isn't on their phone?
GemmaUK Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 It's 2017, do you know anyone (under 70) whose calendar isn't on their phone? Me. And I'm in my forties. 1
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 This lady is giving you the blow off......She had time to have two dates with you....she made up her mind....all you are going to get now is no contact, and if you send a text, she will be giving you more excuses. Don't hold your breath, date other women.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I go by the, if you don't get a kiss by the end of the second date, they are not really feeling it. I'm a first date kisser....ask my husband 1
strawberryshortstack Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 It's 2017, do you know anyone (under 70) whose calendar isn't on their phone? I do. My boyfriend has a calendar on his wall at home. He actually uses it. When we first started dating, he actually told me once that he would need to check his calendar when he got home, when I asked him if he'd like to go to an event with me. He has a very large circle of friends, and likes to plan things in advance, but doesn't rely on his phone for everything.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 OP you really need to take charge. Within 2 days after the date you should plan your next one. In the first 1 or 2 dates I dont plan our next date that same night, I usually wait until at least the next day to give her a little bit of space and time to think things over. If she says she doesn't have time to date, and she's clearly not looking for a hookup, she's just letting you down easy.
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I truly think that it's possible for a person to like the idea of being in a relationship, but not have the time to commit to it. And because they like the idea so much, they overestimate themselves and/or their mate, and they sort of string their mate along. Things drag out because they are in denial that they don't have time to do this thing they want to do. For the mate, it comes down to deciding if this is the kind of relationship you could be happy with (one where you are not the priority, but way down the list). This becomes somewhat acceptable, although not ideal, when you're married because at least you have the marriage as a security blanket, but when just dating, it's just too much to put up with.
Author dufour Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) Kinda sad cause she talked loads about meeting up again. She hugged me more firmly after the date. Then text me straight after the date to thank me. So loads of mixed signals. Don't understand why ladies do this. I'm a nice guy and don't want to hurt anybodies feelings, but if I wasn't interesting in meeting my date again, I wouldn't have instigated chat about future meet ups, I wouldn't have hugged them afterwards (I would have said a quick and sharp goodbye) and I certainly wouldn't have text them straight after the date to thank them. Edited January 10, 2017 by dufour
Popsicle Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Kinda sad cause she talked loads about meeting up again. She hugged me more firmly after the date. Then text me straight after the date to thank me. So loads of mixed signals. Don't understand why ladies do this. I'm a nice guy and don't want to hurt anybodies feelings, but if I wasn't interesting in meeting my date again, I wouldn't have instigated chat about future meet ups, I wouldn't have hugged them afterwards (I would have said a quick and sharp goodbye) and I certainly wouldn't have text them straight after the date to thank them. She is interested in meeting again. Just after she does all the other things that are a higher priority to her right now.
dumbass2 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 "I mean fact she talked about meeting up again during the date means something doesn't it!" "Kinda sad cause she talked loads of meeting up again. Then text me straight after the date to thank me. So loads of mixed signals." Nope, men and women do this all the time and regardless of age. It's the old "actions speak louder than words" and you can pretty much tell within the first few days after the date. I know, hard to believe that people can put up a false front. Not everyone is smooth and tactful in rejecting people face to face. Also, keep in mind that people are dating others and someone else may have taken over her attention or she could just be looking to be casual right now because she is too busy, but she is not worth chasing if she's not putting forth the effort. 1
Author dufour Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 She is interested in meeting again. Just after she does all the other things that are a higher priority to her right now. Seems fair enough right? I mean she's only met me twice, therefore I'm not the most important person in the World to her right now.
BlackCherry Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 It's 2017, do you know anyone (under 70) whose calendar isn't on their phone? Me. I'm 28 and been using a Filofax since 21. It works better for my life in many ways. Phone calendars are the norm in my peer group but I know several people my age who use a paper diary too. Anyway, if I didn't have it with me (which I pretty much always would unless clubbing or using a tiny bag) and I liked the guy, I'd be checking it the minute I got home from the date and messaging him some of the dates I was free, not leaving it four days. You've been blown off, she's not interested in pursuing this any further and the reason is irrelevant. It happens all the time after a date or two, be pleased it occurred before becoming too invested! Happens to all of us.
Popsicle Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Seems fair enough right? I mean she's only met me twice, therefore I'm not the most important person in the World to her right now. You can give that attitude a try but it won't work if she is not in CONSTANT communication with you telling how much she WISHES she could see you and were with you instead of doing x,y,z. If she doesn't do that, trust me, you will start questioning again. People who are not all that interested are usually not wise enough to do that (because they don't FEEL it) or they just lose steam in their efforts to fake it.
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