Inuito Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) I'm in a really strange situation right now where one of friends got feelings for me, and ended up ending things with her boyfriend of a year and a half over it. I'm not sure who broke up with who as I'd rather not bring it up all that much but I've had feelings for this girl for an extremely long time. I met her at work when she was still single and about a month after I met her I wanted to try dating her, only to find out she was dating her ex. I let it go and continued talking to her as a friend and just hanging out every once in a while. I also spoke with him but I never really got along with him because he was constantly jealous. They got into arguments all the time about a multitude of things. After we attended a 4th of July block party he got mad because he thought he saw her holding my hand with him there and kicked her out of the car after they dropped me off at my house. That's really when I just started losing respect for him. At the end of November she started hanging out with me constantly while she was still dating the same guy. We got closer and closer but not once did she cheat on him. We ended up spending new years together (with the ex included of course) and she got jealous because I was hanging out with one of my really good chick friends. I had a discussion with her and told her how I really felt just so she would know, and while I believe she shared the same feelings she was still dating her ex and didn't mind the outcome. She ended up asking for my email so she can write letters to me about things she thinks about and my opinions on them or whatever else. I guess he ended up seeing that she got that and he stormed out of the house and broke up with her. That's at least how I took it. She text me and told me what happened and I tried to calm her down a bit and got her to go out to get her mind off of things. We ended up going to drink coffee together and went on a walk at a park I frequent when I need to think or get my mind off of life. She constantly kept looking at me and I'd catch her and comment on it and she would just giggle about it and try to deny it, teasing basically. We ended up going back to where she left her car and we shared a long embrace. She went home (which by the way the ex lived with her in, he went back to his parents house after this situation.) the next day she wanted to to meet up again and she got go n a dress and we went to Disney spriglngs to walk around. She was constantly showing me body language that she wanted me to kiss her but being thay they just broke up o was trying to control myself. The end of the night came and we sat in my car for a while and eventually I broke and ended up kissing her. I didn't do the best at it considering how long in between I normally date (typically years in between) and she was disappointed, but Im a very quick learner and promised her a better time next time. Two days later she was packing her stuff and needed help moving so I thought I'd help her out. We got some things in boxes and eventually she started flirting with me, and me back and we had Sex. A few other things happened in between and she ended up telling me that she loved me (which is too broad a line to assume anything, especially since she had a bit of alcohol in her) and then yesterday she said she liked me alot. But she finds a difference between love and like, she vehicles you can love someone and not necessarily "like" then I guess. Now throughout the time that we've known each other we've had very personal and close experiences like this but none like these last few ones that involve kissing, or sexual acts. Mostly just conversations about life, what we want out of it, who we want to spend it on etc. But yesterday she told me the place she moved to was her exs sister and husband's place, and both her and her ex are living there together. She says she still cares for him but that's completely natural with any relationship. I keep telling myself not to give up because I'm very optimistic about things but at the same time I'm worried. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Edited January 10, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6
fireflywy Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) Dude... she's trying to monkey branch. Don't be the next branch she uses as it won't last. Save yourself from the drama and go find someone else. Edited January 10, 2017 by fireflywy 1
Whitestar Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Being interested in a girl who is on the edge of breaking up with someone else isn't such a great idea.Better to find someone who hasn't been in a seriously relationship for at least a year.
Brittybritt92 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 This sounds like a rebound... :/ I would tell her you just want to be friends for now and see how she takes it. I know that it's hard... but at the same time you definitely don't want to be her rebound. Especially if you really like her. At the same time take care of yourself and your feelings. Has she known that you've liked her? With rebounds the ex always has the advantage. She needs time to get over her ex before you can trust that she's not just using you so she doesn't have to feel the breakup.
VeveCakes Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 We got closer and closer but not once did she cheat on him. Yes she did cheat, emotionally. For some, that is worse than physically. Would you be fine if she acted with someone else, like she had with you when she was with her bf...and you two were dating? Doubt it.
Standard-Fare Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Confirm to her, if she needs confirming, that you remain interested in giving things a real shot with her. But tell her you can't even consider exploring that seriously if she's still living with her ex. That's just too much of an emotional minefield, and it's not healthy for any of the three parties involved. Tell her while that condition is still in place, you're going to have to keep a bit of a distance; and if that condition remains in place for a long while, you will inevitably give up. Obviously you can't force an unnatural timeline for her to make a clean break from the ex, but you also can't put yourself fully "out there" until she's less entangled. She's simply not in that place yet.
Author Inuito Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 This sounds like a rebound... :/ I would tell her you just want to be friends for now and see how she takes it. I know that it's hard... but at the same time you definitely don't want to be her rebound. Especially if you really like her. At the same time take care of yourself and your feelings. Has she known that you've liked her? With rebounds the ex always has the advantage. She needs time to get over her ex before you can trust that she's not just using you so she doesn't have to feel the breakup. From what I know, yeah she has known. I've made it fairly obvious and she even said she would have started a serious relationship if I had asked when I met her. A little too late honestly but I didn't mind too much. @VeveCakes I thought of that as well, I would absolutely hate to be in that situation and have been trying to use that as a reason to avoid her. As for her living situation it was mostly forced... I guess. He moved in with her and her name was on the lease so she couldn't necessarily leave, but he didn't want to leave the house either. This move is only temporary while she looks for a house to live. She actually came to me yesterday and wanted to tell me in person that he's there with her, but in seperate rooms. 1
Brittybritt92 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 They both don't HAVE to live there... that's complete BS. They're playing a game and unfortunately involving you in it. Especially because she already knew you liked her and made it obvious, she knew she could run to you like her backup. She might be trying to make him jealous, or just have someone to hang out with during her time apart from that guy. The fact that they're both still cool living in the same house says a lot. Like I said before he has the advantage in all of this as well, and you're the person in the middle. Don't put up with this. Find a girl that isn't looking for drama. They exist.
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