LiterallyMyLife Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Hello all. So, I recently started dating this guy (as of the 23rd) and of course things are still new. We actually ended up getting snowed in together this past weekend which was really nice, but I've learned that I have no idea what I'm doing. First of all, I suffer from terrible anxiety. So much so that I've felt the need to express to him that I'm afraid of certain things. Things that have unfortunately happened in the past to me such as him just disappearing or "ghosting", him just basically saying never mind I don't actually like you, and so on and so forth. All of these things kind of terrify me to the point of having panic attacks and I know it's not that serious, but until I'm able to actually get back on the meds I need for anxiety and depression, I'm not sure what to do. Second of all, this is my first real boyfriend. I'll be 25 in February. I've had one boyfriend that was long distance (as in we never met physically) so as far as having a boyfriend, I'm at a loss. I don't know how often to text. When I should ask to hang out. How often couples even spend time together. Last night he was concerned he was kind of taking me from my friends which was making him a little anxious, and again I didn't know what to tell him. Because I've never done this before. I've been single for as long as I've known my friends so I always make plans with them and now I feel like it's an obligation to make plans with them even though I'd much rather be with him. He also asked me if I've told anyone about him and I have. I haven't told my family, but he's told his family and his super close friends and I just don't know how to even bring things like that up in a conversation to my family. I just have a lot of concerns about how to do this properly.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Just follow his lead and listen to what he says to you. He told his family, just tell your family you have met someone. details? only if they ask. How often to text? watch how often he texts, etc. Then do the same. There that should be a load off your shoulders.
Author LiterallyMyLife Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 Smackie, that's actually what I've been trying to do. He texts me fairly often. Usually he's the first one to text me, even if it's just a simple "Hey", but I'm just trying to do this the right way without upsetting my friends (which I've already managed to do somehow) or having a full on anxiety attack in front of him because of things I can't possibly control. I already had a somewhat stupid episode. I was recently ghosted on by a guy (not really anyone special) and it sucked. I wasn't sad but just the thought that someone actively just decides to stop talking to you without giving a reason irritates me. Anyway, we usually stay up fairly late talking to each other and he always wakes up before me and sends me at text at around like 9-10am. This particular morning I hadn't heard from him so I messaged him and hours passed and still nothing and I kind of panicked even though it was only like 12:30pm when he responded. He slept in but just to make me feel better, he turned on his read receipts because he said he didn't ever want me to worry and think that he was just ignoring me. He does things like this and I adore him and I want to make this work without my stupid lack of knowledge of relationships and anxiety getting in the way.
Standard-Fare Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 So much so that I've felt the need to express to him that I'm afraid of certain things. Things that have unfortunately happened in the past to me such as him just disappearing or "ghosting", him just basically saying never mind I don't actually like you, and so on and so forth. All of these things kind of terrify me to the point of having panic attacks With the above, can you clarify: Is the "him" you're talking about ghosting/disappearing the same guy you're currently dating? If so, does that mean you'd been interacting for a while before the 23rd? I'm just assuming not, but regardless, in general I think you gotta find ways to relax here and stop overanalyzing/stressing about everything. If that's anxiety meds so be it but hopefully there are some more natural solutions. Exercise? Meditation/yoga? Talking it out with friends or a sister perhaps? This dating experience is very new; both of you are just starting to explore the boundaries and expectations. You will figure that out as you go along. In the meantime, there are no clear "rules" and you don't have to assume that you're doing everything "wrong." While it's fine to be open and honest with your guy, you want to be careful to not unload too much anxiety or fear on him. At this early stage, the dating should be more fun and light.
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